“When we were together, I was a punching bag not a human.”
“Oh, but the sex afterwards was out of this world,” he said almost dream like.
“For you. It was hell for me, even before you hit me,” I shuddered for effect.
“I’m the best you’ll ever have,” he said, cockily.
“No, I just broke up with the best I’ll ever have. Just so you know one hundred times better than you. I could at least feel him inside me.”
The guard started laughing and Adam tried to lunge for me from across the table. When he was stopped by the chains, it cued my own laughter. I was starting to feel better. Something about seeing how pathetic his life was made me feel better. It also reminded me that letting someone close was a fool’s mistake. My strength, that I’d lost since meeting Jake, was slowly coming back. I’d made the right choice by coming here.
“You didn’t feel that way when we were together. Your noises prove my cases.”
I mimicked the sounds I made with him to a ‘T’, then smiled big. “Yeah, I should have been an actress. It was the only thing I could do to drown your squeals out. I never had one single orgasm with you, never even got close.”
“You think you’re so cute. I got my rocks off, that's all that mattered.”
“Yeah, I know, you are all that matters to you which is why you are in here and not with a good woman living life. Instead, you rot in this prison while life passes by outside. Who really has a better life? Me, that’s who.” I stood from the table. “Well, this served its purpose,” I started toward the door before turning around. “One day you’re going to wake up and really see what you’ve done with your life and those in it. When that day comes, I truly hope you can find it within yourself to forgive yourself. It will be the only way for you to truly change. Change, Adam. You’re not all evil. The guy I first met wasn’t. In case you’re curious or wondering, I forgive you. It’s too big a burden to carry that hatred. Will I trust you? Do I want you in my life? Hell no, but I forgive you. Forgive yourself, Adam, so you can get a shot at life.” I turned and headed for the door.
“Vicky?”
“Yeah?”
“Why?”
I turned around and saw him looking at the table. That wasn’t his normal posture. He was a cocky, arrogant son of a bitch. So this new vulnerable version was hard to judge.
I sighed and sat back down at the table. “Why what?”
“How could you forgive me? I’ve been in here for a while. There’s been a lot of time to reflect on what I’ve done. I just don’t understand, how you could forgive the way I treated you. I took advantage of you. You know I did. Why would you even want to forgive me?”
It was the tone of his voice and the look in his eyes that told me he’s being honest with me. This was the guy that I first met. The honest one. The one that his mama would be, and was, proud of. Maybe it was time that I was honest with him.
“If there’s anything I’ve learned from this it’s this. Forgiveness is not for the other person, it’s for ourselves. I’ve carried around this hate and resentment toward you for so long that it changed who I was. I turned into an alcoholic being with you. It was the only way I could stay with you and the way you treated me. You coming home drunk as a skunk and beating me within an inch of my life is what woke me up. So as much damage as you caused me, you did save me in a way. It was forgiving you, and myself, that allowed me to see that.”
I reached across the table and touched his hand. He grabbed hold with his own. It caused me to wince at first, but then I realized in that moment that he didn’t have control over me as he once had. Finally, after all these years, I was back in control of my life.
“Forgive yourself Adam. I have.”
His thumb ran back and forth on my hand for a moment before he looked up at me. “Was anything ever real between us?”
“I thought so. In the beginning, I thought I loved you. Now, looking back, I don’t think it was. I think it was a scared and lost little girl looking for anyone to put me first. To care about me. After losing my parents the way I did, finding out the kind of man my father really was, I just wanted to prove that I deserved a better man than he was,” I shrugged. “It didn’t of course.”
“What happened to your parents? You’ve never told me.”
“My father cheated on my mother constantly. Mom actually caught him one summer while we were on vacation. I wasn’t old enough to understand then, but I do now. Mom was slowly dying inside, but she stayed with him because she loved him with all she was. In the end, it was that love that caused her to snap. My father had one of his whores in his study. Mom had left to pick up last minute birthday decorations. It was my thirteenth birthday,” I gave him a crooked smile.
“What happened?”
“I heard them and started walking toward the door when a heard a gunshot. I ran to the nearest door and hid. Heard my mom come in, they started arguing, I made my way to the office. The door was cracked. There was his whore on the floor naked, dead. Dad had said something about the woman being pregnant and demanding money from him. I didn’t hear it all. I couldn’t take my eyes off the woman. Then my mom grabbed his gun, shot him and then turned the gun on herself. It was as I got older that everything started clicking. Because of him and his greed, I lost everything that mattered to me. But it was more than that too. He took away my innocence. He took away my life because love wasn’t enough for him.”
There was a silence for a moment. “I’m sorry, Vicky,” he said sincerely. “Then you meet me five years later only to have that thought of love not being enough further seated in your brain,” he added sadly.
“Yeah, though I never realized that until now.”
“Yet you still forgive me.”
“I hated you. I hated you so much. Honestly, if they hadn’t caught you by the time I was out of the hospital, I had already had planned how I was going to kill you. Then one day the doctor I was seeing told me that I’d never have a life if I hid behind the hate for you. He said you’d always have control over me until I learned to forgive myself and you. He was right. The minute I was able to whole heartedly forgive you and myself, it wasn’t so hard to wake up in the mornings and I began to day by day take my life back.”
He continued to hold my hand, playing with my fingers, entwining them. “Do you think that we could ever try again?”
I laughed. “Oh, you’re serious,” I said when I saw no hint of humor in his eyes. “No, Adam, there is no chance. Though I forgive you, I could never trust you. You can’t have a relationship without trust. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. I knew it was a shot in the dark, just had to try. Regardless of how I treated you, you were the best thing that ever happened to me. Find your happiness Vicky. You deserve it.”
I pulled my hand away and stood. “Thanks. Take care of yourself,” I turned and headed for the door.
“I love you, always have and probably always will,” he said softly.
“Love’s a fickle thing, Adam. I probably won’t be back to visit anymore.”
He nodded. “Yeah, I figured, that’s why I wanted to make sure I told you that.”
I nodded. “Forgive yourself, Adam. Grab your life and take it back one piece at a time.”
With that, I walked out the door.
As I drove home, I felt different, lighter almost. That was the visit that the doctor had told me to have. The one where I finally told him and truly accepted the forgiveness for each of us. The paths we walk down are not what is laid out for us, but what we laid out for ourselves. Instead of heading straight back to the cabin, I decided to take a detour. One of my favorite spots, it was near my cabin, but last I heard no one owned the house that sat there yet so I could still sneak onto the property.
If I only had the money, I’d buy this place too. It doesn’t have water on the property like mine does with the cove, but it has the most breathtaking view of the cove. The climb was a bit rougher than I remember. Maybe it was because
I haven’t been out here in a while. The achy muscles were all forgotten when I saw the view that lay before me.
As I lowered myself to the ground, I hung my legs over the cliff. Stretched out below me was forest and on the horizon you could see the cove. Not the whole thing, but most of it. The way the sun danced across the trees and sparkled off the water, it just filled you with a sense of peace. Peace was something I haven’t felt in a long time.
I knew deep down to move away from Jake was the best decision for me. Even though my heart ached because of it, we weren’t right for each other. No matter how I looked at it and I tried, we just weren’t. He lived a life that forced you into the limelight. That was just a place I wasn’t willing to go. It was hard enough making it through the benefit that he dragged me to. If it hadn’t been for the fact that I was hell bent on putting that asshole in his place, I’m not sure I would have.
Jake needed someone that was going to be okay with having their picture taken, followed, dressed up and all that. Unfortunately, that just wasn’t me. I’ll always love him, but it was time we both moved on.
“Now this is a surprise,” came a voice from behind me.
I screamed and nearly fell off the edge. “Son of a…” My voice trailed off when I saw the man standing behind me.
Damn was he gorgeous. Dirty blonde hair with blue eyes, a smile that I’m sure has gotten him laid more times than I could count, muscular, wearing spandex shorts, no shirt that really left nothing to the imagination.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. Just didn’t know that this property came with such a beautiful surprise.”
Shaking myself from my daze, I tried to form a coherent sentence. “You, the property, bought?” Well, I tried to anyway. My cheeks flushed red and I looked down at the ground.
He laughed. “I did buy it, yes. I wanted the cove property, but I was told it wasn’t for sale.”
Finding my tough side, I square my shoulders. “It isn’t and won’t be either. Sorry to trespass I just love this view. I’ll leave now.”
Just as I walked past him, he spoke. “Wait a minute,” he said grabbing my arm.
I looked up into his eyes. “What?” I breathed.
This man held my arm and stared down at me. His eyes grew darker and his breathing hitched. I watched as his eyes dropped down to my lips. A shiver ran through me. Twisting my arm free of his hold, I took a step back. Slightly shaking his head, he took a step closer to me, so I stepped back.
“If you keep walking backwards, you’ll fall off the edge.” He smirked.
“Then stop stepping closer,” I said in a shaky voice.
“I can’t stop myself.”
“Well try,” I wrung my hands in front of me.
He took my hands in his. Raising my head, I met his eyes. The look in them sent another wave of heat coursing through my body. What was this reaction I was having to him? Confused, I was unable to look away from his eyes.
“What’s your name?” He whispered as he looked down at me with fire in his eyes.
“Why?” Was the only thing that flew out of my mouth.
“Because I’d like to know the name of the woman that I’m inexplicitly drawn to.”
“It doesn’t matter because we won’t see each other again.” I pulled my hands from his hold and started walking away.
“Why not? I would like to get to know you and maybe…more.”
“I just got out of a relationship.”
“Me too.”
I sighed, halting my quick escape and faced him. “So what are you saying?”
“Let’s test the waters. If anything we help each other push away the memories of our exes for a little while.”
Staring up into his eyes for a moment, “I’m Vicky. I own the cove property.” I grinned.
His smile widened. “I’m Casey. I own the cliff property. Can I take you out for supper?”
I smiled. “I’d like that, but can we just have a picnic either up there or at my cove? I’ve been on the road all day and really don’t want to have to go back out again.”
“That sounds nice. Well, since you’ve been acquainted with my property, let’s dine at your cove. I’d love to see it up close.”
I nod. We agreed on a time to meet in three hours. It’d give me an hour to get home and a couple hours to prepare myself. Honestly, I’m shocked to be going on a date with someone. I don’t even know Casey, but something told me I needed to do this. There was a bit of guilt there because I do love Jake, but he doesn’t return the feelings. If he had when he came here, he would have told me he loved me not just kissed me. The sex was explosive between us and I know my feelings for him are real. Unlike anything I’ve ever felt with anyone before, but I won’t be in a one sided relationship with someone and do it in front of the world to laugh at.
Casey arrived on time. I helped him carry everything down to the cove. It was beautiful this time of night.
“You are so lucky. This view is just… wow,” he said, staring at the setting sun.
“I am lucky. My parents bought it when I was young so we had a place to get away too. It’s my favorite place.”
Conversation flowed between us easily. We got to know a bit about each other. Casey worked in graphic design. He was almost finished building his home and will have a decorator in in a couple months to make it complete. He’s the oldest to three younger sisters. His parents are deliriously in love and have been since they were young. It was a good night. As he leaned over to kiss me, I was glad he was there. For the first time in a while, I wasn’t thinking. For tonight things just happened, I thought as he lowered me to the sand and hovered above me, kissing me.
Slut! Echoed in my head, the longer we kissed. It’s been almost a month since we were last together. I’m sure he’s moved on. Why let life pass me by, holding on to a dream of a man that will never see me in the same light. My heart needed to let go and so did I.
# # #
Before I knew it two months had passed. Two amazing months. Casey was a great guy. His ex-girlfriend was a fool for letting him go. Though I have to say the shocker of everything would have been finding out that I was pregnant. Thankfully Casey was there for me because I almost lost it.
Casey and I have yet to have sex so I know exactly who the father is. Plus add the fact that I’m already starting to show it definitely wouldn’t be Casey’s. Casey acts like it is though. He’s constantly rubbing my belly. The conversation about telling the father was a constant, but when I make him leave, he drops the conversation for a couple days.
“Do I really have to go with you? This is your house not mine.”
“I know, but I’d like your opinion,” he said from the living room as I tried to find clothes.
“What opinion do I have? My place is still as it was left when I was thirteen.”
“Okay, you have a point there, then just come so I can feed you.”
“Ugh!” I threw a shoe at him as I walked out into the living room. “Fine, but this is under complete duress.”
“Duly noted, now let’s go.”
“Are you sure I look okay?”
All my clothes fit tightly, but right now I refused to get maternity clothes. It was still not fully setting in that I was going to have a baby yet. Even though my stomach is getting bigger, I just felt buying the clothes meant it was official I was going to be a single mother. Honestly, I thought, no I hoped, that Jake would have come by at some point, but he hasn’t. It was just more confirmation that he doesn’t love me.
“You look beautiful. Now stop, I’m going to be late.”
“Fine,” I growled.
We met in a restaurant in the next town over. The drive was long, but probably even longer for Casey. I had to hit every bathroom along the way. Honestly, my bladder must be the size of my pinkie. Not only all the stops made it a long trip for him, but I whined the whole way there about not wanting to go. So when we pulled into the restaurant parking lot, he turned to me and smiled.
>
“If you get through this with no whining or bad attitude, I’ll buy you ice cream.”
“Oh that’s mean,” I said.
“I know, but I know it will work,” he grinned at using my biggest craving against me.
“Fine, deal.”
Once we walked inside we were seated. The designer wasn’t there yet. Shifting in my seat uncomfortably so, I finally had to excuse myself to use the restroom. I stared back at the woman in the mirror as I washed my hands. My face was fuller. There was a glow almost to my cheeks. The only plus was my boobs. I finally had some. Laughing at myself, I finished up washing my hands. As I rounded the corner, I saw that the designer was there. Good hopefully they got everything out of the way and we can leave and get my ice cream.
Just then Casey looked up at me and a smile spread across his face. He stood and walked to me. He leaned in and whispered, “Now behave so you can have ice cream.”
“Quit teasing me. I’ll be good, but I’m not going to like it.”
“That’s my girl,” he smiled, kissing me gently on the lips.
“Here she is. This is my girlfriend Vicky. Honey this is the designer, Kylee.”
My face pales and I’m suddenly super dizzy. Swaying, Casey wrapped me in his arms and gently lowered me to a seat. I couldn’t focus. My vision bounced from clear to blurry. Then his hand started rubbing my belly. Despite my panic, I was soothed by the gesture. I look up at the face of my heart’s desire’s sister.
“Hi Kylee. How are you doing?”
“I’d like to say I’m good, but judging by what I’ve just found out…I’m pretty pissed.”
Squaring my shoulders, “You don’t have a right to be.”
“To hell I don’t! Here Jack was going to bat for you and your hoeing yourself out already! Did he mean nothing to you? Did you just use him like all the women do?”
I stood quickly. “I love your brother. He is the one that’s to blame here, not me! I don’t need to explain anything to you. Casey, you can finish your meeting, I’ll be in the car.” With that, I stormed outside and walked across the street to a small little park and sat on a bench.
Struggling Free (Hidden Secrets Book 5) Page 13