Struggling Free (Hidden Secrets Book 5)

by Belden, P. J.

  Bolting up the hill, I stopped outside the cabin door and took a few deep breaths. My hands were shaking and my heart hammered in my chest so fast that I thought it’d stop working. Opening the door, I headed inside.

  “Vix? Vix, can you come here?”

  Shoving my hands in my pockets so she couldn’t see them shaking, I waited impatiently by the door. After a few minutes when she didn’t come out, I walked to the bedroom and opened the door. She wasn’t in there. The bathroom was empty as well. Pulling out my phone, I dialed the guys.

  “Hey, we are a little busy,” Dean huffed into the phone.

  “Where’s Vicky?”

  “What do you mean?” He sounded confused.

  “I mean, where the fuck is Vicky!” I roared, panic taking over me.

  “She was in the bedroom.”

  “She’s not in the cabin or at the cove.”

  “I swear she was in the bedroom,” Dean sounded distracted.

  “Forget it! I don’t know why I bothered asking you guys to do your job and protect her!”

  With that I hung up the phone. Stomping outside, I started to frantically scream for her. The longer she didn’t answer, the more I started to panic.

  “Vicky! Damn it! Where are you?” I yelled, fearing the worst.

  More time passed and I turned in circles, wanting desperately to scream at the top of my lungs. The pain was already edging its way into my chest, flicking at my heart on every other beat. It was ready to take over me. If I didn’t find her soon, it will and I’ll let it too.

  “Jake…”

  It was distant and scratchy, but I heard it. My name was being called. Spinning in circles again, I looked in every which direction as I search for the direction the voice was coming from.

  “Vicky, where are you?” I yelled. “I can hear you, but I can’t see you.”

  “Jake,” she said again.

  With all that I am, I swear to you I heard tears in her voice. It was the way her voice carried. Normally she carried a strong, heavy with authority tone. But this wasn’t. This was full of uncertainty, fear, and if I wasn’t mistaken, there was pain in her voice. When I turned around the last time, I saw her walk out of the woods. Barely registering that she was standing there, I bolted to her, immediately picking her up in my arms and carried her to the picnic table that was in front of the house. Unable to let go of her, I held her in my lap and just held her tightly against me before taking a deep breath.

  “Are you okay?” My eyes searched her for obvious wounds as I asked.

  “I’m fine. I fell asleep in my clubhouse,” she shifted. “Won’t make that mistake again,” she groaned.

  “Are you sure you’re okay? Don’t get angry at me for worrying,” I warned.

  She smiled softly at me. “No, I won’t. But I am fine. I’m a bit sore from the position I was in, but I’m really fine.” She looked down at her hands before looking back into my eyes. “I’m sorry if I worried you. All I wanted was a bit of space and I ended up falling asleep.”

  “I know I’m all over you about everything. It’s just I feel so helpless. You’re sitting here, giving me the greatest gift I could have ever imagined and I can’t do anything to help you.”

  “Just being here and sharing in this miracle is so much more than I could ever ask for. There for a while I thought I would never have you back or have my love returned. Now I’m sitting here with you and your love sharing in all this together. I couldn’t be happier.”

  My smile widened. “You feel up to going down to the cove?”

  “Sure,” she smiled and stood from my lap.

  Carefully we walked down the path until the cove almost came into view. Much to her surprise, I scooped her up in my arms again and told her to shut her eyes. Vicky did as she was asked and held tightly around my neck.

  “Keep your eyes closed,” I instructed as I set her on her feet.

  Standing behind her, I whispered for her to open her eyes. Vicky gasped loudly as she took in all the flowers and battery tea lit candles. Rose petals covered the ground, then below a beautiful picture of us at the charity benefit there was a sign that said simply:

  Will you marry me, Victorian Lancer?

  All the while a song played on repeat from a portable CD player. Firehouse’s Love of a Lifetime played over the sounds of the lapping waves. When she finally turned to face me, I was down on one knee holding out a ring box to her.

  “When we met, I was so hot for you I’m surprised my pants didn’t catch on fire. I remember thinking that I couldn’t believe my luck that we’d met. Because I wanted you so badly, I made you pretend to date me. Though I had guilt eating me alive for making you do that, it was the best move in my life I’ve ever made. Because during our fake dating, and you helping me get clean, my real feelings for you grew. One of the movies I was working on a while back, the character didn’t believe in love because it wasn’t tangible. He couldn’t see it or feel it with his hands so it wasn’t real. I believed that right along with him. Even though I saw my parents and siblings in love, I just never believed in it. Then I realized that love is a tangible thing. I feel it when I touch you, when you touch me. I feel it when we make love, look at each other, when I just talk to you. You changed my life when you came into it. It hasn’t been an easy road for us and I’m sure we’ll have more challenges to come, but if you love me as much as I love you I’d love to overcome everything that comes our way as husband and wife. I promise that I will love you with all my heart, protect you with all my being, and hold you with all my soul. Please Vicky, will you marry me?”

  Tears fell fast down her cheeks. My own tears shimmered in my eyes, taking Vicky in and out of focus. My hands began to shake as I waited for her to put me out of my misery. She just continued to stare at me with her hands over her mouth. After a moment she fell down to her knees in the sand, she cupped my face in her hands. Nothing was said, she looked in my eyes for a while before she finally nodded her head yes.

  Closing the box, I shoved it in my pocket quickly stood and swung her around in a circle. I laughed heartily as the joy of her ‘yes’ filled me and overflowed. After her complaining about being sick, I set her back on her feet, pulled out the ring and slipped it on her finger. Once it was securely on her finger, I leaned in and kissed her with everything I was feeling at that very moment.

  My body was screaming at me to lay her down in the sand and make love to her right here, but my head was screaming that she was pregnant and it would be too uncomfortable for her. All my thoughts left when I felt her hand massaging my erection through my jeans. Then she pulled back and looked at me.

  “Make love to me Jake.”

  “With pleasure, let’s go…”

  She shook her head. “No, right here. Right in the middle of this amazing, unforgettable moment you have created for me.”

  “But…”

  “No buts, please help make this the best possible moment in my life. You know I love making love to you. I’ll beg if you need me to.”

  “You never have to beg me, Vix. Never.”

  “Then…”

  I cut her off with another kiss. Slowly, I ran my hands down her body until I reached the hem of her shirt. Pulling it slowly over her head, I immediately suckled her breasts when they were revealed as I pulled the shirt the rest of the way off. She promptly pulled my shirt over my head, moaning. My hand moved to her hips, slowly sliding her pants and panties off together. Suddenly, Vicky is pushing me to my back, yanking my pants down and straddling me. The minute she slid over my length, I had to hold her still.

  “I need to move Jake.”

  “No, not yet.”

  “Please,” she whimpered.

  Sitting up, I wrapped my arms around her back. She sucked in a breath. Kissing her, devouring her, I slowly began to rock her on me. Never in my life have I wanted to take my time more with a woman than this very moment. This amazing sexy woman was going to be my wife. She deserved to be cherished loved and pleasur
ed in a way that she’d never forget.

  “I love you. I love you so much,” I breathed as I trailed kisses down her neck.

  “Can’t… I love you, but I can’t…” she panted, then pushed me down on my back and began riding me faster.

  She was moaning loudly. It turned me on immensely to hear her sounds of pleasure. To know that I was giving her that, it was an aphrodisiac in itself. If I wasn’t careful this could be over far sooner than I want it to be.

  “Oh, Jake, I love you. Shit…” She threw her head back and called out my name.

  As her movements picked up and became erratic at the same time, she clenched around me sending my plan for taking it slow tumbling off the cliff with Vicky. Quickly, I shifted up to my knees and began to thrust into her. Her body was trembling and she was gasping, I knew she was about to fall again and I planned to fall with her. Wrapping her arms around my neck, she pulled me into a kiss just as she began to clench and quiver around me. A few more thrusts and I was falling with her, throwing my head back, I called out her name.

  Once the last of the tremors left, I made her stand up so I could kiss her stomach. They were moving which caused me to laugh as I pressed kisses. Vicky laughed too. We got our clothes back on. She sat between my legs and we watched the sky start to change as dusk slowly started to take over the sky.

  “Jake…”

  Vicky was trembling in my arms. She kept trying to say my name, but it almost sounded slurred. When I turned her to face me, her eyes were cloudy and didn’t seem to be able to focus on me.

  Yanking my phone from my pocket, I hit speed dial 2. The wait was killing me. But finally someone answered. My heart was so far up in my throat that I almost couldn’t speak.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Vicky

  Jake proposing to me was a complete shock. I never imagined that he’d ever ask. Okay, yes, I knew he loved me and that we were going to be together, but I never imagined that he’d want to marry me. The love making that followed the proposal was beyond anything in my wildest dreams. Jake knew exactly what to do to send me flying higher than I thought I could and always higher than the last time we’d made love.

  As we sat watching the water, I started to feel funny. My lips were tingling. My head was spinning. With my heart hammering in my chest, I tried to focus on something, anything. When I said Jake’s name, it sounded funny to my ears. It was jumbled together. Fear started to consume me, my body started to shake. Jake turned to me then, but I couldn’t see him. He was there that I could tell, but no features were clear just a blur.

  “Hang on baby. Hang on.”

  I heard him say over and over. His concern only served to spike my already racing heart. If he was calm, it would calm me too, but he wasn’t and neither was I.

  “My fiancée, she’s not acting right. Something wrong. Something is definitely wrong.” There was a pause in his frantic talking. “Her speech sounds almost slurred. She’s shaking…” he continued to list off what was going on with me.

  Trying my hardest, I tried to let him know I was dizzy. I think he picked it up, but I couldn’t be sure. Jake touched my face.

  “Baby, have you eaten today?”

  It took longer than normal for the question to register in my head. It took even longer for the answer to come to me. Finally it did though, and I shook my head no. Relaying the information to the person on the phone, there was a long pause.

  After some time, I felt him lifting me up. He was whispering something to me, but I don’t know what it was. A groan escaped as I began to bounce in his arms. The only thing I can picture was him running while carrying me in his arms. More talking, but I didn’t understand a word of it. My heart was beating so loud in my ears, barely anything was heard over it.

  Next thing I registered was being set on something soft and a bunch of banging and clanging. A few moments later, Jake was placing something to my lips.

  “Please drink.” Registered in my ears.

  I drank whatever it was he was offering me. It was cold and sent goose bumps across my skin. The glass was pulled away from me as I began to choke on the contents. His hand brushed over my face before cupping my cheeks. Feeling his forehead pressed against mine, soon something hit my face.

  “Please be okay. Please be okay,” his voice broke and another drop hit my face.

  He was crying. Jake was crying. My heart was breaking. Slowly my heart rate started to slow as the shaking and fear ebbed slowly away. I was still dizzy, but not as bad. Just then I heard the door open, Jake’s head left mine. Then he pulled completely away from me.

  My eyes fluttered open just in time to see Jake swing at Dean and Paco, one right after the other. They both stumbled backwards a couple steps.

  “You fucking pricks! I asked you to do one fucking thing for me! One fucking thing and you can’t do that.”

  “What is going on?” Dean asked.

  “Is Vicky okay?” Paco asked.

  A loud growl filled the room and it sent a chill down my spine. Forcing myself up on my arms, I yelled at Jake. It came out scratchy and soft, but it was loud enough that it got Jake’s attention. The anger immediately left his face and he quickly moved over to me.

  “Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine. Dizzy and tired, but fine.”

  “The doctor believes your sugar dropped too low. He said if the orange juice didn’t help I needed to get you into the hospital right away. You need to eat. What do you want? I’ll make you anything,” he rushed through it all as he ran his hands over me.

  “Ooooo, Ice Cream!” I exclaimed as I grinned big.

  “You’re going to turn into ice cream if you keep it up,” Casey said through the screen door.

  I laughed. “He got me ice cream a lot,” I shrugged. “It’s good.”

  “Well, you need more than ice cream. Something substantial,” Jake chided.

  “Okay, how about steaks, mash potatoes, and cabbage?”

  “That does sound really good. Yes, let’s have that,” he smiled. Turning toward Paco and Dean, “You two can shop for it and cook it. Consider it a punishment and be thankful Vicky woke when she did,” he growled.

  “Can I still have my ice cream now though? I swear, I’ll eat the other.” I bat my eyes at him. “Please.”

  Jake laughed. “Fine.”

  Once he helped me sit up, he went into the kitchen and brought out a tub of Super Chunky Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough ice cream. I looked up at him for a moment. He hands me a spoon and has one for himself. Scooping up the first bite, he feeds it to me. I moan at the delicious flavor. Then laughed when Jake’s eyes darken.

  “There won’t be any of that until you’re feeling better,” he mumbled.

  Turning I looked at Casey. “What brings you here today? You can come in, you know?”

  Opening the door, he walked in and sat in one of the chairs. “Well, I had come to invite you all to a cookout at my place, but it seems that you already have plans.”

  “Who will be there?” Jake asked immediately on guard.

  “Just us,” he answered confused.

  “Then the guys can cook everything there if you want.”

  “Sure. So you’ll be coming then?”

  “We’ll follow you out.” Jake said as he glared at Paco and Dean.

  They actually looked scared and guilty. When I get Jake alone in the car, I’m going to find out exactly what the hell his issue was with the guys. We all walked out the door and headed to Casey’s. Once inside the car, I turned to Jake.

  “What’s going on? Why are you treating Paco and Dean so badly?”

  “Because they were supposed to watch you while I was gone, they didn’t. Because of it all you missed meals causing your sugars to drop,” he grabbed my hand tightly in his. “I’ve never been that scared. I thought I was losing all of you.”

  “But I’m fine. Plus, I’m sure the guys didn’t realize I hadn’t eaten. Because of me they were a little distracted. You didn’t even ask ho
w it went.”

  “I…” He started.

  “You were worried about me. I get it, but they have been with you longer than I have. I may be becoming your wife, but you said it yourself they are like your brothers. Don’t turn on them please.”

  He smiled big, “I like the sound of you being my wife.” He brought my hand to his mouth and kissed it.

  “Me too,” I whispered.

  We sat in silence for a little while before Jake broke the silence. “You haven’t been to work in a while. You quitting?”

  “I worked up until about a week ago. I scheduled some time off. I’ll go back here soon. There was just a lot on my mind and I needed to sort it before I could help others.”

  “A lot of that was because of me.”

  He didn’t ask. Instead, it was a statement. The guilt from that day still poured through him and I just didn’t like it.

  “Jake, everything happens for a reason. Good or Bad it all happens because it’s meant to. We are here today stronger than ever. Not only that, but engaged to be married and preparing to welcome three gorgeous babies into the world. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been and it’s because of you,” I placed my hands and his hand on my belly, “and because of them. The past is behind us for a reason. We are meant to move forward and keep living. Quit looking behind you Jake, you’ll end up tripping.”

  We pulled next to Casey’s car. He put the car in park and leaned over, kissing me tenderly.

  “I love you,” he smiled at me.

  Jake climbed out of the car and I took a moment to admire his ass. It really was a perfect ass. My favorite thing to do was to grab and pull him into me. My door opened and I sighed. It was a pain in the ass to get in and out of his car. He helped me stand up and he just held me for a minute.

  Wrapping my arms around his waist, I asked, “What’s wrong?”