Cherished Secrets

by C. B. Clark

  “Well, are you going to tell me about Bonnie?”

  She jumped at the sudden rasp of his voice.

  His gaze drilled into hers.

  “I already told you everything.” She clenched her hands tight together, to stop the trembling.

  “Tell me again.”

  “I found out I was pregnant just before we broke up. I was going to tell you, but we fought, and then you asked Skye to the prom. I tried to tell you a few more times, but before I could, Skye disappeared, and you were accused of her murder.”

  His mouth tightened. “You thought I was guilty.”

  She rubbed her hands over her knees. “I was confused. I didn’t know what to think. Vivian and Leland were urging me to end the pregnancy. They said I was too young to raise a child on my own, and you couldn’t help me. How could you when we all thought you were going to jail for the rest of your life?”

  “So you decided to have an abortion.”

  She glanced away, unable to face his accusing eyes. “You don’t know what my life was like. I was sixteen. I didn’t want to have a baby. I was a kid myself. And you—”

  “I was a murderer.”

  “No.” She shook her head vigorously. “I never thought that, never.”

  “But you didn’t think you could tell me you were pregnant with my child? You were going to destroy our baby?”

  “No…yes…I don’t know.” She stumbled over the words. “Vivian arranged everything, and Leland drove me to Seattle to the women’s clinic.” Tears burned her eyes.

  “But you didn’t go through with the abortion.”

  “I couldn’t.”

  A silence settled over them, all other sounds intensified. A crow cawed from the branch of a nearby fir tree, a fish splashed in the shadows of the deep pool beneath the fallen log overhanging the river, and the wind picked up, riffling the leaves of the tall cottonwoods.

  “Why didn’t you tell me about the baby?” he asked. “After I was cleared, why did you keep our child a secret?”

  “At first, I was angry with you, but then…” She shrugged. “It was too late.”

  “You kept my daughter from me. All these years.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Jesus Christ,” he exploded. “I don’t fucking believe this.” He glared at her, his eyes blazing. “You’re sorry? Do you realize what you’ve done? You’ve stolen something from me I’ll never get back. I’ve missed the first eleven years of my daughter’s life.” He clenched his fists. “She’s my daughter too. I had a right to know, Carrie Ann. I had a right to know.”

  “I know.” Guilt weighed heavy on her shoulders. “I’m sorry.”

  The pulse in his jaw beat a rapid tattoo.

  “Declan,” she tried again. “I’m sorry, I—”

  “Sorry doesn’t cut it.” He kicked a rock, sending it scudding across the ground into the river where it landed with a splash. He wiped a hand across his face and pinned her with a piercing gaze. “Does Bonnie know?”

  She bit her bottom lip until she tasted blood.

  “I asked you a question,” he demanded. “Does my daughter know about me?”

  “No.”

  “Great.” He ran his fingers through his hair.

  “I was going to tell her. After last night and what happened between us, I was going to tell her.”

  He snorted.

  “I was.”

  His eyes blazed. “Pardon me if I don’t believe you.”

  “It’s the truth.”

  His lips twisted in a sneer. “Yeah, and you’re real good with telling the truth, aren’t you?”

  She opened her mouth to protest, but he was right. For almost twelve years she’d lied to him. He had no reason to believe her now.

  Grabbing her hand, he hauled her to her feet.

  “What are you doing?”

  He pulled her behind him as he retraced their steps along the narrow, rocky path.

  “Where are we going?” She struggled to keep up with him.

  “To talk to our daughter. We’re going to tell her who her father is, and you’re going to explain to her why you lied to her all these years.”

  She stumbled, her stomach cramping. Bile filled the back of her throat. This wasn’t the way she wanted to tell Bonnie, but the rigid lines of his face told her whether she agreed or not, Bonnie would learn her father was very much alive. Right now.

  All too soon, they were back at the house. At the front steps, he released her hand and glared at her, his look scathing. “Ladies first.” He gestured for her to go ahead of him.

  Face heating at his censure, she walked up the steps into the house. Her legs shook, and it took all her effort to put one foot in front of the other. How would Bonnie react to hearing her father was alive? Would she forgive her mother for the lies she’d told all these years?

  Declan strode behind her, the heat of his anger radiating off him, stirring the air like a living force.

  Removing her coat, she hung it in the closet, and as if moving in slow motion, walked down the hallway on leaden feet to where she heard her daughter’s voice. She paused in the doorway to the kitchen.

  Bonnie, Vivian and Leland were playing a board game.

  Bonnie tossed a pair of dice and moved her counter ahead several spaces on the game board. She grinned and let out a whoop as she passed another counter and took the lead.

  A thick lump formed in Carrie Ann’s throat, and tears filmed her eyes. Bonnie was so happy, so unaware her world had changed.

  Bonnie looked up and her grin widened, her dimples dancing. “Mom, you’re back! I’m beating Uncle Leland. I told him I was good at this game, but he didn’t believe me.”

  Carrie Ann blinked back tears, her throat closed tight.

  Unaware of her mother’s distress, Bonnie chatted happily about the game.

  Her daughter’s voice washed over her in a blur, as Carrie Ann searched for the words to explain her lie.

  “Mom? Are you okay?”

  She forced a smile to her stiff lips. “I’m fine, honey.”

  Vivian and Leland watched her, their gazes worried.

  “Do you want to play with us?” Bonnie asked. “We can start a new game.”

  Declan stepped into the room and stood beside Carrie Ann, his shoulder brushing hers. “Your mother has something to say to you.”

  Carrie Ann shot him a quick, sidelong glance, swallowed hard, and wet her lips.

  Bonnie’s gaze locked on hers. “Mom?”

  “You remember Declan, don’t you?”

  Bonnie nodded. “He’s your friend.”

  “Um, honey, I have something to tell you, something important.”

  Bonnie’s smiled faded, and she put down the dice.

  “Why don’t you three go into the living room and talk?” Vivian’s no-nonsense voice cut through the rising tension.

  “But what about our game?” Bonnie protested. “We’re right in the middle of it. I was winning.”

  “Don’t worry, we’ll save our spots,” Vivian said. “Uncle Leland will help me make some hot chocolate for us all to drink when your mother and you are finished.”

  “Come on, Bonnie. Let’s go in the other room.” Carrie Ann cleared her throat to ease the croak in her voice.

  Bonnie grabbed a green, stuffed frog from the chair beside her, and clutching the worn toy to her chest, she gripped her mother’s hand as they walked out of the room, down the hall, and into the sunlit living room.

  ****

  Declan followed, his gaze taking in every detail of Bonnie’s young, gangly body and bouncing, blonde curls. His daughter. He had a daughter. He had a part in creating this beautiful child. She had his genes. Amazing!

  Carrie Ann led Bonnie to the couch, and they sat side by side. She clasped Bonnie’s small hand in hers.

  He was too tense to sit, but he didn’t want to frighten Bonnie, so he sat in the facing armchair and tried to appear relaxed.

  Carrie Ann chewed on her bottom lip.
>
  How many times had he seen her bite her lip when she was anxious? A memory of how he used to take her in his arms and comfort her when she was upset, how she fit, so soft, so right, rose before him. He thought of last night. She still fit perfectly. Stop! She’d lied, had been lying every second of every day for the past eleven years. Even after what had happened in his motel room a few short hours ago, when after all these years, he’d begun to hope again, she’d continued her deception. Only when Bonnie showed up, and she’d had no other choice, had she told him the truth. Even then, he’d had to drag it out of her.

  “Carrie Ann,” he prodded, his voice hard, wanting to wound her like she’d wounded him. “Don’t you have something you want to say to Bonnie?”

  Her eyes were huge in her pale face. Looking as if she were facing a firing squad, she nodded and turned back to her daughter. “Bonnie, there’s something I need to tell you, something I should have told you long ago.”

  Bonnie watched her mother, her brown eyes wide, her brow furrowed. Her fingers dug into the soft body of the stuffed frog on her lap.

  A wave of guilt washed over him. Bonnie would be devastated when she found out her mother had lied all these years. How could he allow that to happen to his child? He opened his mouth to stop Carrie Ann, but then changed his mind. Better Bonnie learn the truth now than when she was older. Was it? Was it better for Bonnie to learn the truth about her father, or was it better for him?

  “I told you your father died before you were born.” Carrie Ann said the words slowly.

  “I know,” Bonnie chirped. “He was killed in a car accident, and you were so sad, but happy you had me to help you get through your grief.”

  Declan bit back a snort at the flagrant fantasy Carrie Ann had spun for their daughter, but then Bonnie reached under the collar of her shirt and pulled out a thin gold chain from which a tiny gold heart dangled. He forgot to breathe as his gaze zeroed in on the necklace in her hand.

  “My dad gave you this necklace because he loved you, right, Mom? You gave this to me on my birthday last year, and you wanted me to wear it so I’d think of him and how much he would have loved me. That’s what you told me, isn’t it, Mom?”

  A flood of bittersweet memories consumed him—how he’d saved for months to buy Carrie Ann the gold chain with the golden heart, how he’d wanted something concrete to show her how much he loved her. He couldn’t believe she’d kept the necklace all these years. And she’d given it to Bonnie to remember her dead father. His gaze flicked to Carrie Ann, but her face was a white mask, giving no hint of her thoughts.

  “You know I love you.” Carrie Ann spoke as if Bonnie hadn’t revealed the necklace. “More than anything in the world, right?”

  “I love you too, Mom. We’re a team. You and me.”

  Unexpectedly, a lump formed in his throat.

  “What I’m going to tell you next is difficult.” Carrie Ann’s eyes were shiny with unshed tears. “You have to believe I never intended to hurt you.”

  “Mom?” Bonnie’s lower lip trembled. “What’s wrong?”

  “Declan is more than a friend.”

  Bonnie’s dark eyes fixed on him. Her light-colored brows arched.

  His gut clenched at what the next words Carrie Ann uttered would do to this innocent child. “We,” he began, surprised at how rough his voice was. “We, your mother and I, we dated, years ago, here in Cooper’s Ridge.”

  Bonnie’s eyes widened. “You and Mom dated?” She turned to her mother.

  Carrie Ann nodded.

  Bonnie studied him. “Weird. Mom never dates.”

  That was interesting news. Bonnie’s shrill shriek drew him out of his thoughts, and he tensed, ready for the bombshell to drop.

  “I know what this is about!” She squealed and turned to her mom. “You’re going to tell me you and Declan are dating. Like Destiny’s mom and her new boyfriend.” She hugged Carrie Ann. “I think it’s great, Mom. You should have a boyfriend.”

  Declan met Carrie Ann’s gaze. A single tear leaked from the corner of her eye and slid down her cheek. “No, Bonnie, that’s not what I’m going to tell you.” She inhaled deeply. “Declan is…he’s your father.”

  “What? My father’s dead. He died before I was born.”

  “That’s not true. Declan is your father.”

  Bonnie’s sprinkling of freckles were stark on her pale face. “You’re my dad?”

  He nodded. “I’m your father.”

  Bonnie eyed one parent, and then the other. Her cheeks flushed red, and she yanked her hand from Carrie Ann’s grasp. “My father’s dead. You told me he died.” She glared at her mother.

  “I…” Carrie Ann’s voice faded.

  “Your mother did what she thought was best at the time,” he said. What the hell? Where had that come from? He slid his gaze to Carrie Ann. She was as startled as he was. Why was he defending her? Why didn’t he tell Bonnie her mother had been lying to her all these years? “My life was complicated at the time, and she did what she had to do.”

  “Why didn’t you ever contact me?” Bonnie’s voice was tentative.

  “I didn’t know you existed until this morning.”

  Her eyes widened, and she jumped to her feet and spun on her mother. “You never told him about me? I don’t understand. He’s my father.”

  Carrie Ann’s face crumpled. “I thought I was doing what was right.”

  “You lied to me!”

  “I—”

  “Don’t,” shouted Bonnie, her eyes filled with tears. “Don’t talk to me. Not anymore. Not ever.”

  “Please.” Carrie Ann sobbed. “I love you, Bonnie.”

  Bonnie stared at her, her chest heaving, tears streaming down her smooth cheeks. “I hate you!” Her voice cracked as she screamed. “I hate you. You’re a liar. I never want to see you again.” She ran out of the room.

  Declan listened to the pounding of Bonnie’s feet as she raced down the hall and up the stairs, and then the slam of a door. He should be happy. He’d achieved what he’d wanted. Carrie Ann had finally told his daughter the truth.

  Carrie Ann hunched on the couch sobbing into her hands as if she’d lost the only thing in the world that mattered. Bonnie’s stricken face and bitter words ran through his head. He took a step toward Carrie Ann, wanting to comfort her, to ease her pain. But he stopped. She’d done this to herself. If she’d told the truth years ago, this wouldn’t have happened. She deserved her heartbreak after what she’d done.

  She glanced up with bleak eyes. “Are you happy?”

  Her words struck like an arrow, and he flinched. “I’ll be back later once she’s calmed down.” He closed his heart to the raw anguish in her eyes.

  Carrie Ann nodded.

  He walked out of the room and out of the house. The situation would be better once Bonnie had a chance to think things through. After all, she had a father now, a father who was very much alive.

  Chapter 25

  Carrie Ann sagged on the couch, too drained to shed any more tears. I hate you. Bonnie’s parting words ran through her head in an unceasing litany.

  “I gather your conversation with Bonnie didn’t go well.” Vivian stood over her holding a steaming mug in her hand.

  “She hates me.”

  Vivian sat beside her and placed her hand on Carrie Ann’s thigh. “She’s upset. She doesn’t hate you.”

  “You were right. I should have told her the truth years ago. Now look what I’ve done. She never wants to see me again.”

  “You told me the same thing hundreds of times. And look, you’re here now.” Vivian smiled. “Children say things when they’re hurt. They don’t always mean them.” She held out the mug. “Here, I made you some hot chocolate.”

  Carrie Ann shook her head. She couldn’t imagine eating or drinking anything.

  “Come on, try a sip. I put in a little something extra. I thought you might need the sustenance.”

  Carrie Ann took the cup and sipped, struggling to swallo
w the hot liquid over the lump of ice stuck in her throat. Wiping her streaming eyes, she set the mug on the coffee table. “I need to talk to her.”

  “Leave her.”

  “I have to fix this.”

  “She needs time to absorb what’s happened. You’ve just told her she has a father who’s alive. Think how she must be feeling. Her life has changed. She’ll need time to come to terms with the news.”

  “But she’s my daughter. I have to try and make her understand.”

  “I’ll check on her in a little while. Drink your hot chocolate and figure out what you’re going to say when she does want to talk.”

  Every cell in her being urged her to go to Bonnie, but Vivian was right. Bonnie needed time to get over her shock. She sank back down on the sofa. “Okay.” She picked up the cup of cocoa. “I’ll give her some time.”

  “Good girl. I’ll go and have a peek at her and make sure she’s all right.” Vivian struggled to her feet and shuffled out of the room.

  Carrie Ann sipped the hot drink, her mind a torrent of conflicting thoughts. She hadn’t expected Bonnie to take the news of having a living, breathing father well, but she’d hoped her revelation would go better than it had. If only Declan hadn’t been watching with his accusing, bitter eyes. If only she’d had more time to figure out how to tell Bonnie the truth. If only—

  A cough drew her out of her thoughts.

  Leland stood in the doorway. “Do you want some company?”

  “Sure. Come on in.”

  He sat across from her in the chair Declan had vacated. Withdrawing a small leather pouch and a black pipe from his pocket, he went through the ritual of filling the pipe with tobacco, tamping it down, and lighting it with a wooden match.

  The sweet, pungent aroma of pipe smoke drifted over her. His quiet presence helped calm her ragged nerves. The strong shot of alcohol in the hot chocolate Vivian had given her didn’t hurt either.

  “It’ll be okay, you know. Bonnie will get over this.” Leland drew on his pipe.

  “She’s pretty upset.” I hate you. I never want to see you again. A stab of fresh anguish filled her. The words were branded on her soul.

  “It may take her some time, but she’ll forgive you.” A cloud of smoke swirled in the air above him. “Once she understands this means she has a father who’s alive, she’ll want to get to know him.” His gaze met hers. “Have you thought how that will work?”