“What are you two doing today?” Taking my coffee and muffin, I walk to the living room and make myself comfortable on the couch.
Becka follows, taking a seat on the loveseat and is soon joined by Lilly. “Hanging out here for a while, but then we need to swing by Lil’s so she can take care of her cat. We are going to dinner later if you want to join.”
“Crash your date and be a third wheel? No way.” I tease, picking apart my muffin before popping the pieces in my mouth. “Thanks for the offer though.”
We sit here for a couple hours, making fun of the women on this reality show. They were a hot mess. It is a horrible series, but it’s easy to get sucked in wanting to know what crazy thing they might say or do next.
When Becka and I first met, I teased her often for watching this kind of TV and then somewhere along the way she got me hooked. You can’t help but wonder how much you see is actual footage or mostly scripted to get people to watch. I don’t see how they can deal with a camera following them around constantly.
I can only imagine what a reality show about my life would be like. Hell, a couple years ago it would have been quite entertaining. Going out each night, getting drunk, going home with random guys…
Shit, my life really does sound like theirs. A hot mess.
I never questioned my choices since moving out, but now, the thought of Sam being here and witnessing just how bad it had been; I couldn’t bare the thought of it. The Cheyenne he knew in high school was a saint compared to college Cheyenne. For the first time in a while, I feel embarrassment for myself, knowing what I have been doing.
The other night when that Sean guy approached me, I couldn’t even remember who he was, and that wasn’t the first time it’s happened. It has never seemed like a big deal or maybe I just chose to ignore it. I would hate to know what Sam would really think about me if he knew the truth. I imagine he would be disgusted, most likely wanting nothing to do with me.
The opening door saves me from my thoughts as Sawyer walks in and takes a seat beside me on the couch.
“Hey friend. I didn’t expect to see you today.” I say, sitting with my legs crossed to give Sawyer more room on the couch.
“Preston had paperwork to do at the bar and I didn’t want to sit there waiting. I figured I would come home and catch up on laundry and school work.”
Speaking of laundry, I am probably a good week behind at this point. It’s a good thing I have an overabundance of clothes.
“What are you girls up to?” Sawyer asks looking around at all of us.
“Just catching up on trash TV. Oh, I finally figured out this one’s secret.” I say, nodding my head toward Becka.
“Oh yeah? Care to fill me in?”
I look to Becka and Lilly, silently asking for permission and Becka nods. “Well, it turns out, that I have been going about this the wrong way. I was so focused on finding the mystery guy that I missed the brunette bombshell who was right under my nose. Sneaky bitches.”
Picking up the decorative pillow from the couch, I launch it at both girls occupying the loveseat.
Becka laughs and throws the pillow back, but luckily I catch it before it smacks me in the face. “You never would have figured it out had you not barged in my room last night.”
I think about that for a minute but nothing comes to mind that may have led me in the right direction. “Yeah, you’re probably right about that.”
“You came home last night? I thought for sure you would have ended up in the bed of a certain singer last night after the show you two put on.”
I stare at Sawyer in confusion, wondering how she is not addressing the fact that I just told her our roommate is a lesbian.
Did she not get what I just said? Surely she isn’t that slow. I am the one who usually takes some time to catch on.
“That is what shocks you? The fact that I slept in my own bed last night? You are no way surprised that I just informed you that Becka has switched teams?” I question, still slightly confused.
“Well, I kind of already had an idea.” Sawyer offers in explanation.
What?
“What?” Becka and Lilly both ask simultaneously.
My thoughts exactly, ladies. Surely, Sawyer hasn’t had suspicions about this and not brought them to my attention. What could she have seen that I didn’t?
“Don’t get mad.” She says, looking at Becka and Lilly. “Preston told me. He saw you two in the supply room a couple weeks ago.”
“I thought he had been acting strange recently, and he was quick to volunteer when I needed my shift covered last night.” Lilly and Becka both looked relieved. I would imagine its stressful, worrying how people would take news like that. To me, they are still the same two girls I know and love. This could never change that.
“You have no idea how bad he wants to tell Chad. He has been making comments here and there, and I am surprised Chad hasn’t caught on yet. The other day he was telling him that he now have competition picking up girls. Chad looked to me, waiting for Preston to get his ass handed to him for even suggesting he would be hitting on other girls.” Everyone laughs. Everyone but me. I am still stuck on a little fact.
“I can only imagine with, those two, how-“
“What the hell Sawyer?” I interrupt Lilly, aggravated. Everyone stops laughing and all eyes are on me.
“What?” Sawyer looks lost, as she asks the question.
Yeah I’m lost too.
“You have known for weeks and didn’t think to fill in your best friend?”
When I found out last night, the first thing I wanted to do was tell Sawyer. That’s what I have always done; tell Sawyer everything. But now she has her little secrets with the boyfriend, so who needs the best friend.
“It wasn’t my business to tell.”
Hah!
“Yeah, well it wasn’t Preston’s either, but that didn’t seem to stop him from telling you?” I snapped, everyone still eyeing me nervously.
“Chey..” Becka starts, trying to calm me down, but I am past that.
Sawyer straightens herself on the couch. “Are you really pissed about this?”
Why am I overreacting like this?
In all honesty, yeah I am hurt, but it is really not that huge of a deal. What is wrong with me? I am picking a fight with Sawyer for no reason. I need to get out of here and get some fresh air. I think all this Sam stuff is really beginning to weigh on me. I would love to sit down and fill the girls in, but today is obviously not the right time.
“No. It’s fine. I am supposed to meet up with Dave, so I will talk to you guys later.” Even though it is a like I get up, grab my bag and phone off the counter and walk out the door. No one says anything as I leave.
Walking down the stairs, I inhale deeply and try to shake myself out of my sudden annoyed mood. When I hit the sidewalk I remember that I have no plans with Dave and no clue where I am headed. I pull my phone from my back pocket and send Dave a text.
Hey, are you busy? Want to meet up?
I continue down the sidewalk, with nowhere to go, heading in the direction of the park where I met Sam. My phone vibrates in my hand with a reply from Dave.
Dave: Wish I could. Something came up. Had to cancel the show tonight, too. Lunch tomorrow?
Sure. Is everything okay?
I am a little worried about what could have come up to cause them to cancel the show. That seems like a big deal.
Dave: Yeah, nothing bad. I will explain tomorrow. I’ll hit you up in the morning.
Okay. Talk to you tomorrow.
Now, I really have no idea what I am going to do. I can’t very well go back to the apartment after I just made such an ass of myself. I know none of the girls will hold my behavior against me, or at least I am hoping they won’t. I mentally calculate my cycle in my head and I am pretty sure that my period is due next week. That would certainly explain my recent mood swings and emotional state. Just a few days ago I was crying in Sam’s arms, then last night I spilled
my guts to Dave, and a few minutes ago I went off on my best friend over nothing. Has to be the hormones.
Before I know it I have made it to the park and take a seat on the same bench as yesterday. Today there are a few guys throwing a Frisbee back and forth in the field and a little farther out, a guy is playing fetch with a black lab that is chasing a ball, but also keeping an eye on the Frisbee.
Growing up I always wanted a dog. I spent so much time at the Jameson ranch, not only to see Sawyer, but also because they had so many animals running around, it helped me get my fix. Nowadays, I volunteer at the local shelter from time to time. Not many people know that about me, since I like to keep my soft side a secret.
When I get to the point in my life where I finally have my own home, the first thing on my agenda will be getting dog, and I plan on rescuing one from the shelter. It is sad to think of all the dogs without a home. I know for a fact that if I weren’t living in an apartment with a strict no pets policy, I would already had at least one by now.
The Frisbee is overthrown and flies over the guy’s head, but before it hits the ground, the lab leaps in the air catching it and takes off towards his owner. I smile, watching as the dog refuses to release the plastic disc. He had been waiting patiently for them to mess up and now that he has it, he doesn’t want to let go. It is really cute.
His owner pulls something from his shorts pocket, most likely a treat and the lab contemplates his options. Hard plastic Frisbee or tasty treat? Obviously the treat wins and the guys are able to go back to their game.
Surveying the area, my gaze becomes fixed on the blonde jogger coming my way. His shirt is damp from sweat and clinging to his chest and torso as he moves. The sleeves are cut off revealing his tan muscular arms with a tight band wrapped around his bicep holding his phone. He is staring straight ahead, appearing focused on the trail in front of him with the music in his ears.
As if he can feel my stare burning through him, Sam looks up and meets my gaze. Instantly, he smiles and drops his speed, heading toward me on the picnic table. Even sweating the man is the sexiest thing I have ever seen. I don’t know how he does it. I will plant myself on this very table every day if I could be assured that Sam would be running by, looking just like this.
“It seems the scenery has gotten much more enjoyable out here recently.” I say, openly admiring him from top to bottom.
“You should join me sometime.” Bending his leg at the knee, Sam reaches back pulling his foot farther so his heel meets his nice round ass, stretching his quad.
“We both know that’s not going to happen.” I laugh, pulling my eyes away from his lower body, meeting his eyes. “Plus my short legs could never keep up with you.”
“Keeping up has never been an issue for you, little red.” Sam winks at me.
Is he flirting with me?
Sam seems rather playful today, and I like it. I also love hearing my nickname fall from his lips.
I continue to marvel at the man in front of me, which causes something to stir inside, and my breathing gets heavy. Sam seems to notice this change and I swear his eyes darken with arousal. Slowly, he leans closer until he is right in front of where I sit on top of the picnic table, bringing us to the same height. His hands are bracing himself on both sides of me and his face is just mere inches from mine. My gaze shifts from his eyes to his mouth and back again, unsure where I want to focus the most.
As if sensing my dilemma, Sam makes the decision for me and brings his mouth closer. The moment his soft full lips touch mine, my heart begins to beat out of my chest. With no control over my body’s function, and knowing I shouldn’t, I open my mouth and graze his lips with my tongue.
Not missing the hint, Sam takes control of the kiss, and the warmth of his tongue invading my mouth sends an electric current straight through my body.
Leaning me backwards and deepening the kiss, Sam is holding up my body with his hands at my lower back. My arms wrap around his neck and my legs cross behind his back keeping him pressed tight against me. Nothing else in this moment matters, except Sam. I pay no attention to the catcalls coming from all around us, but just enjoy the unsaid emotions that we are both pouring into this kiss.
Pulling away faintly, Sam presses a kiss to my top lip, bottom, and both sides before resting his forehead against mine. We are both panting, a little out of breath, attempting to recover from what just happened. I can still feel him flowing inside me.
“I shouldn’t have done that.” He whispers, with his eyes closed tightly. “I need to leave.”
With a quick kiss to my cheek, Sam turns and takes off running down the trail away from me.
What the hell was that?
CHAPTER TEN
I stayed seated on the wooden picnic table for over an hour, still immobile and dumbfounded after Sam walked away. His one kiss has the ability to cause a short circuit in my heart. It’s usually just a brief flicker, but this time I am struggling to turn the lights back on.
My surge protector must have kicked in and I was finally able to move again. I trudged my way back to the apartment, still slightly in a daze. By some miracle, my arrival is greeted with the simple silence of an empty living room. They all had things to do today; everyone except me. Not that I mind, the last thing I am ready to do is deal with my attitude from earlier and having to apologize. That I will handle tomorrow. For now, I needed some time to myself, which would start with a nap.
Flipping from side to side, rolling to my front and then to my back, I am unable to relax enough to fall asleep. Every time I close my eyes, bright green ones fill the screen ahead. Sam has consumed my every thought; there was no escaping him.
Escaping Sam would be a dream and a nightmare rolled into one. I dream that I am able to walk away and leave my feelings buried deep in the sand, but the nightmare begins as I turn back to see him standing at water’s edge, not coming after me, leaving me alone and without him.
A life without Sam just doesn’t make sense. However, the harsh reality is, it was an all or nothing situation. I’m not able to just be friends with someone who pulls at my deepest stings.
If Sam were going to be living in Avalon, we would have to figure this out soon.
In the meantime, I have a night to myself and plan on taking full advantage of it. Feeling comfortable, still in my torn jeans and tank, I grab a zip-up hoodie for when it cools down later and slip on my sneakers, planning to keep it low-key having only a drink or two.
Recently, I have decided to cut back on my going out and drinking excessively. History shows that all it leads to are bad choices. Alcohol lowers my inhibitions, leading me to go home with random guys, which has gotten me nowhere.
No more drunken hook ups. I am working towards a goal of bettering myself and this will be the first step.
Truth be told, even if I did try to hook up with someone at this point, it is not likely to work out. Last night should be proof of that. Every kiss and touch will be compared to Sam and once that is in my head, there isn’t an eraser big enough to wipe it away. And with only one test subject thus far, it’s still too early to re-test my theory.
Since I know Becka and Lilly have plans tonight and Preston was already in the bar earlier to take care of things, I shouldn’t have to worry about running into the girls while I am at Penny’s. I suppose I could have easily gone to another bar, but Chad is working and he always cheers me up.
Walking in tonight, reminds me of the first time we entered Penny’s a year ago, and it was deserted. Of course, it is not as empty tonight but it’s a far cry from what a typical Saturday night tends to look like. There wasn’t even one of the guys out front collecting a cover fee to get in, which is unusual.
For the past year, Friday and Saturday nights always had a cover. Not that we have ever paid any money to get in, perks of your best friend boning the bartender-turned-manager.
The area near the bar is mostly empty, with sparse people spread out towards the dance floor and tables. I would gue
ss at this point there are less than thirty people in here. Word must have spread quickly that Knucks Road would not be playing tonight.
Not wanting to gain attention from the few locals I recognized, I take a seat at the bar and wait for my favorite bartender. It doesn’t take long before he struts over, smiling. Having no shame, I don’t hide the fact that I am checking him out and soaking in his sexiness. His biceps look like they are about to bust out of his sleeves.
Damn.
If big, muscular guys were my thing, Chad would be number one on my radar.
“Flying solo tonight?” He asks standing across from me behind the bar.
“Yeah. Why is so dead tonight?”
“This is a result of your boy cancelling tonight’s show. Must have had something pretty important going on for him to bail last minute and promise to give us two free shows to make up for it.”
That’s interesting. Dave said it was nothing bad, but must be important for him to promise free gigs for canceling.
“Well, hopefully it will pick up for you guys later.”
“I hope so. There are five of us on tonight and if it stays like this we won’t be making any money.” Chad leans forward against the bar on his forearms, bringing himself closer to me. “On a positive note it will give me time to focus more on you.” His blue eyes gleam in mischief and his big smile shows of his perfect white teeth. “What can I get you?”
“I am taking it easy tonight, so just my usual cocktail for now, please.”
“Usual cocktail?” Chad asks, looking as though he is contemplating something. “How about we hold the tail?”
I fall out laughing. I knew I could count on Chad to improve the downer mood I have been stuck in all day. “That’s a good one. How many times have you used that?”
“Cheyenne, you know I save my best lines for you.” He is so full of shit and I am not buying it.
Tilting my head, I raise my brows in doubt. “I hope that’s not your best line.”
Although it was pretty good, and it was the first time I had heard it.
Falling to Pieces Page 10