Pretend You're Mine

by Crystal Kaswell

  Another dancer approaches the table. She smiles as she struts. “Celebrating?”

  “Our friends are getting married.” He stands. Puts one hand on Penny’s shoulder and the other on Boat Shoes’s. “Can you help them make it special.”

  Boat Shoes’s eyes light up.

  Penny bites her lip. Excitement flares in her eyes.

  “Congratulations.” She trails her fingers over the straps of Penny’s dress. “I’d be honored.”

  “How much for three songs?” Dean asks.

  She unfurls her palm as she whispers in his ear.

  He pulls a stack of twenties from his wallet and hands them over.

  She slides them into a tiny purse on her wrist without counting. All her attention turns to the happy couple. “Follow me.”

  Dean winks attaboy as the engaged couple stand and follow the dancer across the room then through a sheer black curtain.

  “What I’d pay to watch that.” Dean shakes his head too bad.

  Walker chuckles. “They make this thing called porn.”

  “Sounds like you’re offering a performance. Walker, take it off. Surprise your girl when she gets back.” Dean winks.

  Walker laughs. “Don’t think I won’t.”

  Dean turns to his brother. “How about you? Ready to bare it all?”

  “In front of you assholes?” Ryan shakes his head no way, but he’s not really here. His attention is on that sheer black curtain.

  “You want a dance? It’s on me.” Dean shakes his wallet. “But I insist on watching.”

  “You’re not even looking at the stage,” Walker says.

  “That’s too far away. I need something up close,” Dean says.

  “Since when are you nearsighted?” Walker asks.

  “I like tits in my face. That a crime?” He looks down at Kristen. “What do you think? You want a dance?”

  “Maybe.” Her attention stays on the round stage. A pink babydoll hits the ground. The pigtailed blonde kicks it aside with her black heels. Rolls at the waist to show the crowd her ass.

  Slowly, she lowers herself onto the floor, crawls around the stage and thrusts her pussy into some guy’s face—inches from his face.

  He tucks a bill into her garter.

  “What about you, babe?” Dean raises a brow. “You willing to offer a show.”

  Ryan is still staring at the curtain.

  He’s not here.

  He’s not mine.

  Is he ever going to be mine?

  “What do you think?” I rest my palm on his thigh. “Should I?”

  Finally, he looks at me.

  “I can drag you to that back room. Give you an excuse to spy on her.”

  “That’s not—”

  “Or I could strip right here.” I play with the hem of my dress. “Let everyone watch me grind against you.”

  He just stares.

  Words rise in my throat without stopping in my brain. “Would you even care if I was naked in your lap?”

  His brow furrows with confusion.

  “What do you say, Ryan? Let’s go. Right here.” I climb onto his lap. Hike my dress up my thighs.

  His hands go to my hips. “What are you doing?”

  “We’re at a strip club.”

  “Stop.”

  “Am I that repulsive—”

  “You know that’s not it.”

  “No. I don’t know anything.”

  He pushes me off his lap.

  I stumble backwards. Land on my ass.

  Fuck. That hurts.

  I push myself to my feet. Pull my purse from the table. “Excuse me. I’ve had enough of tonight.” I spin on my heels. Move to the exit as quickly as possible.

  But I’m not getting any closer to privacy.

  He’s coming after me.

  Chapter 27

  Leighton

  It’s a breezy summer night, but my blood is boiling.

  The freeway overpass roars with a steady stream of cars.

  I turn toward the quiet street—what the hell is a strip club doing on such a quiet street?—and let the click-clack of my heels fill my ears.

  Ryan’s steady footsteps overpower them.

  His fingers curl around my upper arm.

  The possessive gesture undoes me. How can he be so fucking blind? How can he not see how badly I want to be his? How much I need him to be mine?

  “What the fuck, Leigh?”

  “Now you want to touch me?”

  He makes that what the hell noise.

  I pull my arm to my side, but it’s not satisfying. It only rubs salt in the wound.

  I keep my back to him. Take another step toward the streetlight. Not that it helps. We’re in West LA, but we’re still two miles from my apartment and these heels aren’t made for walking.

  Ryan follows, one pace behind me. “You promised, Leigh.”

  “What the fuck did I promise?”

  “You’d tell me if I’m about to lose you.”

  “You’re not.” But that isn’t true. Or maybe it is. I don’t know. I only know I can’t be here anymore. “I’m going home.”

  “I’ll take you.”

  “Your car is at her place.”

  “I’ll Lyft with you.” His fingers curl around my upper arm—the left this time. He moves closer. Presses his crotch against my ass, his chest against my back.

  It’s not a sexual gesture.

  It’s a protective one.

  I swallow hard. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”

  “Why?” Frustration drips into his voice.

  He doesn’t see this.

  He’s such a smart guy. How can he not see someone so obvious?

  “It’s just not.” I hug my purse to my stomach. I tap my toes together.

  He presses his body against mine. “Explain it.”

  “I want to be alone.”

  “I need to make sure you get home okay.”

  “I get home okay every day. I don’t need your help.”

  “Let me take care of you, Leigh.” His fingers dig into my skin.

  That’s what I want.

  That’s everything I want.

  “Fine. But you’re not coming in.” I swallow hard. I want him taking me home, walking me to the door, escorting me to my bed.

  Joining me.

  Fucking my brains out.

  Usually I’m okay with some of that. But not right now.

  I need all of it. All of him. All his love and affection and tenderness.

  He has so much to give.

  I know it.

  Even if he doesn’t.

  I keep my back to him as he pulls out his cell and calls a ride share.

  “Three minutes.” His voice is soft. “You’re shivering.”

  I shake my head. Maybe it’s cool this late, but I don’t feel it. Not with my heart pounding against my chest. Not with him this close.

  He slides his jacket off his shoulders then drapes it over mine.

  I force myself to turn, but I can’t bring myself to look him in the eyes.

  He brushes a stray hair behind my ear then he wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me into a close, tight hug.

  We stay like that for all three minutes. Until a car stops and a voice calls out, “Ryan?”

  Ryan pulls away to nod. He opens the backseat for me. Motions after you.

  I slide inside. Ryan follows. Seatbelts click. The door locks. The driver double-checks the address. Ryan confirms.

  The driver laughs. “Must have been a fun night.”

  “Yeah.” Ryan’s voice is matter-of-fact.

  I stare out the window to my right. Watch restaurants and office buildings blur together.

  Night in Southern California is the same everywhere. The sky is a soft blue. Fluorescent yellow casts highlights and shadows over the expanse of beige sidewalks, charcoal pavement, green lawns, taupe Eucalypti branches.

  Light, barely there stars.

  Bright silver moon.
r />   A sliver today. Almost nothing.

  Would it be better if it was nothing? If the sky was dark?

  What if I had to choose between a sliver and nothing?

  My eyelids press together. My forehead sinks into the window’s cool glass. The car glides over the empty road. Slows as it turns into my neighborhood.

  Stops in front of my apartment complex.

  Ryan’s seatbelt clicks. His door opens.

  No. I can’t let him walk me to my place. I can’t let him look at me.

  I’m about to burst at the seams and I can’t even explain it to myself.

  Or maybe I can.

  It’s not that complicated.

  I’m crazy about him.

  And I’m painfully jealous of the hold Penny still has on him.

  He opens my door and offers his hand.

  I undo my seatbelt, grab my purse, and take it.

  “Thanks.” He nods to the driver.

  The drivers returns the gesture. He says something, but I haven’t got a clue what it is.

  My nails scrape Ryan’s fingertips as my feet hit the pavement.

  He slides his arm around my waist as he walks me to the sidewalk, up the stairs, all the way to my apartment.

  I press my back against the door.

  “Leigh.” His fingers skim my shoulder. “What the fuck is wrong?”

  I shake my head.

  “Talk to me.”

  “You pushed me away.”

  “You were trying to give me a lap dance.”

  I blink back a tear. “Exactly.”

  “What the fuck?”

  I unzip my purse. Fumble for my keys.

  “You’re in love with someone else.”

  “No, I’m not.”

  His blue eyes bore into mine. “Then why does Dean—”

  “It’s not Dean.” There. I wrap my fingers around my key.

  His brow knits with frustration. “Who the fuck is it?”

  “How can you not see this?”

  “You know anything about me?” That same frustration drips into his voice. “I can’t see shit.”

  “This has nothing to do with Penny.”

  “Doesn’t it?”

  “You still love her.”

  His hair falls in front of his eyes as he shakes his head.

  “You were staring at that curtain like you were desperate to be the one with her—”

  “Because I couldn’t believe she wanted a lap dance.”

  “No.” I shake my head.

  “You know how I feel?”

  “You’re in love with her.”

  “No.” His fingers curl around my right wrist. He pins my arm to the door. “Not anymore.”

  My body betrays me. It crumbles under his touch. It begs for his hands everywhere. I freeze, unable to do anything but stare back at him.

  “What if I was?” He stares back at me. “Who the fuck are you to call me on that?”

  “You don’t love her anymore?”

  “No.”

  “At all?”

  “Leigh, what the fuck?”

  “Answer the question!”

  His eyes go to my wrist. He stares at his hand like he’s not sure how it got there. Releases me. Takes a half step backward. “There’s a part of me wrapped up in her, but it’s shrinking.”

  “But you—”

  “Don’t give me shit about this. You’re in love with someone else.”

  “No, I’m not.”

  “Yeah, you—”

  “No, Ryan.” I stare into his eyes. “I’m not losing sleep over Dean, or Brendon, or Walker. Or any other guy I know. It’s you.”

  His eyes go wide.

  “You’re Mr. Powers.” I swallow hard. “You’re the guy I can’t get out of my head.”

  Chapter 28

  Ryan

  You’re the guy I can’t get out of my head.

  The words bounce around my brain.

  It’s me.

  The guy who has her heart, who doesn’t want her back, who’s such a fucking idiot he doesn’t see what’s right in front of his face—

  That’s me.

  My fingers curl around her wrist. I can’t let her leave. Not now. Not until I wrap my head around this. “What?”

  “It’s you.” Vulnerability fills her eyes. “It’s always been you.”

  “But—”

  “You’re my favorite part of every day.” Her fingers brush my neck. “You’re my favorite person in the world.”

  “But Dean—”

  “Is an idiot.”

  “Yeah, but—”

  “We’re only friends. Ryan, I’d tell you if there was anything between us. If there’d ever been anything between us.” She stares into my eyes. “There hasn’t.”

  “It’s me?”

  “Is that really surprising?”

  Yeah. It’s incomprehensible. “You let me believe it was him.”

  “I told you it wasn’t a million times.”

  “You let me believe it was someone else.”

  “I wasn’t ready to risk losing you.”

  “You’d never—”

  “Yeah, I would. If you’d known, you would have locked me out. To help me get over you.” Her hand knots in my hair.

  She’s right.

  I’d do anything to protect Leighton.

  Even something as awful as backing away from our friendship.

  “You, um…” She presses her lips together. “You aren’t saying anything.”

  “It’s really me?”

  “Yeah.”

  “For how long?”

  “Since the day we met. But that was a crush. Now that I actually know you…” Her eyes bore into mine. “Are you really over her?”

  “Almost all the way.”

  “Do you think about me?”

  “I try not to.”

  “But you do anyway?”

  My nod is heavy. “You?”

  “All the time.” Her eyelids press together. “You need to kiss me now.”

  My eyelids flutter closed. I pull her closer. Let my lips brush hers.

  It’s soft. Slow. Sweet.

  Then it’s harder.

  She tugs at my hair.

  I pin her to the wall.

  She parts her lips.

  I slip my tongue into her mouth.

  Two years.

  She’s wanted me for two years.

  And all this—

  Fuck, my head is spinning. I don’t know what to say. How to handle this.

  Leighton wants me.

  It makes no sense.

  And it makes every lick of sense in the world.

  She sighs as she pulls back. “Inside. Now.”

  I shift my hips backward to release her.

  Her ass brushes my crotch as she turns and unlocks the door. She slides it open and steps inside.

  I follow her, locking the door behind me.

  She shrugs my suit jacket off her shoulders and hangs it over the side of the couch.

  Her eyes find mine.

  They beg for love, trust, satisfaction.

  I still don’t know shit about the first two.

  But I can make her come.

  I need to make her come.

  Now.

  I press my lips to hers. Soak up every ounce of her need. Home in on every place she hurts.

  I want to be her salve.

  The key that unlocks her.

  The puzzle piece that makes everything click together.

  Is that love?

  I don’t know.

  I don’t know what to tell her.

  Only that I need her.

  Fuck, how I need her.

  I peel her dress up her thighs. Over her ass.

  She groans as my fingers curl into her lace panties. “Ryan.”

  I pin her with my hips. Grind my hard-on against her pelvis.

  Her fingers fumble over my belt. “Too many clothes.”

  I peel her panties to her thighs.
r />   “Ryan…”

  My lips skim her neck.

  She groans as she undoes my belt. My button. My zipper. “Mmm.” Her palm brushes my cock. “I love that you go commando.”

  “Leigh.” Fuck, that feels good.

  Her other hand knots in my hair. She holds my head against hers as she brings her lips to mine.

  I kiss her hard.

  My tongue dances with hers.

  My need pours into her.

  And hers pours into me.

  I’m kissing Leighton. I’m kissing my best friend.

  My brain can’t comprehend it.

  She wraps her fingers around me. Strokes me harder.

  I drag my fingertips up her thigh.

  She groans against my lips as they get closer, closer, closer—

  There.

  She nips at my bottom lip as she strokes me.

  I rub her harder.

  Her groan vibrates down my neck.

  I draw circles on her clit. Soft. Slow. Hard. Fast. Right. Left. There—

  “Fuck.” Her blue-green eyes fill with pleasure.

  She looks so fucking beautiful like this.

  I watch pleasure spread over her face as I rub her.

  Her eyelids press together.

  Her lips part with a sigh.

  Her hands fall to her sides.

  I have to pin her with my hips to keep her upright.

  “Ryan.” She slides her hand into my hair. “Fuck.”

  I rub her with those same perfect circles.

  Her neck tilts backward. Her head presses against the wall. Her thighs spread wider.

  She’s inviting me into her body.

  Opening herself to me.

  It’s everything I want.

  Leighton is everything I want—her heart, her head, her body.

  I still don’t know shit about the first two.

  And this—

  Fuck, it’s been awhile.

  I need to know her. Every inch of her. Every place that makes her purr.

  She groans against my mouth as I tease her with one finger.

  Two.

  Three.

  “Fuck.” She throws her head back. Leans her weight against the wall.

  Her teeth sink into her lip as I slide three fingers inside her.

  “Fuck, you’re wet.” I drive my fingers deeper.

  “Ryan.” Her breath is as heavy as her nod. “More. Now.”

  I bring my thumb to her clit. Rub her as I fuck her with my fingers.

  Her lips find mine.

  She groans against my mouth, rocking her hips to grind against my thumb.