by Renea Porter
“Oh sorry,” I say, grabbing some food and move down the line.
“Where were you?” Chase questions.
“I was lost in thought. Is that a crime?” I ask defensively, turning my head back to him before paying for my lunch. He shakes his head at me.
Once we get through the line, we make our way to our usual table. “You were looking for him, weren’t you?”
“He wasn’t in class this morning, and I’m not sure why. I’m sure I will eventually run into him,” I say as I swipe my long bangs to the side. It’s probably best he isn’t here to see me with Chase again, anyway.
“So, are you ready for winter break?” Chase asks, changing the subject.
“Yes, and I’m probably hanging out with my roomie, Renee, tonight. We don’t hang out nearly enough.” Okay, that wasn’t a total lie.
The rest of the day drags on and it feels like I’ve been here forever. When I finally manage to get back to the dorm, I immediately crash.
*****
In the morning, I wake up with enough time to study for a test I have after lunch. Once in my first class, I grab a seat by Chase and hope our studying helped. I turn my homework in and cross my fingers that I get a decent grade, not that it will matter in the long run, anyway.
“Stop twirling your hair; you’re making me fucking nervous,” Chase leans over to whisper in my ear just as class is about to start. His hot breath makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. I shiver. Stop, stop, stop. Why didn’t I pick a college full of ugly guys? I’m a little stunned by his comment, because I was not expecting that to come out of his mouth. I put my hands on my desk as the professor throws a stern look Chase’s way, and we both straighten up and remain quiet through the rest of class. If anything, I don’t need Chase’s lips anywhere near my neck. I swear, the devil is behind all this. Today passes much like the previous day; no sign of Layne, and Renee has been quiet about him as well. Of course, I haven’t bothered to ask, even though I desperately want to.
After class, my phone buzzes. “Hello?” I say flipping the screen up as I walk through campus.
“Mom, I’m fine I promise. Yes I will be home for winter break, I promise. No, no boys are coming with me. Yes I‘m taking care of myself. I’ll talk to you soon okay. Kiss Dad for me. Love you too.”
I shut the phone off and hope my parents aren’t worrying about me. I feel bad for being selfish for wanting to go to college. It was a hard decision, but one I needed to make. It was something I needed to do, because it’s been a dream of mine, and I would be the only one making it into a college, since my sister has proven herself useless with issues of her own.
*****
The rest of the week passes much the same. Still no sign of Layne. Then I remember it’s Friday and there’s a race tonight, so I will confront him then, or maybe I’ll wait until after the race. After all, I don’t want to mess up any mojo beforehand, if he is racing.
“So, are you ready doll face?” Renee asks, as I walk in just after my last class.
“Do I have time to freshen up quick?” I ask, throwing my bag on my bed.
“Sure, just make it quick. I don’t want to miss anything.”
“Actually, would you mind if I drove myself? I was thinking of tracking Layne down after the race. I haven’t seen him all week and I want to know why.”
“Okay, but I’ll tell you, you are asking for trouble,” she states. “I’ll see you there then.” She walks out the door before I can even ask what she meant by her comment. Shrugging my shoulders I rush to get freshened up.
Ten minutes later, I’m ready and already headed to the location. I punch the location into my GPS and let it guide me there. I finally make it to the location and spot my red haired bestie. “I made it,” I say, as I nudge her elbow. I see Dylan standing on the other side of her and he nods his head at me.
My eyes immediately scan for Layne. As soon as I see the gaggle of girls, I know he is near them. I just roll my eyes. Oh shit, he sees me. The look he is giving me is intense as his gaze lingers on me. I’m not sure what that means, but fuck. I watch as he makes his way over toward me, and suddenly I’m nervous as my palms start to sweat. I wipe them over my pants. Renee turns her head and wiggles her eyebrows at me as she watches the scene unfold with me.
“Let’s go,” Layne says, tugging on my shirt sleeve. Oh fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
I almost stumble a few times as he walks too fast for me to keep up. Finally, I realize we are within walking distance of the garage he took me to the other day. Once inside, I realize we are alone once again.
“Where the fuck have you been? And why haven’t you been in class?” I finally manage the courage to ask.
“Shut up,” he states sternly. Instead of answering me, his lips crash against mine as he presses my body against the wall and I wrap one leg around his waist as I go with his lead. His kiss is intense, and his grip on my leg is just as hard. Even though I know this is a bad idea I want him and I want him now. I fumble with his belt, trying to get his pants off as quick as possible because my panties are about to drop at any second. He kisses me with such intensity that I’m having trouble catching up.
He breaks from the kiss and his eyes are filled with lust. “I swear to god, if you don’t stop me now I will take you against the wall right here, right now,” he says, breaking from the kiss and pressing his forehead against mine. I contemplate my options, and know that the only option is to do it one more time. Right now it feels right, and I’m sure one more time is all I’ll need to get him out of my system. So, come on Layne, give a girl what she wants. No regrets here, I think. I press my finger against his lips to shush him. His lips crash with mine again and our bodies entwine with each other. “I’m giving you one last chance to back out, because you deserve better than this,” he says.
“If you’re not going to fuck me now then what am I doing here? This is what you wanted, right?” I ask, finally having enough of his game.
I unbutton my shirt, taunting him with the sight of my bare skin. He takes a few steps back, and I watch as he runs his hands over his short hair. His eyes turn and now his face is full of anger. I’m frozen in place, because I’m not sure what he’s going to do. He pulls his arms back and slams his fist into the wall not far from where I am, causing me to jump.
He walks over to me and gets as close to my face as possible. “I don’t know if you are blind, or just plain spiteful. Can’t you see I want you and possibly something more if you would just let me in? I’ve been fighting with these feelings for long enough and it’s time to just get it out in the open.” He places a hand on the wall on each side of me so I can’t escape. Tears start to escape my eyes, because I know we could never be, even if I wanted.
“I can’t do relationships. There is a reason beyond my control and no matter how I feel, it’s there.” The words come out in whisper and the tears continue to fall freely. I duck underneath his arm, surprised that he lets me and make my way out of the garage and toward the crowd at the race. I look back to see the look of defeat on his face. I’m sure he’s not used to it and it starts to break me, but I know I have to walk away. He could have any girl he wants, and he chooses the one he can’t have.
I stop halfway to the crowd and try to straighten myself up before I see Renee and Dylan.
Chapter Eight
I walk toward Renee and try to act normal, even though this is anything but normal. I watch as Layne walks over to his groupies. He sees me watching, and my stomach twists in knots. I try to shake the thoughts from my head.
“So what did I miss?” I ask Renee, planting a smile on my face.
“The real question is, what did I miss?”
“Nothing much.” I shrug my shoulder and watch the last race as it begins. I have to force myself from not looking over toward Layne, but damn it is hard. His words play over and over in my head, and I can’t shake these feelings that are overtaking my heart. Damn him.
“Are you going to foll
ow us to the party?” Renee asks, indicating the one at Dylan and Layne’s place.
On one hand, I know I shouldn’t go because what will come of me even going? But I know I should go. “Yeah, I’ll follow you,” I say to her reluctantly.
I watch as Dylan and Renee’s hands entwine, so in sync and easy. Layne brushes past me, breaking my train of thought. “You coming, or are you just going to stand there?” he asks. My legs move on their own free will and volition at the sound of his voice. I follow him as I walk to my car. I get in the driver’s side and realize he is at my passenger side door. “Are you gonna unlock the door?” he asks, impatiently.
Seriously, who is this guy? We almost had sex, then he admitted his feelings for me and I just turned him down. Yet, here he is. This won’t be getting any easier. I quickly open my door, hitting the unlock switch to let him in. He slides in the seat, flashing a wink my way. We don’t speak as I follow Renee to their house. At the house, I park in a spot so I can easily make a getaway if the need arises. Inside, the party is already in full swing and Layne grabs my hand to lead us through the crowd. In the kitchen we throw back a few shots before he grabs two beers with one hand while he grabs mine with his other hand. After kicking the fridge door shut, he leads us to his room. His grip on my hand is strong, and even I have to admit our hands fit perfectly together. Inside his room, he sets the beers down and then shuts his door. He motions for me to sit. We’ve barely spoken a word since that episode at the garage, and I know the conversation is coming. I stay standing, just in case I have to make a quick escape.
“What the fuck was that back there?” he asks, standing in front of me and opening each beer, then handing me one.
“Exactly what I said; I can’t do relationships. That is all I am going to say about it, please don’t ask me about it anymore.” I guess escaping my past is proving to be difficult when it keeps flashing before my eyes.
He lets out a sigh, and sits next to me on the edge of the bed after I finally allow my body to slump atop the mattress. I realize this will probably be a repeat of the Friday before, because I just can’t resist him any longer. It’s do or die, and I choose do. I take a drink of my beer and set it on the table by the bed. Standing in front of Layne I start to slowly unbutton my shirt again, and I kick my shoes off as I slowly slide my jeans down. Our eyes lock the entire time and I watch as his eyes become filled with lust, passion; the eyelids hooded. I straddle his lap as he brings me in closer to him, and our lips are already colliding together. His hand grips the back of my neck while his other hand is pulling my bra straps down.
He lightly tugs my hair, tilting my head back. He runs his tongue the length of my neck, sending shivers down my spine. Not being able to take it any longer, I grab the hem of his black polo shirt and yank it over his head, flinging it to the floor. He smiles, showing off his dimples and causing me to smile back. We’re both getting what we want, even if one or both of us might regret it in the morning.
He scoots us higher on the bed so we are lying parallel and I remain on top of him. I rake my hands over his sculpted abs, over his many tattoos. They are a major turn on. He has a rather large one on his right arm. I don’t know what it means but it is hot. He leans up to kiss me, and my heart beats so rapidly I think it might melt right here in a puddle.
His hands engulf my breasts, with one in each of his hands. He kneads them as he continues to passionately kiss me. Suddenly, I have the urge to be in control, and I push his chest so he is lying down again. I bend down to kiss him, and then I begin to lightly suck on his earlobe. He wraps his arms around my middle and flips me over so now he is on top. He stops with his face just inches from mine. “Were you jealous when I went over to those sluts, earlier?” he asks.
I shake my head no, because I’m not sure what will come out of my mouth if I say it out loud.
“Liar,” he says, and we both laugh. His lips curl up and then they are back on mine.
His hand slides down my body to my damp center and I almost cum on the spot. He grabs a condom and quickly slips it on. Once he enters me I gasp and match his rhythm and we both see stars afterward. He rolls off, panting as I try to catch my breath.
“You’re going to spend the night, aren’t you?” he asks, turning on his side.
“Nope,” I say nonchalantly.
“Why the fuck not?” He jumps up with a frustrated look on his face.
“I told you; I don’t want to make this any more complicated than it already is.”
“I have no plans on breaking your heart, if that’s what you’re worried about,” he says with sincerity.
“It’s not my heart I’m worried about,” I tell him. And that’s the truth. I’m not sure how much clearer I can be without coming right out and saying it, but I can’t. How could I be so stupid to think I could run away from my problems? “You have to accept me as I am. If you don’t, we can part ways now,” I tell him as if it would be that easy, even though I know it’s easier said than done.
“Just like that?”
“Just like that,” I reply.
“And you think it’s just that easy?” he says with enough emotion to make me hear him loud and clear. “I guess I’ll take what I can get.” He rubs my jaw with his thumb before kissing me. “Humor me and stay the night, and I’ll make breakfast in the morning,” he says, flashing his dimples.
“Fine. I’m not one to turn down breakfast made by a good looking man.” I laugh tilting my head back.
He jumps up, pinning me into the mattress as he holds my arms above my head. “Just how many have made you breakfast the morning after?” He asks with his face just inches from mine, and I can see the heat in his eyes. All I can do is laugh. “Stop fucking torturing me and tell me,” he demands.
“Fine. No one has, okay?”
“It’s their loss, if they let you get away so easily.”
“Are we going to go back out there to the party, or are you going to hide me in here all night?” I ask, trying to change the subject after that surprisingly sweet and dangerous, statement.
“Mmmm I’m not quite sure yet. I was thinking maybe we could go for another round,” he says as he continues his hold on me. “I thought about making you scream again. I love the sounds you make when my mouth explores your body,” he says seductively.
Fuck, I think I just died. His mouth starts to trail down my stomach and then back up to each breast. I arch my back, and he snakes his arms around my waist to lift me up slightly.
“You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?” he asks as he places his hands on my hips.
I grip the sheets as he positions himself in between my legs. I tilt my head back, because I know what’s coming next, and brace for him to enter me. “I need you inside me now,” I breathe out, not realizing I had been holding my breath. “Stop tormenting me,” I tell him, tilting my head to face him.
“You won’t be able to walk tomorrow, that’s for sure.” He chuckles, as his lips lightly graze my stomach.
Fuck, I can’t get enough of this guy. It will never be enough. Just kill me now.
He flips me onto my stomach and lightly traces kisses down my back. “When did you get this angel wings tattoo?”
“Over the summer. Now stop talking, will you?”
“Oh, my very own angel,” he says slyly. He flips me back over. He is now hovering over me, slipping on a condom, and I brace for him to be inside me for the second time in a row. As soon as he’s inside me, my mouth forms an O and I can’t help the moans that escapes my throat until we both collide in ecstasy. He rests his forehead against mine as we catch our breath. This guy is going to wreck me and everything I have tried to establish.
“Ready to shower?” He winks as he pulls my arms up toward him.
“Yes.” I feel absolutely filthy between the drag racing and sex twice in a row. Of course this all could just be a dream, and if it is I don’t want to wake up. He leads me into his private bathroom and gets the shower going before we step in. All of s
udden, I feel exposed, very naked and self-conscious.
He steps in the walk in shower, holding his hand out to guide me in, as his eyes never leave mine. “I like you like this,” he says.
“Like what; naked and at your disposal?” I ask sarcastically.
“Fuck woman! Is that how you see yourself? I like you like this because you let your guard down and it’s like nothing else is going on around us,” he says with frustration in his voice.
What does a girl say to that? I just offer him a smile and hope that’s enough to ease his frustration. I take the sponge from his hands and motion for him to turn around. After soaping up the sponge, I start on his shoulder and then running it over his defined back. I watch as his head lowers forward and I realize he is relaxed as I wash his back.
“Mmm, that feels amazing,” he says as I slide the sponge on the shelf so I can use my hands to massage his shoulders.
Suddenly, I realize just how personal this is and I quickly grab a washcloth to wash myself and Layne doesn’t take notice. As I’m under the shower nozzle, Layne wraps his muscled arms around my waist and pulls me into him. He is trying to steal my heart, and even though my heart thumps hard in betrayal, I can’t let him be the thief. He can do whatever he wants with my body, but he can’t have my heart, it just isn’t possible. I feel his heartbeat against mine. It’s beating so fast against my chest. My head and feelings are all over the place. I look up and watch as his lips slowly move forward inch by inch until they are lightly grazing mine. He pulls my leg up to wrap around his waist as our lips clash and our tongues dance together. He switches positions and presses me against the shower wall. Music from the main room vibrates through the walls and fills my head. Layne brings both of my legs up around his waist as he buries his head in the crook of my neck. I pull him into me like I can’t get him close enough. My skin burns with his touch, and I only crave it more and more.
“You’re mine,” he whispers lightly into my ear, sending shivers down my spine.