by Renea Porter
“No I’m not,” I say.
This was exactly what I was afraid of. He can’t want me that way. I have demons I try to keep at bay as much as possible. But Layne makes me feel different than anyone else has made me feel.
“Yes you are,” he argues. I don’t give into the argument, because whatever this is, it feels too fucking good to stop now. I’m terrified of what this could turn out to be; more. He has the power to change the plans on why I came here to college in the first place. I’m doomed.
He presses inside me and I don’t stop him, even though he doesn’t have a condom on. He feels good inside me, and we can’t seem to get enough of one another no matter the circumstances.
We both exhaust ourselves into ecstasy,. Layne pants as he tries to catch his breath. “I don’t care how many times we did it tonight; you are staying in my bed until tomorrow. That’s if you can even walk out of here tomorrow.” He flashes his wide grin as he carries me back to the bed, even though our bodies are dripping wet from the shower.
“I’ll stay the night; I can’t make any more promises aside from that,” I say, lying on my side facing him. I can still hear the music in the main room downstairs. I’m sure the crowd is dying down by now, because Layne and I have been at it for hours.
“Fine. Like I said, I’ll take what I can get.” I hear him say as I finally allow exhaustion take over.
Chapter Nine
(Winter)
I wake up feeling disoriented and not exactly sure where I am, but I realize I’m in Layne’s bed and the smell of food wafts through the room. I feel hung over, even though we didn’t really drink all that much. I wonder if there is such a thing as a sex hangover. I remember promising Layne I’d stay through breakfast, but now in the light of morning I realize just how bad of an idea that was. I feel vulnerable and my body immediately goes on alert. I stagger to the restroom to wash my face and try to clear my head before I slide yesterday’s clothes back on. Back in the room, I see Layne waiting with food on a tray for me. He sets the tray on the bed and I see his pajama pants hanging low on his waist. He looks so sexy, and I admire the view as I sit on the edge of the bed. “This looks amazing. Did you cook?” I ask amusingly.
“I promised breakfast, which means I made it,” he says, grabbing a plate for himself.
“It’s really good,” I say, shoving a fork full of food in my mouth.
We eat in silence before he decides to ruin the moment. “I meant what I said last night; I’m done with the one night stands. I’d like to see where this goes, just me and you.”
I was really hoping he’d be too drunk to remember.
“I meant what I said; I can’t do relationships!” I say, louder than I intended. All of a sudden, I feel sick. I rush to his bathroom, locking the door behind me, and everything I ate comes right back up along with more.
“You okay in there?” Layne asks, knocking on the door.
“I’m fine.” I continue splashing water on my face to wash away the disgust of me getting sick. I gather myself together and return to the bedroom. I grab my purse and keys so I can make a fast getaway past Layne.
“Where are you going? Are you okay?” Layne asks, rushing out the words.
“I’m fine; I just can’t do this,” I say, motioning my hand between him and me.
I walk quickly out of the room and step over the sleeping bodies sprawled throughout the living room. I make it to my car and see Layne in the doorway, watching me in confusion. Winter break is in full effect, so I believe it’s time to skip town for a while. By the time I make it back to the dorm it is late afternoon. I throw as much stuff as I can in my bag before Renee comes home, desperate to leave the college, the town and the people. I walk back to my car, but before I reach it I almost run right into Chase.
“What are you doing here?” I ask.
“Checking on you, to see what you are doing for winter break. But by the looks of it, you look like you are in a rush,” he says.
“I thought you’d be going home as well. No, I’m not in a rush. I just want to get on the road before it gets dark,” I tell him.
“Oh, my parents are in the Alps skiing. I wasn’t invited, but it’s not really my scene anyway,” he says. “So, you are either coming with me or I’m coming with you,” he instructs.
“If my parents were in the Alps, I’d be on the next flight....” I feel dizzy and sway from side to side.
“Whoa, easy there,” Chase says, steadying me. “I don’t think you are in any condition to drive. So how about you hand over the keys and I will go with you?” He propositions holding his hand out for the keys. I hand the keys over as he takes my bag from me and throws it in the trunk as I slide into the passenger seat. Layne would flip if he knew about this, I think for some unknown reason. But I don’t care. Right now, all I care about it getting out of here, and if I don’t let Chase drive me I might not make it very far before crashing into a tree or something since my vision has gone blurry since getting dizzy.
“You don’t care if I tag along, do you?” he asks, backing out of the parking spot. “I’ll just stay long enough to drop you off and I’ll catch the bus back here,” he says as he pulls up to his place. “I’ll just grab a change of clothes.”
“Grab a couple,” I yell out to him, and he gives me thumbs up. I watch as he jogs inside. I’m starting to feel like my normal self now. It must suck not even being invited to an outing with your parents over a school break. I bet there is so much to his story that I don’t even know.
“Okay, I’m all set,” Chase says, throwing his bag in the bag then sliding behind the wheel. “Are you feeling better?”
“Yes, I appreciate you being here. And by the way, you won’t need to get a bus back. You can stay in my family’s guest house. Trust me, my mom will insist on it,” I tell him, resting my head on the headrest. I still feel a little weak, and I’m thankful for Chase right now. “So I feel like there is quite a bit that I don’t know about you, and since we will be in the car for hours, I think you should tell me your story,” I tell him, looking in his direction.
“There isn’t much to tell. My life is absolutely boring.”
“That’s bullshit. I think there is more to your story than you let on,” I reply with a smile. “So come on, enlighten a girl, please.”
“Fine,” he says, turning to face me quickly. “If you must know, I’m the black sheep of the family. I’m nothing but a disappointment to them. since I didn’t want to be a doctor or a lawyer, like most of the family. Are you happy now?”
“Well fuck! It’s there loss then. Fuck them and their high standards,” I say.
If you looked at Chase you would know he came from a privileged family. What you wouldn’t know is that he is down to earth, doesn’t think he is better than anybody and he actually has a story behind those deep green eyes.
“Yeah, fuck them,” he says, flashing me his toothy grin.
“I mean, come on, you will have so much more fun at my place, anyway,” I say with a sarcastic tone. “I live on a ranch; all kinds of animals to keep you company and no neighbors for miles,” I tell him.
“Sounds like my kind of scene.”
I tilt my head back once again and fall asleep for a few hours. When I wake I hear Chase singing a Bruno Mars song, and I can’t help but giggle. I turn my head in his direction and watch him until he notices me watching. Then he starts singing Talking to the Moon to me. It’s quite hilarious, if I do say so myself.
“Don’t quit your day job,” I tell him once the song ends. He just sticks his tongue out at me, and we both laugh hysterically. It’s so easy and natural between us. He doesn’t have expectations from me, and I don’t have any from him. He accepts me for who I am and I think that’s why we get along so well.
He flashes a wink my way. “Don’t worry, I won’t be.”
I switch the station for another suitable song and come across Can’t Be Tamed by Miley Cyrus. Chase and I look at each other, and then we both start
singing at the top of our lungs while bobbing our head to the music. By the end of the song, I’m completely out of breath. I take a few deep breaths so my heartbeat will slow down.
“So what do you want to do this winter break? I live in a pretty remote area, but there are lots of animals on the property. We can watch movies, study, whatever.” I tell him. “But if we see my sister, you’ll have to excuse her; she’s mixed up in some pretty bad stuff.”
“Whatever you want to do is fine with me. I actually don’t have any expectations about winter break, but those ideas are perfectly fine with me.”
I don’t know if I should be offended by the comment or not. But I just shrug and say, “Okay.” Right now, we’re a little over half way home. I’m sure my mom is staying up late until we make it there safely. “Want me to drive the rest of the way? You’ve been driving a few hours already,” I offer.
“No. How about you lay that pretty head of yours back? I got this.”
“Fine.” I arch my eyebrow at his insistence, but don’t argue. I know what battles to pick, and this isn’t one of them. I do as he says and I lay my head back and close my eyes with a smile spread across my face. I even think he feels a sense of satisfaction in telling me what to do. I close my eyes and easily fall asleep.
Through the darkness, sometime later, I hear my phone buzzing in my pocket. I pull it out and see it’s from Layne.
“Just wanted to check on you, make sure everything is okay,” it reads.
I text him back, “I’m fine, went home for winter break, I’ll see you when I get back.”
“Was that Layne?” Chase asks as he looks over at me briefly.
“Yep, how’d you know?” I ask. My phone buzzes again, but I ignore it.
“Just something in your eyes gave it away. Does he know you left?” he asks, even though he doesn’t give me a moment to respond. He can tell by my body language, I’m sure. “He didn’t know did he?”
“No, I kind of left in a rush,” I say, looking at the floorboard of the car.
I watch as he shakes his head at my response. “Jesus fucking Christ Amber, now what the fuck is going on?”
“Hey, I didn’t ask you to come along. I was perfectly fine on my own,” I huff.
“Oh yeah, you were fine. You looked like you were about to pass the fuck out. So luckily I came along, even though you looked like you were high tailing it out of there for some reason,” he growls.
“I was high tailing it out of there, because Layne got this bright idea that telling me he wanted a relationship would be smart. Like I want that and even if I did, it’s impossible. Please just drop the subject,” I tell him, now pissed off.
I close my eyes once more and then hear Chase laying on the horn to announce our arrival at my house. I open my eyes to see my mom waving us in the driveway. Once he pulls in, I get out to hug my mom and introduce her to Chase. Chase holds his hand out to shake her hand, but she pulls him into a hug. What can I say, she’s a hugger.
“Amber dear, would you show Chase here to the guest house? I’m sure you kids are hungry I’ll go fix a plate for you and bring it up,” my mom states before walking back into the house. Just as Chase is about to tell her “no thanks” I shake my head at him not to do it.
“One thing you don’t argue with my mom about is food. If she wants to feed you, accept it,” I tell him.
“Fair enough; thanks for the warning.” Chase grabs his bag and sets mine on the porch. The guest house is attached to our house. It’s more like a mini apartment. I lead Chase up the stairs. I open the door and motion for him to come in. “It has everything you need; bed, couch, TV, and kitchen.” My mom clears her throat before coming all the way into the apartment. She must think he is my boyfriend or something; I can tell by the look she is giving me. Originally, I had told her no one was coming along so my company was a bit of a surprise.
“Here ya go. Just heat it up in the microwave there,” she instructs.
Chase accepts the dish. “Thanks Ma’am.”
“Call me Joan, please,” my mom says, leaving the room with me hot on her trail.
“Well, I’ll see you in the morning. Goodnight,” I tell him, and he nods his head.
I grab my bag and head inside. My mom pulls me into her arms. “It’s so great to have you home love.”
“I’ve missed you, too.” Oh how I have missed the smell of her; vanilla, lavender, and Mom. It’s the best smell in the world.
I know exactly where our conversation is going when she grabs two mugs from the kitchen cupboard and sets them on the counter. Chase. She is going to want to know all of the details. I watch as she makes us both coffee. This is gonna be a long night, I think as I take a seat at the dining room table.
“Hey kiddo,” my dad says, walking into the room. He kisses the top of my head. “I’ll catch ya in the A.M.”
“It’s seems our girl here brought a boy home,” my mom pipes up. She slides a mug my way, and I wrap both hands around it.
“Good for her,” he says groggily, as he staggers back to bed.
Mom’s eyes are smiling as she turns back to me. “So spill it Amber Jean.” I wince at the mention of my middle name. She’s serious.
“He is a friend, and let’s be clear I mean friend as in, hanging out, studying, watching TV kind of friend. He’s not my boyfriend.” I bring the mug up to my lips and let the coffee flavors dance on my taste buds.
“Does he know?” my mom asks, her eyes no longer smiling.
“No, and he’s not going to know. To him, I’m just a normal college girl.”
“Okay.”
“His parents are rich, and off on some extravagant trip to which he was never invited.” I shrug. “I figured it would be okay to crash here for winter break.”
“Of course he is welcome here. He seems like a nice boy,” she says with a wink
“Mom! I told you he is just a friend.”
“It was simply a statement.” She takes a sip of her own coffee, and I see the worry in her eyes as she looks me over the lip of her cup. “How have you been feeling?”
“I’ve been feeling okay. I actually feel normal at college. I have gotten sick a few times but nothing to worry about. I promise.” I walk over to her and put my arm around her shoulder and give her a squeeze.
She pats my arm affectionately. “It’s late, you should get some sleep, love,” she says.
I nod and head out of the kitchen after pouring the remnants of my coffee cup in the sink. Thank god it was decaf, I think as I head to bed.
Chapter Ten
I’m back in my old room. It’s funny how it seems like a distant memory, yet it feels like I just left for college. I snuggle into bed after I change out of my clothes. The sheets smell fresh from the wash. Being home for three weeks home won’t be long enough. After remembering I got another text earlier, I get out of bed and dig my phone out of my purse and jump back in.
It’s from Layne. So you just leave, just like that?
Well that seems to be the phrase we use a lot with each other. Just like that. Maybe you shouldn’t have professed your love to someone who isn’t into relationships.
Maybe if I would have known you would run off like a scared little girl, I might not have said it.
Now he is pissing me the fuck off, so I don’t bother replying and slam the phone down and try to sleep. Somehow, I bet he is smirking at the other end. I groan and pull the pillow over my head, and wait for sleep to consume me.
*****
In the morning, I wake to the birds singing. I swing my legs over the edge of the bed and throw my hair up into a messy bun. I forgo any formal kind of clothes and pull out a pair of sweats for now. On the way to the kitchen my mom hands me two mugs. “One for Chase,” she explains. Guess I will have to go make my presence known.
“Knock, knock,” I say before opening the door, I catch Chase buttoning his jeans up and I bite my lower lip to keep from bursting out in laughter. But I can’t help myself.
&n
bsp; “You look like such a fucking prep.” I laugh. He has on jeans with a sweater and there is not a hair out of place, and here I am, with a messy bun and sweats. Still, somehow with Chase it doesn’t bother me so much. He looks down at his outfit in confusion. “Take them off,” I say, pointing to his jeans.
“Damn girl, you work fast,” he jokes, doing as I instruct him to do with a grin.
“Shut up.” He hands them over, and then I sit on the bed and rip holes in the knees of his jeans.
“What the fuck?” he exclaims. I ignore him and add a few small holes in various places of his jeans, and then hand them back to him. My eyes go straight to his crotch that is covered in silky boxers. He wears boxers, dually noted. I smile as he pulls them back on.
“Much better,” I say with a smile. “Breakfast will be ready in twenty minutes. Just come on in when you’re ready.” I turn on my heel and walk out the door, leaving him looking dumbfounded at me. I smile, pleased with myself. I should have ruffled his hair some too. I laugh at the thought. Baby steps.
I help my mom set the table, before she adds all of the hot food. My mother always believed in starting the day with a hot meal. Never did we have cereal as children, unless it was oatmeal. “I think you made enough for an army,” I tell her with a chuckle. Of course, this is nothing new. Chase comes in just as we are sitting down.
“Morning everyone,” he says, looking uncomfortable.
“Just help yourself. You go away hungry, it’s your own fault,” Mom teases.
“So, where’s Sarah?”
“Oh you know your sister; she’ll disappear for days then reappear for a few,” my dad says.
We have a light conversation during the rest of the meal while my dad interrogates Chase on his future and his family. After breakfast, I help my mom clear the table. She nudges me out of her way. “Why don’t you show Chase around the property?” I don’t bother arguing with her.
“Come on,” I say, grabbing his hand and leading him to my room. “Have a seat while I brush my hair out.” I can see him in the mirror while I brush my hair in my bathroom. I watch as he stands and looks at the pictures throughout my room.