by Renea Porter
“Of course. Sounds like a plan to me,” she agrees with a nod.
“I need to take a quick shower, and then we can go,” I say, grabbing a new change of clothes.
Stepping in the hot shower, I let the steam engulf around me. A lump forms in my throat and I wrap my arms around my stomach. I think I’m starting to get sicker and weaker, and I know the inevitable is to come. I let the tears stream down my face as I slide down the shower wall and let myself have a good cry before washing myself off. Out of the shower, I dry off and change into a pair of capris and a summery top, since the weather is turning out to be nicer now. I put on enough makeup to hide the redness. Once I grab my sandals, I’m good to go.
“Okay, I’m ready,” I tell Renee.
“Geez, I thought you about drowned in there,” she tells me. “I can drive,” she says, grabbing her keys and her handbag.
In the car, my phone buzzes. It’s from Layne, Hope you and Renee have a great girls’ day. Thank you for coming with me for the weekend. It was kinda nice having you all to myself. And my parents have already insisted I bring you back soon.
His text makes me smile. Thanks, and I’d love to go back sometime, I type back. In no time, Renee pulls up to the nail salon. There isn’t a single person in line, so we pick out a nail color and head to a seat as they get started. We are getting our feet and nails done, might as well go all out. I opted for a fuchsia pink for my nails, while Renee opted for a dark deep red for hers which will look amazing on her. While we get our nails done, I give her the full rundown of our weekend and she tells me more about her family. Apparently she is the baby of the family, and Dylan is an only child. “Dylan has amazing green eyes, with his light brown skin,” I tell her.
“I know, I can get lost in his eyes for hours, that’s what I noticed when we first met,” she says.
“I think he is perfect for you,” I tell her and she smiles at my comment.
“I just can’t believe how much Layne has changed since he met you, of course in a good way. He used to get in a lot of fights back in high school, he was a rebellion and I think with his dad getting hurt, just made it worse, and he pushed people away even more,” she says. “And he hasn’t had so much of a girlfriend in a long, long time. It’s nice to see him happy and content.”
Once we finish getting our nails done, my stomach hasn’t gotten any better so we grab some Chinese food down from the salon and head straight home. Back at the dorm, we both change into lounge clothes and dig into the Chinese food. She giggles as I try to use the chopsticks, failing miserably at the task. Her laugh is contagious and we both just laugh. Even though my stomach is not cooperating, I try to make the best of the day we have together.
Later that evening, Dylan calls Renee, and I take the opportunity to get my clothes washed. It’s been a while since I last did my laundry and I’m running out of clothes. After her call, and folding my clothes, we lounge on her bed and watch movies on her laptop for the rest of the evening.
Chapter Twenty-One
The next morning, I get ready for school like normal and notice Renee must have already headed to her class. School is just about out for the summer, only a couple more weeks. In a way, I’m looking forward to getting back home, but I’m not sure where that leaves Layne and I. Pushing the thought out of my head, I grab my bag and head to class.
“Hey, pretty girl, headed to class?” Chase asks, catching up to me.
“Yep, how was your weekend?”
He takes a minute to catch his breath. “My weekend was fine. How about yours? How are you feeling?”
“My weekend was great. I’m okay, but I’ve had better days,” I say.
“You look like you’ve lost weight since I last saw you,” he says with a concerned tone.
We get to class, but not long into the lecture I rush out with my bag over my shoulder. All of a sudden I cover my mouth as I feel like I may be sick. Quickly, I find the nearest restroom and Chase is hot on my heels. Once inside the restroom, I throw up. It comes quick and I barely have time to pull my hair back. I don’t even bother kneeling on the floor. I just lean over the toilet and my stomach empties. I’m pretty sure Chase would have followed me in if a few girls hadn’t been walking in behind me. My stomach muscles clench as I unload any food remaining inside me. And I’m afraid the inevitable has come, I might have to go home, permanently. My time on this earth is coming to a close. Weakly, I walk out and meet Chase as the tears start to fall uncontrollably.
“What do you need me to do?” he asks instantly.
“Can you take me home? Home to Texas,” I ask him, trying to go unnoticed by the other students. That’s all I need, is some wild rumors spreading. “But I need to stop by the dorm first,” I whisper, my mouth dry.
“Okay, whatever you need,” he says as we rush across campus grounds. Once we reach the dorm, I invite him inside so I can quickly pack, even though I feel real weak. My version of quickly is not a normal person’s version. I don’t feel right leaving like this, but it’s for the best.
“Can you afford to miss class?” I ask.
“Yes, I told you I was here for you, no matter what, and I meant it. I’m just glad I was there when this happened,” he says, watching me pack.
I’m glad I caught up on my laundry as I scoop everything in the suitcase I came here with. I scoop all my bathroom products in my cosmetic bag, and I leave a small note for Renee. The tears fall on the note as I write the words, I’m sorry, I had to leave. I loved you like a sister. We were far closer than my own sister and I. Please tell Layne, I’m deeply sorry.
My heart is wrecked from writing the letter, and I feel like a horrible person leaving like this. “Please tell me I’m not a horrible person,” I tell Chase as we exit the dorm.
“Amber, you are the farthest thing from a horrible person.” He takes my bag from me and wraps his arms around my shoulder as I cry into his neck while we walk to the car. “You are the strongest person I know,” he continues.
I hand him my car keys, and he opens the passenger door for me so I can slide in easily. “How will you get home?” I ask him.
“I’m sure I can catch a bus back; no worries.” He swipes my nose with his finger, causing me to smile.
“I really appreciate this. I just feel like this is the best decision right now, since I’m getting weaker and sicker as the days progress, and it would be harder to hide if I stayed,” I say as we turn onto the highway. “And you are the first person Layne is gonna track down once he realizes I’m no longer there. I just hope he can forgive me.” I wipe a tear away.
“If Layne feels the way he does about you then he will forgive you. What do you want me to tell him, if he does come looking for me?”
“Don’t tell him about me being sick. I should probably be the one to tell him. I will eventually, whether it’s a phone call or face to face.”
“Then I’ll just tell him he has to talk to you about it. And Amber, he deserves to know. So does Renee; she is your best friend,” he turns his face to tell me.
“I know. They deserve way better than what I gave them. I was selfish. I wanted to tell them, but it was never the right moment,” I tell him regretfully.
He offers a nod, and I silently hate myself. I hate the disease inside me and I hate that I will be breaking more hearts than necessary. How could I be so naïve thinking going away to college would be easy and that it was what I needed? Then unmistakably I fell for a boy that fell for a girl, who whispered those three little words in her ear as he cradled her body with his. I miss him already and I will miss Renee’s upbeat attitude as well.
I lean my head against the glass and everything passes by in a flash, just like the year I just had. If only I’d given Layne a chance sooner. If I hadn’t been so stubborn…or maybe I should have been more stubborn and insisted on staying away from him. I feel the burn in my heart. I think it’s broken and I’m not sure it will ever be repaired. One time with him was supposed to enough for me, but one time w
as all it took to know that I wanted more, I needed more. He made me feel, and I felt things I’ve never felt. How do you just walk away from something like that?
“It’ll be okay,” Chase says, breaking my train of thought.
I turn to look at him. “How do you know? I live in my own personal hell, and sometimes it’s so dark I don’t believe I can crawl my way out. But then there are days that seem so bright that I forget I have this disease,” I tell him.
“It’ll be okay,” he repeats. “Everything will be okay,” he whispers, though I don’t know whether he is trying to convince me or himself. “And as soon as school is out, I’ll be there for you.”
“You know I can’t ask you for that. You don’t need to hang around to watch the inevitable happen,” I tell him.
“Did I ask you for your opinion on the matter?” he spouts, and then sighs. “Are you hungry? Of course you are; your stomach is probably empty by now,” he says, pulling off the highway and into a fast food place.
I don’t respond to his little outburst. He doesn’t get to be pissy with me. At the food counter, we both order burger combos and find a booth in the back, away from the crowd. Once we are done, we make a trip to the restroom and hit the road. It shouldn’t be long now.
I call my mom and tell her I’m on my way home. And now she is worried about me. I told her Chase was bringing me, which made her excited that she gets to see him again. At least this time she got a little bit of a warning someone was coming along. After about an hour, we finally make it.
Chase rushes over to grab my suitcase out of the trunk, and comes to my side and helps me inside. I see my mom appear on the porch and she is holding her face with both hands.
“Oh my god Amber, you’ve lost so much weight,” she says. She hugs Chase when we reach the porch. “Come on in, I have dinner on the table. If I would have known sooner, I would have made more.”
“I’m sure it’s fine,” Chase says.
I greet my dad, who wraps my arms around his waist and kisses my head. I sit at the table while Chase drops my suitcase in my room. I see my sister sitting across from me at the table and she doesn’t bat an eye. “Nice to finally see you,” I tell her.
“So good to see you, but you look like shit,” she says, coming around the table to hug me.
“Sarah Elizabeth, watch your mouth! You’re never too old for me to wash your mouth out,” Mom says, bringing in a chair for Chase to sit next to me. We laugh at Mom’s comment. “So how are you feeling?” Mom turns to me and brushes my bangs to the side.
“I’ve been getting sick more often and I feel real weak,” I tell them. “And Chase knows now, because he’s been there for me”
“I’ll catch a bus back tomorrow,” he intercedes.
“You will do no such thing. You brought my baby girl home, where she should be. Roger here can take you back in the morning, if that’s what you want,” she says, offering my dad to take him back.
“I’d appreciate it. I still have two weeks left before school’s out for the summer,” he says nervously.
“Oh my, where are my manners? Chase this is my sister, Sarah; Sarah, this is my friend, Chase,” I say, introducing them and I watch as they lock eyes. Something happens between and I’m not so sure what it is, or maybe I don’t want to.
He nods. “Nice to meet you.”
Sarah flashes an innocent smile his way. “I’ve been clean for six weeks,” she says, looking my way. “That’s why I wasn’t here when you were home last time. I went and got help. And I go to meetings once or twice a week,” she proudly says.
“I’m so happy to hear that. Really. I’m so proud of you,” I say as we finish up dinner.
“Congrats,” Chase chimes in.
“Thank you,” she says before she shoves the last bite of the meatloaf in her mouth.
“I can help clear the dishes.” I stand, letting the table steady me.
“Absolutely not. Your sister has been helping me. I just need you to rest,” Mom insists, and by her tone, I know not to argue with her. “Chase, you can sleep up in the apartment for the night, but if you want to go help her to her room and hang out, you can. Again, thanks for bringing my baby home.”
Chase nods at my mom and holds his arm out for me to grab. I latch onto him, resting my head on his shoulder as he helps guide me to my room.
“You know it kills me knowing I’m going to school without you,” he says as I sit on the bed. I open my suitcase to unpack, but the ignore it and launch myself into Chase’s arms. I hug him, tight, and the tears well up in my eyes. I hate that he is seeing me like this.
I take his face in my hands and look into his eyes. “Well, sometimes things in life happen for a reason, and I think I was meant to meet you that day in the cafeteria. Everything will be fine. Don’t torture yourself, okay? Promise me you will finish your schooling.”
“I promise,” he whispers.
“You’re going to have to let me go. When you leave, don’t come back.” I force him to look in my eyes. “This is the worse I want you to see me, okay? Pinky promise me.” I hold out my pinky and he hooks his with mine.
“I promise,” he says.
“Now, how ‘bout you go get some popcorn ready while I unpack and we can watch a movie?” I tell him with a smile.
He leaves the room, and I have to hold my chest. It was so hard telling him to stay away, once he leaves, but I had to do it. It’s for the best. A moment later, we prop ourselves on my bed and watch a movie with a bowl of popcorn in between us. Even with everything that’s going on, even with Chase next to me…..I just can’t stop thinking about Layne and how much I must have hurt him when he found out I had left.
Chapter Twenty-Two
SUMMER
Layne
I searched for Amber during the lunch hour and she never showed up. I kept watching for her, to no avail. I found that rather odd; normally she would text me if she was going to be late, so I was worried. About an hour later, my phone buzzes and it’s from Renee.
The text reads, 911, get to the dorm as soon as you get this, and my heart drops because I don’t know what to expect. So I rush over there as quickly as possible.
Instead of knocking. I walk right in and see that Renee had been crying, she rushes to me and hands me a piece of paper. “It’s from Amber,” she cries.
I take the note and sit on the bed and read it, and then I read it again. She’s gone. The girl I love is gone. I run my hands over my hair, because I don’t know what to do. “She’s not coming back,” Renee says.
“Just stay around here and I will ask around. Maybe Chase will know something,” I tell her, kissing the top of her head. Outside, I text Dylan that he might want to get to the dorm, that Renee is a wreck over Amber leaving. I walk the grounds and ask around and find out Chase’s address, but when I get there he isn’t there. So I walk around in a daze, not sure what to do. I know he has a class with Amber, but it’s already over, so he could be anywhere. I get to my house and it’s eerily quiet. I throw my arms up and scream. I really want to punch the wall, but refrain. Pacing the floor, I come to the decision to wait until tomorrow. I will approach him at his class.
I call Renee and tell her I will find out more tomorrow, and to be ready for a road trip if it comes to that. And I tell her not to worry about anything until I come over in the morning.
Because I don’t think Amber is coming back and I don’t understand how she can just leave us the way she did. All I have to say is she better have a good excuse, or I will flip my shit. I try to sleep, but it’s no use, so I continue to pace the floor until morning. All I can think is that my Angel is gone and I’m completely lost without her and it hasn’t even been twenty four hours.
, *****
In the morning, I stop at Dunkin Donuts to grab me and Renee coffee and donuts. After all, the girl could stand to eat one or two. Heck, I should have gotten a box. I knock on her dorm room door, and she quickly answers.
“Here,” I say, h
anding her a coffee. “Are you coming with me, to go find out where Amber is?” She grabs her bag and follows me through the campus ground.
“Here, I got you a donut.” I pass the bag over to her and she dives in for it.
“Thanks, Layne. Do you think we will find anything out?” I grab my phone out of my pocket and text Dylan, and I let him know what’s going down. And that I’ll let him know when we find anything out.
“We will. If we find Chase, I think he will know. I don’t know why, but he will,” I tell her. Once I locate Chase’s class, I wait outside for it to end. I spot him as soon as he comes out.
“Where’s Amber?” I say coldly, walking up behind him.
He turns to see who is asking, and finds me and Renee hot on his heels. “Look, you are going to have to talk to her. All I can say is that she’s home, in Texas. I can give you her address, but that’s all I can say,” he tells us with furrowed brows.
“Can you at least tell me if she is okay?” I ask.
“She’s safe. Again, she has to tell you herself,” he says, rushing off to his next class.
“Well, you up for a road trip?” I ask Renee. “Can you afford to miss classes?”
“Yeah, I’m like acing all my classes, so no biggie. We’ll have to let Dylan know and maybe he can meet us,” she says.
“Alright. How about I meet you back at your dorm in an hour and we can go together?” I tell her and she gives me a nod. “Well get to the bottom of this,” I add before walking to my car. I just don’t know how she could leave and not think twice about it. It makes me wonder if she really had any feelings for me at all. And on top of that Renee is supposed to be her best friend. How could she leave, and not say anything to her best friend?
AMBER
I haven’t even been home twenty four hours and my parents and sister are already fawning over me like crazy. I feel fine, so I don’t know why they keep hassling me to rest. With my pajamas still on, I step out onto the porch and I see my dad off in the distance working around the ranch. I step off the porch and tilt my head up so my face can soak up the sun. I love to close my eyes while letting the sun beat down on me.