“You done, Liam?!” Samuel asked from the living room.
“Yeah, coming!” I quickly shut down Ethan’s laptop.
We left riding Samuel’s motorbike. On our way to the hospital, I tried to update him on what had happened. At the same time, he also told me what had gone down between Daisy and him. He said it had something to do with how Daisy had been constantly pushing him to spend more time with her, to the extent that he began losing the balance between his life goals and her. It was for months now and he couldn’t handle the stress anymore. So he decided to break up, thinking that achieving his dream would be a better choice over Daisy.
When we reached the hospital, Dr. Max and the nurses were done treating Ethan. He was now placed in a room on the second floor, where he had to share the room with many other patients. I didn’t like that. While Samuel went over to join the rest, I exited the room to look for Dr. Max.
I found him in one of the hospital’s cafeterias with Theo. Apparently, Theo must have brought him food from outside because the cafeteria was closed. They were eating together in a corner. I knew I would be interrupting them but I just had to.
“Doctor,” I called before I even reached them. “Can I have a single room for Eth?” I asked when I was at their table.
“Why?” Dr. Max asked.
“Eth doesn't like crowds much. He always prefers to have his own personal space. He won’t feel comfortable in his current room.”
Dr. Max raised an eyebrow. He nodded. “But this isn’t a private hospital, where you want a single room, then you’ll get a single room, lad. Single rooms are only reserved for those who really need them.”
“I’ll pay,” I said without thinking. “Whatever to make Ethan comfortable.”
“Pay whatever?” Dr. Max said in disbelief. “Where do you think you—”
“Ethan’s my sister’s best friend,” Theo tried to help, holding Dr. Max’s hand. “Maybe you can help us a little, Max?”
Dr. Max sighed and looked at Theo. “You know I can’t, right?” He kissed Theo’s face. “It’s not ethical. And it’s against the hospital’s policy.”
“We’ll promise to get out the moment there’s someone who really needs it, okay? Please?” I put my hands together. “I just want Ethan to be comfortable. At least until he’s better.”
Theo leaned over to Dr. Max’s ear and whispered something.
Dr. Max raised an eyebrow again. He looked at me for a while. He sighed again. “Fine. I’ll make the arrangements.” He stood up and went off.
“What did you say to him?” I asked Theo.
Theo shrugged. “I just said people like us should help one another.”
I didn’t get what Theo meant, but I didn’t ask further. I was just glad he helped me get what I—Ethan—needed. While waiting for Dr. Max, I didn’t want us to sit in an awkward silence. I’d also known Theo since high school, ever since I learned that he was Nathalie’s brother. He would hang out with us sometimes whenever his usual friends weren’t around.
“What is it like, Theo?” I asked him curiously.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, what is it like…” I hesitated, but figured it wouldn’t matter to him and Dr. Max anyway. “To be gay, and openly like that?”
“Um…” Theo pressed his lips. “There are ups and downs, I guess. I’m proud to have Max, so no way I’m going to hide. Though sometimes Max wishes I could tone down a bit.” He laughed. “There is discrimination, of course, especially when not many can accept people like us despite same-sex marriage having been legalized. Even here in the hospital. But I don’t give a fuck. It isn’t against the law anyway.”
I nodded. I had to agree with him. One should never care what others think if one really loves the other. “What about Dr. Max?”
Before Theo could answer, Dr. Max returned. “What about me?” He pulled the chair beside Theo and sat back down on his seat.
“Max is the one that convinced me to come out of the closet.” Theo smiled. He kissed Dr. Max on the cheek. “He’s asking what is it like to be gay.”
Dr. Max raised both his eyebrows this time.
“I was just asking,” I hurriedly said. “Anyway, is it done?”
The arrangement was done. Ethan would be sent over to the third floor where the single rooms were located shortly. I thanked Dr. Max and quickly left so that I wouldn’t disturb their dinner together any longer.
“It’s past visiting hours soon,” a nurse said after she was done moving Ethan’s bed to the single room. “The hospital policy only allows a person to accompany a patient overnight. I’m sorry to say that the rest of you will have to leave. The one who wants to stay has to register at the floor’s counter.” The nurse left the room.
“I’ll stay,” Duncan and I said at the same time. I looked at him, and he looked at me. I was surprised that Duncan offered. I mean, Ethan and he barely even knew each other.
Duncan stepped towards me. He pushed his puny chest out. “What makes you think you have the right to stay? It’s your fault he’s like this.”
“You barely even know, Eth,” I argued. “What’s wrong with you?”
“What’s wrong with me?” Duncan snapped. “What’s wrong with me?!” He pushed me. “Ethan is lying there in bed and it’s all because of you! You’re the very reason why the person I like was hurt so badly like this!” He shook his head. “I won’t let him get hurt by you anymore. It’s my duty to protect Ethan from now on.”
That explained why he always seemed so mad at me. He had a crush on Ethan. But so what? That didn’t change the fact that I should be the one who stays. I charged and pushed him back. “You don’t even know what he needs. Heck, you don’t even know anything about him. What makes you think that Eth is your duty?! Did Eth even fucking agree to be your boy?!”
“He’s not your fucking boy either!” Duncan tried to shove me again.
That did it. His words stabbed me like they were a knife. How could he say Ethan wasn’t mine? He was my best friend! I balled my hand into a fist and launched it over at his face.
I almost expected him to cry but he didn’t. He took a deep breath and launched his fist back at me. His punch felt like nothing compared to the pain I felt for Ethan when he was beaten. I lunged at Duncan and pinned him to the ground. I tried to lock his arms under my knees so that I could fucking break his teeth.
“Oh my god, stop, you two, stop!” Nathalie shouted. “Stop, I said! This is a hospital!”
That was when Ethan made a grunt and shifted in his sleep a little, like he was agreeing with Nathalie.
We stopped after noticing him. I got up from Duncan. “Protect Eth my ass.”
When Duncan got back to his feet, without a warning, he threw another fist at my face. This time, it felt like a slap. “Go back to your girlfriend. I might not know Ethan well, but at least I know that you’re killing him on the inside by staying by his side. What he really needs right now is to move on and forget about you.”
I couldn’t find any strength to fight back. Because deep down, I knew that was the dark truth. After seeing the pictures on his laptop, Ethan was clearly, deeply—no, madly—in love with me. For five years.
The nurse came. “What happened? What’s all the noise about?”
“Sorry,” Olivia answered. “Just a few misunderstandings.”
“We’ll be leaving soon. Just give us a few minutes to sort things out,” Samuel told the nurse.
“Whatever you guys are discussing, you should keep it low. You’re disturbing the other patients.” The nurse left and closed the door.
“I’ll stay,” I said while looking at Ethan. “I don’t care if it’s the worst for Eth. I don’t care if what he needs the most is for me to get lost. He’s badly hurt because of me. He was there for me when I was attacked. So now, it’s my turn to be here for him. If he really doesn’t want to see me, then I’ll leave when he asks me to.”
Duncan tried to step forward to fight back, but Nathal
ie pulled him away.
“Liam is right, Dun,” Nathalie said. “Besides, we still have school tomorrow.”
“He has school tomorrow too.” Duncan didn’t want to give up.
“He has a better excuse to be absent from class, Dun,” Nathalie reminded him.
Duncan closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Fine.” He stepped forward again—this time, Nathalie didn’t manage to stop him—and grabbed my shirt. “If anything happens to Ethan, I won’t let you go so easily, you hear me?”
I pushed his hand away from me. “I won’t let anything happen to him.”
I was all alone with Ethan after that. I wasn’t in the mood to do the assignment anymore. I sat beside Ethan silently and watched him sleep, thinking about us. I thought about what Duncan had said to me just now:
“Go back to your girlfriend. I might not know Ethan well, but at least I know that you’re killing him on the inside by staying by his side. What he really needs right now is to move on and forget about you.”
I put my elbows on the bed and grabbed my hair in frustration. Why was our relationship so complicated? Why was it suddenly so hard for both of us to be just friends? Would removing myself from Ethan’s life really be the best for him? Would me disappearing from him really help him move on?
I put my hands down to look at him again. I smiled. I was grateful to have him, actually. We’ve been together for so long and I’ve learned so many things from him. He was a good guy. A good brother.
I tried to sleep, but I couldn’t. For a long time, I kept thinking. And I knew I wouldn’t be thinking if it wasn’t for Duncan. Duncan. I didn’t like him. What made him think that he could take care of Ethan? What made him think that Ethan was his duty? That was bullshit. Ethan didn’t even approve it. I was pissed. I was furious. What he said to me was affecting me. I didn’t want to listen to him, but I couldn’t help admitting that what he said made the most sense. And the reason why I was thinking so hard right now about nothing helpful was because of him.
Ethan grunted. When I looked at him, he groaned like he was in pain, his head moved slightly to a side. His eyebrows were pressed together and he was sweating buckets. Was he having a nightmare?
I quickly looked around the room for a cloth. What kind of hospital room was this to have no spare cloth? That was stupid. Without thinking that the washroom might have one, I quickly stood up and pulled my shirt off. The room was cold, but I didn’t care. Ethan was far more important right now. His condition could get worse if he caught a cold and fell sick. I used my shirt to dab his face, drying his face from his sweat.
“Don’t… Don’t…” Ethan muttered in his dream, his head turning left and right now.
“It’s okay,” I said. “It’s okay.”
“Don’t… Hurt… Liam.” His hand grabbed my wrist.
I dropped my shirt. He was thinking about protecting me, even in his dream? How could he… “Eth…” I suddenly had this strong impulse in me to do something, a feeling that I’d never felt before. When I realized what I was doing, my mouth almost touched Ethan’s forehead. I jumped back and dropped myself onto the chair I had been sitting earlier. What the fuck did I just wanna do?
5
Top, Bottom, or Both
(Ethan)
I
woke up to the most unfamiliar room and the most familiar smell. I recognized the smell at once. It was the smell of the man of my dreams. My morning wood throbbed. How could he be so close to me while I was in bed? Still in a blur and unaware of what was happening yet, I tried to sit up. My whole body clenched. It was very sore. With effort, I managed to sit. Where was I? A shirt dropped from my neck to my stomach.
It was definitely not my shirt, but somehow, the shirt was familiar. I took it up to my nose and smelled it. I smelled him. My wood throbbed again. It was Liam’s. I smelled it even more.
The room I was in was white and neat. I could immediately tell that I was in a hospital room. I tried to recall what had happened yesterday. I was buying food for Liam. Liam was attacked when I got back. I tried protecting him as much as I could. The bad guys fled. And I must have passed out after I made sure Liam was okay. I must have been sent to the hospital then. I looked around the room for Liam. I spotted him lying on the couch in front of my bed.
Fuck. Looking at him like that, his chest and abs bared, his jeans slightly lowered, and his briefs slightly exposed, my cock was in more than just physical pain. It ached to come out. I fantasized shoving my cock into him immediately.
I tried to move, but I’d totally forgotten the injuries I had. The moment I did more than just a shift, my whole body ached. I hissed and quickly covered my mouth. I didn’t want to wake up Liam. I moved carefully and slowly off the bed, carrying the bed’s blanket with me. I adjusted my cock, so that I could feel more comfortable walking. There was still pain here and there in my body but it was manageable. I went over and covered Liam with my blanket.
He must have been here taking care of me the whole night. I just wished I could kiss him. Actually, I could and he wouldn’t know it, judging by how deep he had fallen into a sleep from the way he snored. But I’d promised him last night that I wouldn’t do anything to him. And I didn’t.
It was morning. The sunrays were poking my eyes when I glanced over to the windows. I went over and shut the blinds, didn’t want it to wake Liam. As I headed over, I was limping, barely able to walk. I had to use the bed and the furniture as support. There was too much pain all over. Those bad guys from last night sure didn’t hold back at all. I wondered if Liam had done anything to offend them.
I got out of the room, using the wall of the corridor as support. I looked for the directory to go to the cafeteria. I remembered Liam didn’t have dinner yet last night. I thought it would be better to get him some food first. He would want to eat when he wake up.
I got us a few sandwiches before I made my way back to my room. When I was almost there, I twisted my ankle and fell. Someone caught me before I hit the ground.
It was Liam. And he didn’t bother to put his shirt back on when he came out.
“What are you thinking, Eth?” he said. “You’re a patient. You should be in bed.”
“I thought you’d be hungry.” I lifted up the paper bag with sandwiches in it, showing him. “Besides, I think I’m fine.”
Liam pushed my head softly. “You’re stupid or what? You risk yourself just to grab food for me? There is room service.”
“Hey, grabbing food for a friend isn’t risky.”
“That’s not what I—”
“Babe!” Joanna’s voice came from our back, interrupting Liam.
I expected Liam to let go of me, but he didn’t. Instead, he lifted my arm so that I hung onto him, using his body as support to stand. He hurt me a little, probably because of my bruised back. But I tried to hide my expression, because I liked him holding me.
“Why didn’t you answer my calls?” Joanne said. “I’m worried sick, babe. I know you’ll be hungry. I bought you some food.” She lifted up a paper bag similar to mine, showing Liam.
“Sorry, babe,” Liam said. “I fell asleep last night. Thanks. I’ll eat it later.”
“Babe,” Joanna said and looked at Liam from head to toe this time. “Why aren’t you wearing a shirt?”
“I…” Liam didn’t know what to say. Speaking of which, how did his shirt end up around me when I woke up? Did he do something?
I looked at Liam, interested to hear the answer from him too.
Joanna waited.
Before Liam was able to answer, a doctor found us. “Hey, good morning. You both are awake. I haven’t managed to get the details of your condition to your parents yet. I think it’s time we should call—”
“No, please!” I quickly said. “Please don’t tell Mom and Dad.”
The doctor turned his head a little, showing me his ear like he wanted to hear my answer loud and clear. “You sure?”
“Yes, I’m fine,” I assured him.
I quickly removed myself from Liam. “I can—” My legs suddenly lost strength.
Liam managed to catch me again before I fell. “Just be good, Eth. Let me help you,” he said as he hung my arm around his neck to help me stand again.
“Okay, okay,” I said to him before I looked the doctor in the eyes. “Please, doctor. I—why are you so familiar?”
“He’s Theo’s boyfriend,” Liam answered for him.
“Oh.” I remembered him picking up Theo that day at Nathalie’s place.
“Max Cohen,” Dr. Max held his hand out for a handshake.
“Ethan,” I said and shook his hand. “Please, doctor. I’m an adult now. You don’t have to inform my parents. I don’t want them to worry.”
Dr. Max nodded, seemed to be able to understand. Then, he was eyeing Liam from head to toe this time. It wasn’t a pervy look. It was more of a judgemental one, so I was okay with it. “Put on a shirt, will you? Before someone complains about it. And you,” he said, talking to me now. “Go back to your bed and rest if you don’t want me to phone your parents. And stay put until I say you’re fine to leave, you understand?”
“Yes, doctor!” Liam and I did a military salute together. We laughed at our togetherness.
Liam helped me back to my room. Joanna followed behind us. Carefully, Liam put me back on the bed. I hissed. The pain in my legs and on my back, it felt like someone was beating me again.
“You sure you’re okay?” Liam asked when I finally settled down on the bed, sitting with my legs straight.
I nodded. I took his shirt beside me on the bed and passed it to him. “Here. People are starting to look from the outside,” I said and gestured.
Liam looked outside for a second. “Are there people? Where are these people?” He laughed. Damn, his perfectly white teeth were so tempting to lick. Okay, Eth, stop. You gotta get rid of these thoughts. What was going on with me? We would be just friends and nothing more. That was what I’d promised. “What are you smiling at?” he asked.
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