“Babe, the food is gonna get cold if you still don’t eat,” Joanna said, saving me from having to answer. “I brought your toiletries too. You can brush your teeth in the washroom.”
“Okay, babe, thanks,” Liam said as he went over to the couch. He took the bed’s blanket and covered my legs with it before he put on his shirt. He walked over to Joanna and took the toiletries bag from her. “Be good, Eth. You have your medicine there,” he said as he pointed at the nightstand beside me. “Take them right after each meal. They’re your painkillers and anti-inflammatory pills.”
“You sound like my mom, Liam,” I complained.
Liam ignored me. “I’ll go wash my face now, babe. See you in the cafeteria,” he said before he left the room.
I wanted to tell him that he could use the room’s washroom instead but he had already left. Maybe he didn’t want to dirty the place.
Joanna didn’t leave with Liam. She was still standing where Liam had left her. The silence in the room—actually between us—was getting uncomfortable, so I made some noise by digging in the bag I’d brought from the cafeteria for my sandwiches. She made some noise too, and when I tried to peek at what she was doing, she was drawing the room’s curtain close. No one from the outside could see us now.
“You can go with Liam, Joanna,” I assured her. “I’ll be fine.”
“No, I want to say something to you in private.” She folded her arms across her chest and asked me a question so straightforward and sensitive that it stunned me. “You love Liam, don’t you?”
I stopped opening my sandwich box. It took me a while to think what she was trying to say. Because I was sure she was there when I was drunk. And I was sure she believed everything I’d said back then because I remembered Liam telling me that she was the one who made him avoid me. Joanna waited for my answer, and I figured this was the opportunity to clear things up before it got any worse.
“Yes,” I admitted. There was no point lying now that everyone already knew the truth. “But both Liam and I have decided to only be friends. Nothing more.”
“But is that what you really intend?” Joanna asked.
“Does it matter what I intend?” I asked her back. “He’s straight. He’s impossible for me to be with.”
“It’s good to know that you know,” Joanna said. “For now, I won’t stop you or Liam from meeting each other, but hear me, Ethan.” She leaned forward so that I could listen to her very clearly and carefully. “If you’re planning anything, anything at all, to separate me and Liam, I won’t just stand by.”
I blinked my eyes multiple times at her in disbelief. She was being ridiculous. “Did you watch too much drama?”
Joanna glowered at me before she stormed out of the room.
I shook my head. Poor, Liam. Now I could understand why Liam had avoided me. Joanna thought I would steal Liam from her, and I could suddenly guess all sort of reasons Joanna would give, like me trying to fuck Liam whenever he was around me. That was stupid. Just when I thought I could finally eat, the door opened again.
It was Nathalie this time and I was so happy to see her. I hadn’t been able to see her for a week.
“Eth!” She literally jumped off her feet when she saw me. “Oh, Eth!” She came over and gave me a hug.
“Ow, ow, ow, ow!” I complained.
“Oh, oh, oh, sorry!” Nathalie quickly let go of me. She quickly grabbed my hand with both her hands instead. “I’m so sorry, Eth. I’m such a terrible friend. I got mad at you over such a small matter. I should have been there for you when you needed someone the most, but I was… I was...” She broke into tears.
“Hey, hey, Nat,” I said. “Grab the chair.”
Nathalie pulled the chair nearby and sat. She grabbed my hand again.
“It’s okay, Nat. I’m the one at fault. I lied to you and hid something from you. I’d be mad too if I were you.”
“So you forgive me, Eth?”
I nodded with a smile, assuring her. “No class today?”
“I decided to skip it because of you,” Nathalie admitted. “I’m worried. So no point going to class. Duncan didn’t want to go either, so… oh, by the way, where’s Liam?” She looked left and right. “He’s supposed to stay the night with you.”
“He went for breakfast with Joanna. They just left before you came.”
“Oh, should have known,” she muttered. “So tell me, Eth, how much do you like Liam?”
“Like?” I snorted. “I love him, Nat,” I corrected her.
Knowing Nathalie, she would have made a big fuss about my confession if this wasn’t a hospital. “So sad he isn’t gay, huh?”
“Yeah.”
“Can I ask you something?”
“Sure, Nat,” I said. “You can ask whatever. I won’t hide things from you anymore. I’ve learned my lesson.”
“Whatever?”
“Yup. Whatever.”
“Okay.” She grinned. “Here goes. Have you done anything to Liam? I mean, there are so many sleepovers. You both didn’t...?”
“This, I can tell you, Nat. Never,” I said. “I don’t force someone. Anyone.”
“Aw, how innocent,” Nathalie said. “So, are you a virgin?”
I blinked twice at her. That came out of nowhere.
Nathalie blinked a few times back at me, waiting for my answer.
I laughed. “I am.”
Nathalie gasped. “What?!”
“What, what?” Why was she so surprised? “I bet Theo is one too.”
Nathalie snorted. “That slut. Trust me. He sneaks the doctor in every night. I just pretend that I don’t know. Wait. Don’t you try to change the subject. I’m talking about you,” she said and pawed me like a cat. “Are you a top or a bottom?”
My face was suddenly hot. The entire room suddenly felt so hot. How could she be so direct? “How would I know?” I lied. “I’ve never tried it before.”
Nathalie rolled her eyes. “Don’t you lie to me. And don’t you tell me you don’t understand. Even virgins watch porn. You must be into certain roles. But in case you really don’t get it, here’s what I mean. Do you enjoy seeing yourself being fucked or fucking—”
“Stop, stop, stop!” I grimaced. “I know what you’re asking.”
I didn’t want to answer her. And when I didn’t, she kept her eyes on me like an animal waiting to pounce. I knew what would happen if I continued to keep quiet.
I gave up and sighed. “I can do both. Top or bottom. I’ll be whatever the one I love wants me to be.” I looked away, trying to hide my face. Did I just fucking say that?
“Liam,” she said and that made me turn around and look at the door.
The door was not opened. There was no one coming in. I sighed in relief again. “What the heck, Nat?! What the flying fuck?!” I cussed harder when I saw her recording me with her phone. “Nat!” I tried to reach for her phone but my back hurt.
Nathalie laughed, her laughter almost like a witch. She jumped out of the chair to dodge my hand—as if she needed to—and bounced up and down like a bunny when she succeeded. “Look at you, Eth-Eth. So shy.”
“Just leave me alone.” I reached inside the paper bag that I had set aside for my sandwich.
“Oh yeah, you don’t know what happened last night,” she said and quickly sat back in the chair. “You know, there were two guys fighting over you.”
“Huh?” I said in a tone hinting that I wasn’t really interested. I helped myself with the sandwich I took out. Hungry.
Nathalie told me anyway. “Liam and Duncan,” she answered. “They’re fighting over who would stay the night with you.”
“Duncan?” I asked, suddenly interested because Liam was involved. “Your boyfriend?”
“Eh, Eth!” Nathalie stood up again just to smack my head. She did it very lightly of course, but it still hurt a bit.
“Ow!” I exclaimed. “What the heck was that for?”
“Who said Duncan is my boyfriend?” Nathalie sat back down
. “He’s just my best friend in school.”
“Wait.” I was thinking. “But you call him Dun-Dun, and you guys kissed each other that day when I first met him.”
“I called you Eth-Eth earlier. You can kiss me too if you want to.” She stood up and put her face right in front of my mouth.
When I didn’t want to kiss her, she just slammed her face into my lips. What the fuck.
“Now, am I your girlfriend?” She snorted and crossed her arms and legs as she put her butt back down on the chair.
“Then… Then…?” I was so confused. I scratched my head.
“He’s just a sister, like you, to me.” She flipped her hair as she made that statement.
“Sister?”
“Oh my god,” Nathalie said. “How dumb can you be, Eth? He’s gay. Just like you. Do I have to spell it out loud for you? G. A. Y. Gay.”
Now it began to make sense. But only a little. Because I still didn’t get it. “But why were Duncan and Liam fighting over me?”
“Because Duncan likes you,” Nathalie said. “Oh, you don’t know. He’s been buzzing me for days for your details. But I was still stupidly mad at you, so I refused to share any of it with him and told him to ask you himself.”
“Wait, wait.” I couldn’t think straight. “Liam and Duncan fought over me?” I understood that but… “Why are they fighting again?”
“God save me,” Nathalie sighed.
“And Liam won,” I stated this time, no longer asking.
Nathalie nodded.
I was beaming. I didn’t care about Duncan but hearing Liam was fighting for me and won was the best thing I’d heard the entire year. Before I realized it, Nathalie was waving at my face.
“Hello?” Nathalie said. “I’m still here.”
“Oh, sorry. I gotta take my meds, Nat.”
“Let me help you,” Nathalie stood up and helped me.
I swallowed all three pills at once with a glass of water. Nathalie sat back down and continued talking to me.
“You know, Eth,” she said as she held my hand, only one hand this time. “As a friend, and you all are my best friends, I really strongly advise you to move on. Liam has a girlfriend and he’s straight. Consider Duncan. He can be rash at times, but he’s caring and independent. You can rely on someone like him.”
It was like speaking of the devil. Because just when Nathalie finished what she was saying, Duncan opened the door. He entered with a bouquet of red carnations.
“Hi, Dun-Dun,” Nathalie greeted.
“Hi, Duncan,” I greeted him too.
And then Nathalie whispered to me. “I’ll give you two some time.”
What the hell? “No!” I hissed back softly, hands reaching for her to make her stay. But she had already stood up. She walked out of the room.
What was Nathalie thinking? Did I even agree to consider Duncan?
Duncan smiled. “Hi, Ethan,” he greeted as he placed the flowers on the overbed table.
I just smiled back, because I didn’t know what to say.
“How are you feeling?”
“Fine now,” I said. “Thanks for visiting.”
Slowly, he walked to the side where the chair Natalie had sat in was. “Ethan,” he called as he came over. “I know you’re in love with Liam, but loving someone who’s straight, to people like us, it’s wrong. Let alone that someone already has someone.”
I didn’t like what I heard at all. “It’s my business.”
“I want it to be my business too,” he said and reached his hand down to touch mine. It was so cold that I jumped a little. It made me wonder where he came from. He took my hand when he saw that I wasn’t retracting. “I like you, Ethan. And I wish you’d give me a chance. I’ll make you happy and—” he said as he began caressing the back of my hand with his other hand, both hands holding my hand now.
That was too much. I pulled my hand back quickly. Thankfully, Liam came into the room with Joanna only after that. Because I definitely wouldn’t want Liam to have seen Duncan holding my hand.
But Liam’s reaction was big. His eyes almost popped out at the sight of us, as if I was cheating on him. He let go of Joanna’s hand and rushed towards us. Without a word, he took the bouquet of red carnations and threw it into the rubbish bin outside the room.
Joanna looked stunned. When Liam came back in, Duncan grabbed him by his shirt.
“What the fuck you think you’re doing?!” Duncan shoved Liam onto the couch. Duncan lunged at him.
“Babe!” Joanna shouted.
Before Duncan could get Liam on the couch, Liam jumped back up and managed to shove Duncan across the room. “Eth hates flowers, you idiot!”
“Why would he hate flowers?!” Duncan got up and tried to get back at Liam again.
“Because—! Because...” Liam panted as he glared at Duncan. But he didn’t say anything further. He didn’t want to say it. He must have feared that all my past feelings would come back. But it was already too late.
Duncan’s punch landed on his face. “Fuck you!”
“Enough!” I said. “I do hate flowers!” I looked away as I suddenly recalled a dark past that I’d always wished to hide. It never came out at the sight of the flowers but when Duncan asked what the reason was, all the memories that I’d drowned so hard in the past had resurfaced.
“Why?” Duncan asked.
Nathalie and Dr. Max rushed into the room.
“What happened, you two?!” Nathalie asked.
A nurse came in too, but Dr. Max sent her off with a gesture. “What’s going on? This is a hospital. You’re not supposed to make any noise,” Dr. Max said as he closed the door.
But Duncan ignored him. Nathalie was right. He was really rash. “Tell me, Ethan, do you really hate flowers, or it’s just because it’s Liam that you want to side with?” He pointed his first finger at Liam.
I glared at him. How could he put it like that? And in front of Joanna? I snapped. “I killed my own grandmother with flowers, satisfied now?”
“Bullshit,” Duncan spat. “How can you kill someone with flowers?”
Liam punched Duncan this time. Duncan didn’t see it coming. The blow was so hard that Duncan fell onto the ground.
Nathalie gasped.
“Stop!” Dr. Max stepped in, putting himself in between them. “Liam, you promised me that you would not get me into any trouble if I get you this room for Ethan.”
What?
“I’m not the one who’s causing trouble. He is,” Liam said back.
“Babe.” Joanna quickly went over to shake Liam’s arm a little. “You’re overreacting, babe. Calm down.” She patted Liam’s back. But Liam continued to stare at Duncan angrily.
Nathalie helped Duncan up. Duncan gave one last fiery glance to me and then Liam before he stormed out of the room.
“Dun, Dun!” Nathalie followed him out.
The room was finally quiet again. Both Liam and I were breathing heavily. I closed my eyes to cool down and try to forget everything that had happened. I never wished to be reminded of my past. There were so much sadness and regret in my childhood. When both Liam and I were calmer, Dr. Max shook his head and walked towards me.
“Now I see why you guys can be so severely injured. Always so angry, so rash. What’s up with youngsters nowadays?” Dr. Max said. “Open your mouth.”
I did as I was told. Dr. Max took a mini torchlight out from his coat’s pocket and shined the light inside my mouth. “Remove your shirt,” he ordered when he was done.
I grimaced because my body ached from my movements. He checked my back, arms, and legs. He nodded and took out a clipboard from the side of the bed.
Dr. Max wrote something quickly on the report. He stopped abruptly at one point before his eyes came up to look at mine. “You’ve asked me to not phone your parents. Is there anyone else at home that can take care of you?”
“I will,” Liam said before I could even think of anything.
“Babe?” Joanna asked l
ike she wasn’t sure what she had just heard.
“I have to,” Liam said as he held Joanna’s hand. “Ethan saved my life. I’ll move back to his place for a while. When he’s recovered, I’ll come back to you, okay?” He touched Joanna’s nose once with his finger.
I didn’t dare to look at them. I was glad and happy when Liam volunteered, but at the same time, I didn’t want Joanna to misunderstand. Honestly, though, I really liked the idea that Liam was leaving Joanna to move back to my place.
“So, does this mean I can leave already?” I asked Dr. Max, pretending to mind my own business.
“No. Not yet,” Dr. Max said. “You may look fine now, but there are still a few check-ups to do to make sure that you are really fine. Until then, remember to take the antibiotics and the anti-inflammatory pills on time. Also, take the painkillers only when necessary, okay?”
“Okay, Doctor.” I would try to remember.
When Dr. Max left, I told Joanna and Liam something that I didn’t want to say. But I thought it was polite. “You guys can leave. I’ll be okay,” I lied. “I wanna get some rest now. The medicine had me all drowsy...” I pretended to yawn.
“We should,” Joanna agreed. “Shouldn’t disturb Ethan any longer. He’ll need the rest. Besides, babe, I’ll be pitching my project to my professor later. I wanna go home, dress up, and be in my best condition.”
“Okay, babe,” Liam said and squeezed Joanna’s hand once. “You go back first. I wanna stay with Ethan longer. I’m afraid that Duncan guy will come back and do something stupid again.”
I couldn’t help stealing a smile.
“Babe...” Joanna said. “Fine. If you’re staying, then I’ll stay too. I’ll be a good girlfriend.”
My smile was gone in an instant. “It’s okay, Liam. It’s the hospital. He won’t do anything to me. Besides, he said he likes me. So I don’t think he would do anything harmful to me,” I said, trying to think rationally. Though deep down in my heart, I really wished for Liam to stay.
Liam sighed. “Okay, fine. Let’s go, babe.”
“Bye, Ethan, take care.” Joanna waved at me so fakely.
I just smiled and waved back.
“Bye, Eth. Careful now,” Liam said and waved too before both of them were gone.
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