A Monster's Love

by Randy Tiergan

  Nothing to do. I scrolled through Instagram. After I found nothing interesting, out of habit, I checked if Ethan had posted anything. He did. And it was very recent, posted only a few minutes ago. It was him naked in his bed with his lower body covered with our blankets. Fuck. If I was a girl, I would be screaming like “Why the fuck is he gay? Such a waste!” Because, really, he looked so sexy and cute like that. Lonely guy lost in his room. Can someone show me some light? his caption read.

  What the fuck? My jaw dropped. It took me a while to realize my mouth was open. U said u’ll be fine. I texted him.

  I am fine, he replied.

  No, u’re not fine. I insisted. I’ll be back soon. And did u fucking cum in my blanket?

  Oops.

  U FUCKING DID?! U ASSHOLE. U’RE GONNA GET IT WHEN I GET BACK!!

  I waited for him to reply. He never did, as if he only laughed it off and continued whatever he was doing.

  Just before I wanted to text him to go wash my blanket immediately, Joanna came out of the fitting room. “Does this look pretty on me, babe?”

  I quickly put my phone back into my pocket and looked at her. “You look pretty no matter what you wear.”

  Joanna looked down, blushing. She loved it whenever I did that to her. Sweet-talking. She went back into the fitting room to continue her business.

  After her shopping, it was my turn to shop. We went to the mall’s superstore. I wasn’t only shopping for myself. I was shopping for Ethan too, the ingredients for his meals tomorrow and the day after. Joanna didn’t ask why I bought so much. She probably had already known it was going to be for Ethan, but she seemed fine now. She even helped me pick some vegetables and meat.

  When I got home after walking Joanna back to her place, I found Olivia, Samuel, and Jerry in the living room, playing Monopoly. The game had paused, though, and the setup looked like they had four players. This meant that either Ethan or Nathalie was playing too.

  I headed to the kitchen after greeting the three of them. Ethan and Nathalie were there. Ethan was leaning against a counter, waiting while Nathalie was pouring milk into a glass. I stopped at the entrance when I heard Ethan saying something catchy. Both of them were so into their conversation that they didn’t notice me.

  “...I forgive him,” I heard Ethan say. “Duncan didn’t know about it anyway. But I have to tell you this, Nat. I don’t like it when you’re trying to match-make us. I don’t like him at all. I only like Liam.”

  I didn’t know why, but I was extremely pleased hearing that. That Duncan should disappear from Ethan’s life forever. I mean, he shouldn’t even appear at all in the first place.

  “I know and I’m sorry for that,” Nathalie said. “It’s your life. Your choice. But I do really want you to know what you’re doing. But no matter what, Eth, do know that I’ll always be by your side, okay? No matter how you decide to walk your life, I’ll always be here for you.”

  Ethan nodded. “Thanks, Nat,” he said as he went over to hug her.

  Nathalie hugged back, and that was when her eyes finally noticed me. Immediately, she pushed Ethan away as if Ethan were mine. My girlfriend. And she was the guy Ethan was cheating with. “Hey, Liam. It was nothing!”

  I was mad, but it wasn’t about what they were doing or talking about. “How could you do that, Nat?” I put down my groceries and went to Ethan. “You could have hurt Ethan.”

  “Eh, Liam.” Nathalie’s expression changed from a guilty one into a bitchy one. She folded her arms across her chest. “So protective. Go to sleep, both of you. Queen Nat is gonna continue her game.” She took her glass of milk and walked out of the kitchen.

  I checked Ethan’s left, right, front, and back. “You okay?”

  He pushed my head lightly. “What can happen, Liam?”

  I ignored his question and moved back to the kitchen’s entrance for the groceries. I placed the groceries in the fridge after taking them out of the bags. “Did you wash my blanket?”

  “Seriously, Liam?” Ethan laughed. “You really think I came on it, huh?”

  I stopped to look at him. Was he serious? I couldn’t tell. Because he was still laughing hard. “How would I know?” I said and continued unpacking the groceries.

  “I wanked but only after I put your stuff away,” Ethan admitted. “I still have the sense to know what should be done and what shouldn’t be.”

  I was disappointed somehow but decided that was stupid. Why did I mind if he jerked off with my blanket or not?

  That night, after spending some time in the living room with our friends, I made Ethan go to sleep early, reminding him how important it was. Ethan agreed and followed me to bed.

  Ironically, I wasn’t able to sleep. I was swimming in thoughts, thinking about what he had said in the kitchen. I only like Liam. He had said that earlier. I liked how that sounded, but I couldn’t help wondering if this was only because I’d known him for five years. If I’d known he was interested in me from the start, as in when we first met, would things be different? Would I still choose to let him be my friend? Would I let myself be his friend?

  “Hey, Eth? Still awake?” I tried.

  “Yeah,” he answered. We had switched off the light, but I could still see him. He slept on his side, facing me. His eyes were still closed.

  “Can I ask you something?”

  “Sure.”

  “When you first met me, when you first came to me... did you… did you already… already like me…?” I suddenly realized how awkward my question was.

  Ethan didn’t answer me. He rolled to the other side. At first, I thought he had already fallen asleep. But after a few minutes, he finally said something. “Yeah,” he admitted.

  I realized my question was vague. The like I meant wasn’t just in the sense of physical appearance. I decided to be clearer. I rolled over so that I faced his back, looking at him. “Have you… have you fallen in love with me at first sight?” I immediately regretted that. Because what was the use if I learned the truth now anyway? I mean, if he answered no, that would be okay. But what if he answered yes?

  Ethan didn’t answer me this time. This time, he’d really fallen asleep. He must have been tired or maybe it was the medicines he took. I tried to forget thinking about us. For how long I tried, I didn’t know. Eventually, I decided that it wouldn’t matter anymore because no matter what the answer was, Ethan would still be Ethan. He would still be my best friend and my brother. Easily, I fell asleep thinking that.

  Usually, when I slept, I wasn’t sensitive to movements or sounds. But in the middle of the night, I was woken by some movements on the bed.

  “Liam, Liam!” Ethan was shouting. He had rolled over in his sleep, facing me now. He was sweating profusely, like last night again. Was he having a nightmare again? “Don’t… don’t… we’re friends… just friends…” he panted.

  Was this normal? How could he be having nightmares again? It was three nights in a row now, including the one he had in the hospital.

  “Don’t leave me!” A tear escaped his closed eye. It must be the same nightmare as last night’s.

  I couldn’t bear to see him like that. It hurt my heart. I removed my blanket from me and moved myself towards him. Carefully, I put his arm and leg around me. His sweat on his face touched my face. I took a deep breath and tried to relax. It was okay, I told myself. He was like this because of me.

  Making myself his bolster worked. He was quiet almost immediately. His breathing returned to normal and he seemed to be more relaxed now. His nightmare seemed to have stopped.

  I smiled. With that, I could also sleep in peace.

  I was comfortable and restful until an alarm rang. Ethan had hugged me until morning, but he wasn’t aware of it, even when he woke up to the alarm. He turned for the night table and reached over for the alarm. No, it wasn’t an alarm. He picked up the phone call.

  “Hello?” he asked in a croaked, drowsy voice. Wow. It was my first time hearing this. And it was… something else. “Wh
o’s this?”

  My cock throbbed. Fuck. Morning wood. I quickly rolled over, facing away from him to hide it.

  “Mom?!” he suddenly shouted.

  I rolled back over to face him, concerned.

  “Yes, I’m fine,” Ethan said, sitting up. “Who told you that? I’m okay now...” After a while of listening, he shouted again. “What? Now? No, Mom! You can’t—! There’s no place for you to sleep here...”

  I sat up too. The conversation seemed to be getting serious. Who told Ethan’s parents about his condition? I wouldn’t suspect Nathalie because no way would Nathalie betray Ethan. They were best friends since childhood. Furthermore, she was the one who told Olivia not to phone his parents, knowing Ethan would not want them to worry. Samuel wouldn’t be the person either. Samuel and Ethan’s mom had never met. Could it be Dr. Max? Could it be Theo? But Ethan had told Dr. Max to not tell his parents, and Dr. Max had agreed with it. What if Dr. Max didn’t tell Theo about it? What if Nathalie never told Theo too because it never crossed their minds?

  “Sleep with me?” Ethan replied. “Yes. It’s a double-sided bed, but I’m sleeping with…” His eyes caught mine and he stopped talking for a while. He looked away and continued talking. “No one. I’m really fine, Mom. You sure you wanna come?” Then, he shouted again, “What?!” I quickly put my hand on his shoulder, telling him to calm down. “You’re just five minutes away? Mom, Mom!” He removed his phone from his ear to look at the screen, like to check if his mom had hung up. “Shit.”

  “Why shit?” I asked. “Your mom is coming?”

  “Yes,” Ethan said. “And she’s almost here. Who the fuck told her about me?”

  “Hey.” I put my hand on his shoulder again. “She’s your mom.”

  “I know,” he sighed. “It means you’ll have to leave...” His eyes were full of disappointment.

  “Shame...” I was as disappointed as he was. I’d thought of spending my weekend and the entire week after over here. “But it’s okay. Your mom can definitely take care of you better.”

  He didn’t say anything else. He stared at his phone for a while before he turned to put his feet on the floor. “I have to go down and get her,” he said and tried standing up. The moment he did, he hissed softly. His painkiller must have worn off.

  “Don’t be silly, Eth,” I said. “I’ll get her for you. Don’t want anything to happen to you.” I didn’t wait for his approval. I grabbed my shirt I’d draped over the bed’s headboard and put it on as I went out.

  8

  Fire or Ice

  (Liam)

  I wasn’t only sad. I realized I was also pissed. I was really looking forward to taking care of Ethan. I thought I could repay him that way. When I got to the drop-off area of Swan Hills, I told myself, I can’t be like this. This was Ethan’s mother we were talking about. She’d been nice to me and it wasn’t wrong that she was concerned about her son that she decided to come here.

  I didn’t have to wait long to see Mrs. Whitefeather arrive in a cab. I waved for her to notice me. She did and waved back. I jogged over and helped her with her luggage bag.

  “Hi, Mrs. Whitefeather,” I greeted and led the way to Ethan’s apartment.

  “Hi, Liam, how have you been?” she asked.

  “Fine, ma’am. Thanks,” I said politely.

  “Why didn’t you come last week, Liam? I thought you were bringing your girlfriend to my place for a sleepover,” Mrs. Whitefeather mentioned. “I was expecting much.”

  Crap. I’d totally never expected that. How should I answer her? I couldn’t be honest with her.

  “Did you and Eth have some argument?” she asked.

  “No—yeah, something like that.” I quickly took the opportunity when I realized that was it. “He did something that made Joanna angry.”

  “Joanna,” Mrs. Whitefeather said. “Your girlfriend, right?”

  “Yeah,” I answered. “Sorry, ma’am.”

  The elevator arrived right on time when we reached it. We entered with a family who wanted to use the same elevator. We were quiet until we reached our floor.

  “You guys are big boys now, you know. You shouldn’t argue over small matters,” she said nicely after we stepped out. “Anyway, can I ask you something?”

  “Yeah, sure,” I said. “What is it, ma’am?”

  “Is my Ethan dear sleeping with anyone?”

  I stopped abruptly in the middle of the corridor. Did she mean it figuratively or literally? Then, I remembered when Ethan was talking to her on the phone, he was talking about where she should sleep. “No,” I said and resumed walking. Wait, what did I just answer? I shook my head. “I mean, yeah. But it’s just me, ma’am.”

  “You? But I thought you had your own room,” she said.

  Fuck. What answer should I give? Oh wait, the argument. I sighed. “Uhh… it’s a little complicated, ma’am. Ethan and I had some arguments, right? I actually moved out. I moved back in just to take care of Ethan, but the landlord had a new tenant already.”

  “I see,” she said and continued walking. I continued to lead. “Who are these men who wanted to harm my son?” she asked next.

  “I’m not sure,” I answered her. “We didn’t get to see their faces.”

  “We?” she asked. We reached the apartment’s door. I put my hand into my pocket to get the key out. “You took a beating too?” she asked as she looked at me from head to toe. “But you look fine.”

  Fuck. How should I answer her this time? Hold on. How come she didn’t know that I was beaten too? The person who had told her about Ethan’s injuries, didn’t the person tell her about my involvement in the incident too? The person never told her that those guys actually wanted me instead of Ethan?

  I couldn’t answer her. I didn’t know if I should tell her the truth that Ethan was hurt protecting me. She might blame or hate me for that. Worse, what if she decided to press on and reach to a point where she asks why Ethan risked his life to protect me? I opened the door and walked in.

  “Liam?” Mrs. Whitefeather followed me inside.

  I pretended that I didn’t hear her. “Eth, your mom is here!” I shouted when I saw no one in the living room.

  Ethan walked out of his room. He was walking normally like nothing had happened to him at all. I wondered if it was him trying to act tough in front of his mom so that she wouldn’t worry or if he’d really recovered that much. “Mom!” He tried to walk faster. And it was a mistake. He fell forward.

  “Eth!” I dropped the luggage bag, ran and caught him in time. “You gotta be more careful, Eth.” I helped him up. “What if you fall and hurt yourself even more?”

  Ethan looked at me for a split second. He looked away immediately afterward. He even pulled his arms away from me. I felt stung. I’d never seen him doing this to me before. “Hi, Mom.” He continued to walk forward independently.

  “Look at you.” Mrs. Whitefeather hurriedly went to her son. “What did you do to make them so mad? You’re beaten up so badly,” she said as she touched her son’s face and caressed it. “Poor you.”

  “I’m not poor, Mom.” Ethan smiled. “I’m rich having you.”

  Using the same hand, Mrs. Whitefeather smacked Ethan’s face lightly. “Sweet mouth,” she said. “How come you’re so heavily injured while Liam isn’t?”

  Ethan took a glance at me for a second before he answered her. “They were targeting me. Liam saw and tried to help.”

  “Oh,” Mrs. Whitefeather said. “Thank you, Liam.”

  “You’re welcome, Mrs. Whitefeather,” I said and turned to go into Ethan’s room. I packed my stuff quickly. It didn’t take more than a few minutes since there was nothing much to pack. I’d always put my stuff back into my bags after using them except for the toiletries. When I was done, I carried my bags and walked out of the room.

  “Liam…” Ethan called. He took a deep breath, like whatever he was going to say next was difficult for him. “You leaving?”

  I nodded. “Now that
your mom is here, she’ll take care of you. I’m not needed here anymore. Bye, Mrs. Whitefeather. I’ll leave Ethan to you now.”

  “Hey.” Ethan grabbed my wrist when I passed by him. But he let it go quickly as if I was dirty. It hurt me again. “You don’t have to leave so early.”

  “Yeah, Liam,” Mrs. Whitefeather agreed. “It’s been a while since I’ve seen you. Maybe I can cook something for you two and eat before you leave?”

  “Nah,” I insisted. “I’m meeting someone.” I came up with that. “Next time.” I left the house.

  For the first time, I left the apartment with a feeling that I’d never had in my life before. A feeling like I’d lost something important and I could never get it back again. I knew what was up. It was his mom. And it bothered me so much when Ethan was suddenly not himself in front of her.

  I took out my phone to text Joanna, seeing if she was home. But she had texted me first fifteen minutes ago.

  I’m gonna go have breakfast with my friends, babe. Sweet dreams. XOXO.

  Okay, babe. Enjoy. XOXO. I just woke up. I’m moving back, btw... I texted her back before I walked to her apartment.

  There was no one in the apartment. Joanna’s housemate had gone out too. I headed straight to my room and threw my bags onto the bed. I threw myself beside them next and sighed. Ethan was just behaving in front of his mom. Don’t blame him. I tried convincing myself. I sighed again. It really hurt when he suddenly acted like that, especially without any heads-up.

  My phone pinged.

  Yay! Okay, babe! I’m gonna come back early. Wait for me, okay? I’ll be back b4 3pm. Then we go get u handsome clothes for my friend’s convocation. They’re gonna be so surprised n impressed. Joanna texted.

  I smiled. Because I could tell she was so happy. Okay, babe.

  My stomach growled. Oh, fuck. All my food that I’d bought from the superstore was at Ethan’s place. I didn’t want to go back there. I sighed and decided to buy something downstairs at the apartment’s convenience store. I remembered they sell healthy sandwiches too. I could use one of them now.