My mother sat up, wiped her tears on the sleeves of her bathrobe then said, “I’m sorry I’m throwing all this on you. I don’t want to burden you with my problems. I’ve already taken away so much of your childhood. You’ve spent your entire life worrying about me and Eden and taking care of us. You deserve to be a kid, which includes staying out all night and scaring your mother half to death.” She smiled a little and slapped me playfully on the arm. “Just call next time, okay? Let me know where you are and that you’re not dead or –”
“In jail?” I volunteered. She looked down and nodded. Holly and I had finally had a moment of connection. For the first time, I felt like we were mother and son having a normal afternoon conversation on the couch. I should have just let things be. But I couldn’t. That burning desire in me to know the truth, to know my past and hers, just wouldn’t go away. “Mom, was your childhood so bad because of your father? Is that why my father killed him?”
My mother folded her hands in her lap and stared at her thumbs as she said, “I knew one day you’d want to know the truth. I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep it from you forever.” She let out a long breath. “I promise I'll tell you anything and everything you want to know. I just...I...I need more time, baby. I’m sorry.” She covered her mouth and ran out of the living room, leaving me alone and just as confused about my life as I’d always been.
I sat on the couch contemplating all the uncertainties of the relationships between me, my mother, my father, and my grandparents. I then began to wonder how Eden fit into all of it. Then I remembered what had gotten me so upset earlier that day. I had to tell my mother that I didn’t think Eden and I should see Richard anymore. I never liked Richard an extraordinary amount, and now his questionable behavior made him fall further out of my good graces. Why would he threaten me like that?
The only thing certain in my life was Maddie. I longed for the next time I could look into her eyes while holding her in my arms. I picked up the phone to call her when Eden burst through the front door in tears and ran to her room. Corbin entered a few seconds later with a perplexed look on his face.
I ran to her room and tried the door. Locked. “Eden, what’s going on? Open the door!”
“Go away!” she yelled. She’d never spoken to me like that before.
“What’s wrong with her?” I asked Corbin as he stepped next to me in the hallway.
Corbin rubbed his temple in a frustrated manner and said, “She heard me and Dashanka talking about an upcoming swimsuit layout we’re doing and she wanted to be one of the models. When I told her that you and your mother probably wouldn’t approve, she flipped out. She said that everyone treats her like a baby and that she’s not a baby.”
Now it was my turn to be confused. Eden never behaved like this. She used to be such a happy child. All of a sudden, she’d transformed. There had to be a reason.
“Maybe your mother can talk some sense into her,” he added.
“My mother is in her room crying,” I admitted guiltily. Her anxiety was my fault.
“Great.” Corbin pinched the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger. “You handle Eden, I’ll comfort your mother.”
After ten minutes of trying to get Eden to open her door, I gave up and went to my room. Seconds later Maddie called.
“I know this is probably not the correct protocol after last night. I mean, I’m probably supposed to wait some unwritten amount of time before I call you, but I couldn’t. I just can’t stop thinking about you.”
Just the sound of her voice sent a shiver through my body that I guessed was love. It was a feeling I’d never experienced before and it made everything else in my life just melt away.
“I’m thinking about you too.”
“Can you come over tonight?”
“I don’t know if I should. My mother is still pretty upset about last night and I have to go to North Carolina in the morning to see my father.
“Oh.” Even over the phone I could see the disappointment in her eyes. “What about tomorrow night?”
“It’s probably going to be late when I get back. Plus, I don’t know if I’ll be very good company after spending an entire day in a prison.”
Maddie paused then said, “Garrett, do you not want to see me anymore or something?” Her voice sounded small and weak like she wanted to cry.
“Of course, I want to see you. You have no idea how badly I want to hold you again.” How could I make her understand how much I needed her? I couldn’t let her think I didn’t care. “How about we spend the day together on Sunday? Then maybe I could…spend the night and we can go to school together on Monday.”
“Are you sure your mom won’t mind?”
“She should be cooled off by then. Is it okay if I spend the night?”
“Definitely.”
Even though we talked for two more hours, it didn’t dawn on me until a split second after we hung up that I already had plans with Eden for Sunday. Eden had acted so strangely all day I didn’t know how she would react if I canceled on her. But I also couldn’t cancel on Maddie. I wanted her more than anything in the world. The only solution was for all three of us to go out together. That turned out to be a big mistake.
Chapter 14: Sunday
Saturday morning I sat at the breakfast table wearing my Sunday best watching the clock tick. It was after eight o’clock and my mother still hadn’t emerged from her bedroom. At this rate, we wouldn’t arrive at the prison until after lunch. I poured myself another cup of coffee and searched the newspaper for an intriguing word to memorize. Nothing struck me. I would probably just end up choosing something at random from my thesaurus.
I looked at the clock again. A quarter till nine. Ten more minutes and I would go knock on her bedroom door. What could be keeping her? Did she forget? Or maybe, she’d changed her mind about making me go each week. I loosened my tie thinking that had to be it. I could have a Saturday free to spend with Maddie. Just thinking about surprising her and showing up at her apartment excited me, but then Corbin came and dashed those dreams.
“Just be careful,” he said tossing me a set of keys. He grabbed his camera bag and another set of keys and headed for the door.
“What are you talking about? Be careful doing what?”
“Your mother is in no state to drive right now. You’re gonna have to drive yourself to North Carolina.”
“But I don’t have a license.”
“I know you can drive. I’ve seen you do it. Just be careful.”
I looked down at the key chain and said, “Wait a minute, you want me to take your convertible? Why can’t I take my mom’s car?”
“I need your mother’s SUV today. I’m doing a shoot on location and I need the space for camera equipment.”
“But what if I have an accident? Are you sure my mother can’t take me?”
Corbin set down his bag and came over to the table. “Look, Garrett, your mother is really messed up right now. She had nightmares all night. She cries for hours on end. I really want her to take it easy today. I don’t want her under any more stress. You’re a smart kid. I trust you. Just do the speed limit and avoid the police.” Corbin patted me on the back and headed toward the door again. “By the way, Eden’s coming with me. I thought it might make her feel better. Hope you don’t mind.”
Seconds later Eden trotted into the living room carrying a tripod and two more camera bags.
“Those are expensive. Be careful with them, Bug,” Corbin said.
Bug? Since when did he start calling her Bug?
***
My father waited for me in front of the same table we’d sat at before. He’d already made his first move on the chess board and silently waited for me to take my turn. We played an entire game without speaking a word except for ‘check’ and ‘checkmate’. Then halfway through the second game he said,
“I hope you used protection.”
“What?” I knocked over a couple of pieces on the chess board and franticall
y tried to return them to their correct positions.
“That’s not where my bishop was. I thought you had a photographic memory.”
“I do. You just distracted me. How do you-”
“Holly called me. You really scared her, you know?
“Yes, I know. I just don’t see…why do you assume…it’s none of your business.”
“The hell it’s not. I’m too young to be a grandfather.” My father smiled playfully, but I was not in a playing mood. He had no right to make such assumptions and delve into my sex-life. “Check,” he said.
“Check what?” I asked. My father raised an eyebrow and nodded to the board.
“Oh, right.”
“Believe it or not, you weren’t an accident,” my father said at the start of the next game. “Holly thought if she got pregnant, her father would see how serious we were. She thought he would let us get married. I was young and foolish and in love. I just went along with her. Your mother can be very convincing when she wants to be.” My father smiled then nodded to the board indicating that it was my turn. Suddenly, chess was the last thing on my mind.
“Is that why you killed him? Because he wouldn’t let you get married?”
My father started breathing heavily. “Is that what she told you?” His words were low and controlled like he held back a tidal wave of anger. I have to admit, I was a little frightened.
“No, no she didn’t tell me anything, actually. All I know is that you’re in jail for the murder of her father.” I looked at the chess board and made my next move, trying to seem relaxed and unfazed by my father’s sudden mood change.
“That’s all you need to know. I don’t want her going into detail with you about it.” My father stood up from the table and said, “Memorize the board. We’ll continue this next week.”
I thought about Maddie the entire way home. The truth was we didn’t use a condom. It hadn’t even crossed my mind. What if she got pregnant? What would we do? What would I do? I can’t have a child. I’m only 16. Was I really destined to repeat my father’s life? I hadn’t met Maddie’s father, but something inside me knew he wouldn’t like me. How could he? He’s a wealthy senator. I’m a poor black kid with an incarcerated father. I've been in and out of foster homes all my life. I knew he wouldn’t think I was good enough for his daughter.
When I got home, I called Maddie.
“We didn’t use a condom,” I said as soon as she answered the phone.
“And hello to you too,” she said playfully.
“This is serious. What if you’re pregnant?”
“Not possible.”
“Why not?”
“A pregnancy would be devastating to my health. I wouldn’t be able to take my medication, my body might reject the heart, I could die –”
“Which is exactly why we should have used protection. What were we thinking?”
“Garrett, would you relax? I wasn’t finished. Knowing what a pregnancy might do to my body, my doctors put me on birth control as soon as I… became a woman. I have an implant. So, like I said, it’s not possible.” I breathed a sigh of relief. “We can have sex anytime we want, no problem. Ten times a day if you want. That’s not to say I want it ten times a day, I was just…it’s just a figure of speech. But, I mean, it’s not like I don’t want it. I mean if you want to…then I want to –” I loved the way she rambled when she got nervous. I could imagine her face turning red and her lips becoming dry. She probably licked them after each sentence. I loved how I still made her nervous even after how intimate we’d been. I loved everything about her. Suddenly, I couldn’t hold it in any longer.
“Maddie, I love you,” I blurted.
She paused, as did my heart, but it started again when she said, “I love you, too.”
***
The next day, Eden burst into my room at six in the morning, jumped on my bed and said, “How about before we go to the museum we go to breakfast, or better yet, stay there. I’ll go make you breakfast.” She hopped off the bed and dashed out the door.
“Eden, you can’t cook!” I called after her, remembering last month when she tried to make me an omelet. I tried to explain to her that omelets shouldn’t be crunchy, but she was firmly convinced that throwing out the shell was wasteful.
“Why are we getting on the red line? Isn’t the Smithsonian on the blue?” Eden asked as I held her hand and led her through the metro station.
“Yeah it is. We’re just gonna make a quick detour.”
“Farragut North?” she asked noticing where we were exiting the train. “Are we going to tour an embassy?”
“Not exactly. We’re gonna pick someone up.”
Eden stopped in her tracks and crossed her arms.
“Maddie. Maddie’s coming isn’t she? You said it was just gonna be us.”
“I know I did, Bug, but I really want you to get to know her. She’s really important to me.”
Eden pouted all the way to Maddie’s apartment.
“Eden, please be nice. I want her to see how great you are,” I said as we rode the elevator to Maddie’s floor. “I thought you said you’d love her because I love her? What happened to that?” Eden shrugged and rolled her eyes.
Maddie opened the door looking absolutely radiant. She had straightened her hair and let it elegantly cascade to the middle of her back. She wore a tight deep blue top that accentuated her breasts and her tiny waist. The fact that I hadn’t seen her in two days made me want her so badly that I forgot my sister’s presence, swept Maddie up into my arms and kissed her without even a hello.
“Gross,” Eden said as she walked past us into the apartment. “Why is your furniture so old? I thought you were rich. Why don’t you buy some new stuff?”
I let go of Maddie and glared at Eden mortified that she would say something so impolite. Maddie walked over to the couch and put her hand on it. I thought sure her feelings would be hurt, but she took Eden’s comment in stride saying, “I agree. It feels like I’m living in a museum sometimes.” Maddie smiled then added, “Matter of fact, we can skip the Smithsonian today and I could just explain all my family heirlooms to you. There’s probably just as much history in this room than in all the Smithsonians combined.” I stepped up behind her, put my hands on her shoulders and kissed the top of her head. I loved how she tried to make light of Eden’s blatant hostility. I laughed thinking that Eden would soon join in the levity, but I was wrong.
“Whatever,” Eden said taking off her coat and tossing it over the couch. “Bathroom?”
“Third door on your left.”
As soon as Eden was out of sight, I picked up Maddie and tossed her onto the couch. She giggled as I climbed on top of her and started kissing her passionately.
“Garrett, stop. She’ll be back any minute.”
“All I need is a minute,” I teased as I kissed her neck and inched my hands up under her shirt. She felt so soft and warm. I knew I needed to stop, but I couldn’t.
“Garrett, Eden already seems pissed at me.” Maddie sat up and pushed me away. “I want to make a good impression on her. If she catches us like this, there’s no chance of that.” I ran my fingers through my hair and tried to calm my desire. Sensing my frustration, she said, “Look, how about tonight I introduce you to the hot tub. And don’t bring swim trunks.” A sly sensuous smile formed on her lips.
“If you’re trying not to arouse me right now, you’re failing miserably.” I kissed her so firmly she let out a soft moan. Then we heard the bathroom door open. Maddie hopped off the couch and started pulling down her top and flattening her hair.
“You ready to go, kiddo?” she said cheerfully when Eden entered the living room.
Eden looked back and forth from Maddie to me a couple of times before settling on me and saying, “You’re wearing her lipstick.” Then she grabbed her coat and headed to the door.
***
“But I thought you wanted to go to a museum?” I asked as we walked rapidly toward the metro station.
I grabbed her arm and made her stop walking for a moment to let Maddie catch up. She was so little she had a hard time keeping up with Eden’s fast pace.
“But there’s this really interesting exhibit on oceans at the museum of Natural History that I thought you’d-”
“I said I want to go to the mall.”
“The mall?” Maddie panted when she caught up. “You’re my kinda girl. Which mall do you want to go to?” Eden shrugged and looked off to the side.
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