A Whisper Of Wanting

by Jamie Sobrato

  Just then, she spotted Nicole outside. “Speaking of Latin beauties, who’s that?” Zoe’s keen gaze pinned Ethan, and he could tell she was putting two and two together and coming up with the answer to her own question.

  “That would be the woman from the dance floor incident,” Kathryn offered. “At least, that’s an educated guess on my part.”

  Zoe’s mouth gaped open. “She’s so enthralled with you that she’s pacing outside the office while you work? You must be good! You’ve been holding out on us.”

  “There’s no way to sound appropriately modest and talk about what a great lover I am at the same time.”

  “Okay, what’s she really doing out there?” Zoe asked.

  “She’s his bodyguard,” Kathryn offered oh so helpfully.

  “Oh.” Zoe instantly went smug. “A bodyguard with privileges?”

  “You’re pushing your luck, Aberdeen,” Ethan warned.

  “If I hadn’t known any better, when I heard the rumors about you and the salsa club, I’d have thought you’d swigged down some of that lust potion and let it go to your head. So to speak,” she said.

  “What about you two? There’s no reason to stand around talking about my love life when we could be talking about yours.”

  “Don’t try to divert attention from yourself,” Kathryn said, sounding suspiciously uncomfortable with his attempt to change the subject.

  But he knew better than to push Kathryn. She was one tough cookie who only talked about herself in her own good time. If she wanted anyone to know anything, she’d tell them.

  Zoe cast a mysterious glance in Kathryn’s direction, that her friend didn’t seem to catch. Something was probably going on in Kathryn’s private life, whether she wanted to admit it or not.

  “Listen up you two,” Ethan said, glancing down at the stack of files he was about to take home with him. “I’m going to be working from home for the immediate future, so if you need to get in touch with me, you can catch me on my home phone, my cell or e-mail.”

  “I didn’t know we had the work-from-home option now,” Zoe said.

  “We don’t, exactly,” Ethan answered. “It’s more like, there’s some crazed killer stalking me and it’s not safe for me to stick with my usual patterns of going to work and so on. The police are afraid I could be endangering my co-workers if I show up here.”

  “So that rumor’s true too!” Zoe said in shock. “Oh, gosh, Ethan, I’m so sorry. I thought that one was way too outlandish to be believed.”

  “You’re telling me.”

  “Who is this guy and what does he want with you?”

  “He’s a former cop killer just released from prison. Unfortunately, I made the mistake of contacting him for an interview, as I was thinking of doing a follow-up story on him, but then he apparently spotted me with Nicole—” he nodded at her out in the lobby “—and the nutcase decided I’d be his next target along with her. Apparently he dislikes cops and the reporters who sleep with them.”

  “Please let us know if you need anything,” Kathryn said. “I’m so sorry you have to deal with this crap. Why do they let creeps like that back out on the street, anyway?”

  “To make San Diego a happier place,” Zoe deadpanned, rolling her eyes at the nonsensical nature of the justice system, which they’d bemoaned many a time while discussing cases Ethan had covered, a dizzying number of which were committed by repeat offenders and ex-convicts.

  “Don’t you girls worry about me. I’ll be fine with Miss Commando out there looking after me. But if I get any out-of-control fantasies to act out a ménage à quatre—”

  “Ew,” Zoe said, wincing. “Four just seems like a bad number for those kinds of arrangements.”

  “So does three,” added Kathryn.

  “Yeah, actually, you’re right. I don’t know how the ménage à trois gained such popularity anyway. There’s always bound to be an odd man—or woman—out, right?” Zoe said.

  “I’m perfectly happy to give it a go if you are,” Ethan said, all mock-casual.

  “Don’t even think about it,” Kathryn warned.

  “Well, you can think about it, just not while I’m around,” Zoe said. “And I don’t want to know what you’re thinking.”

  “Guess I’d better get out of here before my bodyguard comes and physically removes me from the premises.”

  “Send us updates if you have the time, okay? Let us know you’re doing all right,” Kathryn said.

  Ethan nodded, and each woman gave him a hug in turn.

  While he sometimes joked around with them about a sexual attraction, the truth was they’d become much more than potential conquests to him. He preferred to stay away from office romances, but office friendships such as the ones he had with Zoe and Kathryn were priceless. They were the kinds of friends he knew he really could rely upon when times were tough. If he’d asked them, they probably would have taken shifts acting as his bodyguard themselves.

  He chuckled at the image when they left his desk, gathered his files in a box, and headed for his editor’s office to explain the Pulatski situation in more detail.

  Karen Wyman had become almost like a surrogate mother to him since he’d taken the job at the Times. She wasn’t exactly the nurturing type, but she was always available with a listening ear and good advice when he needed it. He knocked on the door to her office, which stood a little ajar, and then pushed it open when she called, “Come in.”

  Karen glanced up from some papers and smiled when she saw him. “I’m so glad to see you here in one piece. What’s the latest on this ex-convict you mentioned on the phone?”

  “Nothing to tell yet,” he said, sitting in the visitor’s chair across from her.

  “So what’s up?” she said, setting the papers aside and giving him her full attention. “You know you’re approved to work from home for as long as you need to, right?”

  “Sure. Remember that story on Jonas Pulatski I’ve been researching?”

  She nodded.

  “I’m not going to be able to do it now, because Pulatski’s the ex-con who’s apparently out to get me.”

  “Oh, Ethan, I’m sorry. I know how much work you’ve put into the research. It’s a shame you won’t get to write the story.”

  Her reaction was exactly as he’d expected—she’d pulled the plug. Although he hated to drop a story unfinished, a part of him was relieved to have the matter taken out of his hands. “I’m not sure what his problem with me is. But given the situation, I don’t see how I could write the piece objectively now.”

  Karen eyed him speculatively. “If anyone can do it objectively, I know you can. But that’s a moot point since you’re not on the story anymore.”

  “I’d be happy to pass my research on to someone else here at the office if you’d like.” The questing, curious side of him still wanted to see the article taken to completion, even if he wasn’t the one to do it.

  She shook her head. “Let’s just let this whole thing die down. I’m concerned about your safety first. The story is a distant second.”

  “I’ll keep you updated on how things are going and when I think I can get back to the office.”

  “Take your time,” she said as Ethan rose from his seat and edged toward the door.

  They said their goodbyes, and he hurried through the main office trying to avoid making eye contact. He didn’t feel like explaining his situation to every other person he passed, and he was feeling guilty for keeping Nicole waiting so long. When he reached the door to the lobby, he could see Nicole still pacing back and forth, looking impatient.

  “Hey, sorry that took a bit longer than I expected,” he said when he entered the lobby.

  Nicole shrugged. “Yeah, well, you seemed to be having a good time chitchatting.”

  “I was just saying goodbye to a few friends,” he said, surprised by the tone of her voice. “Are you okay?”

  They walked to the front door of the building and exited, then headed toward Nicole’s car.<
br />
  “I’m fine,” she said stiffly.

  “Are you jealous of me talking to two attractive women?” he said, unable to contain his smile at the thought that Nicole would give a rat’s ass one way or the other.

  She shot him a deadly look that said exactly how stupid he was to even mention the j word.

  The sky outside was a bright crystalline blue that occurred on days like this when the humidity was low and the breeze was brisk. Overhead, palm trees rustled in the light wind, and the chill in the air made Ethan wish he’d worn a jacket the way Nicole had. Only the natives ever seemed to know exactly how to dress for San Diego weather on any given day. The key seemed to involve layers of some sort.

  “You can’t possibly be serious,” she finally said. “Me? Get jealous over you? Why?”

  He shrugged and pretended to give the matter some thought. “Because of my impressive bedroom skills? Perhaps they’re so impressive you can’t bear the thought of any woman but you benefiting from them?”

  “Were you smoking something at your desk in there?”

  He made a wounded face. “Oh, that hurts.”

  “You asked for it.”

  “Come on now. I couldn’t have been the only one enjoying myself when we were together. Seriously. On a scale from one to ten, one being ‘you might as well have gone to sleep’ and ten being ‘the best sex of your life’, where do I rate?”

  She laughed then, and it was a sound so rare Ethan almost thought she was faking it. But no, her laugh seemed genuine. “Haven’t I already answered this question, or some similar version of it?”

  “I don’t think I ever proposed a rating system.”

  “Okay, then, if you really want an answer, I’d rate you a…4.5.”

  Ethan stopped in his tracks, and Nicole didn’t notice it until she’d continued down the sidewalk another twenty feet or so. She finally stopped, turned around, and glared at him for a moment before coming back.

  “You wound me,” he said.

  “You totally set yourself up for that. What kind of guy asks for a number rating?”

  “I bet we all would if we thought we could guarantee the right answer.”

  “And you were so sure of yourself you figured the answer would be an automatic ten?”

  He shrugged and started walking slowly again. “I thought I’d rate at least an 8.5, maybe a 9.5 if you were really being honest.”

  She laughed again, and he couldn’t help smiling at his own audacity. He wasn’t serious, of course, but he loved goading her.

  “So how would you rate me?”

  “Definitely a 4.5, no doubt.”

  “Oh sure. Say that now.”

  “Well, what kind of woman asks for a number rating, anyway?”

  “Okay, I walked right into that.”

  “Was I really that bland? Below average even? Come on, be honest. For the sake of my future lovers, I need to know so I can work on improving myself.”

  “Oh, really?”

  “I’ll embark on a vigorous sexual self-improvement program, with daily practice. You could even be my instructor in the process.”

  “Right. Keep on dreaming.”

  “But I forgot—you’re the inexperienced one, right? So maybe you haven’t had enough good lovers to compare me to, to know how fabulous I really am.”

  “Yeah, maybe it’s like judging a sports competition. I don’t want to give away the high scores too early and risk finding someone who’ll blow my whole rating system out of the water in a few years.”

  “Or maybe with the way you’re stomping on my manhood, I’ll never be able to get it up with a woman again and will be relegated to getting myself off by hand for the rest of my life. Would that make you happy?”

  “You’re a guy. That’s not a very likely scenario.”

  “What? You think your words aren’t crushing my ego right now?”

  They reached the car, and Nicole opened the trunk for him to set his box of papers inside. Once it was in place, he got in the car.

  When she got in too, she answered, “I think no matter how crushed your ego might momentarily get, it will always spring right back up to superhuman-sized proportions and will never in a million years get in the way of your enjoying sex.”

  “Want to test out that theory? My schedule’s all clear this afternoon. We could see what else pops back up besides my ego.”

  She rolled her eyes at him and started the car, then pulled out into traffic heading north. “We’re not sleeping together again.”

  “That’s what you keep saying, and somehow we keep rolling around on the floor together.”

  “I was a little pent-up, that’s all. I’m over it now.”

  “If I’m only a 4.5, you must be more than a little pent-up to keep sleeping with me. Hard up is more like it.”

  She slammed on the brakes, thrusting Ethan against the seat belt, which pinched at his collar bone and nearly knocked the breath out of him. He looked up to see that they’d reached a red light, and she’d apparently only stopped short to make a point to him.

  “For a cop, you’re kind of a lousy driver.”

  “I’m not hard up.”

  “Then why do you keep sleeping with me?”

  “It’s only happened three times. I’ll make sure it doesn’t happen again,” she said, glaring up at the stoplight.

  “You are hard up—that’s the problem, isn’t it? I was right when I guessed that you don’t even have many lovers to compare me to so you’re picking 4.5 to be safe. You know, to leave room for higher rankings in the future.”

  “Dream on, Ethan. Dream on.”

  Ethan was growing to love their sparring. He suspected Nicole did too. He had forgotten how much he loved a good argument, having grown up with a houseful of sisters.

  “It must be impossible to have much of a sex life working in the environment you do, with all those macho men around just dying to prove you’re only a woman, not worthy of working in their ranks.”

  The light turned, and she stepped on the gas a little too hard, throwing him back against the seat.

  “It has its challenges, and yeah, there’s definitely no room for letting my guard down on the job, especially about personal issues.”

  “I’m sorry. Men can be such assholes.”

  She cut her gaze to him then stared straight ahead at the road again. “Is that your standard ploy? To act like the enlightened male appalled at the behavior of your brethren?”

  “Is it working?”

  “Not really. You’d have to actually have some enlightened actions to back up the talk before I could believe it.”

  “Damn it, there’s always a catch.”

  She laughed finally, a little more relaxed. “I guess I might have been a tiny bit harsh with the rating.”

  “I knew it! Now tell me my real rating. 8.6? 9.4?”

  “Um…5.2.”

  “That’s rubbish! I demand a recount.”

  Ethan was seriously starting to feel insecure. He reviewed their encounters in his head. Her reactions to him, her enthusiasm, how wet she had gotten, how visibly excited she’d been, the number of times she’d come. It all added up to either her being incredibly sex-starved, or him being a much better lover than she was willing to admit, or maybe a combination of both.

  Regardless, he fully intended to find a way to improve his score with her. Soon. Very soon.

  13

  “DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA how to defend yourself against an attacker?” Nicole asked.

  “You mean with karate or something? No.” Ethan shook his head.

  The two stood facing each other in his dining room-slash-office area, where there was enough floor space that they could practice some self-defense moves and roll around on the floor a little without anyone getting their head bashed in by a piece of furniture. It had taken two days of Nicole’s nagging and a bunch of mysterious hang-up phone calls to convince Ethan that he needed to swallow his male pride and actually learn a little about self-defe
nse.

  It wasn’t exactly a hardship having Nicole as his instructor, but it was a bit humiliating to have it demonstrated without a doubt that she could kick his ass if she really wanted to.

  “Not karate, just generally. As in, what do you do if someone tries to attack you?”

  “Duck and run?” he said, smiling, still not quite able to take this whole thing seriously.

  The hang-up phone calls could have been some teenagers playing a practical joke, or maybe the kids next door who’d gotten the eyeful of his package a few days ago.

  “That’s sure to impress the ladies,” Nicole said, unable to resist smiling at his bad joke.

  He did love that he could get to her that way on occasion.

  “I pride myself on my ability to impress the ladies, as you know all too well,” Ethan said casually, and an image of the night they’d spent together two years ago invaded his head. He’d tried hard to block it out, had considered his failure something best put behind him and not examined too closely.

  If he couldn’t get it up, regardless of being drunk, he was partly to blame. It hadn’t been just the alcohol, he knew. It had been him, maybe unable to perform when it counted most. He’d never let himself admit how profoundly attracted to Nicole he was, and how much it meant to him to be able to impress her. But now, getting to know her better, spending more time with her, he knew she was like no other woman he’d ever known and no other woman he would ever know in the future.

  She was everything he’d always wanted in one perfect package. But it wasn’t fair to want her so much, when he couldn’t promise forever, was it? Or was it okay, since she clearly didn’t want a lot to do with him anyway? It was Wednesday, and she’d been staying at his house for only three days, but already he was feeling such a profound ache for her, he didn’t think he could take another night of having her in his house without having her in his bed.

  “Is this how you protect yourself, by being completely oblivious to security issues?”

  Ethan shrugged. “I didn’t think I needed to get my panties in a wad. This is a decent neighborhood.”