Malice in Wonderland Bundle 2

by Lotus Rose

  “What?! He’ll be back? What do you mean?”

  “Sorry, really going now.” Cinderella closes her eyes. She glows white and vanishes, and the spear vanishes as well.

  “Oh, sod it!” Malice yells.

  She whirls to the prince, who is still lying on his front. He lifts his head feebly to meet her eyes.

  She narrows her eyes. “You let my Hatter die, so because of you, I shall never feel his passionate lips upon mine! I shall kill you with my very own branch!” She takes two steps when the prince’s face plops into the grass. His body glows white and disappears.

  Malice stomps her foot. “Oh bollocks!” She throws the branch hard into the ground, screaming.

  She notices the two guys and Cat staring at her. “What?!” she demands.

  Humpty says, “I don’t like to see you like this. Could you please turn your heart back on?”

  The Cat says, “Yes, please, My Queen.”

  “What?” Malice shouts. “I thought you like when I’m violent and wicked.”

  “Yes,” the Cat says. “Usually do, but this situation isn’t the same, because the poor Hatter died. He was my friend.”

  “I know! That’s why I wanted my revenge! He was so so much more cuddle worthy and sexy than you, Humpty. I don’t know what I ever saw in you. Hatter was sexy and insane and exciting. A real man. Not a boy, like you.”

  Humpty looks mortified. “Please don’t talk like that. You’re just upset.”

  Malice groans and rolls her eyes. “See? That’s what I’m talking about! You’re always so sweet and nice…it’s disgusting. You’re boring, Humpty, you don’t compare to the Hatter.”

  “Now that’s just cruel,” says the Cat.

  “Shut up, you!” Malice shouts. “When did you get all judgmental and proper? You should be eating this up.”

  The Cat says, “Hatter was my friend, and so is Humpty.”

  Humpty says, “Let’s just go through the door. Your heart is bound to start working again soon.”

  “Fine,” Malice says, crossing her arms.

  “Phooey to you,” the Cat says to Malice. “I’m going to see what the other team is up to.”

  Chapter 30

  The Queen of Hearts is about to walk through the archway to their next square, the one marked Heads. She has no idea what that means, but none of the other squares make any sense, either.

  “I hope the label isn’t referring to more obnoxious Cat heads,” she says to the tag along Cat, just before stepping through.

  And the area around them changes to reveal a cloaked headless man holding a large battle-axe, “facing” them ten feet away. The cloaked man holds a decapitated head of a fearsome fanged creature in his left hand, so maybe he technically isn’t headless after all.

  The Queen of Hearts is thinking that creature’s head looks oddly familiar.

  To the right of the Queen’s group about thirty feet away, is a large, extravagant pillared mansion in an ancient Greek style, except the building seems to be made entirely of skulls and bones.

  Also to their right, about seven feet away is another of those wooden signs, no doubt, providing a much needed clue.

  She hears Wilhelm mutter, “The Headless Horseman…”

  Jacob says, “Aye.”

  The Queen of Hearts reads the labels on the three archways. The headless man stands in front of an archway with a wooden door, labeled: Lamp. The left archway is: Gingerbread. The right is: Food. Like before, the archways have no surrounding walls.

  Now the headless man moves, moving his arm to show them the monster’s head he has no doubt proudly vanquished.

  The Queen of Hearts realizes that the monster head in the man’s hand is blinking and moving. Its lips move as it proclaims, “Halt! Come no further or I must fight you, for I am tasked with guarding the door!”

  The headless man steps to the side to showcase the wooden door that leads to the next square. It has a keyhole in it.

  The Knight calls out, “Jabberwock? Is that you?”

  “Yes it is,” the head says. “Hey Knight, Cheshire Cat, Queen.” He looks at the Brothers Grimm. “Greetings to you as well.”

  The Knight says, “It’s good to see you, my boy! It’s been so long. Why, the last I saw you, you weren’t decapitated.”

  “Yes,” he says, “A lot has happened since then. I got decapitated. Got revived. Needed a body. Ended up getting this one, which is quite glorious, don’t you think? But I’ve tried not to let it go to my head…” He looks serious for a few moments, before busting out laughing. “Get it?”

  The Knight groans politely. “That I do. I’m glad you’ve found a body, but currently, I’m helping the Queen of Hearts advance to the next square, so I’ll be needing that key.”

  “Thank you,” says the Jabberhead. The hand holding him tips to allow the head to bow gracefully. “But I have a duty to defend to the death, this door.”

  “I thought you were already dead,” the Knight quips.

  The Jabberhead rolls its eyes. “You know what I mean. The key is in my pocket. To win this square, you must either defeat me in a one on one duel to the death, or somehow get me to hand the key over.”

  Jacob calls out, “Hey guys, we might wish to follow this advice.”

  The Queen of Hearts turns her head to see him looking down at the sign.

  He says, “It says: ‘Go to the building and talk to Reginald in the mansion first.’ I think it might be best to heed its words.”

  The Queen of Hearts says, “Quite. Let’s go visit the mansion.” And she tries to hold back, but she can’t quite do so as she adds, “Though I question the architect’s choice of materials.”

  It doesn’t elicit the chuckle and mirth she’d been expecting, instead they somberly agree. Jacob leads the way to the bone mansion.

  The headless guard stands stoically, slowly twisting the Jabberwock head to track their movement.

  The Queen of Hearts walks up to the front door of the mansion. The door and walls are formed of all sorts of long bones bound tightly together somehow. There is a metal knocker on the door in the shape of a jabberwock head, appropriately enough. There are two doorknobs formed from the skulls of some sort of rodents.

  “How ghoulish,” the Cat says in delight.

  The Queen of Hearts says, “I must admit, the craftsmanship is exceptional. Brothers, what do you know about the house of bones?”

  The brothers exchange a glance.

  Jacob says, “We know the man was the Headless Horseman, but he’s not the same as when we created him.”

  “I thought someone else created him. An American,” she says.

  Wilhelm says, “You were mistaken. But the horseman has been twisted. He didn’t use to have a jabberwock head. And we don’t know where the house of bones came from. He’s no longer really our creation.”

  “I don’t know anything either,” the Knight says with a shrug.

  “Of course you don’t, dolt,” the Queen of Hearts says. “Never expected you to.”

  The Cat giggles at him.

  “Well, let’s find out what’s going on.” Though she’s hesitant to touch it, she turns the skull-knob, but the door is locked. So is the other door.

  “Valiant Knight,” she says. “Use that door knocker thingy to knock.”

  “Behold as I do so!” the Knight proclaims. Now he does so, and it is not as exciting as the lead up to it portended.

  The doors swing inward and two female human skeletons appear before them. The Queen of Hearts is no expert at ascertaining the gender of skeletons, but these ones happen to be wearing string bikinis and wigs of long raven-black hair.

  The Queen of Hearts says, “There was a sign saying to speak to Reginald.”

  The skeleton in the red bikini says, “Oh, of course, I’ll take you to see him.”

  “I appreciate proper service,” says the Queen of Hearts as the group follows the skeletons into a hallway of bones. “Is he a skeleton, too?”

  “
No, silly,” the blue-bikinied skeleton says chirpily. “He’s a necromancer.”

  “Ah. A dark magician who can animate the dead, I see. So you serve him?”

  “Yes indeed!” says the one girl with a giggle. “He’s the head of the household.”

  They come to an archway on the side of the hallway.

  Red-bikini points. “Straight through there. He’s just ahead.”

  The Queen of Hearts can hear bongos and maracas.

  “Sounds like quite the party,” the Knight says.

  “Indeed,” says the Queen of Hearts. “Now let’s go meet this Reginald, shall we?”

  They step into a large room, filled with numerous bikini clad skeleton girls with long black hair. Most of them are dancing—swirling and swaying. Some provide the music with drums and maracas and harps. No wind instruments, the Queen of Hearts notices.

  In the middle of the room, upon a cushion, rests the severed head of a gentleman—his hair is well-oiled and his mustache meticulously waxed.

  A skeleton girl in a purple bikini stands beside him, holding a batch of grapes.

  The man’s eyes shift to peer at them out the side of his head. “Ah! Visitors! Please turn me,” he says to the skeleton, and she reaches down and shifts him to face them. “Greetings, and welcome to my humble abode! I’m Reginald!”

  “Ah,” says the Queen of Hearts. “The head of the household!”

  “That’s right!” Reginald says. “Girls, girls, please stop playing.” The music ceases. “Now what can I do for you?”

  The Queen of Hearts says, “We are currently caught up in a silly game. We wish to get to the next square, but the Headless Horseman has the key, and doesn’t want to give it up. The sign said to speak to you.”

  “The sign gave good advice, for you see, that headless body is mine.”

  The Queen of Hearts and the Knight gasp. Jacob snaps his fingers and proclaims, “I knew it!”

  The Cat prods, “The Jabberwock seems to be in control of it right now.”

  “Dear, nod…” The skeleton reaches down and jostles the head to make it nod. “Quite,” Reginald says. “I made a deal with the Jabberwock to lend him control of my body since he needed one. So I rest here all day being entertained by my reanimated beauties. It’s a glorious life. Well, I’m technically dead, but you know what I mean.” He smiles.

  The Queen of Hearts says, “So you gave up control of your body?”

  “Sort of. If I get close to it, I can still control it. But that’s such a bother. I just let the Jabberwock deal with it. Seems to make him happy. Well, content at least. I think he wants his old body back.”

  She says, “Well that’s tragic for him, but I really need to win this square, so I can win and rule over Wonderland and revel in power, so can you help us?”

  “Certainly. I’m happy to help others, for a price. That’s why I’m doing this favor for the Jabberwock. He pays me exorbitantly. But pay me a good price and I’ll let you carry me over there. Once I’m close enough, I’ll be able to take charge of my body and I’ll happily let you through your precious door.”

  “So what’s your price?”

  “What’ve you got? Any gold, gems, that sort of thing?”

  She frowns. “Not on me.”

  The head looks them over. “The Knight has the sword, but that is of no use to me, or my girls—they have crossbows.” As if on cue, many of the girls pull out crossbows made of bone, with sharpened bone bolts as well. One skeleton girl enters from one of the doorways brandishing a warhammer of bone. At the expressions on the group’s faces, Reginald explains, “To keep our transactions honest.”

  The Queen of Hearts scowls. It actually had been crossing her mind to snatch the head and run off with it, then force him to do their bidding.

  The Knight slides his sword halfway out his scabbard, but then thinks better of it.

  Reginald says, “You, good knight, have something else of supreme value.”

  “What is that?” the Knight says.

  “A spectacular stache. As a fellow masterful practitioner of the mustache arts, I can appreciate the proud majestic beauty of your upper lip hair.”

  The Knight straightens and beams. “Why thank you, my lad. You have a keen eye. A keen eye.” He touches his mustache lovingly.

  Reginald smirks. “I would gladly accept it as payment for the task.”

  “What do you mean? You have your own.”

  “I’ll explain. As a knight, I assume you’re a man of honor, correct?”

  “Of course.”

  “I ask that you pledge on your honor as a knight that you shall shave your mustache off at the earliest opportunity, and never regrow it!”

  “What?” the Knight exclaims. “Sir, how dare you!”

  The Cat shouts, “How could you destroy something so beautiful?!”

  The Queen of Hearts is taken aback by the Cat’s sincerity—usually he’s such a smart aleck. “I think you should do it,” she says. “Your Queen so orders it.”

  The Knight looks at her in shock. “My Queen, I have sworn to obey you, but without my stache, I am nothing. I cannot obey such an order. I would rather die by my own sword!” Dramatically, he draws his sword and presses it towards his belly. The gesture is lessened slightly by the fact his stomach is covered in armor.

  The Queen of Hearts rolls her eyes. “Oh, very well. But you’ll have to fight the Jabberhead, headless body combo if it comes to it.”

  The Knight nods. “Okay.” She thinks he looks a bit afraid.

  The Queen sighs. “Well, you heard the honorable knight.”

  Reginald says, “Imagine I’m shrugging.” He pauses a moment before continuing. “Then our business here is done. I trust you can find your way out.”

  “You sir, are a rapscallion,” the Knight says, rattling his sword.

  One of the skeleton girls makes a point of aiming at his chest.

  “You have no appreciation for the majesty of facial hair!” the Cat adds.

  The Queen of Hearts looks around at all the armed skeletons. She gestures with her chin for her group to leave, and they walk out.

  Chapter 31

  They approach the Headless Horseman’s body that’s holding the Jabberwock’s head.

  When they get close enough, the Jabberwock calls out, “Halt! Don’t come any further!”

  “Hello again, old chum,” the Knight says, smiling a trembling smile. “I’m afraid I must challenge you to a duel this time around. No hard feelings.”

  “No hard feelings, mate,” says the Jabberwock head sadly. “So it’ll be a one on one duel to the death then? A fight for the key?”

  “Aye, that. By the way, they call your body the Headless Horseman, but I don’t see your horse.”

  “She’s in her stable, out back behind the necromansion. Say, old bean, do you still have that mechanical horse of yours?”

  “Can’t say I do, old chum. Can’t say I do. It got away from me. I’m looking for another.”

  The Jabberhead says, “You can have mine if you win. Plus the key, of course.”

  “Mighty nice of you, but I’m not sure I can take it with me on those squares. Much obliged, though.”

  “Well it’s good to see you again. I suppose this shall be the last time. So goodbye. Shall we begin?”

  The Knight says, “Goodbye, and let’s commence.” He draws his sword.

  The headless body tightens its grip on the axe, while the other hand sets the Jabberwock’s head on the ground behind himself.

  The two warriors circle each other, appraising each other.

  The Queen of Hearts watches on—of course she wants the Knight to win, but the Jabberwock was a likeable enough bloke when she knew him, and it’ll be a pity to see such a valuable former-guard of hers perish. She asks the Cat next to her, “Who do you wish to win?”

  In a sad voice, he says, “Neither. They were both my friends.”

  She laughs a little to mock him. “Why Cat, I thought you loved gore.
”

  “I do, but only when it’s from enemies, not my friends.”

  “Touching,” she says sarcastically.

  The Knight takes the first swing, which the Horseman’s headless body dodges, and the two enemies launch into a frenzy of attacks. Metal clinks on metal as weapons clash and the Knight’s armor repels blows.

  The Horseman strikes a solid blow against the Knight’s outer left thigh, sending forth a loud clang of metal and knocking the Knight off his feet. The Knight’s armor wasn’t penetrated, but the Queen of Hearts fears the Knight’s leg has been broken.

  The Knight lashes out at the Horseman’s legs, causing him to draw back, and allowing the Knight the opportunity to get back to his feet.

  The Knight engages his enemy again, but the Queen of Hearts can see, his left leg is severely damaged, and most of his weight rests on his right leg.

  The weapons clash and clang. The Knight scores a slashing cut on the bicep of the Horseman’s left arm, impairing his ability to wield his weapon.

  The two warriors continue their duel, shifting, lashing out, though much slower than before.

  The Knight nicks the left upper thigh of his opponent. The duel continues.

  The Horseman strikes another solid blow on the Knight’s left leg, and now it is as if the Knight can barely put any weight on it. He fights on valiantly, but he is at an extreme disadvantage.

  The Horseman slams a solid blow to the Knight’s abdomen that’s so forceful, it cuts through the armor and knocks the Knight backward onto the ground. The blow is so violent that the axe is wrenched from the Horseman’s hands, to remain embedded in the Knight’s stomach as he clatters heavily onto his back on the ground.

  The Knight groans, trying to rise, but failing. He looks to his right hand for his sword, but it has dropped out of his hand and lies several feet away. The Knight groans again, grasping futilely at the axe blade embedded in his stomach.

  The Horseman kneels to pick up the sword.

  The Knight is obviously powerless to move, or he would have done so by now. He thrashes his head wildly from side to side, and catches the sight of the Jabberwock’s head resting on the ground mere inches from his face.