Secrets of My Hollywood Life #3: Family Affairs

by Jen Calonita

  I. Can’t. Sing. In. Front. Of. People.

  Sky doesn’t seem to care that I’ve given her a solo. She gets more into the song by the line and I find myself riveted. Her Lip Venom–injected lips are turned up into a complete smile, her eyes are closed, and her whole body is swaying as she sings. Not only is she good, she’s having fun and I’m a little envious.

  Hearing Sky sing reminds me how much I like this song. Sky stares back at me as she belts it out and nudges my ribs again. At the bar, Cody and Rodney are clapping to the beat. My heart is beating rapidly and I’m sweating under these glaring strobe lights, but I’m feeling an itch as I watch Sky get into the lyrics as she reaches the chorus. All of a sudden I find myself singing with her in a small voice.

  Okay, I don’t sound too bad. At least I know this song by heart. Lizzie and I used to sing it during our sleepovers. Sky grins and signals me to speak up. Within seconds, I’m practically yelling. We face each other, mic to mic, and sing so loud that I can barely recognize my own voice. I don’t know if I sound good or if I stink like expired milk, but I don’t care. Sky is right. This is fun.

  “I will surviiiiiiiiive!” we holler on the last chorus, and I hear my voice crack as I hold the long note at the end. Oops.

  Cody and Rodney applaud loudly and Sky takes a bow. I join her, feeling giddy.

  “Wow, that was actually okay,” I manage to get out. I’m out of breath.

  “You were great,” Sky enthuses.

  I look at her. “You’re just saying that.”

  “No, K, I swear. You have a decent voice,” she says, and from Sky, I take it as a compliment. “So how do you feel?”

  “Like a survivor,” I joke. “Seriously, you were right. This feels great. It feels like my birthday.” Sky purses her lips. “What do you want me to say?”

  “I want you to say you feel relaxed enough to find a solution to our problem,” Sky admonishes. She pauses. “And that I was ten times better than you.” We both laugh.

  “I do feel great. And I’m not just saying this because you asked me to, but you sounded awesome.” Sky’s face turns pink. Who knew Sky got embarrassed?

  “Thanks,” she says, moving the microphone away from her lips. “I love it up here.”

  “Have you ever thought of doing an album?” I ask. “I bet labels would jump at the chance to produce you.”

  “We’ve had talks with lots of labels, actually, but I don’t know if I want to be just another actor who sings,” Sky says. “We all know how well that worked out for Lindsay.”

  “True,” I admit, “but having her first single be about hating the paparazzi probably wasn’t the best move either.”

  “I just . . .” Sky hesitates. Her voice is serious. “I couldn’t handle having an album out and being number two, you know? Knowing the public liked someone else more than me would kill me. I play to win and I haven’t been winning many battles lately.”

  I look down. That was definitely about me even if it wasn’t intentional. Now I feel guilty, because I’m obviously the reason Sky is afraid to try something new and fail. It’s probably the same reason I’m worried about Liz going off to college. I’m not sure I want to go myself, but I don’t want to feel left behind or rejected either.

  “Now I feel depressed,” Sky says, almost as if she’s read my thoughts. “Cheer me up with a solo so I can make fun of you.” She flashes me a wicked smile.

  “No way,” I say in alarm. “I couldn’t.” Behind us, our cellphone rings seem to have gone up a notch. “Rodney, has Tom called us yet?” I try to stall.

  Rodney looks at our cell phone screens and shakes his head. “A lot of Amandas for Sky, and Kates, your mom, and Laney won’t let up. Kates, don’t be mad, but I told . . .”

  “Maybe we should go,” I cut him off, but Sky shakes her head. “I have told you more about myself in this one afternoon than I have in over twelve years. You owe me, K. Sing.”

  “I don’t owe you anything.” Still, I reluctantly take the microphone and walk over to the binder to pick a song. I know what I’m looking for, even if I’m not sure I can pull it off. I flip the page. There it is. My theme song if there ever was one. Not that I’ve ever told anyone that before. Even Austin.

  “Kelly Clarkson’s ‘Breakaway’?” Sky complains after I pop the disc in the system and the title screen comes up. “I thought you were cooler than that, K.”

  I take a final swig of the soda Cody brought me and clear my throat. I take a deep breath, wait for my cue, and close my eyes. I sing with all of my might, feeling the words rock me as I repeat the lyrics my massaging showerhead knows I sing so well. Breaking away from the world is one thing I can emote with no problem.

  Sky’s right. Singing is really freeing! My hands have stopped shaking and I’m feeling the music. I’m enjoying myself up here, more than I could have imagined. I know the words by heart so I close my eyes and belt them out, trying to shut out the image of Cody, Rodney, and Sky watching me.

  When I let go of the final note, all I hear is silence.

  No applause. I have to admit, I’m a little disappointed. I actually thought I sounded pretty good. “Was I that bad?” I ask as I open my eyes. I look out at the dance floor and see Laney, Nadine, and Mom. They don’t look happy.

  OH GOD. Behind them, Sky’s publicist, Amanda, is whispering angrily in her ear. Sky looks up at me, smiles, and mouths what I think is “You rocked.” Either that or “Your socks,” but that wouldn’t make sense. I smile back. Then I look at Rodney, who seems nervous. “I tried to tell you,” he says. “I had to call Nadine and tell her you were okay and where we were.”

  “Kates, you sounded amazing,” Nadine gushes.

  “Nadine, that’s not important right now,” Laney snaps. “Although you were quite good.”

  “LANEY,” Mom yells. I’ve rarely seen her so flustered. “Kaitlin, get off that stage this instant. Nadine told us everything. We’re going over to see Tom Pullman.”

  “But, Mom,” I hesitate, “he’s not taking calls . . .”

  “Melli reached him and he’s furious,” Mom says.

  I hang my head. So it’s true. We’re toast.

  “The script pages were fake. Someone purposely tried to get you guys to film a bogus scene and waste even more of the network’s money.”

  Really? Our hunch was right? But why would someone do that? I look from Nadine to Laney. Oh my God. Sky and I were right! “You mean, you mean, we’re not being written off the show?”

  “Not yet anyway,” Laney says with pursed lips. “But Tom isn’t happy. With anyone, it seems. He’s tired of all the fighting and the stories in the press and the tension between you two and Alexis. And now this bogus script . . . a few people could lose their jobs. It’s not a good time to stage a walkout,” Laney says flatly.

  “But we . . .” I begin.

  “You two made things worse for yourselves by disappearing,” Amanda interrupts. Amanda has a short black bob, tanned skin, and the body of a dancer. She’s dressed in pro per publicist wear just like Laney — Rock and Republic jeans and a simple baby blue cashmere sweater with small heels. “Tom is so upset that he’s ready to cut his losses and fire the problem people.”

  “Are we the problem people?” Sky asks. She looks worried. “This couldn’t be helped. Phil said we had to tape.”

  “You should have demanded to wait,” Amanda says. “Alexis looks like a team player while you two look bad for causing more delays.”

  “Both of you will call Tom immediately and apologize,” Laney says. “It will probably go right to voice mail because he’s crazed with edits and now this script mess, but do it anyway. Then we’ll work on setting up one-on-ones with Tom for the two of you to tell him your side in person. His assistant said that might not be till next week though.”

  “But what about that script?” Sky asks. “If it’s bogus, one of the writers had to be behind this, right?”

  Amanda shakes her head. “All of the writers were questio
ned, and of course they swore they had nothing to do with it. Obviously someone did it so there’s going to be an inquiry and a huge cast meeting, not to mention a couple of corporate ones with the studio. This means more delays and more money lost for the network. Tom is not going to stand for this.”

  “The thing you two have on your side is that the new script had to do with offing your characters,” Laney explains. “Neither of you would write that.”

  “Wait, they think we did it?” I ask incredulously.

  “They didn’t say that, but they will be questioning everyone, including you two,” Amanda says. “And neither of you have been happy at work lately with all these problems with Alexis, so ostensibly you could have done it to place blame or get out of your contracts.”

  “We would never choose to end our contracts.” Sky is defiant. “At least I wouldn’t.”

  Who ever thought we’d be on the same side for once, however temporarily? I resist the urge to laugh.

  “They even questioned Alexis,” says Nadine. “A few grips and a cast member saw Alexis getting nasty with the two of you and they realized something was going on. It’s become clear, finally, that she has a real problem with you two.”

  “It took them long enough,” I grumble.

  “That doesn’t mean they don’t still adore her,” warns Laney. “We’ll have to see how this plays out. After Alexis composed herself, she expressed deep regret at her spat with the two of you and begged the producers to give you your jobs back.” Laney snorts. “She’s good. I’ll give her that. The best thing we can do now is come up with a strategy to keep you guys in the show’s good graces and Amanda and I agree on how to do it,” Laney adds, glancing at the other publicist. “We’re not here to yell at either of you. We’re here to talk about saving your butts. We’ve all agreed that doing it together is stronger than trying to do it separately anymore.”

  Sky and I nod. “So have we,” I reply for both of us.

  “Good,” says Laney, looking at everyone. “Because, girls, this is going to be heavy. Heads are going to roll and you don’t want them to be your own.”

  FRIDAY 11/1

  NOTE TO SELF:

  Send Tom huge flowers from Sky + me.

  Order Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf cart 2 set 4 day 2 serve crew/grips/wardrobe from Sky + me.

  Do preemptive strike w/ Sky + call Hollywood Nation + Celeb Insider 2 give joint statement.

  Have Nadine send Austin + Liz breakfast baskets to arrive before next week’s SATs.

  TV Tome Online

  All the insider TV sizzle and fizzle, online 24–7!

  November 13

  Messy Affair

  by Miana Demultz

  Firing family? That’s the inside word from the sources on the set of Family Affair after a walkout disrupted filming again. Network and FA honchos are tired of the in-fighting, rumors and delays that have disrupted the once peaceful set and have vowed to find out who is responsible for the worst debacle yet.

  Tabloid-plagued stars (Kaitlin Burke, Sky Mackenzie, and Alexis Holden, we mean you), delays, and a Vegas catfight witnessed by major media are nothing compared to what happened on set just recently. According to Tome sources, new script pages for an episode that questioned the maternity of twins Sam (Burke) and Sara (Mackenzie), instead of newcomer Colby (Holden), were given to cast to film that day. The news sent already stressed-out staffers into a tailspin. “It appeared Kaitlin and Sky were taking the fall and being fired for all the bitter backstabbing and rumors,” says one staffer, “and Melli and Spencer (who play parents Paige and Dennis) were beyond upset. Everyone adores Kaitlin and Sky is a great actress, so the decision appeared to come out of left field.”

  “Kaitlin and Sky were in tears all morning,” confided another staffer. “They couldn’t believe they were getting the ax and no one had the decency to tell them before sending them the script.” They refused to film the scene till they could talk to show producer and creator Tom Pullman. But Tom was on location finishing edits for a delayed episode. When the guest director insisted the girls film anyway, they walked off set together, sparking a new round of delays that will force FA to air even more repeats.

  Here’s where the story gets downright bizarre though, Tome readers — while Kaitlin and Sky were off sobbing about their potential lost paychecks, Pullman arrived on set and Flipped out about the new script pages. It turns out the pages, handed out to everyone from the grips to the guest director, Phil Marker, were FAKE. “Tom was knocking over camera stands, throwing scripts, and basically screaming so loud that we thought he would have a heart attack,” says another source. “He’s not going to rest till he finds out who released the bogus pages. He’s had it with the problems at FA lately. He has to make a big gesture to show he means business. Whoever did this is out of here.”

  So who’s getting the ax? The official word is no one. “The rumors are unequivocally false,” said Pullman when called for comment. “We have no intention of letting go of anyone in our cast.”

  Hmm . . . sounds like another Affair attempt at cleaning up their PR.

  “Everyone is going to be on their best behavior till Tom makes his decision,” claims Tome’s source. “But it’s too late. Someone’s taking the fall for all this and we’re just waiting to see who it is.”

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  Fourteen: Do or Die

  When Nadine and I arrive at Liz’s, the only thing I feel confident about is what I’m wearing. I have on a Thakoon Panichgul knee-length black-and-white-striped dress with a corset-style waist; my legs are in black tights and my feet in Cesare Paciotti heels. My hair is pulled in a simple low ponytail. According to my stylist, Tina Cho, the look says I’m “a young Audrey Hepburn–type who is sleek, smart, and totally ready to take on any reporter who comes knocking.”

  HOLLYWOOD SECRET NUMBER FOURTEEN: Everyone knows that the person usually responsible for a star’s great taste in fashion isn’t the celebrity — it’s her stylist. We’re quick to accept their wisdom (and the designers who lend us the free threads) when we’re on the red carpet. But when we’re stepping out on the town or braving a live interview, that’s when we need our fashion gurus the most. A stylist can single-handedly transform a B-lister from a blip to a bona fide star overnight. Top stylists like Tina know the skinny on fashion trends present and future, attend all the runway shows, and know how to make a star feel comfortable in her own skin. Tina is a whiz at playing off my personality and chooses a lot of whimsical, romantic, or tailored pieces for me. She knows how to flaunt my assets (a tiny waist) and hide my flaws (my thick ankles and large hooves look tiny in a high heel). But our biggest weapon in deciding what I wear is Polaroids. Tina snaps pictures of every ensemble I try on so we can see how the threads look on film. If it’s a great shot, then I know that nautical dress is ready for its closeup.

  I’m glad I love today’s outfit because pictures of me wearing it are going to be around for a while. Tina picked it for the day-long round of interviews they scheduled to boost my public image a week after Sky and I walked off set. (“I’m only sixteen,” I said several times today, just like Laney and I practiced, “and sometimes I make mistakes, but I’m also smart enough to know how to correct them. Sky and me walking off set was not the answer to this problem.”)

  “Are you okay?” Nadine asks as she rings the Mendeses’ doorbell. “Are you mad I’m babysitting you?”

  “I’m glad you came,” I assure her. Laney and my parents are afraid I’m going to be ambushed by reporters so they’ve insisted I have a Team Burke member with me at all times till this FA thing blows over. Or blows up. Whichever comes first.

  Liz opens the front door. I can hear Gwen Stefani blaring from the stereo. “You made it!” Liz cries.

  Liz and Austin took the SATs today and to celebrate, Liz decided to throw a “Thank God the SATs are over” bash. I’m glad for the excuse to party, even if I won’t be taking my SATs till at lea
st the spring. With everything that’s happened, I’ve had to put any thoughts of taking the test on the back burner and that’s probably for the best. If I tried to take the exam now, I’d probably choke like Meredith did on her intern exams on Grey’s Anatomy. I’m not sure the proctor would have as much sympathy for me as the Chief did for Mer either.

  Liz’s olive face is flush and I can tell she’s been dancing because her brown tweed dress is damp when she hugs me. “I thought for sure Laney would keep you tied up in interviews straight till Monday. Are you okay?”

  I shrug. What I am is tired. Normally I really love interviews and talking about FA, but today’s scripted session — Laney had me rehearsing quotes all last night (like: “The FA cast is the most dedicated one you’ll find. Family fights sometimes, but we always stick together.”) — was exhausting.

  “She’s a real trouper.” Nadine smiles. Since Nadine has been at my side for all my interviews today — Mom had a date with Botox that she couldn’t miss — she’s traded her normal Saturday getup (sweats) for a fitted beige button-down shirt and wide-leg black trousers. “I’ve never been more proud of the way she’s handled herself.”

  Liz steers us through the Mendeses’ pink marble entranceway, down the long hall past the state-of-the-art kitchen, and into the eight-hundred-square-foot den with sweeping views of the Los Angeles skyline. “I know just the thing to cheer you up,” Liz promises me. About fifty of my former Clark High classmates are here — dancing in the middle of the room, hanging out on the leather couches, watching Bring It On on the fifty-inch plasma screen that hangs above the fireplace, or making out on the pool deck — but the person Liz has in mind is right in front of me.