by Jim Ladd
Sam looked excitedly at the map. They were nearing Planet X, the greatest treasure hoard in the universe. With Black-Hole Beard behind them they were running out of time. Now before them stood a shortcut: the famous Lightning-Bolt Wormhole. Famous for being deadly…
Contents
Title Page
Chapter One BREAKFAST AND WORMHOLES
Chapter Two ALERT! ALERT!
Chapter Three ESCAPE
Chapter Four FULL SPEED AHEAD!
Chapter Five A DEATH TRAP
Chapter Six INSIDE THE WORMHOLE
Chapter Seven AN ELECTRIC JUMPSTART
Chapter Eight PLANET X
Chapter Nine CASTOR AND STELLA STARBUCK
Chapter Ten DWARFSTAR’S CHEST
Chapter Eleven COMET’S CHOICE
Chapter Twelve A SAD GOODBYE
Chapter Thirteen THE END?
Copyright
Samson Starbuck stood in the crow’s nest of the pirate spaceship the Jolly Apollo. He looked out at the Universe all around him. The deep black of space was scattered with colourful clouds of gas, the short, bright tail of a fast-moving purple comet and countless pinpricks of light. Sam knew that each one of those lights was a star, and each of those stars could be surrounded by planets. And on one of those planets his parents were space-shipwrecked and waiting to be rescued.
Sam turned his attention to the tattered piece of cloth in his hand. It was a rough map that his mum had scribbled on a scrap of spacesuit material. She had sent it to Sam in their ship’s homing beacon. It showed the way to the planet where his parents’ spaceship had crashed while they’d been scouring the galaxies for new forms of plant life.
Luckily, they had landed on Planet X, which space-pirate legend claimed was a famous treasure planet, with islands of rubies. Sam’s only hope of rescuing his parents had been to stow away on a space-pirate ship. When the pirates found out that Sam had a map to the legendary Planet X, they were happy to let him join the crew.
As Sam had discovered, choosing the Apollo was both the best and worst decision he could have made. The crew were terrible at being pirates: they were always getting lost, they never found any treasure, they argued with each other and the food on board was terrible. However, they were also kind-hearted, loved a good space-shanty, enjoyed a game of ten-pin bowling (all space-pirate ships had at least one bowling alley on board), and always looked out for each other – including Sam, who was now the cabin boy.
“Korraaaackkkkkk! Korraaaackkkkkk!”
An indescribable sound battered the silence of Sam’s lookout post.
“Korraaaackkkkkk! Korraaaackkkkkk!”
The deafening screech rattled around the Apollo again. Sam groaned. The noise was coming from a Pgtargan cockerel, the noisiest type of bird in the tri-galaxy network. Captain Comet had bought it at the last space port. He thought the crew needed something to get them up in the mornings, which was probably true, but the cockerel had swiftly become the least popular thing on board the ship. In fact, it was probably the least popular thing to ever have been on any space-pirate ship, and that was saying something. Even from up high in the crow’s nest Sam could hear the curses of his fellow shipmates.
But it wasn’t the only noise Sam could hear – there was also the unmistakable sound of someone climbing the rigging to the crow’s nest. And, given the awful smell wafting upwards, it had to be Barney, the ship’s cook, with breakfast.
A large tentacle curled over the edge of the rail and moments later Barney hauled himself up next to Sam. It was a bit of a tight squeeze in the crow’s nest as Barney was a huge multi-tentacled Kraken. He looked truly terrifying, but Barney was actually the gentlest soul on board the Apollo, and Sam’s best friend on the ship.
“Morning, Sam. I knew you were on lookout duty so I thought I’d bring you breakfast in the nest,” said Barney with a smile.
Sam looked at the plate Barney was clutching in one of his tentacles. Two lumpy eggs squatted in a green slime, like toads in a swamp. It looked like there were hairs sprouting from the top of the bluey-white shells.
“They’re Gnarf eggs!” said Barney proudly. “I’ve been saving them since we left P-Sezov 8. They should be good and ripe by now – just the way the people of Gnarf eat them!”
“Aren’t the people from Gnarf famous for having no eyes and zero sense of taste or smell?” asked Sam.
“That’s right!” said Barney delightedly. “Anyway, spotted anything interesting?”
“Yeah, look at that!” said Sam, pointing ahead of them. As well as the bright-purple comet streaking towards them and the glow from the surrounding stars, there was a strange glowing circle of light, easily as bright as a sun. Inside it, multicoloured lights throbbed and flashed.
“That’s got to be this bit,” said Sam, pointing to the map excitedly. “Which means we’re pretty close to Planet X! What is that thing, anyway?”
“That’ll be the Lightning-Bolt Wormhole. I haven’t seen it before, but I’ve heard about it,” Barney replied. “See those coloured lights? They’re pulses of energy.”
“Wow!” said Sam. “It looks like we could cut through the wormhole, which would get us to Planet X even quicker!”
Sam noticed that Barney wasn’t looking quite so excited at that thought.
“I’m not sure that’s a great idea,” said Barney.
“Why?” asked Sam.
“The Lightning-Bolt Wormhole is famous. Famously deadly. No one’s ever made it all the way though. Some people have tried to fly though it, surfing on the energy waves. They call it ‘riding the lightning’,” Barney told him. “In fact, Mad Jack McGee did it… I was at his funeral.”
“Funeral?” asked Sam.
“Oh yeah. He got most of the way through but he got a bit disintegrated towards the end. Lovely sandwiches they had after the funeral.”
Barney smiled at the memory.
“What happened?” asked Sam.
“Well, I had three of the Steiffell shrimp sandwiches and a handful of those little sausage things…” Barney noticed Sam’s face. “Oh, you mean how did he die? Well, the wormhole is full of lightning,”
Barney explained. “If one of those bolts hits your ship while you’re riding a wave then you’re toast.”
“And how likely are you to get hit?” asked Sam.
“See for yourself,” Barney replied, pointing at the wormhole. “No one’s ever gone into the Lightning-Bolt Wormhole and come out to tell the tale. That’s all that’s left of those that have tried.”
Barney pointed a tentacle at the wormhole. Sam squinted and could just make out the wreckage of battered and scorched spaceships floating around the wormhole.
“Oh…” said Sam.
“Oh, don’t worry,” said Barney, putting a comforting tentacle on Sam’s shoulder and pointing at the map with another. “Look, if we go around the wormhole it’ll be fine. I’m sure a small detour won’t take too much longer.”
Sam looked at the map.
“Well, we need to fly through the Grey Star Belt in that case,” said Sam. “It’s a longer route than going though the wormhole, but it’ll be safer. And I’m sure it won’t be too boring.”
Barney didn’t say anything.
“Oh, Barney, please tell me it’s not boring,” Sam pleaded.
“Anyway, I’d better be getting on with the crew’s breakfast,” said Barney quickly. “I’ll just leave your Gnarf eggs here.”
Barney scrambled back down the main mast, leaving Sam alone.
“Great,” he muttered. “We don’t get to ride the lightning and we have to spend more time going through some boring star belt instead!”
He slumped against the rails and watched the giant forks of lightning flickering around the wormhole’s entrance, and the bright, colou
rful flashes of the energy waves coming from within. Sam stared at the pulsing light and swayed to a gentle swishing sound. His eyes felt heavy and he yawned widely, lulled by the back-and-forth of the soft sound. Suddenly his eyes burst open – swishing sound? Where was that noise coming from?
Sam peered over the edge of the crow’s nest and looked around hurriedly. A ship was edging out from behind the purple comet Sam had seen earlier. The noise was the sound of oars being pulled through the air as a horde of space pirates tried to sneak up on the Jolly Apollo! Sam immediately recognised the menacing lines of the large, dark vessel that was edging towards them and his heart fell. It was the Gravity’s Revenge!
For a moment Sam froze. The Gravity’s Revenge was under the command of Black-Hole Beard, the most fearsome pirate in the known universe. He was a giant of a man and everything about him was angry: an angry scowl; evil, angry eyes; even his hair and bushy beard were wild and fierce-looking. But what Black-Hole Beard was most angry about was the fact that Sam had the map to Planet X, the universe’s greatest treasure hoard, and he didn’t.
Black-Hole Beard had tried lots of ways to get his hands on the treasure map, and now Sam was sure he was about to try again.
Sam hit a big red button on the mast and the emergency siren started to wail. Seconds later the crew blundered on to the deck, half asleep, pulling on their clothes and doing up their buttons wrong. The pirates of the Jolly Apollo were used to panicking, but the warning siren meant it was something serious, and that resulted in serious panicking. The space sailors dashed this way and that, pulling on their clothes, hopping about as they tried hitching up their trousers, bumping into each other and falling over.
“It’s Black-Hole Beard!” Sam yelled down, but no one could hear him over the noise of the siren and the confusion on the deck.
Sam swung over the rails of the crow’s nest and scrambled down the rigging two rungs at a time. When he got halfway he leapt from the ropes and slid down the main mast like it was a fireman’s pole. He landed on the deck just as Captain Comet appeared from his cabin. He was still in his pyjamas, which had a skull-and-laser-cutlasses pattern on, and was sleepily clutching a soft toy Kraken. Comet yawned, stretched extravagantly, and looked round blearily with the only one of his three eyes that wasn’t covered by an eye patch.
“What’s going on, Sam? My moustache was twitching so much it woke me up. And you know what a twitchy ’tache means – there’s trouble afoot!”
“Hang on, your moustache woke you up, not the siren?” Sam was dumbfounded.
“Pardon?” Comet asked, leaning towards Sam and pulling an earplug out of his ear. “Sorry, didn’t catch a word of that. I sleep with these in now to block out that cockerel’s awful squawking— SAM, THE WARNING SIREN IS GOING OFF!”
“I know! Look!” Sam pointed to the Gravity’s Revenge.
“Aaarrrgghh!” screamed Comet, staggering about dramatically. “Oh dear! I don’t feel too well…”
“Yep, I was expecting that,” Sam said to himself. “Pegg! Legg!” he shouted to the two-headed first mate. “It’s Black-Hole Beard! We need to get out of here – fast!”
Comet clutched his teddy bear to his chest. Sam could practically hear the cogs in his mind grinding into gear.
“Man the main anchor! Haul the sail! Boosters to full speed and hard to starport, no, portboard, no, I mean turn right!” babbled Comet at his crew.
Pegg and Legg ran to the ship’s wheel.
Suddenly a panicked look came into the captain’s eye. “Quick, Sam, take this,” Comet said, fishing a key on a chain from around his neck. “It’s the key to the grum store. You have to lock it before Black-Hole Beard gets here!”
Sam knew that foamy, lemon-flavoured grum was a space pirate’s favourite drink, and he knew how upset Comet had been last time Black-Hole Beard had stolen their supplies, but surely that wasn’t the most important thing to worry about right now? “But, Captain—” he started, but Comet waved him away.
“The grum, Sam, protect the grum!” he flapped wildly. “There’s not a moment to lose!”
Sam sighed and raced across the deck, weaving in and out of groups of confused pirates as he went. He ran down the steps to the lower deck, past the bowling lanes, into the kitchen and BANG – straight into a huge tray of Gnarf eggs that were sitting on the worktop. The tray flew into the air and the greasy cooked eggs landed on the floor with a SPLAT.
Sam looked at the mess guiltily, but there was no time to stop. He sped off to the grum store, locked the door, stuffed the key in his pocket and charged back to the deck. When he got back, things were looking just as chaotic as before. Pegg and Legg were arguing with each other about which way to turn the wheel, and the sails were going up and down as Comet barked conflicting orders. Sam turned to see how close the Revenge was when he was blinded suddenly by a bright-red light.
“What’s that?” Sam shouted.
He shielded his eyes and watched as six red lights stretched from the Revenge to the Apollo. The beams were thick and looked like glowing elastic – it was as if the two ships were joined by great grasping tentacles of luminous red rubber.
“Traction beams,” Comet gasped.
“I thought traction beams were a myth,” said Piole, the twelve-mouthed crew member, as he looked over the side at the red beams.
“Evidently not,” Comet replied, nervously.
The traction beams attached to the side of the ship with a twang, pulling the Jolly Apollo next to the Gravity’s Revenge. Captain Black-Hole Beard leaned nonchalantly against the rails of his ship and glared at the Apollo. Behind him skulked his brother, Goldstar. Goldstar also wanted to get even with Sam and Captain Comet. He’d tried and failed to commandeer the Jolly Apollo and the crew had abandoned him on an asteroid in just his pants!
“Why, good morning, Joseph,” Black-Hole Beard shouted to Comet. “I thought I’d pop by to show you my new toys.” He gestured to the traction beams. “I ‘borrowed’ these from a Stovian Science Ship and blow me down if they don’t work a treat!”
“What do you want?” Comet shouted as bravely as he could.
“You know what I want, Comet,” Black-Hole Beard snapped. “Every time I steal that map, you meddlesome star-warts somehow get it back, so this time I’m not going to let you out of my sight. If you want to reach Planet X, you’ll have to take us too, and these little beauties mean you can’t run off without us. I’m sticking to you like a barnacle on a moonwhale’s backside. You’re not getting away this time!”
Insults and curses rained down on the Jolly Apollo from the crew of the Revenge.
“You’ve got the map, but we’ve got you, ya useless swabs!” cried a heavily tattooed pirate from Black-Hole Beard’s ship.
“Tricking the Apollo is like taking candy from a baby: easy. And I love candy!” smirked One-Hand Luke, a stooped and particularly fearsome crew member with a hydraulic hook at the end of one arm.
“What now?” asked Sam, doing his best to ignore the insults.
“Let’s get them off!” Pegg shouted. He and Legg leaned over the side of the Jolly Apollo, but before they could touch the nearest beam, Black-Hole Beard’s crew released a volley of laser-cannon balls. Pegg and Legg leapt back, their stripy jumper looking a bit singed.
“Hands off the beams,” Black-Hole Beard snarled. “First one of ye scurvy maggots that touches them will have fewer fingers left than One-Hand Luke here.” One-Hand Luke gave an evil grin and waved his hydraulic hook menacingly.
“Right-ho, me hearties,” said Comet. “Time for a quick crew meeting.”
Everyone gathered round and did their best to ignore the salty scoffing from the ship opposite.
“Well, looking on the bright side, they haven’t boarded us,” said Comet.
“Yet!” grumbled Pegg, the grumpier of the first mate’s two heads.
“Aye, you’re right, shipmate,” Comet agreed. “So we need to find some way of escaping from the Revenge. Any ideas, anyone?”
“Yes, but we’ll be going in the wrong direction too,” said Romero, a scary-looking Snippernaut, who was like a giant walking lobster with two large pincers for hands. “And they’ll still be attached to us.”
Everyone thought hard and scratched their heads.
“What you all need is some breakfast – a bite to eat will get those grey cells working,” said Barney, arriving on deck with trays of steaming food clutched in his tentacles. “You’re in for a treat too, it’s scrambled Gnarf eggs!”
Sam wasn’t sure if anyone really thought this was a treat, but at least forcing down breakfast was a break from trying to think up a plan.
“Had to do some quick thinking there,” said Barney, as he sat down next to Sam. “Some space maggot knocked the Gnarf eggs on to the dirty floor, so I had to scoop them all up and scramble them instead.”
Oops, thought Sam guiltily.
“You OK, Sam? You look a bit funny,” asked Barney. “Don’t worry about the taste – to be honest, I think the dirt has improved things.”
“It’s not the eggs,” Sam sighed (although it was partly the eggs), “it’s Black-Hole Beard. We were well on our way to Planet X and now he comes along and ruins everything.”
“Ha! Call that breakfast?” came a shout from the Revenge. A pirate was holding up a plate of food. “I wouldn’t feed that to a meteor pig. This is a breakfast!”
“They’ve got grilled wafflous with beeloo syrup,” whined Piole.
“And I can smell bacostring!” sighed Legg.
“And sweetrooms, and gnargleberry, and starywisps…” added Piole, drooling from all twelve of his mouths and making a puddle on the deck.
“How did you cook that slop? In a tumble drier?” mocked another pirate from the Revenge.