by Jim Ladd
“Hmmph!” huffed Barney. “Of course their food’s great; their chef is from the Michelin Star. But my cooking’s not bad, is it, Sam?”
Sam’s mind raced. Barney’s cooking was monumentally awful, but Sam couldn’t say that to his friend.
“Erm, your cooking is … unique,” said Sam.
“Unique?” Barney replied.
“Sure! There’s no one that cooks like you, Barney,” said Sam.
Barney’s beak-like mouth cracked into a smile.
“I’m unique,” he smiled, and wandered happily back to the kitchen.
“Right, me hearties. Your captain has a plan!” said Comet proudly as he called the crew back into a huddle – safe from the prying ears of the Revenge. “We fire up the engines full blast and see how strong those traction beams are. If we accelerate as quickly as we can I reckon we can break free. Now, I want all of you to get into position: Pegg and Legg take the wheel; Zlit, make sure those boosters are primed and ready to go. The rest of you get ready to drop those sails; we need as much power as we can get. We’ll break free of those scurvy rogues, just see if we don’t!”
“And don’t let on we’re up to anything,” warned Sam. “Just act naturally.”
Everyone took their positions; but as they tried to pretend everything was normal they went a bit over the top.
Sam groaned as he watched the pirates having loud, exaggerated chats about the weather and whistling space-shanties a bit too loudly. Barney tried crossing his tentacles casually and ended up tying two of them together in a knot.
If anyone had been watching from the Revenge they would have suspected something was up right away. Luckily Black-Hole Beard’s crew were too busy with their twelve-course breakfast to notice. Eventually the Apollo’s crew were in position. Zlit and Romero were helping to drop the sails, Jonjarama was making sure the gravity anchors were stowed properly, and Pegg and Legg were standing by the ship’s wheel. Sam nodded at Comet, who gave a huge, exaggerated wink and drew his laser cutlass.
“Now!” shouted Comet dramatically, slicing his sword downwards through thin air. “Full speed ahead and let’s break those traction beams!”
The Apollo’s engines roared into life and the sails dropped with a mighty flap. The ship creaked and groaned with the sudden acceleration, the ropes sang as they were stretched by the pull of the sails and the engines whined with the effort. Everything that wasn’t fastened down shook and rattled. Sam could feel his teeth chattering with the vibrations. It was one of the rare occasions that everyone was concentrating on their job.
Almost immediately, smoke began to billow from below, cloaking the Apollo in a choking black fog. Sam coughed and spluttered as he breathed it in.
“It’s the engines, Captain,” shouted Zlit through the thick smoke. “I think they’re going to blow!”
“Ten more seconds, Mr Zlit,” Comet cried. “Then we’ll be far enough away from the Revenge to drop speed!”
The smoke on the deck was so thick that Sam could barely see his hand at the end of his arm. Those few seconds seemed to last an age as the engines shuddered with the effort.
“D-d-d-d-drop … s-s-s-s-s-peed … t-t-t-t-to … c-c-c-cruise,” ordered Comet’s voice through the smoke, his words shaken out of him by the vibrations of the ship.
With a grateful sigh the engines eased off and the ship stopped shaking.
“Well, that should have done it,” came Comet’s voice confidently.
The smoke slowly cleared, and revealed – Gravity’s Revenge! The Apollo had moved precisely nowhere. The Revenge was still attached and the traction beams were as strong as ever.
“Are you going somewhere, Joseph?” called Black-Hole Beard as his crew laughed and jeered. “Yarr!” Black-Hole Beard called to the giant Minocerous who served as his first mate. “Let’s teach these space-rats a lesson. Fire!”
A crackle of laser blasts ripped across the Apollo’s deck. Sam jumped to one side as the deadly ball from a laser musket flew past and left a scorched black mark against the base of the main mast. Sam could hear One-Hand Luke laughing as he jumped up and down, firing manically. All over the deck, pirates dived for cover behind anything they could find: chests, barrels or, in Comet’s case, behind Sam. The shooting stopped as abruptly as it had started.
“Let that be a warning to you!” bellowed Black-Hole Beard. “Try any more tricks, you scabby wretches, and I’ll be firing the laser cannons instead!”
“Cawr!” croaked Baggot, the strange creature that sat on Black-Hole Beard’s shoulder. It was covered in red feathers but had furry legs so it looked like a cross between a space-rat and a parrot. “Cawr! You’ll be filled with more holes than Comet’s socks.”
Black-Hole Beard roared with laughter.
“Aye, you’re right, Baggot,” laughed the Revenge’s captain. “And it would be shame to ruin such a lovely pair of pyjamas!”
“Cawr!” crowed Baggot, before bursting into song:
“He talks nothing but flim-flam,
He’s wearing his jim-jams,
His ship is
a rusty old boot,
It’s Comet,
the useless
old coot!”
“I’d like to fire that furry monstrosity out of a laser cannon,” muttered Comet, still flushed red with embarrassment.
“Why don’t you go and get dressed, Captain,” Sam suggested. “Then we’ll try and think of a way to get rid of those traction beams.”
Still muttering about Baggot, Captain Comet slunk below deck. He returned a couple of minutes later in his usual flamboyant clothes: a brightly coloured frock coat, a frilly shirt and his best breeches.
“I’ve got an idea,” Sam told him.
“What? On how to get hold of Baggot?” asked Comet, looking keen.
“No, on how to get rid of Black-Hole Beard,” Sam replied.
Comet looked disappointed, then perked up as he suddenly realised what Sam had said.
“Do tell,” he said eagerly.
The crew gathered round to hear the new plan.
“Well, if we can’t break away,” said Sam, “and there’s no way we can fight our way out of this—”
“There most certainly isn’t,” said Comet hurriedly.
“Then perhaps we can scare him away,” Sam continued.
“Scare Black-Hole Beard? Are you mad? Nothing scares Black-Hole Beard!” gasped Legg.
“I bet going into the Lightning-Bolt Wormhole would,” said Sam with a smile.
The crew gasped.
“You want to try going through the Lightning-Bolt Wormhole? You’re mad!” said Pegg grumpily.
“Pegg’s right, me hearty,” said Comet. “It’s certain doom. Just look at this.”
Comet switched on the holoscreen on the main deck and brought up information on the Lightning-Bolt Wormhole.
He read out loud: “It is said that the Lightning-Bolt Wormhole has claimed one thousand, three hundred and twenty-three ships to date… No ship has proved that it is possible to pass through the wormhole… The lightning bolts are so powerful they can disable a ship’s power, or in extreme cases actually blow a ship apart.”
Somewhere amongst the silent crew someone gulped loudly.
“Trying to fly one ship through that wormhole is a suicide mission, but trying to do it with two ships joined together is … is … Well, it’s just silly,” concluded Comet.
“I’m not suggesting we actually go through it,” Sam grinned at the crew. “We just make Black-Hole Beard think we’re going to go through it. We’ll scare him so much that he releases the traction beams. As soon as he lets us go we’ll make a run for it and try to lose him in the Grey Star Belt.”
“What’s that, me hearty – a double cross? Arr, that’s proper piratin’, lad!” said Comet.
Sam smiled at the compliment.
“Right, me hearties,” shouted Comet, “Let’s get the Apollo ready to sail and I’ll tell Black-Hole Beard we’re off.”
Sam was doubly pleased. He was happy that he’d come up with a plan to get them out of another sticky situation: but he was even happier that they’d be getting a better view of the Lightning-Bolt Wormhole. Even though he knew it was dangerous, he couldn’t help feeling excited about the whirling vortex.
Pegg and Legg took the wheel, Vulpus climbed to the crow’s nest, Romero and Zlit got ready to haul anchor and the rest of the crew busied themselves with the sails.
“Ahoy there, Gravity’s Revenge,” Comet called. “Prepare to sail. We’re heading for Planet X.”
“So you’ve seen sense at last, Comet,” Black-Hole Beard replied. “Cawr! I doubt that, I doubt that!” added Baggot.
“Raise the anchor, One-Hand Luke!” Black-Hole Beard bellowed. “Yarr, take the wheel! That rusty old tub the Apollo is going to make us rich!”
Cheers rang out from the Revenge as she raised her gravity anchors and the crew manned her sails.
“Cruise speed, dead ahead, please,” said Comet. The Apollo’s rocket boosters spluttered into life. Behind them the Revenge didn’t bother firing their own boosters, relying on the Apollo to tow them to their destination. Sam watched the Revenge, eagerly waiting for the moment Black-Hole Beard would notice what was happening.
A few minutes later, Black-Hole Beard and his younger brother, Goldstar, suddenly rushed to the side of the Revenge’s deck rail, bellowing at the Apollo.
“Comet, you planet lubber!” Black-Hole Beard yelled so angrily that flecks of spit burst out of his mouth and collected in his beard. “You pestilent maggot! You Nungaloid nitwit!”
“Change course,” Goldstar shouted. “You’re headed straight for the wormhole!”
“I am aware of that,” Comet replied coolly. “But I will not change course, for that is our course.”
“Avast with this madness, Comet – it’s certain doom!” shouted Black-Hole Beard.
Comet smiled haughtily and turned to Pegg and Legg. “Full speed ahead, me hearties, full speed ahead!”
“Now now, stop this nonsense, Comet!” wheedled Goldstar. “Not even you’d be such a fool as to try to fly through the Lightning-Bolt Wormhole. It’s a deathtrap!”
“I am and I will,” said Comet. He thought for a moment. “Apart from that bit about being a fool.”
The Apollo’s speed picked up until they were racing towards the wormhole.
“Turn off your traction beams, Black-Hole Beard,” called Comet. “Then you can fly off to some safe bit of space.”
“I’ve got a better idea, Captain Calamity,” shouted Black-Hole Beard. “Your lightweight ship is no match for my Revenge. All I have to do is drop anchor and you’ll come to a stop.”
“Oh, I hadn’t thought of that,” muttered Comet to himself.
Sam watched nervously as Black-Hole Beard barked out an order. The Revenge’s gravity anchors came clanking down – but nothing happened.
Black-Hole Beard looked dumbfounded.
“Fire the rocket boosters! Reverse thrust!” he bellowed.
The Revenge’s engines roared into life, but instead of pulling the ships away from the wormhole, they kept on their course. Sam turned to Captain Comet, but he looked just as confused as Black-Hole Beard.
“Pegg, Legg, have you made any, er, improvements to the engines?” asked Comet.
“And when would we have done that?” replied Pegg. “They’re just as useless as before.”
“So what’s going on? We shouldn’t be able to pull the Revenge this easily. It’s like we’re fishing for Zimopan dwarf sprats with a megaton winch,” said Comet.
“Oh, no!” said Sam, pointing to the holoscreen. “No, no, no, no! It says here that the wormhole has a gravitational pull.”
“A what?” asked Comet. “Gravitational pull? What does that mean?”
“It means that if we get too close, the wormhole will suck us in!” said Sam.
“Pegg! Legg! Change course!” shouted Comet in a sudden panic.
“Where to, Captain?” asked Legg.
“I don’t care!” Comet replied, pointing at the wormhole. “Just away from that!”
Pegg and Legg struggled with the ship’s wheel, trying to turn it one way or another.
“We can’t change course!” cried Legg. “No matter which way we turn the wheel we just keep going straight!”
“What? Do you mean we can’t get away?” said Comet, horrified.
“I don’t know, Captain, but we’re headed for the Lightning-Bolt Wormhole!”
“We need to do something quickly,” said Sam, “or it’s going to be too late!”
“Switch the traction beams off,” Comet shouted at the Revenge. “We might both be able to get away if the ships are separated.”
It was Black-Hole Beard’s turn to look panicked.
“I don’t know how!” shouted Black-Hole Beard. “We stole them, and we don’t have the instruction manual! Curses! I knew we should have kidnapped one of the scientists too!”
“Cawr! Said scientists were a waste of space, you did,” croaked Baggot. “No scientist belongs on the Revenge, that’s what you said. CAWR!”
Black-Hole Beard grabbed Baggot off his shoulder and stuffed him head first into a laser cannon.
“Shut yer beak, Baggot, or I’ll fire you off into space!” roared Black-Hole Beard.
Sam watched as Black-Hole Beard stormed off and left. Baggot wriggled his way out of the top of the cannon, feathers spewing everywhere, and stuck his tongue out at Black-Hole Beard’s back.
“We’ll get you for this, just you wait and see!” Goldstar yelled, flinging his cape over his shoulder dramatically and following his brother.
In front of them the wormhole spiralled menacingly, energy waves disappearing into it like water swirling down a plughole. Everything looked much larger now that they were getting closer, and the lightning flickered around the edges with a spine-chilling crackle.
KABOOM!
A laser-cannon shot exploded next to the Apollo.
“Comet!” shouted Black-Hole Beard. “What are you playing at? I don’t know what you’re up to or how you’re doing it, but stop it now or I’ll blow your ship to smithereens!”
“I can’t help it!” wailed Comet. “It’s the wormhole – it’s sucking us in!”
“Blistering bowling balls! You’ve done it now, you fool!” bellowed Black-Hole Beard.
“Sam, go to the crow’s nest and swap places with Vulpus,” ordered Comet, pulling himself together. “I’ll want him down here to help with the sails. We’re going to need all hands, tentacles and claws on deck if we’re going to out-run the pull of the wormhole. You keep a look out up there. See if you can find any weak spots in the wormhole.”
“Weak spots?” asked Sam.
“Oh, I don’t know!” blustered Comet. “Just find us a way out of here!”
Sam scampered up the rigging to the crow’s nest as fast as he could and passed on Comet’s orders to Vulpus, the huge, furry crewmate.
From his vantage point on top of the main mast, Sam could see Comet dashing this way and that and shouting orders to everyone. The crew members ran around in confusion as they tried to turn Comet’s orders into actions. Things weren’t much better on the Gravity’s Revenge.
Sam could see Black-Hole Beard frantically trying to find ways of shutting off the traction beams. He tried firing laser muskets at them, but the blasts just bounced off. There were pirates desperately bashing the traction beams with oars and hoverpins.
All the while the ships were getting closer to the Lightning-Bolt Wormhole and the dreadful churning, crackling noise was getting louder and louder. In no time at all it was looming over the two ships in its full, terrible glory. Sam could see right inside the wormhole now, where waves of blue pulsing energy tumbled and spun into a long tunnel. The occasional bolt of lightning crackled and sparked out of the waves.
Sam shuddered. Just a few minutes before, he had been desperate for a close-up look of the wormhole; now he wanted to be anywhere
else but here.
Soon, the entrance to the wormhole seemed to fill up the whole sky. Sam felt his stomach flip over as the two ships were dragged towards its churning mouth. The noise was now deafening; a relentless roar that made Sam’s eardrums ache and his head feel like it was going to erupt.
“Grab something and hold on tight, me hearties!” shouted Comet against the roar of the wormhole. “We’re going in!”
Sam clutched on to the rail of the crow’s nest and held on for dear life.
The Jolly Apollo lurched violently to one side as the first energy wave buffeted into the ship, and Sam was nearly thrown from the crow’s nest. He looked around desperately, but there was no sign of any escape route like Captain Comet had told him to look for. Like it or not, they were in the Lightning-Bolt Wormhole now!
Clinging on by his fingertips, Sam figured that the deck might be a safer place to be. He scrambled down the rigging as quickly as he could, swaying from side to side with the pitching of the ship.
By the time Sam reached the deck, the Apollo had been completely swallowed up by the wormhole. Bolts of lightning cracked like whips all around the ship. Sam could feel the hairs on his head lifting as the static electricity fizzed and sparked. Behind him the Revenge bucked and twisted as it followed the Apollo, dragged along by the traction beams that kept the ships linked together.
The Apollo’s sails slapped against the masts, which groaned with the strain.
Comet shouted something. Even though Sam was only a few paces away, he could barely hear what Comet was saying.
“WHAT?” Sam yelled back.
“HOIST THE SAILS!” Comet bellowed again. “THEY’LL SNAP THE MAST OR GET RIPPED TO SHREDS!”
“AYE AYE, CAPTAIN!” Sam shouted at the top of his voice.
Sam tapped the nearest crewmate, Romero, on the shoulder and beckoned for him to follow. Using a combination of shouts and mime Sam passed on Comet’s message. Romero began pulling on the ropes that hoisted the sails while Sam tried to get other crew members to help.