Mechanic with Benefits

by Mickey Miller

  The first course, salad, comes out, and we’re making small talk.

  “So honey,” my mom says. “How has the restaurant been?”

  “Great,” I say. “Tips have been solid this summer.”

  “Well that’s really wonderful,” she says with a phony smile, and I know there’s another thought brewing. “So what else have you been doing? Have you been looking at starting a career some time soon?”

  I take a deep breath and exhale, staring way too hard at the iceberg lettuce on my fork.

  The truth is, I get this question all the time, and I hate it. I hear it from all of my customers at the restaurant, and it’s always said with a certain air of disdain, like I’m not good enough just doing what I’m doing.

  What else have you been doing?

  Liam, who has been relatively quiet, aside from talking to my dad about fishing when we walked in, interjects.

  Smirking, he opens his mouth to speak. “Haley and I have been working on a couple’s guide to modern love. Basically, it’s a how-to guide starting from when we met, and chronicling how hard it’s been to get deep inside each other in the modern world where carnal pleasure is just a swipe of an app away. Yet, real connection is harder than ever before.”

  Internally, I roll my eyes. But at the same time, I appreciate the fact that Liam hones in on my mom’s awkward question and deflects it. Liam looks over at me, seeming to take pleasure at how I’m squirming. Fine? This is how he wants to play it.

  “Yes, it’s true.” I add. “We’re writing a book all about becoming a couple in the twenty first century. It’s called ‘no more sex.’ It’s about how having sex too early in relationships ruins them. So we’ve agreed not to have relations until we get married. Like our grandparents used to do.”

  Beneath the table, Liam squeezes the flesh of my thigh, then winks at me.

  I take a deep breath. I don’t want to just be blowing smoke, but the way everyone is looking at us, I realize now I have to go with the story. The bigger the lie, the more they’ll believe it.

  “Exactly.” Liam goes on. “I’m originally from a small town, so I’m a fan of a more traditional relationship.”

  “Oh.” My mother nods. “Well, that’s good to hear.”

  My father nods too, and it’s about the only thing I’ve seen them in agreement on since the year their marriage started to go haywire.

  Our waiter approaches with the main course; ribs, potatoes, and green beans, all portioned out exactly the same.

  Liam looks down at his portion, then shoots me a funny look.

  “You said there’d be food at this thing,” he says, whispering in my ear. “Is this a joke?”

  I smile seductively and motion for him to point his ear at me.

  “If the portion is too small, I know something else you can eat later.”

  He leans back and arches an eyebrow at me. “What?”

  I smile, impressed with myself that I’ve just out-dirtied Mr. Dirty himself.

  “You don’t know? Let me give you a hint,” I say in a low voice. He’s still got his big hand gripping the flesh of my upper thigh. “You’re getting warmer,” I whisper.

  His eyes grow wide as he realizes the meaning of what I just said.

  “I guess you’re gonna live up to your name, aren’t you?” He smirks, and I pant, a little too noticeably for a familial dinner, as he slides his hand a couple of inches up my skirt. I can’t help how my heart begins to race.

  “You shouldn’t,” I say out loud.

  But his hand continues creeping up my thigh, almost imperceptibly, like a vine.

  The rest of the people at the table have been chatting about who-knows-what. They’re shooting Liam and I weird glances, but I don’t think they even have the slightest clue as to what’s going on under the table.

  Thank God for tablecloths that hang low off the edge of the table.

  After people are about done with their food, Jade clears her throat and smiles, tapping her fork against her waterglass.

  “Attention everyone. Attention, please.” She pauses while the lull of the hundred or so people in the room dies down. “The best man would like to make a toast, if I could please have your attention.”

  My ex stands up with a big grin on his face.

  Liam leans over to me and smirks a bit. “That’s your ex, eh?”

  “Yes.”

  He nods. “I’m going to fuck you so hard tonight, you’ll thank the Grecian Gods you got out of your relationship just so you could meet me. You’ll forget Soy Chin over there was ever a part of your life.”

  My pulse speeds a bit. Liam’s hand creeps up a little more on my leg. He’s getting to the danger zone. “Did you just say ‘Soy Chin?’” I whisper with a laugh. “What on earth does that mean?”

  Liam shrugs, and inches his finger so close to my opening, I tense up. “Guy looks like he eats non-stop soy. Like he’s never been hunting a day in his life. Probably spends every day in an office and works out the glamour muscles only.”

  I want to ask Liam what he means by glamour muscles, when Jack takes the microphone and starts to speak.

  “For those of you who don’t know me, I’m Jack Talbot. You probably all know me as Zack’s best bro from college. Well, I just want to, like, welcome everyone who is in the wedding par-tay. This celebration of a truly rad couple is what we’re here to do. I’m just hoping he doesn’t get smart and break it off before tomorrow!”

  He means it as a joke. However, he gets crickets.

  Too soon, Jack. I want to tell him.

  “Uh, alright. Well that didn’t go as I expected!” He says before pulling out a folded piece of paper. “Let’s see. Well, there’s one quick story I wanted to tell tonight. It’s about a time when Zack and I got drunk in college…”

  Jack continues talking.

  And Liam’s finger reaches the promised land.

  I try not to like it. I shouldn’t. I’m being bad. I should tell him to stop.

  Liam doesn’t even look at me. If you saw him from the waist up--like everyone at the party--you’d think he’s listening intently to the best man’s story about the time when Jack and Zack were at Harvard and won some beer pong game against all odds.

  At least I think it’s what the story’s about. I can’t fucking concentrate anymore as Liam rubs the head of my clit, his touch as gentle as he’s ever been with me. It’s a stark contrast to how rough he got last night.

  I rub my forehead and think of all the reasons I should slap Liam right across the face for doing this. For being so sexually inappropriate right in front of my family and relatives. If they find out, somehow, that his hand isn’t on just my thigh underneath the white cloth, I’ll be so embarrassed I don’t think I’ll ever live it down.

  Liam smirks and glances at me from the corner of his eye, seeing me biting my lower lip.

  “Asshole,” I mouth to him, ever so slowly.

  “Yes,” he mouths back, and turns his attention back to my ex, who is still telling his long winded story.

  I have to fight not to moan as Liam curls his fingers into my opening.

  “Fuck you,” I mouth this time.

  I fight it.

  I fight the pleasure.

  This shouldn’t feel as good as it does.

  An asshole like Liam shouldn’t be able to take complete control of me.

  How is he getting his fingers on just the right spot at this angle?

  Can anyone else tell?

  Oh God, oh fuck…

  I climax and tremble as I do, pulsing hard around Liam’s fingers.

  Please world, don’t notice.

  When I zone back in, Jack is still speaking. “Thank you,” he says. The crowd claps, and Jack smiles and sits back down.

  Next to me.

  “How’d you like the story?” He asks me.

  I exhale hard. “It was good. It feels so good when you tell stories like that.”

  Liam cocks his head and stares down Jack. “It wasn
’t a bad story, man. I’m sure you’ll have a better one for the wedding though. I mean, it didn’t totally kill or anything like that.”

  Liam literally towels off my juices with his cloth napkin, then wraps his hand around my neck, massaging me with his big, strong fingers.The same fingers that were just causing me to come at my freaking sister’s rehearsal dinner.

  I can’t lie, his touch feels fucking amazing.

  And it’s not lost on me that he’s doing it right in front of Jack, who seems a bit confused at how much attention I’m getting. It’s like he thought when I caught him cheating and left, that I’d never find another man again.

  “So, uh, you mean, you didn’t like the story?” he asks, a little nervously.

  I lean back and watch the two of them go at it. I’m partially in my post-orgasm haze, but also--I won’t lie--it’s fun watching Liam with Jack, since Liam’s obviously more socially dominant than Jack is.

  Liam laughs. “Yeah, it’s a good story, man. To tell at two a.m. in a noisy bar with your buddies. You gotta think about your audience, though. And you probably shouldn’t be so drunk when you tell it next time.”

  “Drunk? Listen buddy, I’m not drunk. I’ve had two drinks.”

  Liam’s laughter booms through the room again. “Yeah man, okay. You’re from the city, right?”

  “New York,” he squints. “Why?”

  “Oh no reason. Well just the New York guys I knew in the military were pussies when it came to drinking. Shit, except for Casteloni. Dude was a fucking tank. I mean I’m not trying to rip on you man, I’m just saying you probably shouldn’t have too many drinks tomorrow for the actual speech.”

  Jack’s mouth hangs open in embarrassment. “I know how to drink. I went to Harvard. And I work for Goldman and Sachs.” He snorts.

  Liam shrugs, unphased. “Yeah my buddy Cole went to Harvard, too. He says it’s getting easier and easier. And wasn’t Goldman and Sachs the company that caused the subprime mortgage crisis ten years ago?”

  Jack’s mouth moves, but nothing comes out. I smile on the inside, and I have to say that I too am impressed with Liam’s intellectualness for not having gone to college.

  Liam’s hand drops to my shoulder, and I think he might give me another orgasm just with the way he caresses my body. “Oh waiter!” Liam booms, and our server whips around.

  “Yes, Sir?”

  “I’ll take another whisky coke. Make it a double please.”

  “Sorry, sir, we don’t serve doubles.”

  “Don’t serve doubles? Well shit. How about you at least put some actual alcohol in the drink this time, because I’ve had four of these and I don’t feel even a slight buzz.”

  “Yes, Sir,” the server says, a little frazzled. “Sorry Sir.”

  “And I’ll take another one, too,” Jack says. He pulls out his chair to stand up, and as he does he knocks the server’s tray, which has a pile of dirty dishes on it.

  Liam reacts with catlike reflexes and saves the whole thing from falling, grabbing a plate on it’s way down to the ground and then steadying the dirty dish tray the waiter has.

  “Sorry,” Jack says sheepishly, redfaced.

  “You know what, better hold that drink for City Boy over here,” Liam chides. “Or you know what, on second thought, bring it out and I’ll drink it. We’ll call it a ‘secret double.’”

  The server nods and walks away, getting out of the range of our now somewhat reckless table. Even Jack’s new girlfriend sniggers.

  “This ISN’T funny!” Jack yells at her.

  “Hey, Jack. Lighten up man. You’re making a scene.” Zack, who hasn’t said much tonight, belts from his chair.

  “I’m going to the bathroom,” Jack mutters and storms out.

  “He always like this?” Liam asks, thumbing toward my ex.

  “He’s a good guy at heart,” Zack says. “When he drinks though, he’s just not the same.”

  “Don’t worry,” I say. “I’ll have Liam keep an eye on him.”

  They laugh a little, and I see some non-verbal communication going on between Dad and Liam, which is weird. Do they even know each other?

  Yet they’re exchanging glances and nods.

  Liam picks up his butter knife and dings on his water glass, until everyone else does.

  Liam stands up.

  My heart drops, and my gut instinct tells me something is off with what’s about to happen.

  He winks at me before he speaks into the mic. “Hi everyone. My name is Liam Blackwell. I’m Haley’s date. I just want to take a moment and say what a wonderful honor it is to be here, taking part in such a lovely dinner and I’m really looking forward to the ceremony tomorrow.”

  The crowd golf claps. Liam continues.

  “Anyway. As some of you know, Haley and I have been dating for a little while. And with the spirit of love in the air, and at the risk of stealing just a tiny bit of thunder from the lovely bride and groom here, I’ve got to ask a question of Haley. Again, if there weren’t so much love in the air right now, I wouldn’t be doing this. But I can’t help it. I just can’t wait any longer.”

  I scrunch up my face at Liam and mouth words without saying them out loud.

  What the hell are you doing?

  He gets down on one knee, pulls a tiny something out of his pocket and says those five words that every girl dreams they’ll hear some day.

  “Haley Rosebaum, you’re the love of my life, and the best thing that ever happened to me. Will you marry me?”

  My jaw drops to the floor. The room goes completely silent.

  And I don’t know whether to slap him.

  Or pounce on him.

  Chapter Eleven

  Liam

  I want to take my phone out of my pocket and snap a picture of Haley’s face as I kneel in front of her, but I resist the urge.

  Her whole family is looking at me and her, staring. I need to make this convincing.

  I hold the ring on my palm as I look up at her, mustering the best puppy dog eyes possible. I can’t help the trace of a smirk that quirks up at the corner of my mouth.

  “Liam, I…” She pauses and looks around. The women in the crowd cover their mouths with their hands, perched on the brink of happy tears. The guys look on in curious, ‘waiting for approval’ status.

  In fact, the only person in the entire crowd who doesn’t seem like he’s ecstatic is Haley’s ex.

  The city boy chum looks at us with his jaw on the floor.

  I don’t know what Haley’s thinking. I imagine she is just now realizing the degree of crazy she was when she asked me to be her date to this thing. Sorry honey, I’m not the kind of guy who holds back when I want to have fun.

  And since this little week has no real life consequences, I’m going all the way.

  “Liam, I’m so surprised,” Haley says. “I can’t believe you’re doing this. I think you know the answer.”

  I don’t hesitate. I don’t even move or get up from my knees. “Of course I know the answer babe,” I say. “I just want to hear the words from your sexy lips.”

  In my peripheral vision I notice someone aside from city boy who frowns.

  Jade.

  Which makes no sense. This is the happiest week of her life. What should she care what her younger sister is up to?

  For a moment, I wonder if Haley is just going to call this whole arrangement off. Maybe she’ll put her cards away and explain to her family how she’s on this adventure with a strange man whose middle name she doesn’t know, and is in no way prepared for marriage.

  “Yes,” she finally says with a smile. “Of course.”

  The crowd golf claps as I get up from my knees, hug her, and slide the ring onto her finger.

  I pick her up and twirl a couple of times, kissing her passionately.

  “Thank you so much everyone!” I say. “With that done, I return you to the regularly scheduled programing. Jade and Zack, I apologize for stealing your thunder for a few moments. I can’t
wait for tomorrow.”

  “Liam,” she whispers, putting her hand over mine and smiling.

  “Yes, honey?” I say loudly.

  She leans her head into my ear. “I’m going to fucking kill you.”

  “You are such an asshole,” Haley says emphatically as we enter our hotel room. “You were supposed to be my fun date. Not my damn fiancé. And now my whole family saw that. How am I supposed to come clean with them now?”

  She throws her purse on the bed. Her hands on her hips, she does one short of tapping her foot. Her cheeks are a ruddy bright red. I love the way her dress hugs her hips.

  “You look sexy when you’re pissed, you know that?”

  “Oh my God!” she says, and looks up to the ceiling, as if hoping for relief by some higher power. “You are insufferable. What was I thinking bringing you here? What in God’s name was I thinking would happen if I brought you.” Haley closes her eyes, takes a deep breath, and runs a hand over her face.

  “Oh, come on now. Don’t act like Haley Blackwell doesn’t have a nice ring to it,” I say, taking her hand in mine. But she doesn’t look amused. “And speaking of rings, you didn’t even mention the ring. Isn’t it nice?”

  “Yes! It is nice. So nice my family now all thinks we are very serious about this marriage thing. Where did you get it anyway?”

  I arch an eyebrow. “I knew you’d come around. It was my great-Grandmother’s. It’s a family heirloom so to speak, genuine eighteen karat gold. The diamond is just over a carat itself. I always carry it around for good luck. And it came in handy tonight.”

  She takes off the ring. “Well you can have it back. I’m not wearing this thing. I’m breaking this fake engagement off right now.”

  I glance down at her palm, outstretched and holding the ring. “But Dagny. We haven’t even been together for two hours yet. Give love a chance,” I wink.

  “Ugh!” She growls and sets the thing on the hotel room desk. “I’m so silly. I’m so fucking stupid!”

  She rubs the bridge of her nose, looking down at the floor, and a tear, slips out.

  “Haley,” I whisper, wrapping my arms around her from behind.