Pandora Jones: Reckoning

by Barry Jonsberg

  The girls said little to each other on the way back to their dormitory. Jen carried the torch. When they’d left the cave, with Nate still in it, they hadn’t asked permission to take it and he hadn’t objected. Night had fallen and they were grateful for the light, especially in the pitch dark of the forest. Jen made only one attempt at conversation.

  ‘So what did you find in his head, Pandora?’

  A mess, Pan thought. So many memories. Such a jumble of truths, half-truths and lies. It would take her a long time to sort through that confusion and distinguish the genuine from the manufactured. But there was a certainty lodged in her gut. Nate had a role to play. A vital role.

  ‘I know one thing, Jen,’ she said. ‘When push comes to shove, Nate would die for me. And that’s got to be good enough.’

  Chapter 9

  ‘Okay,’ said Jen. ‘It’s simple.’

  ‘Really?’ said Pan.

  ‘Sure.’ Jen picked up a stone and tossed it into the air, caught it on the back of her hand. ‘We break this down into stages. First, we get the support of the rest of the team. No disrespect, Pandora, but the two of us against The School just ain’t gonna cut it.’

  ‘How are we going to do that?’

  Jen picked up another stone and tried the same trick with two. This time both slid off her hand and fell to the ground. She clicked her tongue in annoyance.

  ‘Stop asking questions,’ she said. ‘We’ll worry about that later. I’m just laying out the broad picture, okay?’ Jen tried with three stones, again without success. ‘Second, our team breaks into the Infirmary and steals the antivirus, or whatever the hell it’s called.’

  ‘How . . . ?’

  Jen held up a hand.

  ‘Third, we escape from The School and find our way back to civilisation. Fourth, we find someone in authority – someone very high up in authority, like the President of the United States, for example – and persuade them that we are not freakin’ mad. They send out the word to all the nations on earth that there is a deadly virus on the loose but luckily there is a cure. Bingo, mass inoculation, world saved, baddies brought to justice. We’re heroes and everyone lives happily ever after.’

  Pan laughed. ‘Thank God you’re here, Jen,’ she said. ‘For a moment I thought this was going to be tricky, but you’ve put my mind at rest.’

  Jen tried with four stones and smiled when three remained on the back of her hand.

  ‘Hey, Pandora,’ she said. ‘I didn’t say there weren’t going to be operational problems, but that’s basically it, isn’t it? Find the cure and get it out there?’

  Pan put her head into her hands. She tried to keep despair at bay, but it was difficult. Come on, Pan, she thought. You’ve made the first step. Getting Jen on your side. You didn’t even think you could do that. So, she considered Jen’s words. When it was put so bluntly, success was clearly impossible, but the basic line of argument was right. She couldn’t deny it.

  ‘Yeah,’ she said. ‘That’s what we have to do.’

  ‘Good,’ said Jen. She tried again with four and this time caught them all. ‘Then we have a plan. Now we just need to put it into operation.’

  ‘What do you think are our chances of success?’ asked Pan. ‘Two percent? One percent?’

  Jen laughed.

  ‘You crazy, Pandora? I wish, but nothing like that. Maybe one in a million. Even then, I’m being optimistic.’ She tossed the stones onto the ground, stood and looked Pan straight in the eyes. ‘You know where the smart money would go?’ Pan shook her head. ‘That we will die trying, Pandora.’

  ‘That doesn’t bother you?’

  Jen shrugged. ‘Of course. But I’ll tell you something else. I’d sooner die trying than sit here flipping stones.’

  The group gathered in the same building that had been the location of their induction so long ago. Pan almost smiled at the memory. The classroom hadn’t changed. The same dusty windows, the same air of neglect. But their group was different. They were two members short, for one thing. Cara, of course, and she wouldn’t be coming back. Pan tried not to think about that. It was too painful. I haven’t forgotten you, Cara, she thought. And I haven’t forgotten my vow. I will find out the truth and someone will pay. Professor Goldberg had given her a version of the truth, but one thing that was becoming clearer with every passing hour was that it was impossible to take anyone’s truth at face value. Cara committed suicide? Maybe, but just because Professor Goldberg said so didn’t make it fact. And Nate. He wasn’t there, and only two of those present knew the truth of his story.

  Eric hadn’t been invited on the grounds he was new and there was no evidence he could be trusted. The adventure on the island had created hardship and tragedy, but it had formed a bond between the members of the group.

  Eric was no part of that.

  Pan felt nervous, but she also felt on the verge of something important. Lies and half-truths. The time for them had come to an end. For better or worse, after today the team would either be united or they would be split. The next half hour would tell.

  They even sat in the same seats as before; Wei-Lin at the head of the rough circle, the others in their original order. Just two seats unoccupied. Pan clasped her hands together and bent her head. It was time.

  Jen started.

  ‘Thanks for coming, guys,’ she said. ‘I know this is free time and you probably had other things planned. I also know you’re curious why I called us together.’ She glanced at Pan. ‘I’m going to tell you a story,’ she continued. ‘I’m going to tell you what really happened when me and Pan escaped. This is a story you’ll find hard to believe, particularly since I told a different one when I got back. I just ask two things. You don’t interrupt and you accept that I believe what I’m saying is the truth. Fair enough?’

  There was silence. Pan glanced around the group, but all she saw was confusion written on three faces. Sanjit was the exception. He kept his head down but, as she looked at him, he raised a hand.

  ‘Sanjit. Yes?’ said Jen.

  As always his voice was low, and Pan had to lean forward to catch his words. He didn’t raise his head.

  ‘Pan was right, wasn’t she?’ he whispered. It was as if the floor of the classroom held a peculiar fascination, since he kept his gaze fixed firmly on it. ‘The world is going on as it always did. We’ve been told lies. By The School.’

  The silence that greeted this remark was heavy and prolonged. Pan flicked her eyes from one person to another. Wei-Lin appeared on the verge of tears, but Sam and Karl simply looked astonished. Jen leaned forward in her chair.

  ‘Why’d you say that, Sanjit?’ she asked.

  The boy shrugged, but still kept his eyes down. ‘I’ve been thinking,’ he said finally. ‘The island. Me and Pan had a conversation. She asked me what I remembered from the virus. I told her.’ He locked the fingers of his hands together. ‘I started thinking about what she said. The memories. And the more I thought, the more . . . I . . .’ He shrugged. ‘I don’t know. Tell your story.’

  Wei-Lin stood. ‘I thought we were done with this,’ she said. Fury was written clearly on her face, was reflected in her body language. Rage fought with something else, something sadder. Despair. She raised her hands as if seeking help from above. ‘Dear God,’ she said. ‘Haven’t we been through enough? I mean, seriously. Is this true, Jen? Are you going to tell us that what you already said about your escape was a bunch of crap? Are you? Because if that’s the case, I’m leaving now. I can’t take this. I cannot take it.’ Her face twisted and her legs appeared to give way as she sank back onto her chair. She put her hands into her hair and pulled. ‘I can’t do this,’ she wailed. Pan resisted the urge to comfort her friend because she knew that would not be welcome. She stayed in her seat.

  Jen waited until all was quiet.

  ‘Everything I told you,’ she said, ‘was true. Everything up to the point when a helicopter appeared to rescue us from the sea. That didn’t happen. This is what did . . .’


  It didn’t take long, five minutes at most, and Jen stuck to the facts. There was a gasp from Sam when Jen described Pan ringing her mother on the satellite phone, but no one interrupted. She finished at the point when a man in a balaclava shot her.

  ‘That’s all I remember,’ she said. ‘Until I woke up in the Infirmary with a different set of memories, the ones I told you originally. Pan can take up the story from where I left off.’

  Wei-Lin raised her head, and when she spoke her voice was distant and devoid of emotion.

  ‘I’m sure she can,’ she said. ‘The one thing we can rely on from her is stories.’ She looked directly at Pan. ‘But a story is just a story. Because she tells it doesn’t make it true. And I’m sorry, Jen, but the same applies to you.’

  Jen smiled.

  ‘Hey, Wei-Lin,’ she said. ‘Don’t apologise. I know exactly where you’re coming from.’

  Pan didn’t avert her eyes from Wei-Lin’s gaze.

  ‘I can do better than tell a story,’ she said. ‘I can show you, with your permission.’ Pan let the statement linger for a few seconds. ‘Most of you seem to believe I have psychic abilities. You, Wei-Lin, believe it more than most. Or you did. When I found your watch, when you encouraged me to find Cara. My success convinced you, even though I was probably the most sceptical of all of us.’ Pan stood. ‘I’m no longer a sceptic. I do have abilities, and finding lost things is only one part. I can do more and I want to show you how much more.’ She stood and slowly circled her team, but only Sam and Karl followed her progress. Wei-Lin had her head down again and Sanjit was focused on his interlocking fingers. ‘I can . . .’ Pan took a deep breath. There was no way to make this sound plausible. There was no choice but to blurt it out. ‘I can enter people’s minds, see through their eyes, tap into their thoughts. I think this is how I managed to find those lost things. Without understanding what I was doing, I think I was reading buried thoughts in the person who knew where the things were, but had forgotten. That’s why it was so easy for me to find Wei-Lin’s watch, because the thoughts weren’t buried at all. She knew where it was. Same with some experiments I did with Dr Morgan.’ Pan paused.

  Karl’s mouth was hanging open and his eyes were wide. ‘Bullshit,’ he whispered.

  ‘Hey, Karl,’ said Jen. ‘I’d have said the exact same thing, man, but she did it to me. She knew things no one else in the world knew apart from me. I swear. She can do it. I felt her enter my mind. It was disgusting, but it happened.’

  Pan thought briefly about telling them her experiences with Kes, but dismissed the idea. This is already too difficult to grasp, she thought, and there is no proof. Just be as matter-of-fact as you can.

  ‘If you fight me, it’s hard,’ she continued. ‘I can’t stay in your mind long if you don’t want me there. But if you let me in – and Jen will tell you how difficult and unnatural that will prove – then it’s easier. So that’s what I want you to do: let me in. I want to show you my memories so you can experience them for yourselves. If, after that, you think I’m mad or wrong or delusional or any combination of all those things, then, okay. We’ll agree to disagree and I’ll never mention any of this again. I swear. On my mother’s life. And my brother’s.’

  No one reacted. I have no idea if this is even possible, Pan thought. She had been in people’s minds, but only to read what was there. Jen certainly hadn’t said that she knew anything of what was going on in Pan’s head, so maybe it was all one way. But logic said that if she opened up her mind to others while she was in theirs, then it was possible. It had to be worth the chance.

  Karl was the first to speak.

  ‘Let’s do it,’ he said. ‘I don’t know about the rest of you, but it seems like we should at least test it. It sounds freaky, true. But, hey . . .’ He spread his arms. ‘I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t give it a go.’

  ‘It’s okay for you, Karl,’ said Sam. ‘God knows there’s not much in your head at the best of times, so you’ve got little to lose.’

  Karl put his arms around Sam’s shoulders and drew her to him. He smiled at the rest of the group. ‘It’s my brain she’s really attracted to,’ he said. ‘A beautiful mind, that’s me.’

  Sam smiled and slapped at his hand. No one else smiled.

  ‘Wei-Lin,’ said Jen. ‘What do you think?’

  Wei-Lin was slumped in her chair, elbows on her thighs and head lowered. For a moment it seemed she wasn’t going to answer.

  ‘You said it was disgusting, Jen,’ she said. ‘I want to know more about that.’

  Jen screwed up her brow. ‘It’s kinda difficult to put into words,’ she said. ‘It’s not like anything I’ve felt before.’ She thought for a moment. ‘There’s a pressure in your head, like there’s a balloon in there and it’s expanding, you know? And then, bang. It pops and you feel someone else in there with you. In your mind.’ She shuddered. ‘I won’t lie. I hated it. Made me feel . . . what’s the word?’

  ‘Violated,’ said Pan.

  ‘Yeah. Violated.’

  ‘And you want us to feel violated?’ said Wei-Lin. ‘Is that it?’

  ‘I want your permission,’ said Pan. ‘I won’t violate you. I’ll only try it if you agree.’ She stopped pacing and put up her hands. ‘Look, maybe this is a bad idea. Maybe we should forget about it. You go back to your classes, get on with learning how to survive in the post-virus world. Me and Jen can do this by ourselves.’

  ‘Do what?’ asked Sanjit.

  ‘Never mind,’ said Pan.

  ‘I want to know,’ said Sanjit. ‘No. I need to know if my parents are still alive, if my friends are still alive. That idea is in my head now – actually it’s been there for a while – and I just can’t forget it. So, if this is what it takes, one way or another, then count me in.’

  ‘Me too,’ said Karl.

  Sam nodded, but she was frowning at the same time. ‘Okay,’ she said.

  Everyone waited for Wei-Lin to say something. A full minute passed before she raised her head, but when she spoke she looked only at Sanjit.

  ‘ “One way or another”,’ she said. ‘You’re right, Sanjit. Let’s end this madness once and for all.’ She sat upright. ‘What do we do?’

  ‘Hold hands,’ said Pan. ‘Everyone linked to everyone else. And when you feel that pressure Jen was talking about, don’t resist. Hey, I don’t know. I’m new at this myself. But keep calm and let’s see what happens.’ Her mouth was dry and the palms of her hands were slick with sweat. The group shifted in their seats and, somewhat self-consciously, reached out to their neighbours and took them by the hand. Pan returned to her seat and reached out to Jen on her left and Wei-Lin on her right. Wei-Lin’s hand was almost as damp as her own and her grip was reluctant and limp.

  ‘Close your eyes,’ said Pan. ‘Empty your minds. Concentrate on your breathing.’

  She did the same. Almost immediately a thought intruded, a small voice in her head. A cheap conjurer’s trick, a stage show routine. Hypnotism for the masses. She pushed the thought aside and stilled the voice. One breath after another. Feel the air as it fills your lungs, take it in as deeply as possible, then exhale. Long and slow. Empty your lungs fully and then draw the air in. Control. Feel the oxygen, think of nothing else. It was becoming easier, this state of relaxation. Pan was aware of the pressure on her hands, Wei-Lin’s wilted grip and Jen’s firm grasp, but they were sensations receding with each intake of breath and each slow exhalation. She found the stillness at the centre of her mind and paused. Then she pushed out, gently, tentatively.

  It was strange. It was more than strange. There was resistance, an instinctive push against her mind, but she couldn’t tell where it came from or how many were resisting. She drew back into herself. Maybe it would be easier the next time. The shock of being breached would inevitably bring about a reaction. Let them be aware of what they would have to experience. Let them get used to it. Pan pushed out again.

  It was easier this time. She became aware of
a buzzing of thoughts and flickering images that ghosted across the back of her eyelids and then faded, reappeared. An arrow hitting someone in the neck, a man reaching up to the shaft. He looked puzzled. There was pain and horror, a tumult in the mind that was like an animal that had been tamed but couldn’t ever be fully trusted. A buried fear that at any moment it could rip everyone to shreds. Something else. A kiss, the feel of soft lips, the sensation of skin against skin. Pan was relieved when the image faded. And voices, overlapping. I love him . . . How could she know about Sal? I needed to forget her and now . . . My mother cannot be alive. I cannot allow myself to hope . . . I want to believe . . . My God, she thinks I’m pregnant . . .

  Pan tried to hush the voices. It was like there was a beehive in her head. And though the buzz dimmed it didn’t entirely go away. She thought about the boat. Her and Jen on a sinking boat. Concentrate. Follow the narrative of memory. Remember. Remember. Everything, including the conversation with Professor Goldberg in the Infirmary and in the Garden on Top of the World. Especially the conversation. The phone with the video of Jen, the explanation, the urge to push him over the edge of the cliff, watch his body fall with a thin scream that the wind takes and whips away to nothing. Remember it all, Pandora. Like a movie playing in your head.

  She had no idea how much time had passed when all the images finally dissolved, when the tiny buzz of distant voices faded and all she could see was greyness, flecked with patterns of light, behind her eyelids. She forced her eyes open and almost gasped at the pain. She closed her eyes again and sank to the floor. A deep well of nausea consumed her. She threw up until her body purged itself, but the pain remained.

  Pan was dimly aware of hands on her body, that she was being lifted. Someone wiped her face with something damp. Leave me alone, she wanted to say, but she had forgotten how to use words. A dagger twisted behind her eyes. It dug and sliced, deeper and deeper. Pan screamed inside her head and prayed for death. But the pain didn’t go away and neither did death come to her rescue.