I Wish for Your Kiss

by Cynthia Moore

  Sometime later, when the teapots were dry and only crumbs remained on the plates that had been piled high with cucumber sandwiches and gingerbread, the ladies announced their intention to retire to their rooms to dress for dinner. Justin hastily excused himself from the lively debate he was participating in when he saw a chance to speak to his quarry.

  “Catherine, Lady Greer, we must talk.” He glanced at the others as they made their way to the door. “Alone.”

  She excused herself from Miss Croft’s side and walked toward him with a melancholy expression. She sighed before she spoke. “In large gatherings such as this, it is very hard to do such a thing, my lord.”

  Justin wasn’t about to adopt such a defeatist attitude. “I have a suggestion. My aunt informed me that a round of whist is to be played tonight after dinner. Although she never plays herself, she deems it an important pastime to be offered for the guests’ amusement. Taking my aunt, as well as ourselves, out of the mix leaves eight people to play, making the numbers correct. We may retire to a corner of the room and have our discourse in relative privacy.”

  Her full lips twitched and then turned upward into a semblance of a smile. “It appears you have deliberated with much seriousness on this matter, my lord.”

  He grinned down at her, relieved to see a glimmer of her former, cheery disposition returning. “Challenging situations call for original solutions, my lady.”

  Her eyes twinkled as she smiled up at him, offering her hand. “You are nothing if not resourceful then. I look forward to our discussion, my lord.”

  He was conscious of a warm, comforting sensation in his chest. His heart felt as if it swelled with gladness when he saw the glimmer in her eyes.

  “No more than I,” he whispered as he bent over and clasped her gloved fingers in his own.

  Chapter Five

  “You must not doubt that your late husband felt great compassion for you.” Lord Crestor pierced a chunk of goose meat with his fork.

  Catherine had been given the seat next to him at dinner. Until this moment, his attention had been given to the other guests at the table. She took a sip of wine before answering. “I assure you, Lord Crestor, your statement does not surprise me. Colin always treated me with the utmost consideration and kindness during the brief time we were together as man and wife.”

  “Why do I detect a tone of sarcasm in your voice?”

  “I have had many days since Colin’s death to deliberate over the dizzying amount of change and adjustments to my life immediately before and after my marriage. I admit I was hurt when he left me so soon after the ceremony. We never ridiculed ourselves by saying that we loved each other, but I was certainly ready to spend the time to get to know him and perhaps one day feel a deep affection for him.” She studied Lord Crestor’s expression, hoping he understood the sincerity in her words.

  “You are to be commended for your good intentions. I know a few couples who were forced to wed by their families. I believe little or no effort was made to form attachments. None of the unions were happy. They each live in separate residences. I hope your husband’s desertion of you didn’t cause you too much pain?” He nodded to a servant nearby, waiting to remove his empty plate.

  Catherine waited to reply until her dish had also been taken away. “After much thought, I believe he was comforted by the knowledge that he had fulfilled our fathers’ last requests with the additional appeasement that I would be well provided for in the event of his death. He was secure in this, and he was able to do what he wished with his life without feeling a sense of guilt.”

  “Although he was not with the regiment for very long before his death, I can tell you my impression of him with regard to yourself.” Lord Crestor took another sip of his wine.

  Catherine was conscious of a sense of trepidation as she heard his words. Once she had come to terms with Colin’s hasty departure, she had assumed he hadn’t spared a thought for her. “I would be grateful for the insight, my lord.”

  Lord Crestor turned in his seat so that he faced her. “During the two occasions he spoke of you to me, I also sensed that he was comforted and relieved to have done what was required of him when he married you. After following through on the betrothal agreement, he felt he was entitled to live his life the way he wished to. He told me that joining the cavalry gave him a sense of worth and importance that he didn’t feel tucked away in the countryside on his estate. Perhaps he wasn’t ready to be saddled with a wife. I hope I’m not being too harsh?”

  Her anxiety had been for nothing it seemed. Colin had fulfilled the obligation and gone on to live his life his way without further concern for her. “No, your honesty is quite refreshing, my lord. I’m certain your guesses as to his motives are correct. In fairness, it should also be noted that I wasn’t eager to be married, despite my advanced age of twenty-two.”

  “I would implore you, Lady Greer, not to take your initial, awkward, and unhappy experience with marriage as the standard outcome for all unions between a man and a woman.” He cast a loving glance across the table at his wife. “I can attest that appreciation and as well as great love for one another at the start can bring one untold amounts of happiness and joy in life.”

  “I will remember what you have said, my lord,” she answered before a query from Elizabeth took her attention elsewhere.

  A short time later, when the plates had been cleared away and the wine glasses emptied, Lord Rockton stood up from his seat at the head of the table. “I would ask that the gentlemen forgo their cigars and brandy tonight. Game tables have been set up in the drawing room for whist. Please join me there as soon as you can.”

  Not long afterward, everyone had gathered inside the room. Mrs. Wexley sat on the seat of an overstuffed chair placed directly in front of the fireplace. Her son walked over and moved the embroidery frame she was working on closer to her side. The whist players divided themselves into two groups of four and took their seats.

  “Do you have everything you need, Mother?”

  “Yes, thank you. This is perfect, John. Enjoy your game.”

  Catherine stood to one side of the tables. Lord Rockton had yet to make an appearance.

  “Are you certain you don’t wish to play?” Lady Dunstable called out. “You’re welcome to take my place.”

  “Lady Greer is going to keep me company.” Lord Rockton was suddenly standing next to her, clasping her gloved hand and putting it on his arm. “Come over here. We will not be disturbed.”

  He led her to an L-shaped window seat on the far side of the room. Heavy, crimson velvet drapes were drawn against the chilly temperature outside.

  “Thank you, my lord.” Catherine sat on one cushion and Lord Rockton took the other.

  “Are you warm enough? We could move closer to the fire if you wish.”

  “This is perfectly fine.”

  “Good.” His gaze moved over her face. “First, I wish to inquire, Catherine, how you came to be a hired companion.”

  “My lord…”

  “Justin, please.”

  “Very well, Justin. I must explain something about myself. I need to feel useful to be happy. I was excited to begin my life as a married lady. I imagined all the ways I would be needed; my husband would want my companionship, the housekeeper would look to me for advice and suggestions on running my new home, Cook would want to hear my meal preferences, and the gardeners would inquire about the names of my favorite flowers.” She smiled at him, hoping she didn’t sound foolish.

  He grinned at her. “You started with the best intentions to be a good wife to him.”

  “Instead, less than three months after I arrived at Greer Estate as a new bride, I learned I was a widow and I moved to the Dower House. During the following year of mourning, I lived there quietly with only Miss Wicker and my maid for company.”

  “Your life has undergone great change in a very short period of time. How is Miss Wicker?”

  “She passed away suddenly last summer.”

&n
bsp; Justin put his hand on her arm. “I’m very sorry to hear that.”

  “Thank you. I do miss her.”

  “You have been living alone in the Dower House since that time? Do you have visitors?”

  She sighed before speaking. “Occasionally a footman or a maid is sent over from the main house to check on me. Generally, the only contact I have with others is through my personal maid and my cook. However, soon after my mourning period was finished, Mary wrote inviting me to join her and her family at their townhouse in London. I was very grateful for the invitation. I longed to be part of the bustling metropolis once again.”

  “I can imagine Edward and Mary were both concerned for your well-being.”

  “Yes, they were. But I fear I gave Mary palpitations when I arrived on her doorstep. I hadn’t been eating or sleeping well for some time.”

  He frowned down at her with a worried expression on his face. “I trust you were quickly put to rights under their care?”

  “I soon became fit once again. It was wonderful to be part of a loving, happy family. The days were busy ones. We went shopping together, took walks, and fed the ducks at the park.”

  Justin studied her intently. “I’m very glad to hear you didn’t languish away inside your room while you were there.”

  “Although I didn’t attend any evening parties during my visit, Mary invited a few other ladies with children who were staying in town for the summer over to tea. It was during this event that it was mentioned the wealthy, influential jeweler, Mr. Eliza Croft was interested in obtaining a titled lady or widow as a companion for his daughter. I knew this was something I would enjoy doing. It would give me a chance to be of use to someone even if they were of the merchant class. It doesn’t bother you my lo…Justin that Elizabeth is one of them?” She barely breathed, staring at him, waiting for his answer.

  “Not in the least. The important thing is that John and Elizabeth are deeply in love; the passion and affection they feel now for each other will continue to grow and last for an eternity.” He stopped speaking and glanced over at the game tables where many teasing comments and laughter could be heard. “I sense they have those emotions. I am very happy that they discovered each other.”

  Catherine’s breath hitched in her throat as she listened to his impassioned speech. “It’s…It’s wonderful to hear you are capable of expressing such things.”

  “You are referring once again to my legendary, callous attitude to love and marriage?” He shrugged his broad shoulders and let out a sigh. “Robert, Lord Crestor has brought to my attention that my own avoidance of those subjects could possibly stem from my late mother’s insensitive treatment of my father soon after I was born until her death eight years ago.”

  Catherine was surprised to hear this of his mother. “How was she insensitive?”

  “She spent little time at home after recovering from my difficult birth and was quite legendary for the large number of lovers she had after that event. I now realize her actions could have made me hesitant to offer my heart to a lady believing it would be trampled upon immediately after she produced my heir.” He became quiet and looked down at his hands.

  Catherine was suddenly conscious of a painful ache in her chest. A sensation of great sadness threatened to overwhelm her. “My lord…Justin, surely you can’t think all women are so cold-hearted?”

  His green eyes appeared to darken as he stared at her face. “No, no I don’t. Not any longer.”

  She felt great relief as he said those words. “I…I wanted to tell you. I…I never quite forgot you after we said good-bye to each other two years ago. I know it was simply a momentary attraction for us both. The joyous spirit of Christmas was upon us, combined with interesting conversations around the fire, the warmth and comfort of delicious meals paired with excellent wine. But those memories have provided me with a sense of tenderness and pleasure when I needed them most.”

  “A momentary attraction? Is that what you believe?” He reached for her hand and placed it upon his sleeve once more. “Come, I wish to speak to you in private.”

  Catherine raised her eyebrows in surprise but stood and followed him across the room to the door.

  Mrs. Wexley looked up from her embroidery frame. “Is everything all right, Justin?”

  “Yes, yes, Aunt. I simply need to clear up a matter of confusion.”

  He opened the door, gesturing for Catherine to precede him. She stepped out into the hallway with Justin following closely behind.

  “May I do something for you, my lord?” the butler inquired from his post near the front entry.

  “Make yourself scarce for a time, will you, Huxton?”

  “Yes, of course, my lord.”

  “We can be as secluded as possible in here under the circumstances.” Justin led her across the hall to an alcove. He turned her to face him and clasped both her hands in his own. “I want to make certain that you understand what I’m saying, Catherine. There is another reason why I never found a woman I could love. Can you imagine how it feels to have young ladies barely out of the schoolroom, paraded in front of you with false smiles on their faces; having no interest in the person you are other than the fact that you are a titled, wealthy peer with a large, prosperous estate?”

  “Have you forgotten my previous circumstances? I would never condone a loveless marriage.”

  He moved closer. “You do understand me then. I wish…”

  “You…you wish me well.” Her voice shook. She looked at the floor not wanting to see what she what she was certain would be only friendly affection reflected in his eyes. She became aware of his muscular thigh pressing against her leg. She forced herself to continue. “That is what you said the last time we parted.”

  “No! I never want you to leave me!” He pulled her closer and rested his chin on the crown of her head. “When you walked into my life two years ago, a fresh, eager, lovely face full of happiness, intelligence and natural gaiety, I felt thankfulness and humility in your presence. It was wonderful to see a woman who was truly happy and comfortable in a world of her own making.”

  “Thank you for saying such lovely things about me. I have to confess I haven’t been that lady for many, many months.”

  He stepped away, reaching for her hands. His green eyes seemed to glow as he looked down at her. “You were promised to a man you barely knew. He left you soon after your marriage. Those are not circumstances to bring any woman comfort or happiness. Please tell me that the closeness we experienced together was something as special to you as it was to me.”

  She was silent a moment as she thought of the many unforgettable moments they had shared two years ago. “There was something very wonderful about those days.”

  “I was hoping you would say that.” He tugged on her hands, pulling her closer. “I wish…I wish for you kiss, Catherine. Please, will you marry me? I love you so much.”

  Catherine looked up at him, seeking to memorize this moment while at the same time, savoring the sensations of joyousness and delight that swept into her heart as she heard his words. She was suddenly reminded of Lord Crestor’s advice; not to give up on finding a special man to welcome into her life. Perhaps fate had dealt her a hand at a chance for true love. She laughed, the tinkling sounds of happiness had returned. “Should I answer the question first, my lord?”

  He didn’t reply. He gazed down at her with what she fancied was a special, intense look reserved only for her.

  She pretended to ponder her answer a few moments more until she realized he was holding his breath. “I believe my reply is best given by granting your wish.”

  She reached up to clasp his neck with one hand, tugging gently on the leather strap that held his hair. She guided his head down until his lips met her own quivering ones. The instant their mouths touched, Catherine was spellbound. She was conscious of nothing else except for the wonder and awe of being held in Justin’s arms and kissed by him.

  Justin cupped her chin with his hand, their lips
clung together a moment longer. Then he slowly raised his head, wrapped his arms around her shoulders and held her close. “You have given me all I desire with that embrace. The promise of you, by my side forever as my wife; it’s almost like a dream.”

  She smiled up at him through her tears. “Believe it is real. I look forward to making many wonderful memories with you.”

  “You’re crying. What is wrong?”

  “Nothing at all. I’m so grateful to have you.”

  He bent and kissed her cheek. “No one could be more thankful than I, my darling. It took some time to happen, but we were meant to be together.”

  A word about the author…

  I am a native Southern Californian. When I was very young, I discovered my local library and the exciting potential of escaping the real world inside the pages of a good book. As a teenager, I became a huge fan of British literature. After reading most of the Victorian classics, I came upon Regency period novels in 1987. It was love at first read. Since my chance introduction to this wonderful era in time, I have read over three thousand fiction novels, and I own a large collection of research books on the period.

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  this publication of The Wild Rose Press, Inc.