The Lies I've Told

by J. L. Berg

  “James, where the hell are you? This is the third message I’ve left for you today. Your office said you took a personal day. Since when do you need personal time? I thought workaholics didn’t do shit like that.”

  I knew I was rambling as I walked into my apartment building, giving a short nod to the doorman, but it was odd for my brother to just up and leave his office. He ran that place like a well-oiled machine, and the last time I remembered him taking a day off was…well, never.

  “For a man who wanted to start treating me right away, you’re sure tough to find. Not that any of it is going to help. Well, except maybe this fine bottle of whiskey I just bought. You know where to find me. Or don’t. I don’t really fucking care anymore.”

  I was going to go bury myself under a rock and practice the art of drinking myself to death. I pressed the button to the elevator, and it sprang open right away.

  “Oh,” I said, remembering one more thing before I ended the call. “Stop sneaking into my apartment when I’m not there. I don’t need your food. I’m not a bloody charity case. I can take care of myself.”

  I hit End on my phone and let out a sigh.

  I should have never given him that key. It was like having a mother hen on my back twenty-four/seven, and now that I was crippled and half-blind, I knew I’d never be rid of him.

  I knew he meant well.

  I knew he cared, but right now, I was disgusted with everyone, but mostly myself, and the only companionship I could stand was the bottle currently taking up occupancy in my hand.

  Stepping off the elevator on my floor, I walked the short distance to my apartment and slipped my key in the lock. It was midday, and I was met with rays of sunbeams shining through my windows, lighting up my otherwise dreary apartment.

  Placing my beloved bottle on the kitchen counter, it took me a moment to notice the stone bird lying there beside it.

  But it wasn’t the stone bird I was used to seeing.

  It was the one I’d hidden away so very long ago.

  The one I’d given up on when Ben died. My fingers fell to the raw, unfinished edges, a lump in my throat as I picked it up.

  I caught movement in the corner of my eye, and as I looked up, I felt my heart beat for the first time in days.

  “Millie,” I breathed out.

  She stood in the center of my living room, looking more radiant than I’d remembered.

  Was it possible that she’d grown even more beautiful in our short time apart?

  I stepped forward, wanting to run to her, to pull her into my arms and never let go. But I stopped myself.

  Nothing had changed.

  I was still going blind, still tumbling into darkness.

  And I wouldn’t drag her down with me.

  “What are you doing here?” I asked, my emotions betraying me. I cleared my throat and stood straighter, but it was hard not to see that she was destroying me with her mere presence.

  “I flew home today,” she said. “Or rather, I flew back to Florida. I can’t really call it home any longer because it never felt like it. But I went anyway because I couldn’t stand to be in my actual home because of you.”

  “I’m sorry—”

  She held up a single finger, cutting me off. “No, I’m speaking now. You had your chance. It’s my turn.”

  I went to put my hands in my pockets, until I realized the giant cast I still had prevented me from doing so, causing me to just stand there awkwardly instead. “Very well.”

  I could see she was struggling with her words, her emotions on edge. “I went back to Florida to get some much-needed air. I needed time to figure out how to move on from you.”

  I swallowed down a lump of guilt into my gut.

  “But not five minutes into my well-deserved pity party, I found myself face-to-face with your brother. And that stone bird.”

  “What?” I glanced down at the bird and then back to her, my eyes wide with shock.

  I could tell by the look of betrayal written all over her face just what my brother had gone to her to do. He had gone to do what I couldn’t.

  Tell her the truth.

  And I’d never felt so ashamed in my life.

  “It wasn’t his place to tell you,” I said softly.

  Her lip quivered as she tried to keep her composure. “No, it was yours.”

  This time, I did move. I trekked forward, intent on closing the gap between us, but she held up her hand, and I stopped.

  “Please don’t,” she whispered. “Otherwise, I won’t be able to get this out, and you deserve better. We deserve better.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  She looked down at her feet, fumbling with her hands, a show of insecurity as she found her words. “You once asked if I trusted you. Do you remember?”

  I nodded. “Yes.”

  “You asked me to trust you, and so I did. I did so because I loved you, because I believed you would someday trust me in return with whatever it was you were holding so tightly to your chest.”

  “I do trust you,” I whispered.

  “No,” she said, “you don’t. That’s the thing about trust, Aiden. Trusting someone means allowing that person to make their own decisions because, in the end, you trust they’ll do the right thing. You never even gave me the option.”

  “You would have stayed,” I said. “You would have wasted your life with me, a blind ass—”

  “Don’t you dare finish that sentence.” Her voice quivered with emotion.

  “I’m not worth it,” I whispered, feeling more like the orphaned foster kid than I had in years.

  She folded her arms across her chest. “See, this is where we disagree.” Her eyes flickered toward the stone bird on the counter. “Tell me about it.”

  “What? My bird? Why?”

  She shrugged, but it was a halfhearted motion to distract me from the effort it took to keep her tears at bay. “Seems your brother thinks it will help somehow. I’m guessing there’s a story behind it. So, humor me.”

  I glanced over at it, letting out a frustrated breath. “I never finished it. There isn’t much else to say.”

  “But why? You carry around your brother’s bird like a talisman, but you bury your own like a dirty little secret? I don’t understand.”

  I looked down at the deplorable bird, remembering the fights I’d had with Ben over it.

  “It’s no good, Ben! I’m not like you,” I hollered. “I can’t do this!”

  “Yes,” he answered calmly, “you can. You just need to keep practicing.”

  “This is bollocks!” I shouted. “I’m never going to be as good as you.”

  “Because I was horrible!” I roared. “Is that what you and James want me to admit? Ben was amazing, and I could barely make a goddamn bird. I worked on that bloody thing forever and barely got the general shape before my brother died.”

  Her eyes rounded, but she stayed put, keeping her position in the center of the living room. “Then, why keep at it? Why not just give up?”

  I looked over at the horrible-looking stone figurine once more, my shoulders slumping. “Because it was the only way I could keep him alive.”

  “And, in doing so, you found your own passion. Your own voice.”

  “I promised him I’d do great things,” I said, my eyes falling to the floor.

  The sound of her sandals against the wood floor caught my attention as she slowly walked forward. I caught the smell of her vanilla-jasmine perfume as she took my hand in hers.

  It had only been days since we touched, but it felt like years.

  “Don’t be the boy who gives up too soon,” she said as our fingers twined together.

  “I can’t ask you to do this,” I said. “My life, it’s not going to be easy. The accident with the hammer, it’s just the beginning. I’m going to be a burden, a—”

  “I don’t recall offering just yet.” She smiled, her eyes still wet from unshed tears. “You hurt me, Aiden Fisher. More than anyone ever has. Know
ing you did so out of love, well, it helps a little, but I still don’t know if I can trust you.”

  “You—”

  Her finger fell to my lips.

  “I’m talking, remember?”

  I nodded.

  “We need time to heal and maybe a little time to grow.”

  Her words stung.

  “I’m taking that storefront, and I’m going to make it my own, on my own. I’ve realized I can’t put my dreams on hold any longer, and nothing is going to stand in my way anymore. Ocracoke is my home, and I’m not going anywhere.”

  She was fierce in her conviction, and I’d never been more proud of her. I’d felt like an absolute fraud, telling her to walk away from the biggest opportunity of her life, fearing it would tie her to a life with me.

  I was glad she was taking it even if I might not be part of the picture.

  “And what about me?” I asked hopefully.

  “You work on this stone bird,” she said. “Relearn your craft. Take up a new one. Hell, I don’t care, but figure out how this new Aiden fits into the world, because I will not allow the love of my life to wither and die under the weight of his disability.”

  “You want me to learn how to carve blind?”

  She reached into the pocket of her dress, something I didn’t even know she had, and pulled out familiar-looking candy. Dropping a few peanut M&M’s on the counter next to my stone bird, she said, “I saw a singer on TV who was deaf. She used the vibrations to differentiate each note. Anything is possible, Aiden, with a little prayer and patience. At least, that is what my father used to say and I believe you know already know a thing or two about patience.”

  “I’m the love of your life?” I breathed out.

  She smiled, pressing her lips to mine. Reaching for her, I palmed her cheek, wanting the kiss to last forever, but she pulled back far too quickly.

  “I guess that’s up to you,” she said. “You know where to find me.”

  And then, before I could argue, she was gone, leaving me alone in my apartment with a handful of M&M’s, an ugly stone bird, and a life to rebuild.

  I guessed I’d better get started.

  “Molly, remind me why I thought it was a good idea to open this place in March?” I shouted from the stockroom.

  “Because,” my sister shouted back, “it’s a good time for a soft opening. Remember, spring break?”

  I took a deep breath. “Right, spring break.”

  God, what was I thinking?

  Open a store, I’d thought.

  What a great idea, I’d thought.

  It would be easy.

  It wasn’t.

  I’d drained every dime I had and then some, selling my apartment in Florida and half of my closet to stock the store with pretty things that people would hopefully want to buy, and for what? A small influx of spring breakers?

  The island wouldn’t be jam-packed with people for another three months.

  I could be sitting on this inventory for three months.

  Thank God Molly was still allowing me to stay at the inn, free of charge. No one had complained about the weird family member lurking about who stole bagels and scones in the morning and drank all the coffee.

  So, at least my living situation was good—in the event that I went bankrupt.

  “You look panicked. Are you panicking?” Molly asked after finding me stuffed in the corner of the stockroom, rocking back and forth.

  “What? Who? Me?”

  “Yeah, you’re definitely panicking. I’m going to go get you ice cream from across the street.”

  “No. I’m fine,” I said before adding, “Get me cookie dough. And chocolate. With sprinkles. Oh, and maybe some strawberry?”

  She rolled her eyes before slipping out of the stockroom.

  I should probably do the same.

  There were still a few more things I needed to do before our official opening tomorrow.

  Like throw up a couple more times.

  Looking around the stockroom, I tried to smile. I was pretty pleased with everything I’d gone with as far as inventory was concerned. As much as I wanted the place to be filled with my own stuff, that simply wasn’t possible so early in the game. I needed income and I needed it quickly, so establishing a steady stream of cash was priority number one. Once I had that done, I’d slowly start introducing my own designs.

  Or at least, that was the plan.

  For now, I had an eclectic mix of boho and beachy styles that would appeal to young and old alike. It wasn’t your typical touristy shop, but it wasn’t so high end that it would scare off the typical traveler.

  God, I hoped this worked.

  I’d never wanted anything so bad in my life. Well, that wasn’t exactly true. But not everything worked out the way you wanted it to.

  It had been seven months. Seven months of waiting and wondering.

  Seven months of hoping to hear something. A friendly text, a call—something.

  I didn’t know how long to wait before I faced reality and moved on, but I didn’t want to move on. Ever.

  So, for now, this store was my everything.

  And I was pretty okay with that. Mostly.

  Now, if I could just keep this place afloat.

  Just as I was trying to decide how many more dresses to pull into the front, the front door chimed.

  “Did they have sprinkles?” I hollered, waiting for my sister to reply. When she didn’t, I stood up from my spot on the floor. “Hello?”

  No answer.

  Okay, great. Either I was being robbed or someone was loitering in my store, and I would have to shoo them out.

  Because nothing said warmth and hospitality like kicking people out of your brand-new store.

  “Um, we’re not open,” I said, the confidence in my voice astounding even me. “So, if you could just come back tomorrow…”

  No door chime, which meant the loiterer was still here. I guessed I’d have to leave the stockroom now and confront the person.

  Great.

  I was pretty sure I had a stain on my shirt from the taco I had eaten at lunch and dust all over me from hauling and unpacking boxes. Maybe I’d scare them away from my appearance alone.

  Stepping out from the stockroom, I took a brief look around but stopped immediately when something caught my eye on the checkout counter.

  A single stone bird.

  My breath hitched as I looked up and found my loiterer.

  Standing on the other side of the counter was Aiden, holding the matching bird. His matching bird.

  Only now, the raw edges had been smoothed. The beak was pronounced, and tiny, intricate details had appeared all over its beautifully shaped body.

  It was finished.

  My heart nearly exploded as I took him in. His hand was mended, no longer in a cast, and his eyes… they held me captive.

  “You’re here,” I said. “I didn’t think—”

  “You didn’t think I’d come back,” he finished.

  “It’s been seven months.”

  “You never were a patient one.” He smiled, stepping forward to place the figurine down next to its mate. “You asked for the impossible, love. I had to make sure I could deliver.”

  I watched as he joined the two birds together, the two halves fitting together as a whole. Their necks slopped toward one another, like they were embracing. The craftsmanship was seamless, and I felt my eyes well with tears, knowing how much work it must have taken for him to do it.

  “It’s beautiful.”

  “No, you are,” he said as he stepped forward.

  It was then that I noticed the walking stick, and my heart bled for him.

  “Aiden.”

  “It’s not as bad as it seems. My brother has put me on a medication that is slowing it some, and I have these ridiculous glasses that help in darker situations. But I’m adjusting—”

  “But the bird,” I said. “It’s flawless.”

  He smiled. “A requirement for me to come hom
e, I was told.”

  My eyes widened. “You’re staying?”

  “Well, it was a hell of a jaunt to get here. I wasn’t planning on leaving—”

  He grunted as I leaped over the counter and into his arms. He was here—in my shop, in my arms—and I was never letting him go.

  My legs wrapped around him as he pushed me up onto the counter, his fingers finding my face as our eyes met. I could see his struggle to focus now, and I knew I’d find a way to make sure every single second of sight he had left was cherished.

  Starting now.

  “I love you, Aiden Fisher. Will you be the love of my life and live with me on this crazy, beautiful island?”

  “Yes, but only if I can rent some space out in this lovely shop of yours.”

  “What?” The look of surprise on my face wasn’t hard to miss.

  He pointed to his bird. “You didn’t think that little guy was all I did, did you?”

  My mouth opened, but I came up dry.

  “You wanted me to rediscover myself, to figure out who I was with this disability. I couldn’t do that by carving just one little bird. So, once I finished, I kept going. And I did it all while blindfolded.”

  “You what?”

  “I knew I would one day be unable to rely on my eyes, so I took them out of the equation. It wasn’t easy at first, but slowly and with patience,” he said, giving me a hard look, which made me laugh, “I figured it out. Some of my stuff is a bit rougher than it used to be. I took more time and care with the bird because I wanted to impress you and earn my spot back in your bed. And your heart.”

  I felt him squeeze my ass, causing shivers to go down my spine.

  “But I think I can do it, and I owe it all to you.”

  “No,” I said. “You owe it to yourself.”

  He kissed my forehead. “Thank you for believing in my dreams. I love you, Millie.”

  “Thank you for first believing in mine. Now, how about we go create one together?”

  “I like the way you think.” He smiled, that single dimple I’d missed so much making an appearance in his cheek. “But, first, does that stockroom door have a lock? It’s been a long seven months.”

  My eyebrow rose as he looked at me with lustful intent. “No, but the front door does.”