"He brought her along to the office Christmas Party last year. She seemed nice... pretty, a bit quiet though."
"Everyone’s quiet in comparison to you,” I teased. “I hope it works out for him. As I said, he probably just hasn't told me much about her much yet because of Josh."
"Yeah, maybe you're right." Di conceded, "So with Josh out of the picture and, we'll assume, seeing as you're not entertaining any possibilities, that Troy is a no go zone, how are things with you and Scott... and Sean."
I told her how Sean had come back to Avalon and that he had apologised and helped me get a pay raise. Since then, we had been slowly returning to our old friendship, and I was beginning to enjoy his company once more. He sincerely complimented my hair last week, and we even caught up at the pub again, an old routine I was looking forward to habituating. "I haven't seen Scott since that night I went to their gig with Kate and she and Nathan announced their engagement. I'm avoiding him, too, I suppose. I don’t want to see him with his girlfriend. So it just isn’t the same as when we were... um...“
“Shagging.” Dianne finished the sentence for me and stabbed at her cake. “There's one way to fix that, a couple of cuties just walked in.”
"Nah, not interested." I finished off my lemon tart. "Over it, over it all."
Dianne grinned. “Well, you are so over Josh it’s not funny.”
"I know," I smiled, "it's strange. I thought I'd be more upset, but I'm actually kind of relieved."
Happiness Spell
Moon phase: Waxing
Light a white candle and sit down with it in front of a mirror.
Look at your face in the mirror and say positive affirmations such as:
I am happy
I am loved
I am abundant
I am beautiful
I am confident
And any other positive statements that come to mind.
Repeat as often as you need, until you feel them to be true.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
CHRISTMAS AND NEW YEAR HOLIDAYS came and went, and as much as I tried to put on a brave face, the stress of soon not having a place to live and, to a lesser extent, breaking up with Josh, reared itself midweek in the form of a hideous stomach flu. It really didn't help when I needed to be up and about looking for a new flat.
"You look terrible. Go home." Chris didn't mince words when I looked through his doorway to announce that I wasn't feeling well, had thrown up three times, and could I please have the afternoon off.
***
By Thursday evening, my stomach cramps had subsided and my appetite had returned, but I had been in bed most of the day to make up for being up half the night. A loud knock on my front door woke me from a restless sleep, and when I opened it, I barely registered who was there. "We've got something to tell you and, trust us, you are going to feel so much better after you hear this." Kate and Di piled into my flat. "Now, just forget everything anyone's told you."
"What are you talking about?" I rubbed my eyes and, by the time I had caught up, found them already making themselves comfortable on the couch. "You two want a cup of tea?"
They both started talking excitedly. "You have to hear this."
"You won't believe it."
"One at a time!" I shouted over the top. The exertion drained me, and I pulled out a dining chair and sat down.
They looked at each other.
"You tell her," Kate said to Di in excitement.
I turned my attention to Dianne; her eyes were bright with excitement. "Okay," she began, "I was at Kate's yesterday... don't look at me like that, I knocked. You were asleep; otherwise, I would have visited. Anyway..." She rolled her eyes. "The radio was going, and that new song by Reckless Choice came on. So we were just chatting, and Kate was saying to Nathan how heartbroken Daniel must have been to write those lyrics. And guess what he said?"
I shrugged. It sounded like a game, and I wasn’t really in the mood for playing.
Kate quickly interjected. "He said Scott wrote it."
"So..." Dianne took back the limelight when my confusion was evident, "I asked him who he wrote it about."
"And, typical guy," shot Kate, "had no fucking idea, didn't even think anything of it. So I asked if he could find out."
"Okay..." I shrugged again. "It might not be about anyone or..." Although it could be about clingy Bianca, or groupie slut Tanya, or his fucking television big-shot woman, or someone I don't even know.
Whatever. I couldn't care less anyway. Okay, I did care.
"But." Dianne held her finger up. "Kate called Luke."
"And he had no idea either," said Kate, "but he said he would find out."
"I'm still not following." I was still bleary eyed from having only just woken up. I hadn't eaten in over a day, and they were both talking very quickly.
"But Luke did say that all that time he thought Scott was going out at night to see someone, he really was in the studio, writing. He wasn't making it up. He had a tonne of songs done," Kate said.
"So he wasn't seeing anyone then, and he really was at the studio." My mood lifted slightly. "Hmm, okay." I shrugged again and got up to put the kettle on, still unsure as to what they were so excited about. It was a moot point. He was with Carolyn now.
"We haven't finished yet." Dianne called me back. "I popped in just now to see Kate. And you," she added pointedly, "and Luke had just called."
"Well, isn't that convenient." I answered sarcastically.
"Abby," Di sounded exasperated, "that song is about you! Scott was upset about you! Don't you get it?"
"Are you sure?" I certainly wasn't. "But he might have written it ages ago. Or maybe it's just about the fact we weren't having sex anymore. I guess that could be upsetting for a guy... maybe. And he's with someone else now."
"Oh pfft," Dianne waved her hand dismissively, "You haven't really listened to the lyrics, have you?" She scolded.
I admitted I hadn't. It was a beautiful song—something to do with regret and losing someone—but I hadn't listened that intently. Also, Daniel mumbled a bit when he sang.
Next thing, Dianne starts singing. "I shouldn't have held her hand, because the hardest thing was letting go-ooh-whoa."
"What are you doing?" It was obvious what she was doing, but I really wished she wouldn't.
"Hmmm mmm mmmm mmmmm mm mm." This was the mumbly bit where it was hard to determine the lyrics.
She finished the verse, and I was about to open my mouth when Kate started. "Shouldn't have looked into her eyes, because I couldn't turn away, mmm mmmmm mmm mmmm mm."
"Oh god!" Yes, she was just as bad.
Then they both joined in for chorus. "I want to give her all she needs, but what she needs is more than meeeee-eeeee."
"Kill me now!" I rubbed my temples, pretending they were giving me a headache.
They stopped singing and started giggling. "See, doesn't it make sense?" Kate nodded excitedly.
"Umm, I guess..." I said, "Lovely singing by the way, except it would have sounded better if those two cats had shut up, and it was in tune." I smirked, but they obviously had an agenda I needed to address. "But just because someone goes off and writes a sad song, doesn't necessarily mean they're heartbroken. He might have been just having a bad day."
"For weeks at a time?" Kate pointed out. "And straight after you stopped seeing him? And guess what, the next single's called 'I Miss You'.
"It is?" My heart started a little jig.
She then related to me what Luke had told her that morning. Apparently the conversation between him and Scott went something like this:
Luke: So, who was the song about?
Scott: No one.
Luke: Bianca?
Scott: No.
Luke: Tanya?
Scott: Fuck off.
Luke: You wrote it before you met Carolyn.
Scott: I wouldn't write a song for Carolyn.
Luke: Abby?
Scott: I'm getting some beer, you want anything?
/>
Luke: She dumped Josh, you know.
"So what?" I said. "What part of 'he's with Carolyn now' aren't you two getting? I still need to move on. It’s pointless being in love with someone who has a girlfriend."
"Well then, the most important thing is," Kate grinned widely at my admission, "Luke said Scott mumbled something about doing the same thing and had a big grin on his face as he walked out."
Oh. Now my heart wasn't just dancing; there were full on acrobatics going on.
"How about you rest up tonight, get some food into you, and tomorrow night go and talk to him?" Dianne suggested. "Kate can get Nathan to arrange to meet him out, and we'll fix it so that you end up somehow running into each other; then you can have some time alone."
Kate went quiet.
"What's wrong, Kate?" I asked, still perplexed at the turn of events.
She shook her head and smiled, "It's nothing; I'm just a bit envious. You got a song... two songs! How romantic is that?"
***
On Friday evening, I sat on a bench outside the Irish pub as planned, self-doubt taking up more and more space in my head with every minute that I waited. What if they had it wrong?
Ten minutes after the designated time, I stood up, feeling dejected, and rummaged through my bag to find my phone, almost hitting the arm of a man texting on his mobile as he stepped out of a doorway. "Sorry," I murmured.
"Abby?"
My heart leapt as a familiar voice rang in the air and again when I laid eyes on Scott's smiling face. Oh shit! Calm down. So far so good. Now to just get through this.
"Hi." I was elated that he had finally turned up, yet sick to the stomach with nervousness.
"What are you doing here?" He stuffed his phone in the back pocket of his jeans.
"I was, um, hoping to meet someone..." I fumbled the well-rehearsed excuse and happily noticed that he looked disappointed, "but not now. You?"
"Oh, some friends said they'd be here. I was just coming out for a few... are you leaving?"
"Ah, yes... um no," I stammered, "would you... like to go for a drink?"
"Hang on." He pulled his phone out again and dialled. "Hi, it's me," he said into it after a moment, "Can I catch up with you later? Don't hang around for me. I'll give you a call." He shoved it back into his pocket and presented me with a shy grin. I tried to look cool. I knew whoever he was supposed to meet wasn't really here anyway. "You look nice." He observed me briefly and led me into a trendy bar across the road, to my disappointment choosing a table in the middle of the room rather than one more intimately situated near the wall. Nice? That wasn't what I was hoping for. I had carefully chosen my outfit, ensuring my lacy bra peeked out of my low cut shell pink dress, the right amount to be a little bit sexy, and that the long skirt clung slightly to my curves, just enough to get the idea of what was underneath. I'd gone to too much effort to be dismissed as 'nice.' Surely it had to get better.
He placed a glass of wine in front of me, which was my favourite, but I didn’t remember asking for. "How's your week been?"
"Fine... busy," I wasn’t about to go into detail about my stomach flu, "You?"
"Yeah, same."
I went to take another swig of my drink and realised that I had already polished it off.
"Do you want another?" Scott offered, draining his own glass.
"Can we go for a walk instead?" I felt like I was going to pass out from nervousness. My mouth was dry, my hands were shaking, and I couldn’t sit still while so much still unsaid hung in the air around us. He had never made me feel this agitated before.
"You seem a little edgy," he noticed, leading me outside.
Edgy wasn’t the word for it. "I think I had too much coffee today," I lied, having actually steered clear of it that afternoon to avoid being a bundle of hyperactivity. Fat lot of good that did. The balmy summer air was exhilarating against my bare skin, as was the way his arm brushed casually along mine. I snuck a look at his profile—so familiar but still so depressingly out of reach. What if this was all a misunderstanding and I made a complete idiot of myself? He said we were friends, but what if that was really all? Somehow my heart raced even faster, the realisation of how much I had remained in love with him, despite everything else, surged up my body so abruptly I had to bite my lip to stop the gasp. Please don't let them be wrong about this.
We stopped at a shop window, which was dressed in a display for the upcoming holidays, and it took everything I had to not fall against the glass to stop my legs shaking.
"Check this out." He nudged my hand with his as we watched a wooden man deliver a Valentine’s heart to his beloved. I prayed this was a sign. After a few moments, he turned to me. "Abby, are you okay? You're not yourself." He squeezed my fingers softly. "Did you get stood up?"
"I, uh," I kept my eye on a little delivery man as he slid repeatedly around a conveyor belt, bearing flowers. "I came to see you."
I was relieved that he still held his light grip. "I don't understand." I gazed up at his reflection in the window. A wry smile twitched the edges of his mouth, but his brows were furrowed in confusion. "Did we arrange something? I wouldn't have forgotten, surely."
"No. We didn't arrange anything," I answered carefully.
"Was this a set up? I don't get it," he frowned again. "You could have just called me."
I let out a loud sigh, "I wanted it to be casual. I didn't want to have this big, planned thing and give you the 'I need to talk to you' line." I dropped his hand in frustration. "You're wrecking this for me already."
My exasperation was met with a laugh. "There, that's better." He turned me so we were standing face to face with my back against the window. "That's the Abby I know and love."
My knees buckled at the 'L' word. So much so that his hands tightened his grip on my shoulders. He knew. He'd worked it out, and now he was tormenting me. "So what did you need to talk about?"
The butterflies hit me again, and I swallowed hard. When I opened my mouth to answer, nothing came out.
His hands loosened their grip on my shoulders and crept sensuously along the back of my neck. "Can I have a guess?" he whispered, "Does it start like this?" He held my face in both hands as he leaned down towards me then stopped, his mouth only millimetres from mine. I closed my eyes and rested my head back against the glass. Moments passed, my breathing getting faster and faster with anticipation.
Then he softly kissed the tip of my nose.
Was that it?
"Something like that," I slid abruptly past him, embarrassed at having been caught out in all my vulnerability. What the hell did he think he was doing? I turned away from him, my face burning, and focused my attention back on the display.
"We're not finished yet," he said, rushing over to the curb to flag down a taxi before it sped past.
"What are you doing? Are you leaving?" I cried in panic, as he opened the door. This wasn't part of the plan!
"Get in!"
He didn’t let me talk during the entire trip to my flat, every attempt I made halted by his held up finger and a small smile.
We entered my home under his enforced silence. His hands once again found my shoulders, and I shivered at his touch, despite the warm summer evening. I closed the door and opened my mouth to speak. He put his finger upon my lips, which he soon replaced tenderly with his mouth, before pushing me hard against the door and pressing his body to mine, his fingers tangled in my hair.
"I don't know whether to slap you or keep kissing you," I said breathlessly when he peeled himself from me.
"Sorry, I saw the taxi coming and just wanted to get over here," he whispered, walking me backwards to my room. "We don't need to talk right now. Except I want to tell you how sorry I am. All I've done is make you suffer because I was a world class idiot, putting my career first and telling you something I didn’t mean." He sat me down on my bed, and we both realised I was shaking. "Is something wrong?" He rubbed my upper arms where goosebumps had formed.
"I think I'
m just a bit nervous."
"I guess I am, too, even though we really shouldn't be. We know each other."
"It's different now."
"Yeah, but it's better." He kissed my eyelids, once each, then placed his hands on either side of my face, lightly stroking my hair back. "Can we start over? I mean really start over. Just forget everything that happened until tonight."
"We don't have to forget everything," I countered. "Some of it was pretty good." I smirked up at him. "We'll just forget the bits where you were the world class idiot."
"I think that was all of it."
I held my breath, loving the way he was gazing at me, although if it were anyone else, I would have looked away, embarrassed.
"I’m in love with you, Abby," he whispered before laying me down and kissing my neck, running his soft lips along my collarbone.
"Scott," I whispered back, relishing his name on my lips, hardly believing I could finally say what I’d wanted to for so long, "I love you, too."
***
I awoke late in the morning with Scott's arm still resting lightly on my waist. I moved a lock of dark hair from his face and lovingly stroked my fingers over his smooth cheek as he slept. His eyes fluttered open,
"Hey, beautiful," he smiled gloriously, pulling me closer to him, his voice still husky with morning. "This is reminiscent of our first night together."
"You'll laugh, but we have to go to Kate's today, too." I had promised we would visit her so she could see for herself how successful the night had been. Or be a shoulder to cry on had it all gone pear shaped. Thank goodness that didn't happen.
He slid his hand down over my hip and rolled onto me. "Well, if I remember correctly, we had some unfinished business then, too," he said in between kissing my forehead, cheeks, eyelids, and finally, lips. "Have I told you this morning that I love you?" He raised his left brow, the tiny ball on the top of his piercing glinted in the sunlight that streamed through the gap in the curtains. It was strange how much brighter everything appeared.
"Hmm, not since about three this morning." I looked over at the clock. "It's been at least eight hours; you need to lift your game." I giggled as he pulled the sheet back up over our heads. I'd lost count of the amount of times we said it before we fell asleep.
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