Apophis

by Eliza Lentzski

  “What if we stayed?”

  “Huh?”

  “You can’t deny it feels pretty fantastic waking up in an actual bed.”

  It had been nice. And having Nora sleep next to me had made it even nicer. I wasn’t about to voice that though.

  “I think we could be happy here, Sam,” she said haltingly. “It’s cozy. It’s comfortable. Maybe we don’t need to risk our lives trying to find Eden. Maybe we’ve got everything we need here. You could hunt, and I could…well, I could find some way to be useful.” She licked her lips. “I know I’m at least good at making you feel good.”

  I cleared my throat and looked away. That wasn’t an exaggeration. My limbs still ached in the most delicious way. Even though we hadn’t left the cabin, my muscles felt like I’d been tromping through high snowdrifts all day long, and I didn’t even care.

  “I don’t want you to take this the wrong way,” I prefaced, “but if there’s a chance that my dad could still be alive, I have to go to Eden. I have to know, Nora. I’d never be able to live with myself not knowing.”

  Her shoulders drooped, but she sighed and nodded. “I know. I get it. I guess I’d feel the same way about my own dad.”

  I worried my lower lip. I hated to see her so let down and know that I was the reason for it. “Let’s stay one more night,” I offered. “Then in the morning we’ll get back on the road and back on our way to Eden.”

  When she squealed and clapped her hands in happiness I knew I was in trouble.

  “I’m gonna check out the surrounding area – see what hunting I can do.”

  “I’ll check out the inside and see if there’s anything left to eat or some tools that might be useful,” Nora said, smiling.

  It was the first genuinely happy look I’d seen on her face since we’d escaped from Hot Springs. It seemed to make her face come alive. I wanted to kiss her. I wanted to reach for her and hold her and tell her that maybe things were going to be okay from now on. But I was unsure what last night meant, if anything, and I wasn’t willing to put myself out there if she didn’t feel the same. Instead, I clasped her hand in mine and squeezed.

  +++++

  In the light of day I felt braver exploring and digging around the cottage for anything that might help us along the way. I wanted to catch something like a caveman would, showing off for his mate, but I knew there was little chance I’d have a successful hunt before Nora came looking for me. The best I could do was set a few traps and hope that I’d catch something before dinner.

  I hadn’t felt so nervous around a girl since Andrea. And once I'd admitted my attraction to her there was little I could do to stop it or even keep it out of my thoughts. I tried to push it off as the desire to distract myself from our dire circumstances, but that couldn’t account for how I’d only really started appreciating her when we were at Hot Springs and I’d begun to believe that we may actually outlast the Frost.

  When I came back inside after setting a few animal traps in close proximity to the cottage, I found Nora reclined on the first floor couch. In her hands was a large book that looked like a photo album.

  “You're the nosiest person alive,” I remarked, pulling off my boots.

  She didn’t look up. “I’m just curious about who used to live here.”

  I flopped down next to her on the worn couch. “Was it the Unabomber?” I guessed. “Inbred cannibal hillbillies?”

  She turned the page of the photo album and it made a plastic crinkling noise. “Nope. Just a regular family. Mom, Dad, and two kids. A boy and a girl. I think this was their family cabin or something.”

  I straightened from my relaxed position so I could see what she was looking at. The smiling faces of a family of four grinned up at us from the scrapbook.

  “Where do you think they are now?” Nora said in a voice no louder than a whisper. “Do you think they’re still alive?”

  I closed the album and took it from her hands. When she leaned her head against my shoulder and released the saddest sigh in the history of sighs, I rubbed my palm in small circles against her back. She seemed to be leaning all her weight against me, but I didn’t mind. I could be strong for her.

  She lifted her head from my shoulder and looked into my eyes. Her own were a vibrant blue, but a little red around the edges. Her palm skated along the definition of my jaw line and she regarded me seriously. She rhythmically stroked my cheek.

  “So last night was, um...”

  Nora dropped her hand from my face. I seemed to have a singular talent for opening my mouth at the wrong time. She stared expectantly at me, but I couldn’t finish the sentence.

  “Fun? Earth-moving? Transformative? The best orgasm of your life?” she supplied for me.

  “I was going to say ‘unexpected,’ but yeah, those all work, too.” My cheeks were burning and I looked away.

  “How was it unexpected?” Nora pressed. “It's just the two of us, holed up in this isolated cabin. It was snowing outside and there was a fire in the woodstove. It doesn’t get more romantic than that.”

  I couldn’t disagree with her about that. “Yeah, but aren’t you...you know...” Again, the words wouldn’t come.

  “A Leo?”

  I made a face. “No. Straight.”

  “Is that why you were weird this morning? Well, weirder than usual,” she unnecessarily added. “Did you think you’d somehow corrupted or taken advantage of the straight girl?”

  I wrung my hands in front of me. I hadn’t thought I was being that obvious when we’d woken up. “I’m not worried I corrupted you.”

  Something flickered across Nora's face. Her lips curled up at the edges. “Oh, I get it now. You’re wondering if I’m straight because you’re wondering if we’ll ever get to do that again.”

  “No, that’s not it either.” By now I was sure my typically pale skin was bright pink. “I just want to make sure we’re on the same page.”

  “And what page would that be?”

  I sighed. “I don’t know. That's why I’m asking you.”

  “Look, Sam. We don’t have to make a big deal out of this, okay? I had fun last night and if the sounds you were making were any indication, you had fun, too. We don’t need labels. And we don’t need to over-analyze it.”

  I stood up and wiped my palms on the tops of my thighs. “I’m gonna look around upstairs and see if there’s anything useful we can take on the road with us.” I tried to keep my tone neutral so she wouldn’t think I was upset.

  She nodded. “I’ll keep looking downstairs.”

  Her answer to my question hadn’t been satisfactory, but it was the best I could hope for.

  I opened a closet in the loft and let out a yelp of surprise when its contents tumbled out on top of me.

  Nora’s feet pounded up the loft staircase. “Are you okay?”

  “Yeah.” I nudged at a cluster of empty shoeboxes with the toe of my boots. With half of the closet’s contents now scattered on the floor, I could see other items that had been stored in the back. I pulled out a cylinder-shaped canvas bag tied at the top. “Oh, please let this be what I think it is,” I mumbled.

  I unfastened the yellow tie on one end and tipped the bag upside down. There was another jarring noise as fiberglass collapsible sticks fell from the bag. The other items were stuck and I tugged them free. It was a tent.

  I crouched down to give it a closer inspection. Nora peered over my shoulder while I checked the tent for rips. “Is that a tent?”

  “So far so good.”

  “Oh. great.”

  “You don't sound excited,” I observed.

  “No. It’s...it’s really great, Sam. No more caves or carnival.” She looked around and seemed to sigh. “Or cozy cottages.”

  I stood up and brushed at my knees. The floor of the closet had been covered in dust. “We can still find better places to spend the night,” I reassured her. “But at least now we don’t have to worry about finding shelter every night.”

  “Yeah. You
’re right,” she finally conceded. It sounded like it pained her though to admit that I might be right. I worried that she might still be trying to convince me to stay here rather than go to Eden.

  We spent the remainder of the day resting our bodies and staying warm. Nora had put herself in charge of keeping the fire stoked and I let her. Now, she sat on the bed upstairs, inspecting her bare feet.

  “Is it shallow of me that I'm really craving a pedicure?”

  “Yes.” I was inspecting one of the road maps for the umpteenth time that day. I wanted to be ready to go in the morning and make good time.

  She flexed her toes and made a face. “You're not supposed to agree with me.”

  “I'm not?”

  “No.” She swung her legs over the edge of the narrow mattress and flipped her feet back and forth. “You're supposed to reassure me that I’m not a horrible person and that snowpants don’t make my ass look big.”

  “I am?”

  Nora rolled her eyes. “You really didn’t have a lot of girl friends did you?”

  I knew she meant girls who were friends, but the phrase still made me uncomfortable. All I’d ever wanted in high school was a girlfriend. But it had been North Dakota and I was a coward. I didn’t know anyone who was gay, and it had made me feel so alone. I had ached to be just like everyone else. Now, stealing glances at Nora and admiring the healthy glow of her skin made me realize that I was still a coward. When words failed me, I shrugged.

  She sighed heavily. “What good is surviving the End of the World if you’re not allowed any vices?”

  I didn’t have an answer for her, so I shrugged again. All I knew was that in the morning we’d be back on the road. Today had been a nice reprieve from that, but it was time to stop playing house and get back to the real world.

  “Come to bed?”

  She held out her hand to me and my stomach seriously flip-flopped like I was in the backseat of a speeding car that had just gone over a bump. Those aquamarine eyes bore into me. Maybe I could play house for a little while longer.

  +++++

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  “Are you ready yet?” I called up the stairs.

  “Don’t ask stupid questions,” Nora’s voice floated down. “If I was ready, I’d be downstairs with you.”

  My hand clenched and unclenched around the wooden banister. I was anxious to get back on our journey. I could admit that our detour had been nice, but the people of Hot Springs could still be following us, and in hindsight, two days of remaining in one place hadn’t been the smartest strategy.

  Nora’s boots were loud as she tromped down the wooden stairs. My stomach flipped when I first spotted her. It was a ridiculous reaction, I knew. Nothing was going to change between us. She was still an entitled brat and for me, reuniting with my dad was priority number one.

  A cross look soured her beautiful face. “Sorry it took so long. My hair was being stubborn.”

  “Why did you fix your hair? It’s just going under a hat as soon as we go outside.”

  “Maybe I wanted to look nice for you in the five seconds you’d actually see it.” She tugged on her hat, covering the hair she’d just spent time to actually fix. Just the tips poked out where her hair was slightly longer than the material of the hat.

  “Oh, well, uh…” I didn’t know what to say. She didn’t seem to be flirting with me; her tone was very matter-of-fact.

  “You’re kind of cute when you’re uncomfortable, Fargo,” she winked.

  I didn’t bother pointing out that I wasn’t from that city. She knew the difference; she just wanted to pull a reaction from me. I grabbed my own knit cap and tugged it on. At least she hadn’t called me “Sammy,” so I suppose it was an improvement.

  The sun was high in the sky and I slipped on my sunglasses to combat the glare. I checked my compass and the location of the sun and went west. When I came to a little hill, I grabbed onto the tall grasses poking up through the snow to help me climb the brief, but steep incline. I stopped when I reached the top and turned to help Nora up as well. Her feet slipped where my boots had broken through the snow bank, but after a brief struggle, she reached the apex as well.

  We both took a moment to look back at the little cottage. A thin plume of smoke clung in the air just above the chimney from the fire I’d left dying in the woodstove. Nora’s light blue eyes had taken on a faraway look as she gazed back at our temporary sanctuary. I could almost hear her plea in my head: It’s not too late, Sammy. It doesn’t have to be so hard. We could always just stay.

  “How much longer do you think it’ll be?” she asked.

  I looked at the road map and the black mark Nora had made with a sharpie. “I can’t say for sure because who knows what kind of weather we’ll come across,” I prefaced my estimate, “but I’m hoping less than a week.

  “That doesn’t seem so bad.”

  I shook my head. In the grand scheme of things, a week on the road was hardly a hardship. We’d certainly endured worse this month. But I wasn’t going to let my guard down. The weather could take a turn for the worst, we could be attacked by bandits, and worse yet, Eden might not really exist. I wanted to believe Mr. West’s story and that we hadn’t been chasing ghosts across the country. But I also had to be pragmatic and prepare, at least mentally, for the very real possibility that there was no salvation coming.

  I didn’t want to think about it too much though because if Eden didn’t exist, the chances of reconnecting with my father was slim to none. We couldn’t go back to Hot Springs – that would be suicide. But they’d had the right idea camping by the natural hot springs. Certainly it wasn’t the only geothermal resource in the area. We’d just have to find another one and try to make a go of it.

  I wondered what my safety-minded, logical father would do in my place. Would he leave behind a safe haven for the uncertainty of finding me again? Would the risk be worth the reward? He’d already lost his wife and his mother to the Frost – what was one more heartache?

  “Hey, are you okay?” Nora’s hand rested on my forearm. Her piercing irises looked at me with concern.

  “I’m fine,” I choked out. I self-consciously wiped my gloved hand across my face, which dislodged her hand from my arm.

  She kept searching my face and her penetrating gaze unnerved me. I didn’t want to be so easily readable, even to her. We’d shared a vulnerable moment two nights ago, but I couldn’t suddenly let my guard down around her and voice my fears whenever they popped unbidden to my brain. I had to stay strong and make sure we made it to Eden. We were so close. I couldn’t fail her now.

  I shouldered the backpack I’d restocked with the limited items from the cottage’s pantry. It felt nice to feel the reassuring weight of the pack, knowing our supplies could probably last us until we got to central Idaho. I think Nora was waiting on some words of wisdom or encouragement from me, but I was currently tapped out. I needed to ration those niceties and optimism like the canned goods in my backpack. This trip was becoming just as mentally challenging as it was physical. I looked down at my compass again even though our direction hadn’t changed – it was just a nervous habit by now.

  “C’mon,” I said, hiking my backpack higher on my shoulders. “It’s time to go.”

  +++++

  With our bodies relatively rested, we were able to make good time that day. Mile-wise I didn’t know how far we’d gone, but it felt like we’d traveled farther than any other day so far. It helped that the terrain remained relatively flat as long as we kept close to the frozen river that carved through the mountains. It was also lucky that we’d found that tent in the cottage because more permanent shelter remained scarce.

  We set up camp just before the sun set. I was in charge of making a fire and setting up animal traps while Nora took care of assembling the tent. That evening we cooked canned potatoes in the fire and had pineapple chunks for dessert. With little else to entertain ourselves with and stomachs not entirely satisfied, we extinguished the fire and c
limbed into the tent.

  “Do you ever think about heat?”

  I rolled over on my side inside of my sleeping bag. Nora laid on her back with her hands positioned under her head for a makeshift pillow.

  “Sorry. That was a dumb question,” she laughed to herself. “Of course we all think about heat.”

  I nodded, agreeing. “Why do you ask?”

  “I was just thinking which scenario would be preferable – freezing to death or burning up.”

  “I’ve always liked cooler weather more than summer,” I admitted. “And you can always put on more layers, too. If it’s too hot there’s only so much you can take off until you’re just naked.”

  “Yeah, but I worked so hard to get into bikini shape. It’s a shame no one gets to appreciate it.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Are you always so big ego’ed or do I just bring out the best in you?”

  She rolled onto her side to face me. Her movement brought us practically nose to nose and my eyes crossed at the closeness. “Oh, it’s definitely not you. I’ve always been like this.”

  “Well that’s good,” I said sardonically. “Wouldn’t want to think I was special or something.” I was trying to keep up with her playful banter, but the words just sounded bitter.

  Her eyes perceptibly narrowed, and I couldn’t help but notice the wounded look on her features. She’d been teasing, but I’d unintentionally turned things ugly with my insecurities. I hated not knowing how Nora felt about me, but I was too afraid to start that conversation.

  “So you think I just have sex with every girl I stumble across?”

  The wind howling outside our shelter sounded like a banshee shrieking. I should have taken it as a warning sign not to continued down this conversational path.

  “Whatever,” I stupidly scoffed. “Let’s not pretend the other night meant anything except what it was. You were hurting and I was sexually frustrated.” I didn’t know where all these hateful words were coming from, but I couldn’t seem to turn them off.