Goodbye To Tomorrow

by Theresa Hodge

  I stopped and faced Nancy “I was thinking about Tim just now. I was thinking maybe, maybe it wasn’t really his fault, you know, that he left me.” I spoke in a low tone but just loud enough for Nancy to hear me.

  Her eyes caught mine. “If you continue to think about this, then you will never move on," Nancy advised. “You are young and beautiful and, even if you don’t know it, any man would kill to make you his. I just wish you could see this and then maybe you would stop punishing yourself with this self-pity” Nancy added.

  “No man sees the beauty of a girl trying her best to remain good and respectful,” responded.

  “What?" Nancy looked at me like one would look at a child who was spouting out gibberish.

  "You keep looking at all those celebrities and looking down on yourself because of them. Underneath all that makeup and all those fancy clothes, they are not better than you, I assure you.” She was trying to lift my spirits; I was well aware of that and I was grateful to her for it.

  “I was thinking of doing something different, something less like this” I spoke in near whispers.

  “What do you mean?” She asked giving me a look of confusion.

  “Every day when I walk into this building, all I can think about is how little I have to offer these patients. The only thing I can do is wash the sheets and help out with the meager things. I constantly am reminded of my dad and the fact that I cannot do anything to help them, like I couldn’t do anything to help him. It makes me beat myself up about not being able to go to college to do what I have always wanted to do.” I stopped for a while and looked at Nancy. She was unusually quiet.

  “The pay does suck, and the job is boring,” she finally said.

  “I am really tired of this job, I must confess. I want to try something new and maybe more interesting, where I can really help people,” I told her.

  She tilted her head to the side and concentrated her stare on my face, like she was deliberating on my words.

  “Well, if that is what you want, you should do whatever will make you feel fulfilled and happy. Life is too short to do otherwise," she said, and I silently agreed.

  *****

  The subtle clanging noise of the bell above the door was starting to get annoying. I could hardly think clearly as more and more people entered the shop. As if coffee was the new oxygen. The air was thick with steam near the espresso machines. I threw a sideward glance at my colleague who seemed to be thinking the exact same thoughts; her face spoke a thousand words more than the voices in my head. She was a red head with a big nose and full lips that automatically formed a pout whenever she stopped speaking. I teased her about it a lot.

  I had been so tired of the job at the hospital and had searched desperately for another job. Returning from a double shift at the hospital, I had been excited to see the “Barista Wanted-ASAP” at my local coffee shop. Imagine my surprise when I got the job—on the spot! It’s been about a month now, and I couldn’t be any happier.

  "I said two spoons of sugar, you didn't put in any sugar," I heard an irritating masculine voice complain. Damned customers...they think we’re mind readers. I put on my best smile, apologized for nothing and filled the order. He was a regular, so I had to be nice; no matter how much I wanted to throw the coffee in his face.

  This was the life of a barista at a small coffee shop in a busy city. I was working part-time to earn some money to help support my mother. My sister, Amber, was married with a kid and lived with her husband in another state. She often sent money to help out because Mom was not really able to do much since Dad had passed away. She was suffering from an illness with a long name that the doctor was kind enough to shorten to 'depression'. At least that I could understand. I felt sad for her because she used to be the happiest person I knew.

  We were a small, happy family until illness set in…an illness that left me and my sister fatherless and my mom without a husband. The doctors did their best, but he finally passed on. I never really got over it even though I tried to hide that fact. I would lock myself in my room and cry myself to sleep while he lay in the hospital. It was the longest two weeks of all our lives as my dad fought to hold on to life. I had to watch Mom change into someone that I didn't recognize; she was bereaved and daunted. The gloom in her eyes was like an endless brume of dark clouds. She never recovered from it.

  The sound of the bell pulled me back to reality as another customer trudged into the small space of our establishment. My heart stopped at the sight of him. No way; I could swear that he was Jiraiya Sampson.

  "Karine, could you please get more sugars from the storeroom?" I heard Savannah speak in her peculiar tone that usually meant, 'I am really too busy to do it myself'.

  I said nothing, I just moved back slowly. My eyes were glued on the man who was now approaching the counter. He walked so gracefully and had his head pointed straight up, exuding an air of confidence. He had not caught my eyes...yet. His gaze scanned the small setting of the cafeteria; he had never been here before—I could tell. It was his first time. I felt like a freak ogling him like that.

  And then, finally, he looked directly at me and my heart stopped. Those eyes; they were still the same golde-colored eyes with a tinge of a spark of green in them…those brilliant globes of azure magic just like I had seen in television commercials and in magazines. I was not wrong, he was definitely Jiraiya Sampson. The thing that captivated me the most was that he was even more handsome in real life than in any magazine. More handsome than he looked in commercials and online tabloids with his model girlfriend, Gracen Lafleur. They were the perfect couple, according to the news.

  Out of the blue, I heard the crashing sound of cups as they hit the floor and dang! It broke the sequence of my reverie. I had been so entranced in my own thoughts that I had collided and bumped against the cup stand and sent it all crashing down.

  "What the hell, Karine?" Savannah had a disgruntled look on her face as she turned to see the mess I had created.

  "I am so sorry.”

  "Well, be quick with the cleanup or we will have a long line of angry customers waiting" she said angrily "By the way, I hope you know that’s coming out of your paycheck.

  I nodded and cleaned up, as quickly as I could, the mess I had made.

  As I cleaned, I took furtive glances at Jiraiya. He just sat there on one of the bar stools in front of the counter, looking straight into empty nothingness. His caramel-colored hair was wavy and thick with a bit of curl in between. His strong angular jaw line was perfectly accentuated by his thin lips and slightly pointed nose. He had the look of a powerful businessman who took what he wanted out of life. At least he had that look in the business magazines. Today, something was different. Although he was still handsome as all get out, his hair was a little rumpled and there was the grim way he pressed his lips together that caused me to wonder what was bothering him.

  “Hurry up, Karine!” I heard Savannah’s voice, once again, bringing me back from my silent musings.

  Finally, I was done, and I continued working with jittery hands. Each time I bore the coffee-laden tray, I tread with cautious steps for fear that I would spill it all on the floor. Or worse; I might spill it on a customer and that would be a disaster. All the while and despite the tumult around me, my eye kept sliding to Jiraiya. He just sat there; sipping his coffee—a latte with cream and sugar.

  I peered at him out of the corner of my eyes as he lifted the cup of coffee to his lips and sipped the contents...slowly. I watched his Adam's apple move as he gulped at the cup's contents, before returning his hands to the counter. I watched him turn around as he took in his surroundings. My eyes followed his every move. Where his eyes traveled so did mine I wondered what he was thinking as he looked at the beautiful colored pattern of the walls of The Coffee Shop. Mustard and blue, laced with stripes of brown were the colors that gave this small coffee shop its natural appearance. The name of the shop was written in colorful bold letters across the front expanse of the picture window.


  Jiraiya seemed to be waiting for someone as he kept on checking his watch, but the person didn’t seem to be coming anytime soon. He stood up and paid for his coffee. As he approached me, my well-trained eyes noticed that he looked like he was in some kind of pain. He tried to hide it, masking his pain behind a huge smile that seemed to have been missing from his face for some time. Oh, that smile. A smile that could make any woman weak in the knees.

  All those months of staying beside Father, his life ebbing away. Yet he wore a huge smile. That, coupled with years of working at the hospital had taught me that people could hide the biggest pain behind the broadest smile. Jiraiya had seemed happy in all those pictures in the magazines and online tabloids; I could not help wondering what troubled him. I did not say a word to him; I could not.

  What would I have told him: Mr. Jiraiya, my name is Karine and I have been secretly watching you since you entered this coffee shop. Your secret is safe with me. May I know what troubles your mind, my prince? I definitely could not do that, so I just prayed with all my heart that it was nothing serious.

  Chapter 7

  Jiraiya

  It has been almost a month since my discharge from the hospital and I was beginning to feel better. There is occasional pain; a friend of mine has suggested the use of morphine to dull the pain. He has street connections and has been able to get me the drug. If I ever get arrested—he doesn’t know me.

  I started using the drug and discovered that it was a fast and efficient pain reliever. It seemed like the best solution—the pain had been debilitating and now I have my life back. Or something close to it.

  Gracen was slowly drifting away. God bless her, she was trying to hold it together but it wasn’t working. With the diagnosis we became completely different people. My illness had guaranteed that.

  She and I sat outdoors in the shade of the trees so that I could get some fresh air. Sitting was about all I could do these days; the illness had seen to that. The air was nice, Gracen was unusually quiet. I knew she had a lot on her mind. I just didn’t know how this would all play out—and I needed to know.

  "How is work going?" I asked.

  "It is going fine. John Ferdinand has agreed to give me the contract for the South American job.” A few months ago, Gracen would have been turning somersaults over such an assignment. Today, she brushed it off as just another job. I felt sad about that, so I felt it was my duty to rectify that.

  "That’s great news, but you don't seem so happy about it. This is something that we both have been waiting for. You should be over the moon right now Gracen," I pointed out.

  "Yes, but sadly I am not," she turned her face to the side.

  "And why is that Gracen?"

  "Remember that special bottle of champagne we agreed to pop open if this contract panned out?" she asked, her face turned so I could see her sky-blue eyes.

  "I still have that bottle. But it feels wrong to be celebrating with everything that’s happening to us.

  "Oh Gracen, please don't let my illness be the reason why you cannot be happy.”

  "Well, I’m not happy," she said and immediately started sobbing. I put my arm around her as I pulled her closer to me.

  "We should celebrate the good things that are happening in your life Gracen. You deserve to be happy. I never want to get in the way of that," I replied.

  She nodded as her hair fell forward; hiding the tears of her despair.

  "Now, let’s uncork that bottle of bubbly. How about we meet at our favorite Italian restaurant? You know the one we first went to? How about we go out on a date, like we did before this all happened? What do you think, Babe?”

  She remained quiet.

  Just then her phone rang. I saw the caller ID flash and reveal the face of the man I saw her hugged up with in the news article online. I sucked my heart stalled out a bit. I was afraid of this very thing; I guess Gracen was no longer mine to keep; she had been stolen from me in my time of weakness.

  I could hear unclear sounds coming from the phone. “Ahh, Okay. Can we make it for noon tomorrow?” Gracen responded, disconnected and hurriedly stuffed her cell phone into her hand bag.

  “I need to go. Business. Tomorrow.7:00?” Now she was in a hurry to leave.

  “Seven is fine" I barely got out and then she was gone.

  I sat there, thinking about the life that she and I planned to have. I had so many ambitions: we would have kids...beautiful, of course. A beautiful house in a beautiful neighborhood. The finest cars. Closets full of designer clothes. Gone. It was like everything I had dreamed for and hoped for was gone...just like that. And with these thoughts in my head, I slept the rest of the afternoon away.

  *****

  The next day, I woke to a day that seemed to glow. I could not place my finger on the reason why; I suspected that it had something to do with tonight’s date with Gracen. Although I had mixed feelings about it, I was resolute. This dinner date was going to be an opportunity for me to determine if Gracen and I could survive as a couple. If she was not comfortable, I had decided that I would let her go. I wanted her to be happy and if leaving me would make her happy...how could I object? I loved her that much.

  I sat at a table for two, swirling the glass of water that had been place in front of me. I hoped Gracen didn’t stand me up today, the way she had some days ago. I had waited for her at a coffee shop, and she phoned to cancel, saying her time had been taken up by so many activities. She had apologized, and I had accepted her apology.

  I pondered how we would handle things if Gracen wanted to move on with me. And I considered the other, more likely answer. Right now, I simply wanted to see the beautiful Gracen one more time in the first restaurant we had ever visited. I could remember that moment like it was yesterday. She had looked very beautiful from the distance as I stood beside the limo that I had hired specially for the date. She walked with classic grace and swung her hair as she moved. I realized how lucky I was to have her agree to go with me on a date.

  Our drive to the restaurant was filled with stares and smiles, compliments and small talks. At the restaurant, we talked about anything and everything that fueled our curiosity. It had been a wonderful night and when I dropped her at her home, I knew that I had a future with Gracen Lafleur.

  Things continued to go well between the two of us. The more we time we spent together, the more we learned to trust one another. Gracen began to share the most intimate details of her life; I did the same.

  We had our second and third dates. And then our first kiss. Gracen was a good kisser; she knew how to make you want that kiss to go on forever. I had completely fallen for her and she seemed to feel the same. I called her Gracen and she called me ‘J’.

  We continued to talk. I took her on another date, she said that she liked my choice of venue and I grinned from ear to ear. That night she came back to my house and I was surprised at how eager she was.

  I poured her some wine; she drank it in one gulp. She declined a second glass, saying she did wanted to be clear-headed while she did what she had planned for me. I prayed in my mind that it was what I wanted, and it seemed like my prayers were swiftly answered because she leaned closer to me and planted a kiss on my lips.

  I needed no further invitation, so I returned the kiss and we indulged in a round of passionate necking while my hands found their way to the hem of her shirt. I lifted it up while I explored her mouth with mine; she helped me ease the shirt off by lifting her hands. I gladly let my hands work on her soft firm breasts while soft moans escaped her lips. Her excitement was obvious. I got undressed in record time and before I knew it, I was in my favorite position; on top the woman I loved with all of my heart.

  I began with her lips, tracing down her neck and resting on her chest. When I looked up at her, her eyes were closed. She was in her own world...a world of pleasure. My tongue found the amazing taste of her succulent bosom and I licked and sucked, while using my free hand to caress the softest flesh I had ever touched.
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br />   My other hand went down her belly; slowly and deeper down, under the elastic bands of her underwear. I eased her out of her silk underwear and slipped my fingers into her wet creamy core, gently prodding her as she moaned. Her nectar soaked my fingers. I kissed her lips again as I positioned myself to thrust into her. She moaned loudly inside my mouth as she felt the strength of each thrust.

  She was both amazing and sweet, our bodies glued together as if a perfect match. And then we climaxed together. I stiffened as she convulsed in ultimate passion.

  The second time we would make love was different and equally beautiful.

  This time, we went to her place and I walked her to her door. We held hands, like a king and queen walking towards the throne room.

  As we approached her door, I drew her into my arms and pinned my lips on hers. It was getting dark already and the cool evening breeze blew our shirts as we kissed like lovers who had just gotten reunited after a very long time apart. She opened the door and we scrambled in like kids going after a cookie.

  I took off my belt while she unzipped her skirt, revealing lacy blue lingerie. Off came her blouse while she leaned in to kiss me. I kissed her back in affirmation of my interest.

  Gracen moaned in pleasure as my hands struck a pleasure point. I muffled her moan with another round of steamy hot kissing, finding her tongue with mine. Our tongues played a little game for a while, enjoying the company of each other. Her lips, tongue, teeth and everything in her mouth felt like they were perfectly made for kissing...me.

  I worked my hand into her now soaked lingerie and, when she could take it no more, she pulled down the flimsy material and pushed me back to the table. I hurriedly cleared what was on either side of the table, allowing items to fall to the ground. Not thinking about the fact that we would have to clean everything up before her roommate came back.