I felt tired. I’d spent my whole life watching people die, and I’d be fine without it ever happening ever again.
But I also felt a well of strength somewhere deep inside me. I knew that things were bad now, as bad as they’d ever been. And I knew that I’d step up and face the badness. It was what I did. I survived.
Chance spoke up. “Are the hot dogs ready yet?”
We all looked at him, like we’d forgotten he was there.
That was different. Chance being around. As much as we could, we’d tried to keep the badness away from him. However, this time, the badness had reached into the center of us and taken so much away that we couldn’t protect him.
“Not yet,” said Jude.
“But soon,” I said. “Right?”
“I’m hungry,” said Chance.
“Me too,” I said. I hadn’t been thinking about it, but I was ravenous. Being pregnant was like having a tapeworm inside me.
Chance smiled up at Jude. “Did you see how Daddy taught me to shoot the gun?”
Jude nodded, smiling too. “I did.”
“I did a good job,” said Chance. “If the bad men came back and tried to shoot anyone, if I had that gun, I’d be able to stop them.” There was a hard light in his eyes.
Jason looked a little alarmed. He grimaced and turned his attention to the hot dogs, rotating each of them.
“I know you would, little man,” said Jude. “But hopefully, you won’t have to do that. You’ve got all three of us here. We’ll take care of you, okay?”
“Okay,” said Chance, but the hard light didn’t go out.
And as I looked at the determined expression on his face, I recognized it as the same strength that was inside me.
And I remembered Chance being a tiny baby, only a few months old, outside in the ravages of the solar flare, Jason and I sending armies against each other, the world war torn and ruined.
I laughed to myself. Bitterly.
Chance knew the badness just as well as we did.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
~azazel~
Later, Jude and I sat in front of the dying embers of the fire.
Jason and Chance were both asleep, and Jude was supposed to be asleep too. We were supposed to be taking turns on watch, and it was my turn. But Jude claimed he was too antsy to sleep, so he’d been sitting up with me.
“So, he was going out and picking out random girls and cutting them up?” said Jude.
“Not random girls,” I said. “Not exactly. He had a type. And he did his best not to kill them, if that makes it any better.”
“I don’t think it does,” said Jude.
I picked up a twig from the ground and hurled it into the fire. “Yeah, I don’t think so.”
“But even after all he’s done, you’re still in love with him.”
I sighed.
It was quiet.
Jude turned to me, the fire lighting his face up in oranges and reds. “You are still in love with him, aren’t you?”
I swallowed. “You know, Jude, when Noah and Gordon showed me all that stuff that Jason did, I was horrified. Because your mother told me that he was horrible. He was going to kill everything, kill everybody. And it scared me, because I was afraid that he actually was that horrible.”
His voice was quiet. “And now you realized it’s true?”
“No,” I said. “It’s not true.”
“Azazel, after all the things he’s done, how can you still be with him?”
“It’s not like that,” I said. “That’s not the way it scared me. I wasn’t afraid of things he’d done or the things that he might do. I was afraid because… even knowing that, it didn’t change how I felt about him. I struggled with it and struggled with it. I tried to convince myself that I had to be away from him. I broke up with him. I tried to kill him. But… I couldn’t.”
“Because you love him.”
“Exactly.”
“You love him that much? You love him even though he doesn’t deserve it?”
“Who deserves love, Jude?”
He didn’t say anything.
“Actually,” I said, “I think that if people are really honest with themselves, that’s the way we all love. We may try to tell ourselves that if we were given a choice between the people we loved and the greater good, that we’d pick the greater good. But I don’t think most people would. I think most people would pick their loved ones.”
He was quiet for a minute. Then he said, “Don’t you think there should be some way to get both? To save the world and the people you love?”
“I do think so,” I said. “I really do.”
He let out a sad laugh. “But there isn’t always a way.”
“No,” I said. “Jason learned to kill, and when he’s at his best, he uses that skill to help the people he loves. And when he’s at his worst…”
“Right.”
Neither of us said anything for a while.
Finally, Jude spoke up again. “I get it.”
“You do?”
“Yeah,” he said. “I haven’t even met my son, the baby growing inside you. But I’d do anything for him. Anything at all. And if it turned out that, because he’s got all this weird Chaos power in him, he’s doing really horrible things, it wouldn’t matter.”
“No,” I said. “It wouldn’t.”
He let out a long, slow breath. “I wanted things to be so different for him. I had dreams of being a dad, getting to raise him, the two of us doing normal things together. But nothing about him is normal, and those things aren’t going to happen.”
“You’ll still get to raise him. You’ll be here. And maybe… after we get a chance to regroup, we’ll think of some way to stop Imri once and for all. Maybe we can be normal.”
He chuckled. “Not a chance, Zaza. There’s nothing normal about us.”
He was right, of course.
* * *
After a while, it was my turn to go to sleep, and Jude stayed up to do his own shift on watch. I was grateful for the chance to rest. Though I wasn’t as exhausted as I’d been at the beginning of the pregnancy, I still needed a lot of sleep.
So I curled up next to Jason in the tent and fell asleep right away.
I dreamed.
In my dream, I was in the lookout house in Columbus, Kentucky.
I wasn’t alone.
A woman was standing next to me. She wore a long black dress, and I recognized her as Nancy, one of the witches we’d worked with when we were fighting against Kieran and Eve.
She smiled at me. “Azazel.”
“Nancy, what happened to you? The last thing I remember, you’d been captured by Kieran and Eve. You were there, right before Jason and I went into the coma.”
“I survived.” She had the same hard glint in her eyes that Chance had.
I reached out and grabbed both of her hands. “I’m so sorry about Carol and Guy.” Carol had been Nancy’s girlfriend, and Guy their adopted son. Kieran and Eve had killed both of them.
“That’s been a long time,” she said. “But thank you.”
The wind blew in over the river, pushing strands of hair away from my face.
“You’re in a bit of trouble, Azazel,” she said.
“Aren’t I always?” I said.
She chuckled. “That may be true. But your son. Your child. He’s very powerful. The more he grows, the more powerful he will be. I can sense his power, and others will sense him as well.”
I gulped. “You mean, they’ll be able to find us.”
“That’s right. Those who seek him harm will come for him. In fact, they are on their way to you now. You don’t have much time.”
“Then I need to wake up,” I said. “We need to get moving.”
“Yes,” she said.
But I didn’t wake up. I tried to will myself to do it, but nothing happened.
Nancy was still holding onto my hands. “You need to come to me, Azazel. I can create a spell, something that will cloak him
from those who wish to hurt him. Your enemies won’t be able to see him.”
“A spell?” I said. “But I thought he absorbed magic.”
“It won’t be an easy spell,” she said. “But I can do it. You must find a way to get to me.”
“Where are you?”
“Back at home, of course.” She let go of my hands. “See you soon.”
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
~azazel~
Jude was shaking me awake. “Azazel.”
I sat straight up.
Jason was already on his feet, waking up Chance.
“They’re here, aren’t they?” I said to Jude.
“I don’t know,” he said. “I only know that I saw headlights down the road.”
“No, it’s them,” I said. “I had a dream. We have to go back to Columbus.”
Jason turned. “Columbus?”
“We have to see Nancy.”
He winced. “You sure she doesn’t hate us?”
“Well… no,” I said. “But she seemed nice in the dream.”
Chance sat up, rubbing his eyes. “We have to leave? Are we taking the tents?”
Jason looked at me.
I shook my head. “No time.”
From outside, the sound of tires on gravel. A car engine.
It pulled to a stop, sputtered, and died.
We were all crowded into the tent, and there was hardly enough room for all of us.
The headlights of the car cut through the thin fabric, lighting up our shadows.
Jason swore softly, getting out his gun, and disengaging the safety.
I followed suit.
Jude fumbled for his in the doorway of the tent.
“We know you have Azazel Jones,” called a voice. “Send her out, and you can go on your way.”
Jason squeezed off three shots in the direction of the voice. They tore through the tent, leaving holes in their wake.
Someone cried out.
They returned fire.
Instinctively, I grabbed Chance and hit the ground.
More bullets punched through the tent, this time from the other side.
One caught Jason in the arm.
He flinched.
Chance’s eyes got big. “Daddy?”
“Shh,” said Jason. He turned to Jude. “You and me. We go out and draw the fire. Azazel, you get Chance out of here.”
“I can shoot,” I said.
“So can I,” said Chance.
But Jason wasn’t listening. He was already busting through the doorway of the tent, dragging Jude with him.
We heard the sounds of bullets being traded, the shots exploding and echoing through the night.
I waited for a few seconds, and I grabbed hold of Chance and darted out of the flap of the tent.
Outside, there wasn’t much to see.
Jude and Jason were both crouched down, firing into a large SUV. I couldn’t see any of the men, because the headlights of the car blinded me.
I turned away from the car and ran, dragging Chance along.
We ran into the nearby woods.
Scurried through the trees and brambles.
Until I found some underbrush large enough to hide us. I shoved Chance on the ground and threw myself over him.
We lay there, not moving.
We could still hear gunshots.
Lots of gunshots.
Then the sound of a male shriek here and there.
I shut my eyes. What if neither Jude nor Jason came back?
I couldn’t let that happen. I needed to go back. I needed to help them.
On the other hand, what if I went back, and they shot me? What if I lost the baby?
A strangled yell. “Jason!”
No. What had happened to Jason?
I waited to hear something else, but now it was eerily quiet.
What had they done?
“Chance,” I whispered. “Wait here. I’ll be right back.”
“No,” he said. “Let me have a gun, Zaza. Let me come with you.”
“Stay here,” I said fiercely.
I got to my feet and fought my way back through the woods.
Once near the edge, I slowed down.
I could still see the illumination of the headlights, but I couldn’t hear anything.
I crept out of the woods, staying low, staying away from the lights, which were like bright spotlights on a stage.
I darted over the ground, moving closer.
Finally, I could see a dark shape lying on the ground.
Who was it?
Was it Jason?
Oh god.
But then I heard a voice. “No, I’m good. I’m fine.”
Jason! Relief poured through me.
“Why weren’t those leaf bullets?” said Jude. He and Jason walked into view of the headlights.
“Don’t know,” said Jason. “Maybe they ran out. Maybe they didn’t have time to stuff more of the casings?”
“Does take a shit load of time to do that.”
I got up. “You’re okay.”
Jason turned to me. “Azazel, I told you to go.”
“I did, but I heard Jude yelling for you, and I thought something happened.”
“It did,” said Jude. “He got shot in the head. I thought he was gone. But they weren’t leaf bullets. See, we’re healing.” He held out his arm. “Well… we were until you showed up.”
Jason put his arm around his brother. “Nice going, man. You took out three of them while I was down.”
Jude grinned. “Well, I couldn’t let them hurt Zaza or Chance or the baby, could I?”
“No,” said Jason. “You couldn’t.” To me, “Where’s Chance? We’ve got to get out of here now.”
“I’ll get him,” I said.
Jason sized up the SUV. “It was nice of them to bring us this, wasn’t it? The car we stole was practically out of gas.”
* * *
Nancy puttered around in her kitchen, mixing together herbs. She was creating a potion that I had to drink to cloak my baby’s powers from the sight of everyone else. She said it was tying him to my essence or something. She’d used strands of my hair.
Honestly, the potion looked kind of gross so far.
“At first,” Nancy was saying, “I didn’t have any magic anymore. Right after Kieran and Eve disappeared. I was completely powerless again. But I was content about it. Everything was better then. Then… nine months later, something happened. I had a dream about the two of you waking up from your coma. And slowly, I started to get my magic back. I could tell that something was different. That you and Jason had done something to the world.”
“You know,” said Jude, “I still don’t understand this.”
“Me either,” said Jason. “I don’t remember it. After we woke up, Azazel and I both had this feeling, like we shouldn’t have.”
“Well,” said Nancy, “things were better for everyone else when you were in the coma.”
“For the greater good,” I said, thinking of my conversation with Jude earlier. “But that isn’t what we chose to save. We chose ourselves over the greater good.”
Nancy stirred the potion. “It’s always the same with your powers. Chaos and Order are drawn to each other, but the powers are corrupted by human desires. It was the same for Kieran and Eve. They brought paradise to earth, and then they destroyed it in their search for a child. Just like you and Jason.”
“Hey,” said Jason. “I don’t care whether I was a pure agent of Order at the time or not. I know that I never—not even subconsciously—wanted Azazel to get pregnant with Jude’s child.”
Nancy turned from the counter. “You wanted her to be pregnant. You knew she wouldn’t be happy otherwise. When the two of you were joined in the world spirit, you tried to make her happy will illusory children, but it wasn’t enough for her.”
I shook my head. “So, we did this for a child?”
Nancy shrugged. “I don’t know. I wasn’t there. It seems to me that it’s like
ly that the power of Chaos saw a way to split itself from Order, and it used your desire for a child to find a way to make that happen. There was also the fact that Azazel’s body was dying. You rewrote history to make it so she could be saved with Jason’s blood. And the consequence of that was the birth of Chaos into the world again.”
“But I was Chaos,” I said. “I didn’t do anything all that bad.”
Nancy raised her eyebrows at me.
I looked away. “Okay, so I did. But what’s that mean for the baby? Is he going to do terrible things too?”
“I don’t know,” said Nancy. “Plus, as the two of you have seen, the future is never quite as set as it seems. As long as people have their own will, there’s no way to know what will happen. And your baby will have his own choices. One thing is certain, though. The forces of Order want him dead.”
“Like Imri,” said Jude.
“Not only Imri,” said Nancy. “There are other forces out there as well.”
“Want him dead?” said Jason. “Didn’t you just say that the forces of Order and Chaos are drawn to each other?”
“Certainly,” said Nancy.
“So, he’ll be drawn to some agent of Order,” I said. “Just like I was.”
“Maybe,” said Nancy. “If I were you, I wouldn’t worry too much about that. I’d worry about keeping him alive.” She set the potion in front of me. “Drink up. It’s ready.”
I could smell it, and it didn’t smell appetizing. I wrinkled my nose.
Nancy gestured at the glass. “Go on.”
I grimaced, but I picked it up.
“Listen,” said Nancy, “he can’t be attracted to anyone if he’s dead.”
I downed the potion.
* * *
“Azazel.” Jason’s whisper was urgent, his body tense beside me.
I awoke from a deep sleep, struggling to be alert. We were in Nancy’s house, sleeping in the guest room. It was dark, but I could hear the sound of conversation in the background. “What’s going on?”
“They’re here,” said someone else.
I swung my gaze to the doorway, where Jude was standing. Chance was holding his hand.
“Imri?” I said.
“Yes,” said Jude.
“But… the cloaking spell. How did they find us?”
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