Maya And The Tough Guy (Big Girl Panties #2)

by Carter Ashby

  “Whiskey neat,” he said.

  Without taking his eyes from the man, Jayce poured the whiskey and slid it across the bar. The man reached for it with a shaking hand and drank, swallowing it all in one gulp. He slid the glass back to Jayce, who hadn’t put the bottle down. He poured again. This time the man sipped.

  “You got a girl working here by the name of Maya Bradley?”

  That’s where Jayce knew him. He was Maya’s father. Jayce had seen him around, years ago before he moved away. He was a lot bigger and stronger then. He wondered how the man had managed to deteriorate so drastically. But Jayce had his answer when he drained his glass and started on a third one.

  “She ain’t in tonight,” Jayce said. His instinct was to immediately hate the guy. But the look of sadness and utter despair on his face was just too much. Maybe the guy just wanted Maya to love him. Jayce could relate to that.

  “Don’t suppose you know how to get hold of her.”

  Jayce leaned in. “What do you want with her, Mr. Lansing?”

  A flash of surprise flitted through his eyes. It faded away quickly. “Just wanted to see her. It’s been a while. How much are you charging me for these drinks?” he asked. He reached in his pocket and pulled out a canvas wallet in which was, max, four dollars in cash.

  “More than that,” Jayce said, nodding to the meager stash. “Don’t suppose you got a functioning credit card in there?”

  Mr. Lansing shook his head sadly. He pushed the half-empty glass back toward Jayce.

  Jayce studied him for a long moment. He wasn’t the first down-and-out alcoholic who came here not able to pay his tab. Hell, Buck came by every day and paid for maybe half his drinks, ever. Jayce sighed, refilled the glass, and nudged it to Mr. Lansing.

  “I don’t take charity, kid,” Lansing said.

  Jayce just looked at him, raising a brow. Lansing’s resolve lasted less than ten seconds. He picked up the glass and drank.

  “I can call her,” Jayce said. “I just pissed her off pretty good, though. She might not come over for me. Doubt she’s gonna come over for you.”

  Lansing nodded. “Yeah. I just thought it’d be nice to see the grandkids. Don’t think they even know who I am.”

  Jayce debated whether he should share personal information. It was Maya’s business. As much as he considered her the most important part of his life, she didn’t even consider him a close friend. Still, he didn’t want this old guy going looking for her tonight.

  “You know she’s going through a divorce, right?”

  Lansing looked up at him. “No. Didn’t know.”

  “She’s got nothing of her own right now. No home. No money.” So don’t go mooching off her, was the unspoken message.

  “I don’t want her money.”

  “You sure about that?”

  The man sighed. “She helps me out sometimes. When I’m down on my luck.”

  “That what you are, Mr. Lansing? Down on your luck?”

  “Yeah, boy, that’s what I am. In case it don’t show on my face, I’m on my way out. Got some kind of liver disease from all this drinking. No way to afford medical treatment. I’d just like to die in a warm bed with a roof over my head rather than in some ditch somewhere.”

  “Sounds reasonable.”

  “Yeah? I think so, too. But I hate to ask her if she’s going through her own hell. I hate to ask her anyway. Don’t figure I did much good by her.”

  Jayce poured more whiskey into the glass.

  “You say she don’t got a home?”

  “She’s staying with a friend.”

  Lansing nodded. “Guess I was hoping she might have a spare room.”

  “She doesn’t.”

  Jayce watched the guy for a moment. He moved down the bar to check on other customers. Lansing just sat there all night, sipping whiskey he couldn’t pay for. Jayce wasn’t sure what to do with him.

  At last call, he sat on a barstool next to the old man. “You can crash with me tonight, I got a spare room. I’ll see about Maya tomorrow, see if she wants to talk to you. After that, we’ll go from there.”

  “I don’t take—“

  “Charity? Yeah, well I don’t take bullshit. Unless you got somewhere else to go, the room’s yours.”

  Lansing nodded and Jayce showed him the way upstairs.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

  Maya made her way to the gym the next morning. She knew he would be there. She hoped he wouldn’t, but she knew he would.

  Sure enough, he was beating the living shit out his punching bag. Maya stood in the doorway and watched. She wasn’t afraid of him, not even a little bit. He had more anger in him than she had originally thought, but he wouldn’t hurt her.

  Suddenly he stopped, straightened, and turned. His arms, bared in his sleeveless tee, were slick with sweat. “Maya,” he said, like a breath.

  She smiled sadly. “I wanted to apologize.”

  He glanced around. There were some other guys in the gym. He jogged toward her. “Come on. There’s an office back here.” He led her off to the side and into an office. Norris was there behind the desk. “Out,” Jayce said.

  Norris obeyed. He was eating a bagel. He stuffed the last bite into his mouth and left. There was a ratty sofa pushed against the wall. Jayce took her hands and sat with her. “Why the hell are you apologizing to me? My God, Maya.”

  “I insulted you,” she said. “You’ve been nothing but good to me and my family. I had no reason to question your motives.”

  “Of course you did. You don’t know me. Not really. I wish you did. But you don’t.”

  She studied his dark eyes. “I do know you. But Jayce?”

  He frowned, his eyes locked on hers.

  “It’s not okay for you to yell at me. Or throw things. That’s not okay with me.”

  He nodded. Above all, he regretted that. “Sometimes I get—” He couldn’t figure out how to finish.

  “You get what, Jayce?”

  He laughed bitterly. “You know, the more I think about it, the more I see how wrong I am for you. I’ve got so much anger in here.” He pounded his fist to his chest. “It kills me that I scared you like that. It’s like, all the time you were acting afraid of me, I realize now you were right to.”

  “Did you want to hurt me yesterday?”

  “No,” he said without hesitation. “God, I’ve never wanted to hurt you, Maya. Or any woman for that matter. It’s just, I do occasionally lose my temper. You don’t need that in your life.”

  “Everyone loses their temper sometimes. I’ve gone behind closed doors and thrown things before. It’s just, if you get mad at me, you need to take your anger away for a while.”

  He nodded. “I will. I’m so sorry, Maya.”

  “Jayce, I think we need to talk about why you got so angry so fast. Why you reacted so big.”

  He gave her a blank stare.

  “This happens to people when they bottle things up. And I think you haven’t been honest with me or yourself about your feelings for me. I think you’ve been trying to manage me and your feelings and it’s just not working out for you.”

  He swallowed and looked away.

  “So…will you be honest with me, now? Will you tell me how you feel?”

  He let out a little laugh. “Seems like you already know the answer to that.”

  Her heart pounded in her chest. “I know…,” she cleared her throat. “I know that when you hold me, you hold me like you’re afraid I’ll disappear at any moment.”

  He nodded, leaning forward on his knees.

  “I know you treat me like I always imagined a husband should treat a wife. You take care of me. You think of me when I’m not around. Just tell me, Jayce.”

  He shook his head, a sad smile on his lips. “I’m in love with you, Maya.”

  She took in a shaky breath. Her chest tightened. She knew it. But hearing the words was overwhelming. “How long?” she asked.

  He stood, paced away, and rubbed his stub
bled jaw. “I tell you the answer to that, you’re gonna know what a loser I am.”

  “You’re not a loser, Jayce.”

  “I’m a pathetic loser. The biggest chump in the history of chumps.”

  “Jayce—“

  “Why didn’t you call me?”

  She frowned, not understanding the question. He turned to face her, his eyes red-rimmed, his smile mirthless. “You don’t even know what I’m talking about, do you?” he asked. He laughed, shoved his hand through his hair, and leaned back against the wall.

  Then suddenly, she did. Their date. Back in high school. Eight years ago. She lifted her eyes to his. “All this time?” she asked.

  He wasn’t looking at her, still bitterly amused. “You were just being nice, weren’t you? You said you’d call me because you didn’t want to hurt my feelings, didn’t you?”

  No, that hadn’t been it at all, but she was in too much shock to say anything.

  He came toward her, swung a chair around, and sat in front of her. “I slept with my phone next to my pillow every night for a week. I almost called you so many times, but I didn’t want to get you in trouble with your old man. And then I had to go to school and hear—from locker-room gossip no less—that the same night you couldn’t bring yourself to have sex with me, you went straight to Damon Bradley’s house and hopped into bed with him.”

  She shook her head, tears blurring her vision. It hadn’t happened like that.

  “Do you have any idea how that felt, Maya? I’d have done anything for you. I had a bed you could sleep in. A body you could use. And I loved you. Do you know what a miracle that was for me? To love someone?”

  She choked back tears. “I’m so sorry,” she gasped. “I didn’t know.”

  “Why? Why didn’t you know? I followed you around like a faithful dog who was too fucking dumb to know any better. I asked you out every chance I got. I showed you every way I knew how.”

  “But I wasn’t looking, Jayce! You know how my life was, how was I supposed to see you when I was so worried about keeping my head down and avoiding trouble? You should have told me.” She closed her eyes tight, feeling awful for being mad at him. Here he was in pain and she was angry with him, blaming him. “If you’d said something—”

  “I did! I told you in every way I knew how, Maya. My God, and then you got pregnant…I was devastated. I barely even remember the week I drank away after finding that out. Same as when you married him. But I thought, if that’s what makes Maya happy, then who am I to question it. I held onto that thought until the first time Damon walked into my bar with a woman on his arm, looking not at all worried that he was cheating on his wife in public. And it happened again and again. And then when I found out what he’d been doing to you—”

  Jayce’s expression twisted in pain. He shook his head. “I would have taken care of you,” he said. “We’d have a house, by now. Kids. Pets. Family vacations. Anything you wanted.”

  Short sobs kept escaping Maya’s chest. “I didn’t know,” she repeated.

  Jayce buried his face in his hands, digging his palms into his eyes.

  “I can tell you this,” she said, once she’d gotten her sobs under control. “I didn’t have those kinds of feelings for you back then. Even on that date…that’s why I didn’t go all the way with you. I thought it was cool going to prom with a senior, Jayce. I wasn’t even looking at you.”

  His shoulders were shaking and a moment later, she heard his laughter. He sat back and dropped his hands. “That’s nice, Maya. I feel a lot better knowing the reason you rejected me was because I was completely invisible to you.”

  “You didn’t express enough,” she said. “You didn’t tell me how you felt in a way that I could understand.”

  He threw up his hands. “Fine. So it’s my fault. Whatever, it’s in the past. But we’re here, now.” He leaned forward and took her hands in his. “I know you don’t love me. I know you don’t know me. But I’m begging you to let me be a part of your life. I’m so happy when I’m with you. I’m dying to take care of you. Even just to be used by you would be enough. The sex is good, right? Your kids like me now, right? Let’s be friends. Lovers, even. Anything. Fall in love with someone else. Marry someone else. Just give me something of yourself, Maya. Just a little.”

  She shook and cried. “I want you to know about that night.”

  “It doesn’t matter. I get that you loved him—“

  “I didn’t then, though. After you dropped me off, my dad and I fought and he kicked me out. I was barefoot in my pajamas walking toward main street and the only thing I had was the scrap of paper with your phone number on it. I was going to find a phone to call you and ask for help, but he drove by. And Jayce, I was a stupid, teenage girl. I believed the lies that he told me and I traded one monster for another. He promised I’d be safe with him and then in the middle of the night, he came into bed with me. I was terrified and I wanted him to stop, but he didn’t listen and I didn’t argue. I burned your number the next morning. What could I possibly offer you? You were so much better than me, so much better than I ever thought I could have. I figured if you remembered me at all, you’d be over me the next day.”

  He kissed her. On the lips, the cheeks, the eyes…everywhere. His hands in her hair, his forehead pressed to hers, he begged, “Love me now. We’re here now. Love me, Maya.”

  She closed her eyes and waited for the last of her tears to pour out. Then she took a breath, clasped his face between her hands, and looked him in the eye. “I don’t have anything for you, Jayce. Love? I wouldn’t even know how at this point. I’ve got so much going on, I need to focus on survival and my kids.”

  He nodded. “I understand. I get it, really. But I could help. We could, you know, hook up whenever you’re feeling lonely, or—“

  “I’m not doing that with you anymore. You think you can handle it, but you can’t.”

  He laughed bitterly. “Of course I can handle it.”

  “You hold me so tightly I can’t breathe and you kiss me with just way too much…tenderness.”

  His mirthless smile vanished.

  “Jayce, making love with you is way too intense. You’re just…all-in, heart and soul and it breaks my heart—“

  He licked his lips and looked away. “You don’t want me,” he said quietly.

  “I care about you—”

  “Everything I want to give you, everything I want to do for you…it’s no strings attached, Maya. I’m not asking anything in return. Just let me love you the way I need to.”

  “Can you honestly tell me that that’s satisfying?”

  “Yes!”

  “Then you’re lying to yourself! I absolutely can’t take any more from you. It’s hurting you and I can’t be party to that—”

  He leaped to his feet. “It doesn’t hurt worse than not getting to love you at all! Jesus, you’d think I was asking you to sacrifice your firstborn for me. I’m asking you to live your life the way you want it and just let me give you my friendship, my body, my support, maybe even my money when you need it. Honestly, Maya, I don’t even see what the issue here is.”

  “The issue is I do consider you a friend. I care about you and I won’t take from you when I can’t give you anything in return. I just won’t. I’m sorry.”

  He paced away toward the far wall, turned, and leaned back against it, his arms hanging lifeless at his sides.

  Maya stood and dried the last of her tears on the sleeve of her sweater. “I want us to be friends—”

  “I want that too.” Jayce’s voice was quiet, but firm.

  Maya nodded. “Good. And I’ll start looking for another job.”

  “I like working with you. Don’t leave on account of me.”

  Didn’t he see that she had no choice? How could she keep working for him knowing what she knew about his feelings. She didn’t want to argue anymore, though, so she just nodded. “Thank you.”

  “Sure.”

  There didn’t seem to be any
more to say. He was just standing there looking like he didn’t care whether he lived or died. “Bye, Jayce.”

  He closed his eyes and dropped his head back. “Bye, Maya.”

  She left before she could start crying again.

  #

  Jayce didn’t have anymore fight left in him. She walked out of the office and he stood there suddenly…tired.

  But then he remembered he had her father in his apartment and still hadn’t told her. He mustered up some energy and ran after her. He caught her on the sidewalk as she was about to get into her car.

  Her look was full of sympathy, which he hated. “Uh, with all the love confession shit, I kinda forgot to tell you something.”

  Her lips quirked up. “Like what?”

  “Like your old man’s in town. Showed up at the bar last night.”

  She put her hand on the car, maybe to steady herself. Her face went pale. Jayce wanted to reach out to her, but he was in self-preservation mode. He didn’t have any strength to lend her and if he touched her, he might not come back from it again. “He’s in my apartment,” he said, “sleeping off a fifth of Jack.”

  “You let him in your apartment?”

  “What was I gonna do with him? He was drunk and homeless. I’ll find him a halfway house or something, but I thought you might want to see him.”

  “Well you thought wrong, Jayce. Do what you want with him, but he’s not my responsibility.”

  “I never said he was, I just thought—“

  “You are not a part of my life, okay? I’m sorry to hurt your feelings, but I don’t want you getting involved like this.”

  He bit back the pain and anger. She was upset and taking it out on him. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I’ll send him on his way.”

  “Good.” She turned and climbed in her car. If she wasn’t shaking, he’d have been upset instead of worried.

  He turned around and went back into the gym. He showered and headed home. The old man was on the sofa watching television without an apparent care in the world.

  Jayce did a discreet liquor check and found, as he’d expected, the half bottle of bourbon he kept in his cabinet was now empty. He shut the cabinet and went to his room. Nothing seemed terribly important today and his bed beckoned to him. So he crawled under the covers and went back to sleep.