Marie Ferrarella

by A Doctor's Secret

  Not some distant “someday,” but soon.

  Soon.

  The printer finished producing yet another photograph. The one of Jesse kissing that slut outside the hospital. Her rage mounting to barely contained proportions, she reached for the photograph.

  Soon.

  It was a long time, years to be exact, since Tania had been governed by impulses. In the last ten, she’d become very didactic, very controlled when it came to her personal life away from the family.

  So no one was more surprised than she when she heard herself saying yes to Jesse’s impromptu invitation to dinner the next evening. Especially since the latter part of her evening wasn’t free. She had things to do and promises to keep.

  She was deviating from her normal pattern and it didn’t make her happy. And yet the prospect of seeing Jesse, of sitting across from him at a table, with soft music in the background, made her pulse quicken and ushered in a feeling of anticipation.

  Warning herself to be careful in no way tempered her reaction to him. She did what she could to put safeguards in place.

  “This is going to have to be quick,” she warned, vaguely aware that she was guilty of repeating herself. Nerves did that to her.

  The restaurant turned out to be far from romantic. Located not far from her apartment and specializing in crepes, Wraps smiled upon families. The well-behaved kind. There were no children throwing tantrums or running in between the tables, but they were there nonetheless, displaying the true riches that life had to give.

  “I know,” Jesse replied mildly, “you told me.” Being a gentleman, he didn’t go on to say just how many times she had told him. He would have said that she really didn’t want to be here, but that wasn’t what her eyes were telling him.

  Still, he sensed tension from her and wasn’t sure what to make of it. But tension or not, he liked being around her. Each time he saw her, he became more and more aware of that.

  “I promise not to tie you up and toss you into my car after dinner,” he assured her, a smile playing on his lips. He raised his eyes from his dinner. “Would I be out of line if I asked why this has to be quick?”

  He wasn’t challenging her, Tania realized, he was being understanding and putting up with her various quirks.

  Mama would have said to grab the man and run. But while involving scores of hardships, Mama’s history did not come close to equaling the trauma that she had gone through. Mama’s travails had not taken her young, trusting optimism and shattered it into a million pieces by having her suffer betrayal at the hands of someone she’d regarded as a friend.

  Regarded as more than that.

  With effort, Tania managed a smile, trying very hard to banish the darker feelings that kept trying to surface.

  “Yes, you can ask.” Amusement curved her mouth. “And I’ll even answer you. I have to meet my sisters and mother at a bridal shop.” She saw him raise an eyebrow in a silent query. “Two of my sisters are getting married. We were going to have two separate ceremonies, but now the idea of a double wedding is being bandied about.” She remembered her father’s response when the idea was broached. “Daddy calls it killing two crows with a rock.” She grinned. “Daddy and the English language are not always all that compatible. But he does try.”

  “A double wedding is cost-efficient,” Jesse allowed. Although, when it came to the big day, he wasn’t sure if he would want to share the occasion with someone other than his bride-to-be.

  She took a sip of the drink, thinking of the last spate of “disagreements” that had taken place over pending wedding plans. “Nerve efficient is more like it.”

  Her choice of words intrigued him. “You’re going to have to explain that.”

  Tania looked at him for a long moment. “My mother,” was all she said. All she felt she needed to say. She didn’t want to sit here and spend her time complaining about the kindest, most loving woman in the world. Jesse didn’t know her mother and he might get the wrong idea. However, Magda Pulaski was not perfect and there were times when her forceful personality did get under everyone’s skin in one way or another.

  Except for her husband.

  Josef Pulaski was a saint when it came to tolerating his wife’s various quirks. A marriage that had obviously been made in heaven. Too bad so many marriages were made here on earth instead.

  Jesse nodded as if he knew exactly what she meant. “I hear a lot of mothers of the bride and the groom—terrific women normally—go off the deep end when a wedding’s involved.”

  Yes, she thought, Mama would definitely love this man. “Mama never had anything fancy when she got married. A bouquet of flowers Daddy picked for her from the field. They said their vows before a priest and a couple of witnesses, that was all,” Tania told him. “So I guess she’s trying to make up for it with us.” There was affection in her voice when she said, “I think she was planning weddings from the minute each of us was born.” She grinned. “Natalya keeps threatening to run off to city hall and elope if Mama doesn’t tone things down. It kind of helps rein Mama in.” She saw the amused expression on his face. He leaned forward, as if trying to absorb every word she said. “What? Did I just say something funny?”

  “No, I just like hearing you talk about your family, that’s all.” He drew himself back a little. “Sounds like you all really love each other.”

  “We do,” she said simply. And then she remembered something he’d told her before. “That’s right, you don’t have any siblings.” Despite the fact that there were occasions when she wanted to be alone, being an only child sounded awfully lonely. He had to have somebody. “How about cousins?”

  He shook his head, his face impassive. “As far as I know, both my parents were only children.”

  She could almost feel the emptiness. Her heart went out to him before she could stop it. “Christmas must be very tame around your place.”

  “So tame that sometimes it goes completely unnoticed.”

  “Oh.” There was a great deal of pain and compassion packed into the single, one-syllable word. So much so that it made him smile.

  He shrugged carelessly. It had been a long time since this was of any consequence to him. “I’ve gotten used to it.”

  She shook her head. “That’s not anything to get used to,” she said firmly. And then suddenly, impulse took over before she could head it off at the pass. “You’re invited to our place for Christmas—and by that, I mean my parents’ house,” she clarified. “It’s where all of us celebrate the holidays. Wouldn’t really seem right anywhere else,” she confided. And then she realized how Jesse might interpret the invitation. As if she were making plans for the future. Their future. “I don’t mean to imply that you and I will still be seeing each other by then—”

  “Out of sheer curiosity,” he interrupted her, his voice low, intrigued, “why wouldn’t we?”

  She evaded the question, offering only a vague answer. “I never plan my social life that far ahead—and most men I know don’t, either,” she added with feeling. “I didn’t mean to give you the impression that I think of us as a couple.” She was sinking badly. “I just don’t want you to have to be alone during the holidays.”

  “That’s very nice of you,” he acknowledged and then, after mulling it over a beat, asked, “What do you think of us as?”

  She’d decided it was safer to focus her attention for the remainder of the meal on her meal. Obviously he wasn’t going to let her. “Excuse me?”

  “You said that you didn’t think of us as a couple, so I was just curious how you did think of us. Two ships passing in the night?” he suggested helpfully.

  “Not passing. Not yet,” she qualified, then added, “Maybe two ships docked at the same harbor for a stretch of time.”

  Finished with his meal, Jesse moved the plate aside. She felt as if he was peeling away barriers. “That’s very antiseptic sounding. I don’t feel very antiseptic when I’m around you,” he told her quietly. “And you certainly don’t kiss an
tiseptically.” He paused for a moment, as if searching for something. She felt as if he was looking right through her. “What are you afraid of, Tania?”

  Tania’s chin shot up as she pulled her shoulders back. She looked like a soldier about to go into battle.

  “Nothing,” she retorted. “I’m afraid of nothing.”

  “Ah, fearless.” He nodded, playing along.

  His gut instincts told him that her answer had been triggered by some sort of defense mechanism. He intended to get her story, but knew that it wasn’t just going to come pouring out. Certainly not here at the table. Probably not soon, either.

  Jesse understood secrets, understood the self-preserving need to have them and the need, eventually, to share them. They weren’t at that point yet—at least she wasn’t, but something told him that they would be. Eventually. Just because he’d told her about Ellen the other day didn’t necessarily mean that she was going to show him the skeletons in her closet.

  But he knew she had them as surely as he knew his own name. “I find that very sexy in a woman—being fearless—as long as you don’t try to catch bullets with your bare hands,” he teased.

  She felt uneasy, as if he could read her thoughts the moment that she formed them. It was a ridiculous notion and yet…

  Tania changed the subject, turning the conversation around so that it was about him for a change and not her. She needed the respite.

  “So, tell me about your work,” she asked, her tone mild, coaxing. She knew how to play the dating game if she had to. “Would I have seen any of your buildings in the city?”

  Jesse grinned. He could have lied to her if he wanted, make himself seem more important than he was, but he never saw the point in that. It took the edge off triumph when it finally did arrive.

  “I haven’t been in the game long enough to ‘have a building,’” he told her. “However, bits and pieces of my contributing designs have turned up in a few edifices currently going up.”

  It seemed to Tania that the city was continuously under construction. It was hard to walk any distance in any direction within New York City, especially in Manhattan, without finding some building going up or being torn down so another could be put up in its place.

  “Eventually,” he was saying, “if the firm continues to be happy with me and likes my input, there may someday be a building I can point to and claim as mine.”

  Someday. Which was a time beyond Christmas. Beyond the scope of anything she intended to think about. It almost took her breath away. A kind of panic threatened to overtake her. There were no “somedays” for her, at least, not when it came to male companionship. There was only “now,” only the present. Tomorrow wasn’t something to be contemplated.

  So why did what he had just said frighten and thrill her at the same time?

  Her head began to ache. He confused her, scrambled her brain, and she didn’t like it. Didn’t like not having a clear head. This couldn’t go on. She would have to come up with a better defense strategy, not just against him, but against herself, as well.

  Because from where she stood, she was inching over to his side.

  Just for the time being. Just for fun, nothing more.

  Tania drew in a breath. Her plate was clean, her drink consumed, and the minutes were ticking away fast. She needed to get going in order to reach her mother’s friend’s shop on time. It was the same store where Sasha had bought her wedding dress. Mama’s friend had promised to close the bridal shop this evening so that Natalya and Kady could take as much time as they needed to look around and make their decisions without interference.

  Without interference. Well, for that to happen, she mused, Mama would have to be locked out.

  Tania needed to get going. For more reasons than one.

  Wiping her fingers, she tossed her napkin on top of her silverware and prepared to evacuate. Quickly, before reluctance got the better of her.

  “I’m afraid I have to eat and run,” she apologized, moving back her chair.

  Leaning forward, he caught her wrist. She looked at him quizzically, debating whether or not she would need to make a scene.

  “Well, you’ve eaten,” he said, “but in all good conscience, I can’t let you run.”

  Okay, here it comes, Tania thought, her own reluctance instantly disappearing. He was going to try to talk her into lingering. She knew he’d been too good to be true.

  “I told you,” she reminded him evenly, her free hand gathering her purse to her, “I have to meet my mother and sisters at the bridal shop.”

  “I know, I remember our conversation this afternoon.” Still holding her by the wrist, Jesse raised his other hand to get the waiter’s attention. The young man spotted him and smiled obligingly. Jesse mouthed, “Check, please.”

  With a nod of his head, the waiter went to get their meal’s final tally.

  “Then what is all this about your conscience?” she asked.

  “My car’s in the lot across the street,” he reminded her. He’d driven them over from her apartment rather than use a taxi. “I’m not about to have you run, take the bus or the subway, to this shop. There’s no point in my having a car in the city if I can’t drive you where you have to go.”

  There was something flawed in that, but she couldn’t put her finger on just what. She opened her mouth to argue the point and discovered that she really didn’t want to. Moreover, the thought of more time with Jesse tempted her.

  She wondered if twenty-nine was too young to be losing her mind.

  Tania tried to appeal to his sense of logic, although a man who chased after a thief with a gun couldn’t be the most logical resident in the building. “Are you sure you want to put up with city traffic at this time?”

  In his opinion, anytime was a bad time for city traffic. “Whether I take you to the shop or go home, I still have to put up with the traffic,” he pointed out. And then he smiled. “I might as well be doing a good deed.”

  There it was again, that disarming smile that sliced through everything like a rapier, leaving her damn near defenseless. She surrendered gracefully. “All right then, thank you.”

  He released her wrist and rose, as did she. For a split second, their bodies almost collided. Jesse stepped back, giving her room.

  “You’re welcome.”

  The waiter arrived, their receipt poised in his hand. Jesse had had his credit card run through when he’d initially ordered drinks for them so it was merely a matter of signing the slip of paper after adding in the tip.

  Rather than write an amount in, Jesse dug into his pocket for his wallet. He handed the waiter what came to a little more than twenty percent of their bill in cash. The young man stared at the windfall before stammering a thank-you and hurrying away.

  Tania eyed the man beside her. “Why did you do that?” she asked as he held the outside door open for her.

  Once she was across the threshold, he followed her out. “Do what?”

  For once, the humidity seemed manageable. Thank God for small favors, she thought. “Give the waiter cash instead of adding the amount to the credit card slip?”

  “This way, if things are very, very tight, he doesn’t have to claim it.”

  She glanced at him, remembering times that had been “very, very tight” for her family. Her parents would have welcomed a helping hand like that. Still, she played it straight. “So you’re advocating fraud?”

  He couldn’t tell by her expression if she was serious. He could only tell her the truth. “I’m advocating compassion and bending the rules a little. Besides, who’s to say I didn’t just give him a loan instead of a tip? That is possible, right?”

  “Right.” Tania couldn’t hold back any longer. “You are a nice man, Jesse Steele.”

  “That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you,” he said solemnly, then grinned. “Okay, let’s go. You can help me find my car.”

  He placed his hand to the small of her back as he escorted her across the street. If he noticed that sh
e had stiffened the moment he’d touched her, he made no mention of it.

  And he didn’t notice the person in the silver sedan duck down just before he and Tania passed the car.

  Nor did he pay attention when the same vehicle started up immediately after he exited the parking structure.

  Chapter 10

  On the lookout for any sign of her errant daughter, Magda Pulaski was out the bridal shop door and on the sidewalk like a shot before the vehicle even came to a full stop. Definitely before her daughter had a chance to open the car door and get out.

  “Ah, finally,” Magda declared, clapping her hands together as if in thanksgiving to God for answering her prayers. “Even Marysia is here and she is always late.”