The Tender Night
Page 21
‘But, Craig,’ her hands rested against his chest, ‘how can you say that? You were friendly with Jan—’
‘Friendly is the right word, sweet. It was nothing more. She often told me on our outings that I bored her with my wisdom and my “superior” knowledge, as she called it. If you’d had eyes in your head, eyes that looked outward instead of inward, you would have seen months ago which sister I really wanted. The older, not the younger; the beautiful, not the pretty one, the one with intelligence and wisdom and everything a man could ask for. Why do you think I gave Jan that money if not to take some of the weight off your shoulders? Why do you think it took me so long to make up my mind about the school? Because the thought of leaving you behind and never seeing you again was driving me slowly mad.’
‘But, Craig, I stopped loving Michael months ago. Since I met you, I think—’
‘Yet when I asked you that day if you’d take him back if he ever returned to you, you said you didn’t know.’
She put her cheek against his shoulder. ‘Of course I knew, but I wasn’t going to tell you!’
‘You minx!’ He kissed her again. Then she asked,
‘If you felt like that about me, Craig, why did you hold back that night in the tent?’
He lifted her chin. ‘What a question! What did you honestly expect me to do? Take you by force, make you mine brutally, without finesse, without tenderness? If I’d loved you less, maybe I would have done. But the depth of my feeling for you kept my desire under control—just.’ He smiled. ‘Although if you’d given me one sign, one single sign of your feelings for me, it would have opened the floodgates and I can assure your our relationship would have been very different after that!’
Shelley stroked his cheek and he groaned and crushed her to him. ‘My love,’ he whispered hoarsely, ‘marry me quickly. Don’t try me too far. My barriers are cracking under the strain. I can wait a few days, no more. Are you agreeable?’
‘Why not?’ she whispered back. ‘I’m not a very patient person, either, especially where the man I love is concerned.’
He pulled her against him and for a long time there was no need for words.
Shelley asked at last, ‘Where shall we live? Are you still returning to your job?’
He nodded. ‘I have a flat near the university. We’ll live there until we find ourselves a house.’
‘So you really are closing the school?’
‘Do you mind?’
‘Not now.’ Her hands smoothed the back of his head. ‘It was the thought of being parted from you that terrified me. This house, Craig—will you give it up?’
He smiled. ‘You want me to keep it?’
Shelley nodded. ‘I’ve grown to love it. For some reason,’ her eyes laughed up at him, ‘it has such happy associations for me.’
‘Then we’ll keep it in the family. We’ll spend our holidays here, bring our children—’
Her fingers rested on his mouth. ‘You’re going too fast!’ He laughed and kissed the fingers. She smiled at him provocatively. ‘Aren’t you breaking your own rules? You told me so often you didn’t believe in marriage.’
His fingers grasped her chin. ‘Look at me like that much longer, my darling, and I’ll break some other rules, too. I won’t wait...’
The noise of the lunch bell, ringing in the distance, brought them down to earth.
As they strolled to the door, arms round each other, Craig said, ‘Do you want to know when I started to believe in marriage? The day I met you. The moment I saw you, spectacles and all, and with man-hate in your eyes, I knew you were the one woman I wanted to have and to hold until death us did part. My love,’ he drew her away from the door and back into his arms, ‘it was you, and only you, who turned me into the marrying kind.’