I Can Only Imagine

by Bart Millard

  Family Matters

  Almost a year to the day after Dad died, Mom’s third husband, Lawrence, died from a sudden heart attack. That sent Mom into another tailspin, and she ended up moving back to the Greenville area, where she still lives. Eventually, she met Bob, who became her fourth husband.

  I had long struggled with bitterness and distance from Mom. But through the counseling, I was able to come to a healthy place in our relationship. God will give us the grace to allow His redemption to come into any relationship whenever we are ready to receive His gift of forgiveness and reconciliation.

  Today, Mom is a part of my family’s life. She is MercyMe’s number-one fan, coming to shows whenever she can. She wears our T-shirts and tells anyone who will listen how proud she is of what I have accomplished.

  My brother, Stephen, struggled for many years with Dad’s death. That first Christmas season, just a few weeks after Dad’s passing, was especially hard. But by God’s grace, Stephen’s wife, Darcy, was pregnant and due with their first child. We all knew how much Dad had hoped to be around to see his grandchildren. In fact, after everyone found out about the pregnancy, Dad had specifically asked his doctor if he would live long enough to see the birth of his first grandchild. While the physician told him he believed he would be around that long, I could tell by his eyes and the way he answered he just couldn’t bear to steal that hope from Dad. I didn’t blame the doctor for giving Dad a reason to fight for a little more life.

  While we were opening presents that Christmas, Darcy went into labor. We dropped everything and went to the hospital. On December 26, Dad’s first grandchild, a beautiful daughter named Morgan, was born. It was such a bittersweet holiday.

  Morgan is now twenty-five years old. Stephen and Darcy had two other children: Adam, twenty-three, and Allison, sixteen. My brother works at Qorvo, Inc., a technology company, and their family lives in our hometown of Greenville.

  For Me to Live Is Christ

  The biggest piece of the puzzle in reclaiming my life was getting my walk with Christ to a healthy place. If we don’t deal properly with the spirit, it doesn’t matter how much we change the mind and body.

  Psalm 139, the chapter that the Lord had used to confirm the relationship between Shannon and me, had for many years prior held a very special meaning for me. The very first poem I ever wrote was based on this passage. But I had always struggled a bit with verse 16: “All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” God knew I would be abandoned by my mom and beaten by my dad. He also knew we would lose my brother-in-law and Sam would have juvenile diabetes. He allowed all that. He didn’t stop it. Those are really hard concepts to grasp.

  But then in the big picture, there is this . . .

  Where can I go from your Spirit?

  Where can I flee from your presence?

  If I go up to the heavens, you are there;

  if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

  If I rise on the wings of the dawn,

  if I settle on the far side of the sea,

  even there your hand will guide me,

  your right hand will hold me fast.

  If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me

  and the light become night around me,”

  even the darkness will not be dark to you;

  the night will shine like the day,

  for darkness is as light to you. (vv. 7–12)

  This passage has also always reminded me that God is in control, not me. No matter what we go through, no matter what life throws at us, He is there in the midst of it. He doesn’t take us out of the valley, as we would prefer, but He is there with us in it.

  I had to face the fact that I suffered from legalism, a spiritual disease that comes from seeing faith as a list of dos and don’ts. I was missing the lifestyle of freedom that Christ offered—that He died to give me.

  I also had to face the fact that my calling to travel and lead God’s people in worship had become the villain taking me away from my family. I had become out of balance, and I needed God to guide me to rediscover what He wanted of me: to reestablish the first ministry in which He had ordained me to serve. For the rest of my life, ministering to the church at-large had to become second to serving the people in my home.

  Here are the new truths I came to accept about my life:

  There is nothing I can possibly do for Christ to love me any more than He does right now. I grew up believing that if I could just “do my part,” then God would be okay with me. I finally came to the revelation that even on my worst possible day, He is always pleased with me. My relationship with Christ has never been about what I do but what His work on the cross has already done.

  I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. (Ephesians 3:16–19)

  I can make a mess of my life all day long, but I cannot mess up my relationship with Christ. To be clear, I’m not saying it is okay to sin. But when I do sin—and I most certainly will—everything is going to be okay because of my relationship with Christ. The power of sin creates a horrible wake that affects me as well as those around me. But even that cannot separate me from Christ. Even when I’m at my worst, my relationship with Christ is unchanged. He still sees me as someone He loves and adores.

  Who then will condemn us? No one—for Christ Jesus died for us and was raised to life for us, and he is sitting in the place of honor at God’s right hand, pleading for us. Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? (As the Scriptures say, “For your sake we are killed every day; we are being slaughtered like sheep.”) No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us. And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. (Romans 8:34–38 NLT)

  I must rest every day in Christ’s finished work on the cross. My identity is not in my guilt and shame, or in the most noble of deeds I could do. My identity is sealed in what Christ has already done on the cross. Christ has chosen to offer this gift, and we must choose to receive it. Every day, I will say yes to Him as well as thank Him.

  “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” (Matthew 11:28–29)

  On my absolute worst day, Christ still loves me. I am not a bad person now trying to be good. I’m just me, and Christ always loves me. My identity is wrapped up in the same Spirit that raised Christ from the dead and now lives inside of me. I can rest in the balance of knowing I live in a love that can never be broken.

  Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God’s wrath through him! (Romans 5:7–9)

  Paul summed up the concept of grace in Romans 8:1–2: “There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death.”

  God’s grace became my new focus. I had to admit I couldn’t keep the rules. I could never be good enough. I couldn’t possibly keep all the boxes checked on the spiritual to-do list. Shannon and I both a
greed we would stop caring so much about what anyone but the Lord thought about us. We’ve discovered that if we please Him, everything else gets taken care of.

  My identity cannot and will not be in MercyMe, writing a hit song, or singing on a stage. My identity is found in one simple role: child of God. No matter what I do or where God calls me, my spiritual position does not change. If MercyMe ends tomorrow and I never sing again, I will still be God’s son. Therefore, I will be just fine. The pressure is off. The war is won. All fear is gone. Grace truly is amazing.

  See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! (1 John 3:1)

  I have experienced God’s great love firsthand. It was there in my father’s transformation, in my relationship with Shannon, and in a musical career that has had an impact greater than I could ever dream of. His love was there when we faced Sam’s illness and Gracie’s early birth, and it was there when Shannon and I welcomed three more children: Charlie (born March 29, 2006), Sophie (born December 11, 2008), and Miles (born March 21, 2011). Even when I hit rock bottom and the mountains in front of me seemed immovable, God’s love, grace, and mercy were right there.

  In 2012, we moved our family of seven to Franklin, Tennessee, just outside of Nashville. We were ready to leave the difficult memories we had in Texas and make a fresh start around many of the wonderful people on our team we had gotten to know over the past ten years.

  MercyMe also scaled back and cut our normal tour schedule in half to be home with our families more. The moment I realized all of my creativity and talent was simply an overflow of a healthy relationship with Christ, everything changed. We fell in love with music again, as though we were teenagers starting a garage band for the first time.

  While I am here on earth, I am both a work in progress and already made whole because of the cross. I am a child of the risen King who will wrestle with the flesh. I’ll win some and lose some, but it can never change how Christ sees me because the cross was enough! Even through my fears and doubts, I rest in the fact that Christ remains in me. I am living proof that He can carry you through anything. And if this is the journey I had to take to truly know Jesus and understand who I am because of His grace? Then I wouldn’t change a thing.

  Appendix 1

  YOUR IDENTITY IN CHRIST

  My mentor, Rusty Kennedy, was integral in discipling me in my walk with Christ. He gave me these seventy-five verses and statements while I was unpacking my past and starting to understand who I truly am in Jesus. Ever since then, I have carried these close to my heart. I pray these will minister to you the way they have to me so that you, too, can understand that in Christ, you are free indeed!

  1.John 1:12—I am a child of God.

  2.John 15:1–5—I am a part of the true vine, a channel (branch) of His life.

  3.John 15:15—I am Christ’s friend.

  4.John 15:16—I am chosen and appointed by Christ to bear His fruit.

  5.Acts 1:8—I am a personal witness of Christ for Christ.

  6.Romans 3:24—I have been justified and redeemed.

  7.Romans 5:1—I have been justified (completely forgiven and made righteous) and am at peace with God.

  8.Romans 6:1–6—I died with Christ and died to the power of sin’s rule in my life.

  9.Romans 6:7—I have been freed from sin’s power over me.

  10.Romans 6:18—I am a slave of righteousness.

  11.Romans 6:22—I am enslaved to God.

  12.Romans 8:1—I am forever free from condemnation.

  13.Romans 8:14–15—I am a son of God. God is literally my “Papa.”

  14.Romans 8:17—I am an heir of God and fellow heir with Christ.

  15.Romans 11:16—I am holy.

  16.Romans 15:7—Christ has accepted me.

  17.1 Corinthians 1:2—I have been sanctified.

  18.1 Corinthians 1:30—I have been placed in Christ by God’s doing; Christ is now my wisdom from God, my righteousness, my sanctification, and my redemption.

  19.1 Corinthians 2:12—I have received the Spirit of God into my life that I might know the things freely given to me by God.

  20.1 Corinthians 2:16—I have been given the mind of Christ.

  21.1 Corinthians 3:16; 6:19—I am a temple (home) of God; His Spirit (His life) dwells in me.

  22.1 Corinthians 6:17—I am joined to the Lord and am one spirit with Him.

  23.1 Corinthians 6:19–20—I have been bought with a price; I am not my own; I belong to God.

  24.1 Corinthians 12:27—I am a member of Christ’s body.

  25.2 Corinthians 1:21—I have been established in Christ and anointed by God.

  26.2 Corinthians 2:14—God always leads me in His triumph in Christ.

  27.2 Corinthians 5:14–15—Since I have died, I no longer live for myself but for Christ.

  28.2 Corinthians 5:17—I am a new creation.

  29.2 Corinthians 5:18–19—I am reconciled to God and am a minister of reconciliation.

  30.2 Corinthians 5:21—I am the righteousness of God in Christ.

  31.Galatians 2:4—I have liberty in Christ Jesus.

  32.Galatians 2:20—I have been crucified with Christ, and it is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. The life I am now living is Christ’s life.

  33.Galatians 3:26–28—I am a child of God and one in Christ.

  34.Galatians 4:6–7—I am a child of God and an heir through God.

  35.Ephesians 1:1—I am a saint.

  36.Ephesians 1:3—I am blessed with every spiritual blessing.

  37.Ephesians 1:4—I was chosen in Christ before the foundation of the world to be holy and without blame before Him.

  38.Ephesians 1:5—I have been adopted as God’s child.

  39.Ephesians 1:7–8—I have been redeemed and forgiven, and am a recipient of His lavish grace.

  40.Ephesians 2:5—I have been made alive together with Christ.

  41.Ephesians 2:6—I have been raised up and seated with Christ in heaven.

  42.Ephesians 2:10—I am God’s workmanship, created in Christ to do His work that He planned beforehand that I should do.

  43.Ephesians 2:13—I have been brought near to God.

  44.Ephesians 2:18—I have direct access to God through the Spirit.

  45.Ephesians 2:19—I am a fellow citizen with the saints and a member of God’s household.

  46.Ephesians 3:6—I am a fellow heir, fellow member of the body, and fellow partaker of the promise in Christ Jesus.

  47.Ephesians 3:12—I may approach God with boldness and confidence.

  48.Ephesians 4:24—I am righteous and holy.

  49.Philippians 3:20—I am a citizen of heaven.

  50.Philippians 4:7—His peace guards my heart and mind.

  51.Philippians 4:19—God will supply all my needs.

  52.Colossians 1:13—I have been delivered from the domain of darkness and transferred to the kingdom of Christ.

  53.Colossians 1:14—I have been redeemed and forgiven of all my sins. The debt against me has been canceled.

  54.Colossians 1:27—Christ Himself is in me.

  55.Colossians 2:7—I have been firmly rooted in Christ and am now being built up and established in Him.

  56.Colossians 2:10—I have been made complete in Christ.

  57.Colossians 2:12–13—I have been buried, raised, made alive with Christ, and totally forgiven.

  58.Colossians 3:1—I have been raised with Christ.

  59.Colossians 3:3—I have died, and my life is now hidden with Christ in God.

  60.Colossians 3:4—Christ is now my life.

  61.Colossians 3:12—I am chosen of God, holy, and dearly loved.

  62.1 Thessalonians 5:5—I am a child of light and not of darkness.

  63.2 Timothy 1:7—I have been given a spirit of power, love, and discipline.

  64.2 Timothy 1:9—I have been saved and called (set apart) according to God’s purpose and grace.

  65.Hebrews 2:11—
Because I am sanctified and am one with Christ, He is not ashamed to call me His.

  66.Hebrews 3:1—I am a holy partaker of a heavenly calling.

  67.Hebrews 3:14—I am a partaker of Christ.

  68.Hebrews 4:16—I may come boldly before the throne of God to receive mercy and find grace to help in my time of need.

  69.1 Peter 2:5—I am one of God’s living stones and am being built up as a spiritual house.

  70.1 Peter 2:9–10—I am a part of a chosen race, royal priesthood, holy nation, and a people of God’s own possession.

  71.1 Peter 2:11—I am an alien and stranger to this world in which I temporarily live.

  72.1 Peter 5:8—I am an enemy of the Devil. He is my adversary.

  73.2 Peter 1:4—I have been given God’s precious and magnificent promises by which I am a partaker of the divine nature.

  74.1 John 3:1—God has bestowed a great love on me and called me His child.

  75.1 John 4:15—God is in me and I am in God.

  Appendix 2

  MERCYME CAREER OVERVIEW

  Through 2017

  Band Stats

  Members

  •Bart Millard—Lead Vocals (1994–present) 12/1/72—Greenville, TX

  •Mike Scheuchzer—Guitar/Vocals (1994–present) 6/8/75—Portland, ME

  •Robby Shaffer—Drums (1994–present) 11/14/75—Columbia, MO

  •Nathan Cochran—Bass/Keys/Vocals (1994–present) 5/26/78—Columbia, MO

  •Barry Graul—Guitar/Vocals (2003–present) 5/18/61—Baltimore, MD

  •Previous Member: Jim Bryson (1994–2014)

  Key Facts

  •9 million units in cumulative sales

  •57 #1 songs

  •4 mainstream radio hits

  •“I Can Only Imagine” was the first digital single in Christian music history to be certified Platinum and Double Platinum.

  •In 2009, Billboard named MercyMe’s “Word of God Speak” the #1 Song of the Decade and the group the #1 Artist of the Decade in both the Christian Songs and Christian Adult Contemporary Songs categories.

  •Notable performances include Radio City Music Hall, the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, The Today Show, CBS This Morning, The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, FOX & Friends, CNN, and ABC News.