by Ellis, Tara
“Well, we gotta’ get up outta’ here,” Kesha said as she stood up. She stretched and took Destiny from Harris who was now standing also. “I’ll call you tonight, girl.”
Harris reached out and shook Amir’s hand. “Stay up, my boy.”
“Fa’ sho,” Amir said.
“Can I hold her?” Miss Rosie said, reaching for Destiny.
Kesha handed her the baby and I turned my attention to Amir. I kissed his lips and closed my eyes. I wanted to remember how this moment felt. I wished I could have bottled it up and took it home with me. It was such a freeing moment. Everyone he loved was in one room and he was happy, it was all over his face.
Everyone followed Harris and Kesha out of the room and left us alone together. As soon as the door closed, he looked at me and said, “You think we could sneak a quickie before they come back?”
I lightly punched him and giggled, “No, we cannot.”
He licked his lips and shocked me by saying, “I love you, Charlie.”
I almost stopped smiling due to the seriousness of his tone. “I love you too, Amir.”
“I’m gon always love you. I want you to remember that. You came into my life and changed everything. You made me feel things I didn’t think I would ever get the chance to feel. I didn’t think I was ever gonna fall in love and shit. But falling in love with you, Charlie, it was the best thing that ever happened to me. No matter what happens, Amir is going to love Charlie. I’m gon’ be sittin’ up in Heaven still loving you.”
“Stop it,” I said. “Don’t.”
“But I’m serious,” he said. “I need you to know how much I love you.”
I nodded and smiled although I didn’t like the mood that had taken over. “I know that, Amir. And I love you, too.”
“Always?” He asked but he knew the answer.
“Always,” I said.
He moved and placed my head on his chest. “I want you to always remember how my heartbeat sounds, not because you used to always say how much you loved the sound of my heartbeat. But because my heartbeat belongs to you. Even when it can’t beat anymore.”
I squeezed my eyes shut but it was too late. A tear had already fell. But I did as he asked. I ignored every other sound around me; the loud chatter outside of the hospital room, the monitor beside him that beeped incessantly, and concentrated on the sound of his heartbeat. I cemented the sound to my memory. I would always remember it.
It felt like hours that I lay there listening to the sound of Amir’s heartbeat…it was beautiful…even when it stopped.
The machines went haywire, nurses ran into the room with his parents right behind them. But my head was glued to his chest. I could feel them pulling me off him but I didn’t let go. I couldn’t let go.
Thump, thump, thump. I could still hear it in my ears.
Even once I was pulled from his lifeless body, I heard it.
Even through his mother’s cries, I heard it.
Even through my numbing pain, I heard it.
And I still hear it…