Model Guy

by Brooke, Simon

  My mobile rings and it's Lauren.

  "Hi, babe," I sigh.

  "Hi. Got your message. What's the matter? You sound really down."

  "Just this money thing. I'm trying to sort out the invoices and bank statements here. Look, I'll be late tonight - I'm going to try and get this stuff in some kind of order if I can.

  "Okay, I'm seeing, erm, seeing Peter tonight, anyway."

  "Yeah," I say without having to add, 'thought you might be.'

  "He wants me to watch some of the tapes I've made recently to see where I can improve my performance." I'm tempted to make a cutting remark about Peter and her performance but I decide against it. I'm just so pissed off.

  A few minutes later my phone rings again.

  "Hi Charlie, can you talk?" says Nora.

  "Sure", I tell her, trying to sound cheerful, learning from my last mistake.

  "Good, listen. I've gotta be quick because I'm on a deadline but a couple of people, sane people, that is, have called in about Piers and Guy."

  "Really?" Some good news at last.

  "Yeah. Okay. Piers' parents live in South Africa and he doesn't see them much which is I suppose why they haven't reported anything yet. I've broken the news to them and I told them I'd pass on anything I could. You haven't heard anything?"

  "No, nothing."

  "Okay. Guy's parents are both dead unfortunately and his only blood relative is an older brother who's an entomologist in the Galapagos Islands. We're trying to contact him at the moment." Somehow the kind of thing you'd expect of Guy. "But, and this is a bit of good news, there's a party tomorrow night -"

  "What? Nora, I'm not really in the mood, thanks anyway -"

  "No, banana brain! It's being thrown by....by, here it is, Sir James Huntsman whose son and daughter are friends of Piers. I've got us invited. My friend Anna knows them and she's got an invitation. I say we go along and do some snooping, okay?"

  "And I say this isn't Scooby Doo, you know."

  "I know, Fred, but we might as well go along and talk to some people, see what we can find out.

  "What the hell are we going to find out?"

  "Haven't you got any sense of curiosity?"

  "Haven't you got any sense?"

  "Look it can't do any harm, can it?"

  "I suppose not. If we turn up anything, though, we go straight to the police."

  "Oh, sure," she says unconvincingly.

  "We don't publish it."

  "Well, that depends."

  "All right, I'm not going then."

  "Don't be silly, Charlie, you can't stop me writing about any conversations I might happen to have with anyone."

  "OK, but don't include me."

  The party is at an address off Kensington High Street. We agree to meet in a pub nearby at 8pm. I'm past feeling nervous about it.

  By about seven Scarlett, Zac and I have got most of the receipts in some sort of order. They are now spread across Guy's and Piers' desks as well as mine and Scarlett's with the most up to date being lined up against one wall of the office. The monotonous process of sorting them by date order and category - the biggest of which is miscellaneous - has almost put us into a kind of trance but that now we can see the full extent of 2cool's financial predicament spread around the office walls and across various desks we're numbed by it.

  I tell the others go to home.

  "Don't stay too late, hey?" says Scarlett, stroking my cheek.

  "No, don't worry, I just want to have another look at those spreadsheets and check a few names and things. See you tomorrow."

  I make myself a cup of coffee to keep me awake and begin to read through the spread sheets that Zac has printed out for me from the other computers. I realise that part of the reason I want to sort this out is because I want to show my Dad that my first proper job hasn't been a total fiasco. I want to show that him that I've saved it or least done all I can to stop it going under and walked away with a clean conscience and the knowledge that I did my best, that I learnt something from it. No criminal record would also be nice.

  He got used to my doing the modelling thing after a while, but I know he was never particularly proud of the career path his only son had chosen.

  I'm still there at ten when the buzzer for the outside door goes. I walk across the office which is now in darkness apart from the light over my desk. I pick up the entry phone.

  "Hello?"

  "Pizza."

  "Pizza? I didn't order a pizza."

  "Er, you sure?"

  "Yeah, honestly. Sorry, bye."

  I put the phone back. It buzzes again before I've got back to my desk.

  "You definitely didn't order a pizza?" says a voice above the street noise.

  "Yeah, really, I'd remember."

  "Oh, well, it must be a mistake. Look, someone ordered a pizza and I'm only going to have to take it back. You might as well have it."

  I realise that I won't eat anything any other way tonight.

  "Well, if you're sure. Thanks. Come up. Second floor."

  I buzz him in and stand by the door of the office, waiting for him to come up the stairs. After a few moments a guy in leathers with a black crash helmet appears. He doesn't look like a pizza delivery man, not least because he doesn't seem to have a pizza with him. I'm just pondering this when his hand comes up and pushes me hard in the chest, sending me back staggering back into the office.

  "Oi," he says.

  My heart is pounding with shock as well as the impact.

  "Oh, fuck! Who are you? What do you want?" I gasp, trying to get my breath back.

  "Oi," he says again.

  "What do you mean?" I'm suddenly offended as well as frightened. Who the hell does he think he is?

  "I mean some of your creditors want their money and they're not going to wait for it."

  "All right, all right. We'll pay everyone as soon as we can. Just bear with us."

  "Yeah, well, listen, some of them aren't going to just hang around, see?" He moves towards me, menacingly. "Ow!"

  He's managed to walk into the desk in the semi darkness of the office, made more obscure by his helmet. "Aw, fuck that hurt!" he says, holding his thigh.

  "Are you all right?" I ask.

  "Shut up!" he bellows, still nursing his upper leg and limping around a bit on it. "Anyway, yeah, er, right. Like I said, some of your creditors aren't going to wait for their money, okay?" he snaps, pointing a gloved finger at me.

  "Well, tell me who they are and we'll make sure they're on the list."

  "What? I'm not telling you who they are, am I? Just make sure you pay up - and fast. Got it?"

  He goes to thump me again but I step back quickly and he half misses so his intended assault ends up as a sort of tap on the shoulder as if we were playing tig. Looks like I'm it now.

  "Remember what I said."

  On his way out he glances around for something to smash up to make his point but, with nothing to hand, he ends up just tossing some invoices onto the floor. Then he turns back to leave but walks into the half open door. "Ow, fuck!" He stumbles back, stunned. Then he leaves and slams it behind him. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, telling myself I'm okay. I'm not hurt, just a bit shocked.

  But then suddenly there is terrible thumping, followed by a crashing sound and a voice roaring in anger. For a moment I think he must have smashed up something in the stairwell as a final act of intimidation. Then I realise that there really isn't anything much you could damage out there. I open the office door a bit and peep out. Nothing. I look further out and realise that he's fallen downstairs.

  Chapter Seventeen

  I leave the office shortly afterwards and take a taxi home where I have a large drink. Whiskey for a change. As far as gangland muscle goes, my assailant was pretty incompetent. Poor bugger, he's going to have a horrible bruise on his leg tomorrow. Perhaps I should tell the police now? I laugh sadly at the idea that they'd easily be able to identify the man. Just round up the usual suspects and ch
eck their left legs for nasty contusions.

  I don't hear Lauren come in.

  "Hi," she says. "Why are you sitting in the dark?"

  Am I? I must have forgotten to put the lights on. Perhaps I don't want anyone to know that I'm at home.

  "Sorry, I didn't notice."

  She switches them on and closes the curtains.

  "Are you all right?" She sits down on the settee next to me and gives me peck on the cheek.

  "I was working late tonight, like I said, and this bloke came in and tried to beat me up."

  "What?" She sits up and looks at me. "Are you hurt?"

  "No, no. I'm fine." Casually my hand wonders up to my chest where he shoved me. I can hardly feel anything there at all. "He's in a worse state than I am, I think."

  "What? You're kidding. You attacked him back?"

  I laugh.

  "I didn't have to. He walked into a desk and then into the door - and then he fell downstairs." Relief and delayed shock makes me laugh even more.

  Lauren is deadly serious.

  "Charlie, this is awful. You've got to get out of this. Let's call the police and tell them. I don't want you going to that office tomorrow. It's not safe." She stops for a moment. "This puts a whole new perspective on the Guy and Piers thing, doesn't it? Perhaps they've been..."

  "Murdered?" I say. And then I burst out laughing.

  "What's the matter with you? It's not funny."

  "No, sorry, it's not. Perhaps I'm still in shock or something."

  She stands up and looks thoughtful.

  "Look, I think you should keep away from this whole thing. It's doing you no good."

  "I just want to try and sort it out."

  "Charlie, it's beyond that. Can't you see?"

  "Look what it's doing to your image. Who's going to employ you as a model - or anything else? - after this publicity."

  She's right in a way. As always. But there is one very strong argument against her: "Babe, I'm a director. I've signed cheques. My dad says...my dad says that if someone could prove that I was negligent or dishonest I could be prosecuted. I could be in big shit."

  She looks horrified.

  "But you haven't done anything wrong, have you? Have you?"

  "No, of course not. Well, I've been spending money but we all have. Piers and Guy told us to." I wonder how that would stand up in court. I'm sick of thinking about it so I ask: "How did it go with Peter tonight?"

  Lauren is still staring intently at me.

  "Peter?" she says. "Okay. Yeah, fine. There's a new proposal he's got in with the At Home channel for a DIY makeover thing."

  "Sounds interesting," I say, staring at the fire place.

  "Should be." "Tell me about it." "The idea is that a decorator does over someone's house while a celebrity chef cooks them dinner."

  I smile.

  "Great. And what did you do tonight?"

  "We went to the studio again. Peter wanted me to work on my technique."

  I smirk.

  "And is he pleased with your technique?"

  "Yes". She pauses. "What's so funny?"

  "Oh, nothing." I feel her watching me. "Why don't you show me your technique?"

  There is another pause and she says: "I just don't understand you anymore, Charlie".

  A few moments later the spare duvet and a couple of pillows are delivered in silence.

  I sleep fitfully on the settee. The Couch of Correction, as Sarah calls it when she makes Mark sleep there. I don't feel particularly redeemed the next morning, though. I finally get up about seven, have a quick wash and shave and get the tube back to the office, taking in a cappuccino and an almond croissant from the cafe next door.

  I let myself in and stare at the spreadsheets again. Lauren's right. It's hopeless. Names, amounts and dates are all neatly laid out. I recognise quite a few of them. Sir Josh Langdon, of course, and some other pop stars plus some big names from the City, some designers and theatre people but so what? It doesn't explain where the money actually is, does it? When the post arrives, as well as the usual Final Demands and Invitations to luxury goods launches there are two banks statements - one from a bank in Monaco (over drawn to the tune of a few hundred thou), the other from a bank in the Cayman Islands (In credit. Whoopee. £13.47).

  I'm just putting these in a pile when the phone rings.

  "Could I speak to Mr Barrett, please," says a gruff male voice. I curse myself for picking it up.

  "Speaking."

  "Oh, good morning, Mr Barrett, this is Detective Inspector Slapton from the Metropolitan Police. I wondered if I could talk to you about the disappearance of your colleagues."

  "Yes, of course. Well, I'm around at the office all of today."

  "Okay, shall we make it, let me see, 11?"

  "That's fine with me." I give them the address. "Have you got any news about them, then?"

  "About their whereabouts? No."

  "Oh, I've also ready spoken to someone in your office."

  "Have you? Which office?"

  "Missing Persons?"

  "Eh? Oh, sorry, no, I'm not Missing Persons," he says. "I'm from the Fraud Squad."

  I've warned Scarlett and Zac that the police will be coming over and might want to talk to them. Zac shrugs and nods. Scarlett says 'Oh, OK" and then takes something out of her desk, leaves the room with it and a few moments later we hear the lavatory flushing.

  Somehow that would have been the least of our worries.

  I also tell them about being attacked.

  "I think none of us should be in the office on our own, well, neither of you," I say, hoping I sound braver than I feel.

  Scarlett is looking at my face.

  "What did he do then?"

  "He didn't hit me in the face but he punched me in the chest."

  "Break any ribs?"

  "No, well, I don't think so."

  "Oh, not serious then."

  "Scarlett, I wasn't actually beaten to a pulp," I say. My masculine pride seems to be getting roughed over worse now than I was last night. "But they might come back for more. That was obviously just a warning."

  "OK," she says, clearly unimpressed. "Gonna tell the filth?"

  Detective Inspector Slapton and two younger colleagues arrive dead on 11am. We shake hands and I suggest that we sit at the settee and armchairs in one corner of the office. Scarlett offers to make us some coffee. The older policeman can't hide his disdain for her red dreadlocks, purple shades and leopard skin miniskirt, while the colleague looks up at her in awe.

  "Thanks very much for taking the time to see us," says Slapton. His colleague nods.

  "No problem. Glad to help if we can." I suddenly wonder if I should have a solicitor present or something. As if he has read my thoughts Slapton says:

  "Just some general questions to help us with our investigation. Nothing to worry about."

  "Sure," I say.

  He asks about how I met Piers and Guy, how I came to work for them, what the site does, about the launch party, about what I do at 2cool as well as Scarlett's and Zac's roles. When we come onto the financial element which is obviously what he is really interested in, my total ignorance saves me. To almost every question I can truthfully answer: "I don't know" or "I was never involved in that."

  "But you are a director," says Slapton at one point.

  "Er, yes, but obviously I concentrated on the marketing and presentation."

  "What about board meetings?" asks Slapton. A look in his eye suggests that he knows the answer to this one. A look of panic which must have flitted across my face in response, confirms it.

  "We didn't really have any, well, not formal ones, anyway. Things have been moving too fast."

  I just hope they believe me.

  Slapton lets the information sink in and then asks: "And the site's still up and running isn't it?"

  "Yes, yes it is." Remembering my job description, as if it still mattered I say to him: "Would you like to have a look."

  "Er, yes,
why not. We haven't really had a chance to see what all the fuss is about."

  I lead them over to Zac's desk. We catch him slightly unawares and it takes him a moment to get out of a war game he is playing but he gives the two policemen a guided tour of 2cool2btrue.com - avoiding the porn pages, obviously. They seem slightly bemused for most of the time but suitably impressed with the graphics and the funky tricks that Zac shows them. For some reason they end up reading an article about champagne glasses.

  "Here's one for you, sir," says one of the younger policemen to Slapton. "Apparently flutes are out for drinking champagne, we'll all be 'sipping from saucers' this season'. Just your sort of thing."

  "I think of we've still got the saucer kind from the first time around, a wedding present or something," says Slapton.

  "You're all right then," says his colleague. The others laugh. It's supposed to be tongue in cheek, you burks, I think. They also laugh at our survey about men spending more on clothes than their female partners.

  "Not in our house they don't," says DI Slapton.

  Zac doesn't take them into 'Extra curricula', our ironic porn pages, I'm relieved to note, but there are some gratuitous shots of the police shooting protesters at Penn State University, the significance of which is clearly not lost on our visitors.

  "Very impressive," says Slapton. "All this computer stuff - I leave it all to my son. He's a real whizz at it. Personally I can't do much more than check my emails. Isn't that right?" he asks his sidekick.

  "Yes", says the other policeman, clearly pleased to be drawn into the conversation.

  "I'd be quite happy to stick with a typewriter."

  "He can't even get his emails half the time," says the younger policeman. "Usually the whole office gets involved. In fact, he doesn't even know -"

  "Er, thank you" says his superior pointedly. The younger policeman falls silent and looks to the ground.

  "Well I hope I've been helpful," I say, pretty convinced that I haven't been.

  "Oh, yes, either myself or my colleague," he says, shooting the younger policeman another withering look, "will be in touch if we have any more questions."

  "Sure. I'm around."

  I lead them to the door, suddenly aware of how desperate I am for them to leave so that I can relax.