A Matter of Pride

by Jane Gill

  That summer was the best. Daddy had a really fine crop, and prices were up. When he went into town that morning he said he’d be back late, but he’d bring a surprise. Luella and Martin waited hours and hours, wondering what kind of surprise they would get. By midafternoon they were bored with waiting and Momma and Grammy Mayetta were tired of trying to guess what the surprise would be. Luella pushed the old porch glider back and forth and back and forth, wishing she had something to do. Martin, out under the old pine tree, pumped away on the swing, trying to see how high he could go. It was almost suppertime when Luella looked down the road and saw a strange truck coming toward the house. It was bright turquoise and hardly made a sound. Dust devils spun behind it. She ran inside to tell her mother that someone was coming, then she heard Martin yell, “It’s Daddy, it’s Daddy!”

  Grammy Mayetta and Momma came rushing out on the porch, wiping their hands on their aprons. Daddy pulled the truck up in front of the house and loudly blew the horn twice, making everyone jump. Martin ran up to the truck as Daddy stepped out. His smile was as big as the sky.

  “Look here!” he yelled. “Lovie, just come and look here!”

  Everyone gathered around Daddy to see. It was the first new truck he ever bought.

  “Oh, it’s just so fine,” Grammy and Momma said in unison, and laughed and hugged Daddy. Martin and Luella clamored inside at Daddy’s urging. The new truck smelled odd, not a bad smell at all, but something they had never smelled before. They wrinkled their noses and sniffed the new smell in again and again. It was delicious.

  “Watch your dirty feet in there!” Daddy scolded with a laugh. “Don’t go messin’ up our new truck the minute I get it home!

  “Now,” he continued, “I think we need to go on a picnic down to the creek!”

  They eagerly clamored out. “Can we, Momma? Can we?” they begged.

  “Oh,” Daddy said suddenly. “I almost forgot.” He reached into the bed of the truck and with some effort hauled out a large grey plastic case which he held out toward their mother.

  She put her hands up to her face. “Oh, no, oh, my!” she squealed. She started to take it from his hands, but he cautioned her not to. “This here is heavy,” he said as he carried it inside.

  Luella and her brother ran into the house behind everyone. Daddy put the case on the kitchen table and unclasped the cover. There stood a brand-new sewing machine. “Thought it high time you had somethin’ better than that old pedal one!”

  Momma was so excited she sat right down and began to marvel over all the buttons and dials on the front. Daddy opened a small plastic box and showed her more dials. “The guy at Monkey Wards said this here machine will do just about anything you want to do,” he said holding out the box. Momma stood up and put her arms around his neck, mumbling something about him being a crazy man.

  After that there were lots of picnics. Sometimes Luella and Martin got to sit in the small back seat of the cab, squeezed in next to Grammy, but mostly they liked to ride in the bed of the truck, giggling in the wind as they sped down the road toward Haw Creek. A new ritual began on Saturday afternoons when it was time to wash and clean the truck. Luella’s job was to work on the inside, polishing the dash and cleaning the windows while Martin and her father scrubbed and waxed the outside. That way, it was always sparkling clean for church on Sunday morning.

  Lu well remembered the two of them bouncing, hot and dusty, with their cane poles, net, and bait box in the bed of the truck as their father navigated the ruts in the old road to Haw Creek. Momma rode in the front seat with Daddy, and Grammy Mayetta scrunched in the seat in the back of the cab, the carefully packed picnic supper beside her. She had to agree, it was just about the best season of their lives. Or, it would have been if Momma hadn’t gotten sick. The memory darkened and Lu forced it from her mind. She turned her attention to what Martin was saying.

  “…just find out about selling the place,” he said, rising from the table.

  “Well, then,” Lu breathed, “I guess we’ll see you in the morning, right?”

  “Sure, in the mornin’,” he replied. The two families walked out into the parking lot, the night air cool and the breeze gentle. Lu grasped his elbow, pulling him back from the others.

  “Hey, I know we haven’t seen each other in quite a while,” she whispered, “but where do you get off dumping all the work on me?”

  He stopped and stared at her. “In a while?” he asked. “What the hell you thinkin’? Try twenty or more years! That ain’t no damn ‘while’, woman.” He stared skyward and exhaled loudly. His eyes swept the parking lot. His voice was low. “Boy, if you aren’t the sister of the Prodigal Son, I don’t know who is! I took care of Daddy all these years while you was off livin’ your high life up in D. C. I got kids to raise, too, and I still got here to check on him. But you couldn’t even do that. So, yeah, Luella, I think you can do something now!”

  His breath was right in her face. Heat rose in her cheeks. She could see how agitated he was, and she didn’t want a scene. “I’m certainly not the Prodigal Son!” she said. “I’ll admit you’ve been here a lot more than I have but I’m here now, aren’t I? This is no time to fight, Martin, please. Can’t we just work together on this? You know, like a family. And we live in Maryland,” she corrected. “Not D.C.”

  He stared into the distance, the vein in his temple pulsing rapidly. She was afraid any minute he might grab her. She could see the others had reached their cars and were chatting away. She saw Zach glance in her direction. Martin didn’t utter a word so she took a step forward all the while searching her mind for a lighter subject.

  “So, tell me, how big a deal is this service going to be?” she asked. “Is it going to be like when we were kids? My Susan and William aren’t used to a lot of Bible-thumping holy rollers.” Still Martin didn’t respond, so she continued. “God, I remember old Preacher Parker. He scared the hell out of me so many times!” She chuckled softly to soften her comments. Martin gave her a quick sideways look she couldn’t diagnose, but he kept pace with her as they approached the others.

  “Naw, don’t nobody go in for that kinda stuff no more,” he finally said. “Sure, it’s a country church and all. Lots of folks that knew Daddy will be there.”

  “Well, I just don’t want anything wild, that’s all,” Lu reiterated.

  He stopped again. “Now, talk about Reverend Parker. That man was sure somethin’ in his prime.”

  “I’ll say,” Lu said. “He’s probably long dead by now. He was old when we were kids.” She smiled to herself, pleased that Martin understood. “I just remember being scared to death when his old car would come down the road,” she said. “Hey, remember, he always wore that black leather gambler’s hat?” she asked. Martin nodded at their common memory.

  “Seriously,” she said as they approached the others, “I’m gonna warn my kids this could be a wild service, and you had better warn yours too.”

  He turned to her, the serious tone back in his voice. “My kids and me, we go to church regular, Luella. They know what to expect.”

  “Oh,” was all she could say.

  Chapter Eight

  The evening air was soft and warm. Lu lounged near the hotel pool. She was exhausted. After her words with Martin in the parking lot she needed a peaceful few minutes to herself.

  “Too bad it’s not a little warmer. I could sure use a swim,” Zach said, looking longingly at the pool, its blue water shimmering.

  “Yeah!” William said as he turned toward the lobby door. “I’m gonna get my suit.”

  “You’ll freeze,” Lu said as she lay back on the chaise and closed her eyes. Susan was perched on the end of a white plastic lounge chair next to her.

  “Why didn’t we ever come back?” Susan asked.

  Without opening her eyes, Lu asked, “Come back where?”

  “Back to Florida,” she said.

  “Well, there never was enough time,” Lu said flatly. “You know your dad and I had to wo
rk. We came down while you were on a break from school.”

  “Yeah, but William wasn’t in school.” Susan said quickly.

  “Oh, I don’t know. We probably should’ve come back so you kids would remember more of Disneyworld. I’m sorry now that we didn’t.”

  “No, I mean, why didn’t we ever come back to see Granddad?” Susan pressed. “I barely remember him from that time and William was so little he doesn’t remember him at all.”

  “Your grandfather and I weren’t close,” Lu offered.

  “What does that mean?” Susan asked.

  Lu sighed to show her exasperation. “Sometimes there are things that separate families, that’s all.”

  “What could ever separate a family?” Susan asked pointedly.

  Lu sat up and stared at her daughter. “Well, some things are unavoidable. Part of that is time, part is distance, and part of it, Susan, is simply lifestyle.”

  “What does THAT mean?” Susan snapped.

  “There are just some things that children don’t understand. That’s what that means,” Lu said defensively.

  “I don’t accept that,” she argued, “William and I aren’t children! What happened? How come we never came back? How come Granddad never came to visit us?”

  Lu bristled, but before she could speak Susan leaned forward and continued her interrogation. “Here we are, me and William, going to a funeral for someone we never really knew,” she said. “It’s like Uncle Martin and Aunt Elizabeth—the same thing. Until tonight, all we’ve ever seen are pictures. William and I wouldn’t have known them if we fell over them, and they wouldn’t have known us either!”

  “I don’t need you to argue with me over things you know nothing about!” Lu snapped.

  “It’s just that you always say how important family is, Mom,” Susan implored. “But then we only ever see Dad’s family—never yours. It doesn’t make sense.”

  Lu drew her lips into a tight line. “Okay, young lady, you asked for this. All I can tell you is that you need to prepare yourself for a trip back in time. This is not the Florida they advertise on TV with white sandy beaches and fancy golf courses. It’s not Daytona, where everyone goes on spring break either. This is north central Florida. It’s farm country with farming people.” Her words were clipped. She knew she wasn’t controlling her emotions, but she didn’t care. She sat up and glanced around the pool area, making sure there were no other guests in the area. She lowered her voice and looked directly at her daughter.

  “You know, yesterday at the airport you asked why I didn’t like your hair. I hate cornrows, that’s why. Little black girls in the south who wear their hair in cornrows are called pickaninnies, Susan,” she spat. “And, in case you don’t know it, that’s not a complimentary term!”

  She saw Zach scowl at her.

  “I’m certainly not a pickaninny,” Susan spat back. “I’m an African-American college student. That’s what the Civil Rights movement was all about, Mom. We don’t have to lie down for any of that anymore!”

  “That may be what it was about in the north.” Lu rose from her lounge chair. “You can legislate changes in the law, but you can’t legislate the way people treat one another. I ought to know, I was raised down here.” She was aware she’d raised her voice but continued anyway. “My father practically worshipped Martin Luther King, but he sure never talked about him outside the house!” She turned and marched toward the door to the lobby, passing William on the way. A towel thrown over one shoulder, he blithely headed for the pool.

  She knew that once she left, Zach probably scolded Susan for pursuing their conversation so relentlessly. But it’s not Susan’s fault, Lu thought. It’s mine. It’s always been mine.

  A short time later Zach entered the darkened hotel room. Lu lay on the bed, a wet washcloth covering her eyes. He sat gingerly on the edge of the bed.

  “Hey, baby,” he asked. “What’s up? You got a headache?”

  “Oh, God,” she sighed, reaching blindly for his hand. “My head is pounding. I hardly got any sleep the past two nights, and tomorrow I’ve got to face my brother again, and all those people. What a mess.”

  Zach got up and crossed the room. He pulled a bottle of Hennessey from his suitcase, poured a half inch in the bottom of one of the hotel glasses and took it to Lu.

  “Take a swallow of this,” he insisted. “It’ll kill the headache or put you to sleep. Either one’s a good thing.”

  Lu pulled herself up on the edge of the bed and took the glass from his hand, still holding the washcloth against her eyes.

  “Why am I such a bitch?” she mumbled as she put the glass to her lips. “I’ve got a great husband and two really good kids. I mean, I think William will be all right, you know. He’s been really good lately. He’s done everything we insisted on after that pot incident last year. He’s made new friends and brought his grades up.”

  “Yeah.” Zach chuckled lightly. “And I might just give him back his driving privileges on the way outta’ here. This is too far for one person to drive.”

  Lu didn’t hear him. Caught in her own remorse, she said, “And, I think I’m a nice person. Then, like Saturday morning, I look in the mirror and suddenly I’m mean and hateful.” She trembled as Zach rubbed her knee. She felt like an animal frozen in the middle of the Interstate. Trapped by circumstance, she could not retreat, but to go forward terrified her.

  “Lu,” Zach said, “Let’s have another splash of this. I need one. And then we’re going to sit here in the dark like when we were first married, remember? And we’re going to talk. Is that okay?”

  “Yeah, I guess,” she said, her voice barely audible.

  Zach took a long pull on his drink. He took a deep breath in the fading light.

  “You never talk about your father, like he was bad or something. I mean, did he beat you and your brother? Was he a drunk? What the hell happened on that farm?”

  “Oh, no,” she implored. “It was nothing like that.”

  He reached for her hand. “Baby, did your daddy mess with you? Is that what this is all about?” he asked. “Because if it is, I’ll turn that damned SUV around tonight and take you home. You won’t ever have to set foot in Florida again.” He was emphatic, his words harsh.

  “God, is that what you think?”

  “What am I supposed to think?” he asked.

  Lu sighed and moved herself up on the bed, her back against the headboard. He joined her there. “Daddy never raised a hand to us. He didn’t have to. He had this look, like he would just give you this look of his and you knew you’d better straighten up,” Lu said. “Momma was just sick a lot. She worked herself sick, I think. You know, farming, canning, and washing. And she watched everybody else’s kids at our house. And then she’d cough and cough. Now that I think of it. I don’t even know what she died of—her heart, they said, but I think it was more than that. I think she had some kind of respiratory thing or something. I need to find that out.”

  “Uh huh,” Zach said, “You do.”

  “I just remember Daddy taking her into Bunnell all the time to the doctor, and sometimes she was in the hospital for a couple of days. He was always running up bills at the pharmacy for medicine. They used to call, wanting him to come in and pay the bill. Martin and I were kids—I don’t remember a lot, really,” she said. “Nobody talked to us. Grammy Mayetta, my father’s mother? She lived with us. She was good, but she was old and tired, I think. Sort of a sad woman, you know? She would just tell us we had to be quiet so Momma could rest. She kept saying that things were gonna be all right.” Lu took another sip from her glass. “But things weren’t all right—and nobody told us! And then Momma was dead.” She began to sob. “We were just kids. It wasn’t all right—she died. I was only thirteen!”

  Chapter Nine

  Zach set his glass on the nightstand and took her in his arms. “Shhh, shhh,” he murmured as he held her. At last, Lu took a deep breath and leaned back against the headboard.

  “L
isten, now,” he said. “Let’s take a look at your daddy back then. You know, I mean he probably wasn’t that old when your momma passed. What was he, like forty something? Maybe he got lost for a while. It happens. I mean, honey, if something happened to you, and I had to raise these kids of ours by myself, I don’t know what the hell I’d do. That’s the truth.”

  Lu snuffled. “I guess I never thought of it that way,” she said, wiping her eyes with the washcloth.

  “What I’m tryin’ to say here is, remember when my Dad passed? I was in my Junior year at Temple, and then, in one phone call, it was over. I had to give up everything I wanted and go home and take over a business.”

  “Yeah, I’d forgotten about that,” she said. “But, it’s turned out fine, really it has.”

  “I know,” he said, “but I didn’t get that degree until four long years later, and then only because you pushed me to finish up in night school. Remember those days?” he asked.

  “Yeah, but we made it,” she said.

  “Sure, we made it, but it wasn’t what I pictured,” he said. “Here I was almost through college, all set to put myself out in the business world in a fancy suit and tie, and in one afternoon, it all changed. I ended up having to take care of my mother, my brother, and run a business I had no interest in.”

  “You’ve done such a great job with the business,” she said. “You need to be proud of that.”

  “I’m not sayin’ I ain’t proud of it, baby,” he said. “I’m just sayin’, it’s not what I had in mind, is all. My point is that sometimes life does that. It can turn your dreams on a damn dime whether you like it or not.” He hesitated a moment. “I was mad at my Dad for dying and leaving me in that spot.”

  “I never knew that,” she said. “You never told me.”

  “Well, it’s not really something you talk about,” he said. “What I’m sayin’ is when somebody dies it brings a lot of things to the surface, like old ghosts. And some’s good and some’s not, but you gotta look at ‘em just the same,” he said. “I didn’t have time to feel sorry for myself. My mother looked to me, and my brother looked to me—I didn’t have no choice but to step up.”