Stone Angels

by Michael Hartigan

  Jealous was how I felt. Not so much jealous because Rose was out with another guy, but jealous because that guy was Duncan. She had obviously lied to me over Christmas break. She had obviously been talking to Duncan. She had obviously done this just to spite me. I was more jealous because now Rose had the upper hand; she was in control of our lost relationship. Duncan was a pawn and he didn’t even know it.

  I found out later that year that Rose had heard from Duncan about my blossoming relationship with Lily. She never met Lily but apparently jealousy worked both ways. She had contacted Duncan and made plans to visit Providence, hoping she would bump into me and create a situation exactly like the one that played out. I also discovered she left the bar soon after they went in and drove back to Boston. Duncan tried to make a move on her and Rose wanted nothing to do with him. Guilt emerged inside her during the scuffle and although she never apologized to me, she expressed her regret to a few mutual friends.

  I never talked to Rose again. I never needed to. That flower wilted. I now had Lily and what we had was freshly in bloom.

  By Lily’s hand, Rose was plucked from my past, buried and gone. I left her and our relationship behind at Primal; probably sitting on a torn barstool while Duncan tried to cop a cheap feel.

  Lily was walking ahead, waiting for me to follow.

  As Shoddy and I stood there staring at the front of Primal, the bouncer regained control of his bar line. He brushed himself off, picked the gravel from his palms and reestablished his air of dominance and authority.

  “Back the fuck up,” he yelled at three girls who now occupied the front of the line.

  Shoddy jokingly punched me in the shoulder.

  “Hey, it’s a good thing you’re a pussy or else that bouncer probably would’ve ripped you apart,” he said.

  He put his hand on my shoulder and turned me around, guiding me in the direction of the girls who were now about a block ahead.

  “Fuck it,” he said, “let’s go get drunk. There’s plenty of night left.”

  Chapter 9

  I think it was the Basketball Dance Team that hosted the house party. The team didn’t budget enough money to make the trip to the national game so the obvious alternative, now that the season had ended, was to throw an all-out bash. Regardless of who hosted, nobody really knew or cared. The beer flowed and the liquor stupefied, the music intoxicated and the people sweated it all out from their pores.

  The party that night was especially raucous due to the basketball team’s season ending loss. Too many people in too tight a house usually meant trouble. Shoddy and I met some other friends while Lily headed off with Emily, Lindsey and some other girls to get whatever mixed drinks some undergrad was concocting in the back closet. The guys clinked their beers and tipped back a few, enjoying the scenery and exchanging guy comments.

  Shoddy and I always enjoyed this kind of party scene. It wasn’t just the beer and women but the chance to see college kids in action. The kind of kids that just got wasted every night and hadn’t a care in the world except to spend their tuition on trying to score with some freshman girl with pigtails and loose morals. We watched as a classmate of ours slipped his hand into a girl’s pocket and pulled her into an unoccupied bedroom. She willingly followed and that was the last anyone saw of them all night. They did nothing unusual: nothing funny but nothing that evil either.

  It was getting to be about 1:00am when my head started to ache. I decided I had to get out of the house and into fresh air. I wanted to find Lily, take her home, strip her clothes off and enjoy her and her alone.

  To that point the night was definitely not a normal one, mostly because of the fight outside Primal Bar a few hours earlier. But I seemed to be the only one dwelling on it. Everyone else moved on; the brawl was already myth. Lily would take my mind off it.

  I left Shoddy in the midst of a drunken debate with some classmates. The topic was vaguely political, slightly literary or incredibly perverted. I couldn’t decide exactly which. I knew Shoddy would look for me to support some cockamamie theory he created on the spot. He’d realize I was gone, take a shot of whatever liquid energy was fueling him and plow ahead with another absurd theory he would create in the moment. He didn’t need me.

  I stepped away from Shoddy and into the swarm. The party was alive, humming as if one entity, always searching for the sweet nectar hidden in the dozen kegs scattered around the house. The individual was indistinguishable. Arms and legs intertwined, the brightly colored clothing flowed like a field of wildflowers in a spring breeze. Voices collected into a steady, loud hum. Every few moments a stray would dart out and skirt the crowd’s edges on the way to the stairway or the bathroom.

  One of these strays led me around the impenetrable mass to a tucked away hive near the bathroom. I found Lily and the other girls in this back room buzzing around a makeshift bar, sipping from red plastic cups and bantering like college girls do.

  “Hey!” they yelled in unison, seeing me from the doorway. “Come over here, we have got to show you something.”

  I wasn’t going to disrespect a group of attractive college girls so I swaggered over there in a drunkenly jovial way only to be greeted by a cloud of alcohol hovering about them.

  “My God how much have you been drinking? It stinks over here,” I said. “How can you stand talking to each other?”

  “We’re fine,” Lily said.

  “I guess since you all have the same rank breath it doesn’t matter.” They didn’t like that too much. Lily cut off my demeaning ramblings.

  “So we feel really bad about what happened at Primal,” she said. “They suck and don’t deserve you anyway.”

  The group of girls nodded in unison.

  “Close your eyes,” Lily said. Before I did I could see myself in her glazed eyes. I knew better than to disobey a drunken Lily. I closed my eyes and felt multiple pairs of lips kiss my cheeks simultaneously. Only one set, the smoothest, moved slightly onto my lips and stayed a fraction longer than the others.

  “Wow,” I said, my eyes still closed. I would have done anything they told me to at that moment.

  The drunken giggles began.

  “OK, Hero, open your eyes. That’s all you get,” Lily said. She was standing directly in front of me. My knees buckled, unrelated to the alcohol. The urge to steal Lily away from the party boomed inside me.

  “Oh no, wait, I have something for you,” Lindsey said. She pushed in front of Lily, fumbling around in her small pink purse. She shuffled aside all the wondrous things college girls tote around with them when they go out. Finally she retrieved something and reached it out to me. I opened my hand and felt her press a small leathery object into my palm. Astonishment hit me, then wonder, then disgust as I realized whose wallet I was holding. I opened my eyes to see Duncan’s high school senior picture staring up at me. Apparently when he couldn’t find a mirror all he would have to do is open up the wallet and gaze at his ravenous good looks. I commented on that and was rewarded with a series of snide female comments about Duncan’s lack of attractive qualities.

  “Emily found it in front of Primal as we were leaving ahead of you and Shoddy,” Lindsey said.

  “Yeah, he didn’t stick it all the way into his jeans after he showed the bouncer his ID. I saw it fall out before he went in, when that skank knocked into him. I thought you might want it,” Emily said. “Isn’t it funny? He’s got a card with a naked woman on it from Las Vegas tucked inside one of the folds!”

  All the girls but Lily laughed hysterically. She noticed my discomfort.

  The wallet got hot in my palm. I couldn’t stand it anymore.

  “I have to leave,” I swallowed as I said it. “And I’m giving this back to that asshole.”

  “Geez, fine be that way. But still, you can’t leave, we aren’t ready to go and we can’t walk back alone,” Emily complained.

  “Go with Shoddy.”

  Laughter roared at that suggestion. I knew it was stupid the second I uttered it. By now
Shoddy was either back in his room passed out or stumbling around this house looking for a place to pass out.

  “Just stay for a little while, we were just about to go upstairs,” Lindsey whined.

  I hesitated. I had my fill of that night and the only destination I desired was my bed, full of Lily.

  “Come upstairs with us. Just for a few minutes and then we can go, I promise,” Lily said and gave me big hug. Even in her intoxication she was playing mediator.

  “I know you want to,” she whispered closer to my face. “I want you to.”

  I couldn’t say no. After all, she was a goddess to me, the only girl in that entire house that I enjoyed being around. I would do anything for her and as much as I would resist, I actually wanted to go upstairs with them, with her. I finally relented and followed the girls, being pulled along by Lily, who carried a plastic cup full of booze in one hand and had her other hand entwined in mine. Her hand was cooler than the wallet, but still dry, warm and soft unlike the tacky hot leather.

  As we left the back room, the cackling girls leading the way across the crowded first floor, I caught sight of Duncan leaning by the front door. I knew it was Duncan because he still had on that goofy tight red designer sweater. Lily tried to pull me faster but I restrained.

  “Let it go, Shaw!” she begged.

  “No,” I said, the temperature rising in my face.

  I diverted our path away from the other girls and towards Duncan, who seemingly noticed my presence and turned to face me. He was standing on the landing, about to leave. He was a full step higher than me, but no more intimidating.

  “Hey, fuckface,” I yelled, needlessly. He scowled. He was alone. “Here you go.”

  I flicked the wallet at him. It bounced off his chest and fell to the floor, his high school picture slipping loose in the process.

  “Next time,” I said, “maybe you shouldn’t wear your little sister’s jeans.”

  He grimaced, rubbed his hands together, adjusted his tight jeans, pushed up the sleeve on his skinny right bicep and reached out to Lily, leaning on her shoulder. She buckled slightly. Her drink sloshed a bit. I thought I noticed some of it drip onto his shoes and chuckled to myself.

  Duncan used her to balance himself and as he bent to pick up his wallet off the linoleum, he flipped me the middle finger. He was a breath away from Lily’s body. Chills ran down my spine at the thought of his close proximity to her. I tried to get around her, visions of another brawl—one on one—scrolling behind my eyes. But Lily blocked my route to him.

  Instead I watched him slither to his knees to retrieve his property. Even with the party noise I heard a suction noise when he pulled the wallet off the floor, sticky with a semesters-worth of foot traffic and spilt beer. The overturned photo didn’t come up so easily. Duncan had to dredge his fingernails through the grime to flip up one corner and slide it into his palm.

  Duncan stood upright, using Lily’s shoulder to pull himself up. He turned towards her so that they were face to face; the hand holding his wallet was pressed against her cup, the only things preventing their chests from touching. His fingers seemed to be fumbling. I couldn’t see Lily’s eyes, but I knew the malice in them matched my own.

  In this position he half-hugged her, an awkward and sinister embrace. He stumbled and I noticed him cling to her so as not to fall, and in the process a few of his fingers slid into her cup.

  A shiver ran up my spine and I didn’t know why. Something wasn’t right but I couldn’t put my finger on it. In an instant the feeling evaporated.

  “Gross,” she said, and pushed him away. Her drink sloshed again, this time dripping on him so obviously he had to notice.

  Duncan stepped back. He wiped off the wallet on his pants and nonchalantly put it in his pocket. In his other pocket he shoved some crumpled trash, which I hadn’t noticed in his hand before. His hands free and an eerie grin slithering across his face, Duncan opened his palm and touched it to his lips. He blew a kiss to Lily.

  “You have yourself a great night, honey. Stop by my room later on if this loser can’t take care of you—I know you’ll be looking for it.”

  “With your tiny dick, I’d need a magnifying glass to help me look for it!” Lily yelled back at him.

  She took a big gulp from her plastic cup and steadied herself.

  “Fuck you!” she screeched.

  Time, the noise, the party all seemed to stop in deference to the significance pulsing through the two words. Even Duncan was taken aback, albeit briefly. I had a feeling he was about to retaliate. I tried to launch myself at him but Lily intercepted me.

  She yanked my arm and said, “Come on! Forget him. He’s not worth it.”

  She turned from Duncan, whose grin had reappeared. Lily pushed the opposite way with her glazed eyes blazing, and dragged me away with astonishing force.

  “What are you doing? He tried to molest you.” I said, itching for a chance to return and start a brawl.

  “Stop it, Shaw,” she said. “Enough fighting for one night. He’s leaving anyway. See? He doesn’t want to be here with you. You gave him his wallet back. You did something nice. He wouldn’t have done that for you. So maybe instead of wanting to kill him you should pity the bastard for being consumed with hatred. He walks around looking for ways to make your life suck instead of ways to make his life better. That’s a horrible way to live.”

  She hiccupped.

  We were far enough away from Duncan that going back to fight was no longer an option.

  “Ya know, Shaw, my grandmother had a saying,” Lily said. She hiccupped every second word. “When I was a little there was this girl who lived next door. She was a few years older than me and she bullied me around every chance she got. She stole my pink Barbie bicycle, broke my favorite dolls, even threw dirt at me.”

  She swallowed hard as if trying to keep something down inside her.

  “I came home one day and my grandmother was there. I screamed ‘I hate her!’ about the girl next door. You know what she said to me, Shaw? She said Lily, hatred is like drinking a poison and hoping the other person is going to die from it.”

  More hiccups.

  “So you’re saying I’m going to die?”

  “What? No, Duncan is poisoning himself, Shaw. He hates you for some reason and it consumes him. I don’t want you suffering the same fate.”

  Lily always got philosophical when she was drunk. I didn’t think she was that intoxicated but if she was at that level of inebriation, I figured I should be there with her.

  “I need a drink,” I said.

  We diverted again toward a corner where there was a keg and an underclassman mixing up shots from some concoction of unknown liquors. I immediately pumped and chugged a cup of warm beer and grabbed two shots from the underclassman. I gave one to Lily. She hesitated and her body swayed slightly.

  “I’m good, Shaw,” she said. I saw her eyes drooping. Lily falling asleep did not jive with my desires for how the rest of the evening should play out. I knew she was being coy. She was going to keep drinking with or without me.

  “You’re going to make me do this alone?” I pleaded.

  “Alone? Are you calling me out, Augustine?” she garbled.

  She slugged the booze in the plastic cup that hadn’t spilled on Duncan. She then ripped the new smaller cup from my hand, tossing the hard liquor shot into her mouth without flinching. She let the shot glass fall to the floor, grabbed the back of my neck and pulled me into a kiss. She hadn’t swallowed the shot, letting the liquid slip between our mouths; our tongues skipping and splashing like children in puddles, happy and free. As we kissed she let the alcohol finally slide down her throat. When it did, she pulled back a fraction and opened her eyes. She grabbed my upper lip with both of hers and we stared at each other before she pulled away completely.

  She took a long drink from a new plastic cup, kissed me on the cheek and said, “I took my shot, now you take yours.” I tried to gather my jaw from the floor and in doing
so spilled some of my beer.

  We both laughed and I threw back my shot. I tapped the underside of her plastic cup, gesturing for her to finish whatever was left. She did. We each filled up another new cup of warm beer, slugged them down in a half-hearted race, then filled them up and chugged again. The whole party scene became a dream.

  I filled up our cups once more and we climbed the creaky winding stairs to the second floor where even more people were packed into one room jumping around and yelling. The other girls were impossible to find in the sea of students. Lily took a few more swigs of her drink and with that same astonishing force, moved me up against a wall.

  Lily pressed hard against me and grinded to the music. The two brief run-ins with Duncan that evening melted away with every swirl of her hips.

  After the night I was having this was a welcome change. Her reciprocated affection rejuvenated me, and I actually started to enjoy myself. Triumph returned as I gazed into her glassy eyes and saw my own reflection. In that packed room we were alone moving sensually to the baseline. Her red hair was sweaty but it gave it a glossy shimmer. I could feel the moist skin on her back and my body shivered when she slid her hands down my back and into the pockets. Her head now resting on my shoulder brought her lips closer and closer to my cheek. She started kissing my neck and whispering interchangeably but I couldn’t understand what she said and I didn’t care. To me, it was the most beautiful sound I had ever heard. Her lips moved up my neck and cheek and she started to whisper something more audible.

  “I . . . I . . .” she spoke weakly with me straining to hear, “I . . . I lo . . .”

  She paused, pulled her head back and looked in my eyes. My heart was tickling the back of my teeth when finally she said, “I . . . gulp . . . need water,” and stumbled back to the wall. I caught her before she fell.

  Chapter 10

  Lily clung to me like a scared child to her parent.