I thought At least I have the La Lait moms, but remembered that after telling the truth, I wouldn’t. I’d be trapped in Gloria’s house all day and night. There was no way around it. I had to win this contest. I grabbed the schedule off of the vanity.
8AM Basket and Dream Catcher Making in the Craft Room.
Oh, crap. Crafts.
Janice and Lauren were sitting on either side of Emily at the long wooden bench table when I arrived. I had showered and changed into dark blue jeans and a pink Emily Walker sweatshirt—David gave it to me the night before I left and I figured this was the perfect time to wear it.
“Hi, everyone!” I said cheerily. Almost everyone was at the workshop, including my roommate, who was seated directly across from Emily. I took my seat next to her.
“Hi, Kimmie!” I said, forcing cheerfulness.
“Hi, Ashley,” she responded with an equally saccharine tone. “Missed you at breakfast!”
I flipped my hair over my shoulder. “After yoga I like to spend some time in quiet meditation in order to realign my—”
“Your mama chakra system,” Emily finished for me, her eyes bright with excitement. “Someone has been reading Motherhood Better!”
“Absolutely!” I said, ignoring Kimmie’s mouth hanging open. “It’s so important to clear yourself every morning. It has made the biggest difference in my life. My love tank is full.” I clasped my hands together in silent prayer.
Janice and Lauren stared at me like I was from a different planet.
“That’s absolutely wonderful!” Emily exclaimed.
“Namaste.” I bowed to her.
Kimmie glared at me.
Emily’s assistant placed an enormous bundle of loose wicker in front of each woman.
“Ooh, goodie! Is everyone ready? I trust you read over the instructional materials for Basket Making 101 in your welcome packet?”
The only thing I remember about the welcome packet was that it contained a bar of expensive chocolate.
Everyone flew into craft mode and began twisting and winding the pieces of wicker around long pieces of wood to create a frame for their baskets.
I watched Emily out of the corner of my eye and copied every movement she made. To my surprise, I was actually keeping up.
“Good job, Ashley! You’re really a pro at this,” Emily said, grinning.
“I love crafts,” I lied through my teeth. Turning to Kimmie, I eyed her progress. She was clearly struggling to manipulate the wicker. It wasn’t easy, considering her long, acrylic nails. “Do you need some help, Kim?” I asked.
“I’m fine,” she said through clenched teeth.
“Well, don’t hesitate to ask. The key to success in motherhood and in life is to reach out when you need to.” I’d memorized that quote from Emily’s book during breakfast.
Emily looked up and absolutely beamed at me.
Kimmie was silent.
I started to really get into it and added my own personal flair to my basket by alternating different shades of wicker. So this is what the big fuss about crafting is about? I thought. It was actually pretty relaxing!
The craft was just wrapping up. To my utter surprise, I finished my basket first! It wasn’t perfect, but it was done. My first successful craft was complete!
“Wow, Ashley! You’re the first one done. Go ahead and use the paring knife to smooth out the splinters. Brava!”
“I’m also done!” shouted Kimmie. I looked at her basket. It appeared to have been run over by a truck.
“Good effort, Kimmie! I guess we have a tie!”
I stood up and rushed over to the knife station, determined to finish fine-tuning my basket before Kimmie. She must have sensed my intention because she jumped up at the same time. We walk-ran awkwardly over to the table and I picked up the small knife first.
“Shame, you’ll just have to wait,” I said, tightly.
Kimmie grabbed the knife out of my hand. “I guess you will,” she hissed, out of Emily’s earshot.
I tried to wrestle it away from her. “You know, you’ve been getting under my skin since we got here. What’s your problem?”
Kimmie grabbed the knife back. “My problem is that you don’t belong here. Look at you. Mellie the dog mom would have been a better contestant.”
“Oh, yeah? At least I’m not a complete phony. I’d be surprised if you even had any kids.” Kimmie’s face fell. I went to grab the knife back but at the last second she lowered it, causing the blade to go directly into my palm.
A stream of blood spouted up and onto the front of my sweatshirt.
I screamed. Emily and several women rushed over.
“Oh, my!” Emily yelled. She grabbed an apron off of a wall hook and pressed it to my wound. “What happened?”
I looked over at Kimmie who had gone as white as a sheet. Her eyes were filled with tears.
“I slipped,” I said.
“I’ll take you to First Aid. We had a doctor stay for the week just in case something like this happened.”
Kimmie stepped forward. “No, I’ll take her. She’s my roommate.”
Kimmie and I were silent as we walked to the main house. It wasn’t until the doctor had seen me and put some gauze over my palm (which turned out to have just a surface wound) and left the room that she burst into tears. Not tears—more like heaving sobs.
I was stunned. “Kimmie, it was an accident. I shouldn’t have reached for the knife like that,” I said, sitting across from her.
The tears continued to fall and snot poured out of her nose. I handed her a tissue.
She blew her nose. “It’s not that. I’m so sorry for how I’ve been treating you, Ashley. You didn’t deserve it.”
I wanted to say, “No, I didn’t,” but this didn’t seem the right time to rub it in.
“It’s just that...” Kimmie blew her nose again and struggled to stop crying “... I know I’m not going to win the contest. I’m a crap mom. I can’t cook. I can’t craft. I lied on almost all of my journal entries. I’m a complete fraud. Compared to someone like you, I’m a complete mess.”
Huh?
“Kimmie. Someone like me? Just what kind of mom do you think I am?”
Kimmie shot me an “oh, you know what I mean” look. “Come on, Ashley. I couldn’t survive without my nanny and getting meals delivered daily. You do it all by yourself. You’re probably so hands-on and patient all the time. You’re the perfect mom.”
I couldn’t help it, I started to laugh. “Kimmie, I am not the perfect mom. I almost lit my entire house on fire during the craft challenge. I wear the same pants for three, four, seven days in a row. I’d do anything to have a body and sense of style like you.”
Kimmie sniffled. “You think I have a nice body?”
I laughed. “Okay, let’s go back to the group.”
As we made our way back, things felt different. More relaxed. Not having Kimmie as my enemy was pretty awesome. Turns out she didn’t know anything about probiotics and was totally talking out of her backside.
As we were walking, I decided to get some air.
“Kimmie, I’ll meet up with you later. I’m going to take a walk.”
“Are you sure?”
I nodded. She squeezed my shoulder. “Thanks...for understanding.”
We parted ways and I followed a path through lush greenery and took in the view. Emily’s house was slightly raised, making it possible to see the rows and rows of vineyards the area was famous for. The morning sun felt like heaven on my skin and a light breeze tickled the hair on the back on my neck. I felt like I was in paradise.
A twinge of guilt formed a knot in my stomach: Aubrey. I was sure she was fine, but felt a little bad enjoying myself so deeply. Then I remembered what was waiting for me when I r
eturned. It was almost a sure reality that we’d be moving. I’d known when David started his business that it was a risk, but I’d had so much faith that everything would magically turn out perfectly that I hadn’t considered what would happen if it didn’t. He must be feeling so bad right now. While I’d been worrying about finding friends and losing weight, he’d been quietly fighting his own battle for the financial security of his family.
I sat down on a charming wooden bench in front of a koi pond. A dozen big orange, black, white and red fish swam lazily among the water lilies and lotus flowers. I kicked a smooth white stone with my foot and it plopped into the water, creating a shockwave of circular ripples.
And there was still the matter of my La Lait friends back home. I’d procrastinated long enough. Maybe the best thing to do was send Nina an email to read to the group while I was here. Yes, that’s what I’d do. The bit of geographical distance was just the courage I needed. At the same time, I’d email David and apologize for everything that had happened in the last few months. What he needed now was a strong wife who was by his side 100 percent.
I took a deep breath. It was time to face my problems. I stood up and was about to walk back to my room when a stunning red koi with black stripes down its back caught my eye. “Aubrey would love to see that,” I thought to myself. Joy was always taking photos of interesting things to share with Ella and George. She called them “experience boosters.” George did have the most amazing vocabulary for his age.
I pulled my phone out of my pocket and focused on the fish before snapping a quick pic. I examined my work. Too blurry. I needed to get closer.
Carefully, I made my way through the ankle-deep shrubbery toward the edge of the pond and snapped another photo. Better, but it was hard to make out the details in his scales.
I planted one foot firmly on the ground, rested the other one against a smooth rock wedged in the corner of the pond for leverage and leaned in. My phone’s camera clicked. I examined my work without moving. Absolutely perfect. It looked almost professional. I couldn’t wait to post this one to Facebook. As I lowered my foot from the rock, it hit a wet patch, sending my body lurching forward, and before I could think, I was completely submerged in cold water.
My arms and legs flailed wildly as I struggled to stand. After a few moments of rising and then falling again on the slippery pond floor I found myself soaking wet in chest-high water, my phone nowhere to be found.
“This isn’t happening,” I muttered to myself, trying not to cry as I, with the elegance of a sea manatee, made my way out of the pond on my chest.
My jeans and tank top were stuck to my skin. My top, which was only meant to be worn under my Emily Walker sweatshirt, was completely see-through. I pulled the fabric away from my chest and looked around. The gauze on my hand was soaking wet and stung. Thankfully, there was no one in sight.
I was pushing strands of wet hair out of my face and trying to get my bearings back when I heard a woman’s voice.
“Absolutely not!” she yelled. It was Emily Walker. I turned my head toward the sound. It was coming from the balcony above me. I had just enough time to run toward the wall and hide under the terrace before she stepped out onto it.
I froze.
“Thomas, you promised to be here tonight to help with the kids. I’m hosting a very important dinner!”
She paused.
“Okay, when will you be back? You can’t expect me to do this all on my own. I need your support. Sage is teething—I can’t stay up with him all night and be ready for taping tomorrow...” Emily’s voice cracked.
A breeze swept over my already cold body, sending a chill down my arms. A sneeze began to build but I managed to squelch it before it erupted from my nose.
“Why is it that your work is always more important than mine?”
I looked right and left, trying to find a means of escape, but there was no way Emily wouldn’t notice a soaking wet woman darting across the grass.
“Don’t you dare throw the nanny in my face. I’m still their mother and I need you here! I’m exhausted. All of this is exhausting. I can’t do everything by myself anymore, I just—”
Emily paused as if she’d been interrupted.
“Fine. Just do whatever you want.”
I heard her sigh deeply and then sniff as if holding back tears.
I shivered. I felt another sneeze rising in the back of my nose and covered my mouth but it erupted before I could stop it. My heart skipped a beat.
“Hello?” Emily’s voice cut through the silence. “Is someone there?”
I awkwardly walked out from under the balcony and tried to appear casual.
I waved. “Oh, hey, Emily! I was just passing by!”
Emily quickly wiped a tear from her eye. “Hi...Ashley. Um...are you wet?”
I looked down at my shirt and to my horror, the cold had affected much more than just my nose. I did my best to appear nonchalant.
“Oh, that, yes. I was swimming. I went on a swim.”
Emily cocked her head to the side. “With your clothes on?”
I smiled like an idiot. “I’m shy.”
Emily nodded, but it was clear from her expression that she thought I was mad.
“Well, I hope you’re enjoying yourself. If you need anything don’t hesitate to ask,” she said, smiling tightly.
“Thanks so much!” I responded with too much enthusiasm before scurrying off.
It took me twice as long as it should have to get back to my room. I had to do plenty of ducking behind furniture and into stairwells to avoid running into anyone else with my pencil-pointed nipples.
When I finally closed the door behind me, I sank behind it to the floor. Thankfully Kimmie was nowhere to be found. Two thoughts ran through my head.
I’d just made a complete fool out of myself AGAIN in front of Emily. If the “tush girl” incident hadn’t taken me out of the running, “swimming with my clothes on” certainly had.
Emily is far more normal than I realized. I must have had that exact conversation with David a million times. I knew her blog was supposed to be all rainbows and sunshine, but it was weird that she never talked about feeling overwhelmed.
I stood up and walked into the pristine bathroom to take off my clothes. As I undressed and hung my wet jeans on the shower rack, I felt a twinge in my chest. Aubrey. She had to be up from her nap by now. What time was it? I looked around for my phone for a moment before remembering it was at the bottom of a pond surrounded by majestic fish. Great. Just what I needed. Another bill.
6 P.M.
I stood in front of the bathroom mirror and studied my outfit. The black wrap dress I’d purchased for the date night that never happened looked great on me, paired with black pumps I’d borrowed from Joy. It was long-sleeved with a bit of a V-neck and hit perfectly at my upper calves, showing off a little leg. I had skipped the makeovers I’d been so looking forward to in favor of showering after my dip in the koi pond, but Kimmie had volunteered, or insisted, rather, that she do my makeup and the results were surprising. Every time I tried to pull off a smoky eye, it looked like I’d been hit in the face with a baseball bat, but she’d created the look flawlessly.
“You don’t use lip liner?” Kimmie had asked while drawing on my lips.
“I pretty much only use lip gloss,” I responded, trying to keep my mouth still.
She shook her head as if the information was too much to comprehend.
I twirled in the full-length mirror. I looked good. Amazing. I looked like the woman I was before Aubrey.
As much as I wanted to revel in my Cinderella moment, my heart was heavy.
An hour earlier I’d FaceCalled with Aubrey and David on my laptop, which had been bittersweet.
“Say hi to Mama!” David sang, while holding Aubrey up to the camera
. Her sweet little face gazed innocently at me on the screen and it was all I could do to hold back the tears. I missed her so much. I wondered for a second if it had been a mistake to leave her. All I’d wished for the past ten months was a break, and now that I had one, I was dying to have her in my arms.
“I love you, baby!” I said, waving at her, and she broke out into a huge grin at the sound of my voice.
“So, how’s Napa?” David asked, juggling Aubrey, who was wearing a pair of too-small yellow pajamas.
“It’s good,” I said. My mind flashed back to my accidental dip in the koi pond. “Really good.”
“I’m glad,” he said. I could tell his words were sincere, despite the solemn look in his eyes.
“David, are you sure this is what you want?” I asked gently. “I just can’t believe this is happening. What about a business loan?”
David pursed his lips. “I’ve already tried, Ashley. We really needed the DentaFresh account.”
I sighed. “So when do we move?”
Aubrey giggled.
“I found a Realtor who thinks that if we price it right, we’ll have an offer in two weeks.”
My heart sank. “How are Ross and Donnie doing?” Ross and Donnie were David’s partners and both fathers with families. I figured they were as devastated as David. I tried not to cry.
He shrugged. “Nobody’s happy, obviously, but they’re young. They’ll find work easily.”
His voice tightened up. I knew this was hard for him.
“And Melissa?” I asked, trying to come off nonchalant.
David scowled. “I could care less.”
I blinked. “What happened?”
“Oh, I didn’t tell you? She’s the reason we lost the DentaFresh account.”
“What?”
“Yeah. An old buddy of mine on one of their accounts told me they passed on us because someone on our team sent them an email pretending to be a rival company to light a fire underneath them. She denied it, of course, but I checked up on it and the email definitely came from our server’s network. What was she thinking?”
Confessions of a Domestic Failure Page 24