The Daughter He Wanted

by Kristina Knight

  Moving fast or not, everything he’d done from the moment he’d first come to her home told her that Alex was different. More than a widower. More than a single guy. He was trustworthy and a hard worker. What she had learned since was that he was funny and dedicated and too handsome for his own good. A good kisser. No, she didn’t really know anything about his personal life other than his work and the fact that he was a widower, but that would change. He didn’t know very much about her life, after all, and it didn’t seem to slow him down.

  Paige pulled the skewers out of the flames to cool so she could wash them later and then, with nothing else to distract her, sat in the chair next to Alex.

  “So Alison tells me you had me investigated.”

  Paige choked on her iced tea, sputtered trying to come up with something to say. All that came out was a squeaky “It was all Alison.”

  He smiled and the scar in the corner of his mouth made her stomach do another barrel roll. She really had to get that to stop before her organs were on permanent anti-loop-de-loop medication.

  “And what did you find out about me?”

  “That you once got a speeding ticket.”

  “And?”

  “And you played football, along with the swimming, graduated from college with honors and have been up for several promotions over the past few years but haven’t taken any of them.” She didn’t know why she said all that. He didn’t know she’d read the full report before giving it back to Alison and hoping it disappeared forever. Why didn’t she shrug and say she hadn’t read it?

  “Anything else?”

  Because if they were going to start something, she decided, it might as well start with honesty. Otherwise what was the point?

  “You’ve never been arrested. For anything, not even as a kid.” He watched her for a long moment and she couldn’t tell if he was really angry or mildly amused. It was too hard to read him in the dark. Who was she kidding? It was hard to read the man in the middle of the afternoon in the bright sunshine. “And you don’t have a middle name.”

  “Mmm. Alison is very thorough, I see.”

  “Are you mad?”

  Alex shrugged as if he were investigated all the time. “Tuck insists she’s a good egg. I figure she was just looking out for you. But if you have any other questions, you could just ask.”

  There was one question she was dying to ask, something the report didn’t tell her about him. “What do your parents think about all this?”

  He looked at her across the fire. “About you and Kaylie?” When she nodded he said, “If they were alive, I think they’d be shocked and maybe a little worried. But they would come around.”

  His parents were gone. Hers weren’t the Norman Rockwell–painting type, but she couldn’t imagine them not being around. “I didn’t realize... I’m sorry.”

  “It happened a long time ago. Car accident,” he explained. “And since we set the precedent for comparing our families to sitcom perfection, they fell somewhere between the parents from Roseanne and Married...with Children, but they were good parents.”

  They watched the sky for a few minutes and then Paige asked, “Are your parents why you’re so willing to give up your life to be Kaylie’s dad?” It was so much simpler to talk to him when there was darkness all around and a fire between them. Easier to focus on the flames.

  “I don’t look at it as giving up my life. I look at it as taking it back.” He was quiet for a long moment before finishing his drink and taking a breath. “I miss my wife but I’m not the grieving widower. Haven’t been for a long time. As horrible as cancer is, it does give you time to adjust. Say your goodbyes and come to terms with death. I kind of forgot how to be Alex in the middle of all that. You and Kaylie are helping me find him again, but you’re not replacements for Deanna or the kids we might have had. If that was on your mind.”

  Add mind reader to his slate of talents. Was she that transparent? Probably. Paige didn’t want to know but she couldn’t stop herself from asking, either.

  “Can you tell me what we are, then?”

  He was quiet for a long moment, peeling the label off his bottle and twisting it around in his hands. “Different, I guess.” He kept twisting the bottle, watching it closely or looking into the flames, but not at her. As if he couldn’t. Paige bit her tongue so she wouldn’t demand a better answer than that. Because she couldn’t just be along for the ride, not this time. “I don’t think I can define you. Either of you. Not yet, anyway. I can tell you I haven’t felt like this in a very long time.”

  Paige swallowed. Maybe that was enough of an answer. For now, anyway. Because, really, they’d spent a few days together, run into one another at the grocery store. Had a disagreement at a swimming lesson. Maybe it was enough that they were both unsure what any of this meant.

  “Me, either. Actually, I haven’t felt like this, ever.” There was one more question she wanted—no, needed—to ask. “What was she like?”

  “Dee?” The flicker of pain in his eyes was stark even in the dim of the firelight and it made her stomach sink. The pain was gone in an instant, swallowed up by an emotion Paige had to define as love. And that made her tummy squeeze. He loved his wife. She couldn’t blame him or dislike him for that. If he still loved his wife, what could he feel for either her or Kaylie?

  She was mostly wondering about what he could feel for her, she admitted to herself. Because people loved wives and husbands as well as children all the time.

  “She was short, blond, had freckles. We grew up in the same school, but didn’t start dating until we were in college. She was a terror to drive with and a genius at saving money. She worked at a bank in Farmington.” He cleared his throat and set the bottle aside, finally looking at Paige with sincerity in his gaze. “She would have loved Kaylie. She would have been awed by your connection to her.”

  Paige wasn’t sure how to follow that up and the fire was burning down, so she picked up the cover, put it over the dying embers and then walked to the railing to lean out and look at the stars. She picked out Orion’s Belt and the Big Dipper and focused on identifying as many other constellations as she could. Anything to stop thinking about the other woman. How was she going to compete with a perfect memory? Alex joined her at the railing.

  “I don’t think she would mind. Not me being Kaylie’s dad. Not me getting on with my life. I don’t even think she would mind if you and I...” He trailed off.

  “Dated?”

  He shrugged. The quiet and the dark urged Paige forward, until they were side by side, shoulders touching.

  “Kissed again?” she asked.

  Alex put his hand over hers, like he had so many times over the past couple of weeks. Touching her, not pushing. Letting her lead the way.

  Paige’s heart beat a little bit faster because this time, instead of a sizzling spark of attraction, there was a slow burn that seemed to push from her belly and through to her fingers and toes, magnifying where his hand covered hers. Burning a little hotter where her jeans-clad thigh touched his. It wasn’t going away, this attraction between them. And there was no guarantee it wouldn’t burn out and scorch her heart.

  She had to lighten the moment. Had to make whatever happened next about them and not about his memories or her insecurities. “Which do you like better, afternoons fishing on the river or evenings watching the stars come out?”

  “Stars, with fishing coming in a close second.”

  “Chocolate ice cream or vanilla?”

  “Peanut butter, actually.”

  “A rebel. Okay. Why did the chicken cross the road?”

  He was quiet for a long time and then he shifted his hip against the railing so he could look at her. “Because you were on the other side.”

  Paige’s heart skipped a beat at the intensity in his eyes. Just breathe, she reminded herself, just breathe. “Okay,” she finally said. She threaded her fingers with his and then put his arm over her shoulders and leaned her head against his chest. He’d mad
e it clear what he wanted but he hadn’t pushed. This was her decision.

  She wanted to get to know him better. Not just because she could still feel his kiss or because she wanted him. Because he’d dropped everything to come to her rescue last night. Because he understood how terrifying it was to watch Kaylie take that leap from the swing set to the trapeze, but he’d let her do it. Because, even though they weren’t completely in sync where Kaylie was concerned, she thought maybe they could be.

  Alex settled her against his strong chest. “Okay?” he asked, his voice seeming to rumble through her body.

  “Do you want to have dinner Wednesday night? Just you and me?”

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  ALEX FOLDED A clean pair of jeans and a polo into his duffel, along with his boots. Work should be relatively slow, but Wednesdays were great for scouting along the trails. He didn’t want to wear his work gear to pick up Paige that evening, though. He tossed bodywash and a towel in at the last minute and then hopped in the truck as the first full rays of sunlight lit up the Missouri sky.

  Her questions still stuck with him. Just what were she and Kaylie to him? Not a distraction. He’d passed the point of needing to be distracted from what his life was, without Dee, a long time ago. And not a replacement, either, because if he wanted a replacement he’d have chosen someone who looked and acted like Dee.

  A few heavy, gray clouds hung low in the west as he pulled onto the highway. They might see rain before the day was over, but for now it was a perfect, crisp morning. He turned the heat up slightly.

  His cell rang and he looked at the readout.

  Sue. The call he’d been dreading. Alex hit a button and spoke.

  “Hey, Sue, good morning.”

  “Alex, it’s good to hear your voice.” Her voice was weak, a little crackly over the line and not because of bad cell reception. This was one of her bad days, Alex guessed. “I’m calling because I need your help and John isn’t here. Could you swing by the house on your way to work?”

  Not really, not when the farm was fifteen miles in the opposite direction.

  “Please, I only need a few minutes,” she added and her voice wavered across the line once more. Alex rapped his head lightly against the side window. He wasn’t being fair to Sue. Yes, he told the Parkers about Kaylie and Paige, but he could have called to officially cancel Saturday. Or made an effort to visit them on Sunday.

  He could have called them from work on Monday.

  He didn’t do any of those things because he’d been too busy thinking about Paige. Reliving the silliness with Kaylie. Hoping with every fiber of his being that last weekend was the first of many more to come. He swallowed. Moving on with his life didn’t make him a bad person.

  Leaving behind the people who loved him, though, made him an ass.

  Alex checked behind him but there was no traffic on the road so he pulled a U-ey and headed toward the farm. “I’ll be there in a few minutes, Sue. Is everything okay?”

  She didn’t say anything for a long time and then “It will be. Soon enough. I’ll see you in a few minutes.” She hung up the phone before he could reply.

  When Alex pulled under the oak tree in the side yard and shut off the truck’s engine, nothing looked normal. A few pairs of John’s jeans hung on the clothesline and the barn doors were open so John was already out in the fields for the morning, which was ordinary enough. But there were five other cars parked in the yard that he didn’t recognize. He stepped through the back door and into a flurry of activity.

  Weak and sad on the phone, Sue was bustling around the kitchen and pouring coffee for an army of her friends, who were eating coffee cake, laughing and arguing over dates. Dates for what?

  “Sue?” Alex crossed into the kitchen and everything stopped.

  “Alex, you made it!” Sue pressed a hot cup of coffee into his hands. “I thought you might have forgotten about us this morning.”

  Forgotten what? Alex squinted his eyes, looking for any sign of strain around Sue’s eyes or mouth. She appeared normal. Her eyes might be a little shadowed but he had a feeling that was from the makeup she rarely used. She wore a long skirt and a pretty purple top with flat shoes on her feet. Last week there were threads of gray throughout her dark blond hair but today it was highlighted and tamed into a sleek bob. She wore the earrings and necklace Dee had given her that last Christmas. He had to be missing something but for the life of him, Alex didn’t know what.

  “I didn’t forget. Busy morning.” He played along, not wanting whatever was going on here to pitch into the overly dramatic. “What did you need my help with?”

  “The girls are helping me with a Christmas present for John and we wanted your opinion, remember?” Sue ushered him to the table where her friends made room on one of the bench seats. Alex sat, feeling like he’d missed something.

  “We were talking about that silent auction, you remember, when you and Dee were still in high school?” said Mrs. Grady, who wore a bright yellow tracksuit jacket with a neon-green tee.

  Mrs. Briggs chimed in from across the table. “I still say auctioning off you kids was the best idea. Fall cleanup and helping the elderly get ready for the holidays. But they—” she motioned to the rest of the group “—insisted auctioning off kids was a bad idea.”

  Well, when she put it like that... Alex bit back a smile. “We did bring in several thousand dollars for the new stadium with those autographed footballs and baseballs from the St. Louis teams,” he said.

  Mrs. Briggs poo-pooed his memory. “What the older people around here need is help. Help putting up decorations, getting all the leaves mulched. Who needs a stupid old football?” She paged through the mass of pictures on the table, not waiting for an answer. “Oh, Sue, what about this one? This would be perfect for the cover, don’t you think?”

  Sue picked up the image—a picture of Dee before she got sick—from the scarred Formica. Sniffed and passed it to Alex.

  It was the picture he still had on the mantel, and seeing it brought back a host of memories. They’d been on John’s boat at Pomme de Terre for the weekend, fishing. Dee leaned forward in the picture, laughing at something he’d said—what was it that he’d said? Alex couldn’t remember. Even in the black-and-white snap he could tell her eyes were the bluest of blues, that at the end of summer her hair was nearly white-blond. The freckles over her nose stood out in the frame and her hand was at her ear, tucking a lock of hair away.

  Alex swallowed. Why was he not feeling anything? No, it wasn’t that he didn’t feel anything, because the love was still there. His fingers traced her jaw and he could almost feel the softness of Dee’s skin. It wasn’t that he felt nothing, it was that the feelings weren’t weighed down by grief and pain now. Alex mentally poked at his heart. A tinge of sadness, but the overwhelming grief that usually took hold when he saw pictures of his wife was gone, replaced by familiar memories.

  He slid the snap across the table. “It would make a fine cover,” he said, still probing for something. Some emotion that he understood, that made sense to him. “What kind of book are you making?”

  “A remembrance book. Pictures of John and Deanna from the beginning until...until she got sick.” Sue whispered the last word as if the weight of it was too much to speak aloud. “You don’t like it.” Sue’s face was crestfallen and she picked up the picture, tracing her finger over Dee’s face.

  Mrs. Briggs stood and put her arm around Sue’s shoulders, hugging her tightly. And still there was no grief over his late wife. He felt sadness for Sue’s loss but that loss didn’t seem like his, not any longer. At least, not like it had a year or even a month before now.

  “It is perfect, Sue-sy, he likes it.” Mrs. Briggs shot Alex a look, imploring him to say something.

  He reached across the table, unsure what he could say that would make Sue feel better. He swallowed. “It’s a fine present. I might have a few pictures in the attic you’d like to use.”

  “See, Sue? Alex thinks this is
perfect,” Mrs. Grady joined in, adding her arm around Sue’s shoulders, which were beginning to shake.

  And then the pain started. Not because of Deanna or the present but because he was hurting Sue. Just because he was ready to move forward didn’t mean everyone around him was in the same place. Alex took Sue’s hands in his and squeezed.

  “Dee would love it.”

  And while he wasn’t living in the past anymore, he wouldn’t shut Sue or John out, either. He thought about his date that night with Paige. She had enough family drama from her parents without dealing with his in-laws, too. He could do this, keep his past on one side and his budding relationship with Paige on the other. People did it all the time.

  He wouldn’t throw Paige or Kaylie in the Parkers’ faces.

  He wouldn’t add more drama to Paige’s life.

  He just needed a little separation.

  * * *

  ALEX WAS LATE. Paige paced to the front window and looked up and down the street once more, feeling like a clone of Mrs. Purcell as she peeked through the curtains. The street was quiet and for the first time the absolute silence grated on Paige’s nerves. Where were the skateboarding kids? The teens out for a pleasure cruise in Dad’s car?

  Thunder rumbled in the distance. Inside where they should be, that’s where.

  Her cell chirped and she looked at the picture of Kaylie back-floating during swim practice. Arms pushing up toward the ceiling. Alex had lain in the backyard, pretend-swimming in the grass less than a week ago, showing her how to reach up and around with her arms. She was getting so good, and part of that was because of him. No, she wouldn’t have called out the way he did, not with that kind of intensity in her voice, but that didn’t make him wrong. Not exactly. Just different, and wasn’t life supposed to be about accepting differences and learning to live with them? Alex had taken his share of differences on the chin—losing his wife, learning about Kaylie. And yet he still wanted to move forward with her.