“I’m sure half of them want to adopt you and the other half are besotted by you. You’ve charmed them all completely,” Sonny stated.
“Have I?” Lara looked at Sonny from under her eyes.
“You know you have.”
“How about you, Sonny?” Lara asked softly, twirling a stray strand of hair around her finger. Okay definitely flirting now.
Colour crept into Sonny’s face as she realised just what Lara was asking. “I have no charm,” Sonny scoffed, being purposely obtuse.
“Are you about to adopt me?” Lara persisted, blushing at her own boldness.
“Technically, I am old enough to…”
“So would you?” Lara’s heart was beating fast. This conversation had escalated into serious very fast but she wanted to know whether the signs she was picking up from Sonny were really there or was it that just she was infatuated by Sonny. Please don’t say you see me as too young for you.
“No,” Sonny almost whispered, her expression naked.
“Good,” Lara released a breath she didn’t even know she was holding. “Though,” she bit her lip, “Have I charmed you?”
‘No…you’ve not only charmed me…I have the biggest crush on you.’ Sonny wondered what would happen if she’d say that aloud. It was so teenager, but the feelings Lara was evoking in her were pure teenager complete with sweaty palms, thudding heart, butterflies, tingles, awkwardness, shyness and excitement.
There was an air of charged expectation hanging in the air between them. They stopped walking and the backs of their hands grazed each other.
And the moment was abruptly shattered by the ringing of a phone. With a mumbled “I’m sorry but I have to take this…it will only take a minute” Sonny swiped the phone to answer it. “Kem chhe, Ma?” she spoke injecting false heartiness into her tone. Lara’s eyes widened in surprise as they started walking again. Gujarati? Sonny is speaking in Gujarati to her mother? Does that mean she knows who I am?
As promised it took less than a minute for Sonny to hang up. Just a call to touch base. “Sorry,” Sonny said, looking at Lara, “that was my mom.”
“You were speaking Gujarati,” Lara stated.
“Yes, I’m from India. Gujarati. Born and brought up in Bombay. How did you recognise the language?” Sonny sounded surprised.
“I’m from India too,” Lara gave a tiny smile.
“Really?” Sonny sounded flabbergasted. “I thought you were from Spain or South America…one of those places where all the incredibly beautiful women come from.” Sonny genuinely doesn’t seem to know me or about me.
“When did you leave India?”
“About nineteen or twenty years back. Never gone back since then.” Oh! Okay, then. Lara was quiet for some time weighing whether Sonny could know about her or not. Rather quickly dismissing her questions which were going nowhere fast and finding herself fixating on “incredibly beautiful”.
“So do I take it that you think I am beautiful?” Lara asked, a tad shyly. You just cannot help flirting with her, can you? Lara was often told how beautiful she was. Paeans were sung about her beauty. But hearing it from Sonny felt like hearing it for the first time. Lara felt a thrill passing through her soul.
“Incredibly beautiful,” Sonny corrected. “Yes,” she added softly.
Before Lara could completely let that sink in, Sonny was leading her to the grape-crushing enclosure. “Anna and Cole keep this for the fun of it,” she said. “Wanna try?”
There were two small tubs with holding poles on the sides meant for either a single adult or kids and one larger one for multiple adults. “Yes, I’ve never done it before,” Lara responded enthusiastically.
“Neither have I,” Sonny smiled.
“C’mon, let’s have our first time together then,” Lara threw out the deliberately provocative statement. Sure, no need to stop it now…Lara inwardly rolled her eyes at herself.
“Ummm…how about we take a small tub each?” There was a note in Sonny’s voice which drew Lara’s attention. Taking off her shades, she turned to Sonny. “What’s causing you discomfort?” Lara asked gently.
Sonny raised her eyebrows in surprise at Lara’s intuitiveness – or was it just attention? – and visibly came to a decision. “Thing is, I’m debilitatingly awkward and self-conscious,” she confessed.
“So you think you’ll be awkward getting into that tub or fall into the grapes?” Lara’s eyes softened.
“Yeah,” Sonny coloured and looked away.
“Sonny, you might be awkward, I might be ungainly. You might fall and there are equal chances that I will. We’ll both laugh at ourselves and with each other and just have fun. Being awkward or klutzy is not going to define the person you are or I am. But holding back will define us as people. We’ll just keep building protective walls for fear or because of being too scared of letting someone else in. It is scary to be vulnerable, I know. But it can also be very rewarding,” she said gently. “Let go, sweetie…trust me and let’s experience this together…let’s just have fun,” Lara ran the tips of her fingers along the side of Sonny’s face, unconscious of the endearment that had slipped out.
Sonny’s heart clenched. This was the first time in her life that someone was offering her understanding and acceptance without force or judgement. Everyone else had either left her alone without trying to reach her, or scoffed at her shyness or tried to force her to participate because they defined it as fun. Sonny’s veneer of confidence and comfort with herself were in reality a careful construct for self-protection. She battled with her own demons and fears all the time.
Now for the first time in Sonny’s life, there was someone who was taking care of her as she wanted and needed it. Lara was offering her companionship and a safe place to be silly. It was a tiny gesture in the larger scheme of things, but it was huge to Sonny. Tears pricked at the back of Sonny’s eyes. She gulped and gave Lara a watery smile. “Okay.”
******
Stomping grapes had been a lot of fun. Sonny had fallen repeatedly and Lara had laughed with her and teased her good-naturedly till Sonny was also laughing. Pulling up the hem of her dress, Lara had burst into a song and danced in the grapes. Lara was mesmerising. It was incredible.
The drove back having bought bottles of wine, grape jelly and preserved olives.
“I had a wonderful day…thanks, Sonny,” Lara said, savouring the feeling of contentment and completeness that gripped her. I feel complete and happy in every moment I spend with her, she acknowledged to herself. It’s weird, I barely know her.
“You made the day special…so thank you,” Sonny paused, “You are special,” she added, softly. Lara smiled to herself.
“Sonny, do you watch Indian films?”
“Not in the past couple of decades. In fact I’ve been totally out of all Indian pop-culture for almost two decades now.”
“How come you’ve not asked me anything about me?” Lara quizzed.
Surprised at the random questions that Lara was throwing at her, Sonny nevertheless kept pace rolling with the conversation that Lara steered. “I’m getting to know who you are by being with you,” Sonny said and paused arranging her thoughts. “You enjoy sharing your thoughts, your ideas, your philosophies and that tells a lot.
“Like when you discuss a whole lot of books with me and say that the line that touches you most in Merchant of Venice is ‘If you prick us, shall we not bleed?’ it tells me not only that you’re well read, but you have a high level of empathy. When you offer to do grunt work at the winery or even at peakrest, I know you’re unassuming and uncommonly friendly and amiable. I see you putting everyone at ease with your interest in them. When you choke saying that the saddest sentence ever written is the ‘kindness of strangers’ one, you’re showing how emotional you are. When you take the time to lead me out of myself to partake of life, you show me how caring, compassionate and kind you are.
“I’m learning you. But I also know that you don’t want to talk about yourself.
I guessed you need space and that you’d talk about it when you wanted to,” Sonny shrugged.
Lara was startled by how observant Sonny had been about her. “Why do you think I don’t want to talk to you about myself?” she probed.
“Today when you said you’re from India; you know, that’s the first time you shared something about yourself. You never mention anything about your work, family, childhood…no memories or anecdotes.”
“Do you think I’m holding out?”
“No, I think you go at your own pace with trusting me.”
“Should I apologise?”
“No. The person I’ve got to know so far is intelligent, kind, considerate, caring, compassionate, funny, charismatic – all round awesome. So I win just by knowing you as you are right now.”
A silence descended in the car. Lara appreciated the respect Sonny gave her need for privacy. As requested by Sonny, Lara stopped the car at pqrst. She turned towards Sonny. “I’m an actress,” she said in a low tone.
“Wow,” Sonny’s eyes widened, “With your looks – I should’ve guessed.”
Lara took off her shades so that Sonny could look into her eyes which were blue today. “Will you do me a favour?”
“Anything.”
“Could you go online and read about me?” There was nervousness and trepidation in Lara’s eyes. She knew what all Sonny would find. There was a lot or unsavoury stuff about Lara in the virtual world, but she needed Sonny to know everything. She was labelled manipulative, untrustworthy, cutthroat and a slut.
Sonny deserved to know everything because Lara felt strong feelings for Sonny growing in her. Sonny mattered. Lara suspected that Sonny felt something for her too.
If this was the start of something, Lara wanted it to be without pretences or secrets.
“Of course…and, ummm…this is for you,” Sonny pulled out a small paper bag from the bigger one she was carrying and gave it to Lara.
Lara’s lips curved upwards into a charmed smile as she pulled out a t-shirt from inside the bag. It was a plain white, cap-sleeved, round-necked t-shirt with a picture of a bunch of grapes on the front and a line: ‘My First Crush’. Lara’s smile dimmed slightly. “Thank you,” she said slightly choked. “Sonny, please read up about me,” she added, a note bordering on desperation in her voice and aching vulnerability in her eyes.
“I will…but Lara, nothing will change,” Sonny said gently.
“I hope so,” the tense anxiety in Lara was unmissable.
“Will I see you tomorrow?”
“I hope so.”
“Lunch?”
“Sonny, there’s a lot of stuff out there about me.”
“Okay, dinner?”
Lara was quiet.
“Lara, I’m asking you out,” Sonny smiled, eyes twinkling.
Lara’s lips curved in response, a travesty of her usual radiant smile.
“Do I take that as a no then?” Sonny understood that Lara needed to be emotionally held right now so she pushed herself out of her carefully constructed comfort zone; out of her fear of rejection; out of her low self-esteem. “Note that this is the first time I’m asking someone on a date without being pushed into declaring it,” she smiled obviously trying to lighten the mood.
“I’d love to go out with you,” Lara said, lips trembling slightly.
“Pick you up at seven?”
“Okay…Sonny, thanks,” Lara knew no matter what Sonny felt after reading about her and her reputation, she’d be there. From all the time she’d spent with Sonny, Lara knew if Sonny said she’d do something, she would definitely do it.
“Lara Rai,” she said before driving away.
******
Sonny was in multiple layers of shocks.
The keywords ‘Lara Rai’ returned (as per Google) ‘About 69,28,00,000 results (0.48 seconds)’. Lara was insanely famous. There were thousands – tens of thousands – news items about Lara popping up every single day. She was amongst the top ten most followed celebrities on social media in the world.
She’d won multiple awards for acting. She was the highest paid actress in India and the eighth highest paid actress in the world. She was amongst the top twenty richest movie stars in the world; amongst the top five hundred richest people in the world and amongst the top ten of every ‘thirty under thirty’ list.
She’d just been named the second most beautiful woman in the world and the sexiest woman in the last decade in a worldwide poll conducted by a popular movie streaming channel in which literally billions of people had voted. She was in the top five of every list of Most Beautiful Women / Sexiest Women in the World.
She’d been awarded Bharat Ratna, the highest civilian honour from the Government of India. There were miles of Indian and international awards and achievements beyond this award.
These were the good parts.
The vitriol was even more staggering. The good parts constituted about eighty percent of what was available on Lara. Twenty percent was unsavoury gossip, rumours and filth thrown at her. Somehow negativity is more vociferous than positivity and is written with way more authority and vehemence.
It was speculated that Lara had slept her way with important men through her career. She was considered responsible for breaking at least two marriages of major stars in Bollywood. She was considered conniving as she pulled no stops when it came to getting what she wanted. She had had a string of ‘relationships’ with multiple leading men that ended abruptly and without any explanation. She was accused of two-timing and even three-timing lovers. That had given raise to the epithet of ‘slut’. In addition to this, there was all sorts of other smut written about Lara. Endless. Venomous. Vicious.
However, there were things that Sonny didn’t find anywhere – which were glaring in their absence and could be considered positive by the fact that they weren’t there. Lara was never called a diva or a bitch or found getting into catfights via the media with any of her colleagues or competitors no matter what the other party said. In fact in all her interviews she came across as articulate, professional and respectful.
Sonny was reeling under the onslaught of information about Lara. She couldn’t figure out the real from the rumour. She couldn’t separate the ass-licking from the ass-kicking.
Finally she just decided to stick to reading facts: when had Lara started her career, list of films, list of awards, birthdate, parents, siblings…just plain facts.
Sonny wondered whether Lara was trying to tell her that there was too much difference and distance between them to overcome. That didn’t make sense because Lara could’ve just never mentioned anything and then disappeared without Sonny being any wiser about her.
Was Lara trying to say that if anything did ever happen between them, it would be a fleeting fling, at best? Maybe. That was a possibility, but again, Lara need never have let Sonny know anything about herself.
Just why would Lara want Sonny to know everything about her – right after the wonderful day that they had spent together? After the fantastic times that they had together so far. Admittedly, it had been just a couple of days, but the number of hours had spent together had already gotten into double digits. It was already about fifteen to sixteen hours that they had spent together in the span of two days.
Maybe Lara wanted Sonny to know the kind of fishbowl existence she led. She wanted Sonny to know the worst accusations thrown at her. Maybe Lara wanted Sonny to know her life and world.
Recapping everything wouldn’t have been possible and maybe Lara hadn’t want Sonny to feel she was lying by omission. She was laying herself bare for Sonny – and Sonny was overwhelmed not only by things she had read but also by the grace with which Lara had exposed herself.
There was that unprecedented emotional connect they had which warranted and justified Lara exposing the best and the worst of herself to Sonny. Not to mention an off-the-charts attraction between them. There was no denying the attraction.
If they had followed the traditional path of dati
ng, these number of hours would constitute at least three or four dates. They would’ve probably spent this much time together spread over maybe a week or two. So the depth of the powerful emotions and uncontrolled breadth of attraction between them would’ve been acceptable and explicable. But the two of them were here…and the feelings were there.
Sonny spent a sleepless night just reading about Lara. It was finally five in the evening the next day that she stirred. She couldn’t read any more. She couldn’t process one more word. Laying her laptop on the side, she finally got up from her bed feeling shaken and shaky.
This is the girl I’m falling for? Who am I kidding? I’m not falling for her. I have fallen for her. I’m so completely out of my depth and out of line with that.
Breathless Page 4