Lara made a sound in the pillow that she still held tightly against her but didn’t push Sonny away.
“I told you I felt that Pinku had left me…she was the last of my involvements. The first was the married man, Chiranjeev. I’d first met him when I was sixteen or seventeen. I knew he was always interested in me. We hung around together a lot. Then he kind of disappeared. He’d taken a job as a tour guide and travelled a lot. We met whenever he was in town, but then he totally disappeared. I’d just started working at that time, so I didn’t particularly miss him.
“Then I bumped into him in a restaurant. I was twenty-seven…so it was quite a few years later. He was married, had a kid and was just starting his own travel company, Travel Network. This was when we got involved. He swore to me that for him it was always Travel Network and me. I believed him.
“Fourteen months later, I knew we were going nowhere and was trying to end it. He wouldn’t let me go – until his wife got wind of our affair. That night he came to my place, where I was living with my parents, brother and sister-in-law. It was almost midnight. He was drunk and he created the biggest scene which even drew out my neighbours. You know how India is so this was awful.
“But the only thing that really remained with me was that he dumped me. I wasn’t wanted.
“Then came Kiran. When we met, I didn’t know it, but she was involved with a married man working in the same company. She and I got involved and I was thrilled. It was all that madness and floating-around-on-air excitement of first love for me.
“But that guy seemed to always be around. She kept telling me he was hounding her, blackmailing her and a lot of other tall tales. I knew that it didn’t add up. I knew she was seeing him also. But I wanted to believe her. You know we fool ourselves when we want to believe something – especially about the person we love.
“She dumped me, choosing that guy. A few years back I bumped into her and asked her why she’d made that choice. ‘Stigma’ she said. Her relationship with me meant nothing to her. I meant nothing to her.
“Babe, after being continuously told that I do not matter, it is difficult to accept that I actually do matter to someone I’m so crazy about. You are a dream to me, Lara. I still have a hard time believing that this – that we – are actually real. I feel it is all my hallucination. And I am terrified that you’ll also move on.
“I’m sorry, jaan…but it is not that I doubt you…just that I don’t think I am truly important.”
Lara finally turned on and lay on her back, looking at Sonny with clouded, red-rimmed eyes.
“What can I do to make you believe that you are all-important to me? To make you believe that I love you?”
“I believe you.”
“No you don’t, not completely. And if you do, then either your opinion of me or your expectation from love is pathetically low,” she said sadly. “What do you need from me, Sonny?”
“Time. And patience. I need your patience with my insecurities.”
“You got it,” Lara raised a hand and stroked the side of Sonny’s face with her fingertips.
“Am I out of the doghouse?”…hopefully.
“Just a paw.”
“What can I do to be out of it?”
“You need to get involved with me. I mean truly involved. We can’t be leading separate lives like this. You can’t have a distant, passive interest in my life. I need you to be involved in my life. I need to be involved in yours. I need to know what you’re thinking. What you’re doing. When you start off on your project, I need be your sounding board. I need to know your interactions with everyone else. I need to hear about your conversations, your small victories, setbacks…every single step. And I need you to be as involved in my life.”
“How can I do that?”
“You have to figure that out, Sonny. I’ve told you what I need from you.”
“I will,” Sonny promised, lowering her head into the crook of Lara’s neck. Lara could feel warm tears wetting her skin.
“Sonny.”
“Hmmm?”
“If I was saying what you thought I was saying – that I wanted to end it between us, were you going to let me go?”
Sonny remained silent and that silence was an answer.
“Sonny, look at me,” Lara said firmly. Sonny raised her head and looked into Lara’s eyes. “Were you really going to let me go without a fight? You really weren’t going to fight for me…for us?” Lara was incredulous.
“The strange fact is that if you really wanted to go, anything I would say or do would be deemed too possessive, too needy, too clingy. The same actions can be taken as either fighting for us or stalker-ish – entirely depending on where you are emotionally about me, about us.”
Lara silently acknowledged the truth of what Sonny was saying. She held Sonny’s face between her hands and looked at her intensely. “Sonny, don’t let me go,” she said, the note in her voice commanding and pleading at the same time…”Never let me go.”
************
In the movie world, sometimes the stars align just right and everything falls into place miraculously. That is what happened with Situation. With everything magically coming together, the team moved into pre-production immediately and Lara’s stay in Paris extended again.
The team had welcomed Lara as a co-producer, all that was needed was for Lara to officially incorporate and start her company.
After their last conversation, the depth of emotion between Lara and Sonny had increased by many deeper levels. Their conversations were as much revealing and discovering each other as they were about minutiae of the present. They were getting steadily entrenched into each other’s lives.
It wasn’t like they had to work towards it. Just knowing that they were really serious about their relationship; that they wanted to make it work allowed them the freedom to get deeper into their relationship. To stop holding back in any way.
Lara was needed in Paris, so Sonny flew to India to get things moving on making Lara’s company, named Lara Rai Creations, a legal entity. She met Lara’s family, her legal advisors, her financial advisors. Without a formal introduction, she automatically became a part of Lara’s life – with the exception that Lara didn’t trust anyone as much as she trusted Sonny.
While Sonny was in India, Olga, who was driving the music project asked her to come to Sweden.
“When do they need you there?” Lara asked as they spoke that night.
“They’d like me to be there tomorrow or day after,” Sonny said ruefully.
“So you’ll have to leave tomorrow?”
“No, I told them I needed at least seven days. We’re almost done with all the things for LRC and we’ll tie it all up in two or three days,”
“Sweetie, you can’t put yourself second to me. Your work is as important,” Lara admonished her gently.
“Remember when you postponed going to Paris because of Ithaca?” Sonny said with tenderness, “This is similar, babe. If there was the leeway, I’d have discussed it with you, but I needed to let them know a date.” They had truly walked a long way down the ‘sharing’ path.
“What’s the plan when you reach Sweden?”
“Once I go there I’ll have to stay at least three or four weeks. Initially the backend team will be working together and then the folks who are going to be the face of the business will join in. There are just so many busy people involved in making this happen that it will take at least four weeks to get them together for a day.” The music project was going to be fronted by three pop groups and two soloists – all amongst the biggest names in the world, all of them ruling music charts and music awards.
“Wow, sweetie, is it really going to be almost two months before I see you again?” A stint of four weeks in Sweden would make it a total of seven weeks since Sonny last went to Paris to be with Lara.
“I’ll fly down from Sweden whenever you have down time,” Sonny reassured.
“You know I can also come to Sweden, right? If my b
reak is during week days, I’ll come to you,” Lara had to constantly ensure that Sonny knew she was going to make all effort required to make their relationship work. It was not all on Sonny.
Sonny usually tried to shoulder the responsibility of making them work on herself. Lara knew this wasn’t because of her celebrity. If she’d felt that Sonny was deferential about her status, it would’ve broken Lara’s heart. The whole thing about Sonny was that Lara was a person to her, not a star. But Sonny’s need to carry the burden of the relationship came from her feeling of not being wanted and being fearful of being dumped. It was going to take time for Sonny to get over that and Lara was willing to look after Sonny and reassure her in every way till then.
************
“I have two days off starting tomorrow,” Lara told Sonny excitedly. “I’ll come to you late tonight.” It was almost three weeks since Sonny went to Sweden via Paris where she stopped over overnight, giving them eighteen precious hours together.
As much as they tried, work was taking its toll on their relationship. They struggled to ensure that they didn’t succumb to their crazy schedules and demands. They tried to keep in touch, but on many days they got a bare five minutes to just touch base and at other times, it was just voicemail.
These two days were going to be a luxury even though Sonny would be working during the day. Lara assured Sonny that she had enough to do in the hotel room during the day and Sonny was not to worry about leaving Lara alone but Sonny resolved to put in a maximum of eight hours in office while Lara was there, and ensure that the evenings and nights would be entirely theirs.
They needed to be together. To physically see and touch the other to reaffirm their connection.
******
Lara flew into Sonny’s arms at the airport. Sonny rained kisses all over Lara’s face with desperation before claiming her lips. Completely forgetting that they were in public, Sonny moved her mouth to Lara’s throat.
“Sweetie,” Lara gasped, “Take me home.”
Sonny came to herself and they raced to the waiting car to get to Sonny’s hotel as soon as possible. The first thing they checked was whether the privacy window between the driver and the backseat was up. It was.
They exchanged murmurs of missing, of longing between kisses in the car trying hard to maintain a modicum of decorum.
Sonny nibbled the tips of Lara’s fingers and licked them, sending tingles up Lara’s arm. Fingers…Sonny always had a thing for well-shaped hands and beautiful fingers and Lara’s were absolutely gorgeous. Soft, flowing with a lyricism with long fingers. Sonny made love to Lara’s fingers drawing strangled moans from Lara as she pressed her thighs together.
Sonny nibbled up the soft skin of Lara’s arm. “Sonny,” Lara moaned softly.
Sonny slipped her hand up Lara’s inner thigh over the silk of Lara’s lounging pants, caressing the trembling thighs. Lara helplessly opened her legs. She was wet, hot and needed Sonny’s hand on her pussy.
Sonny returned to Lara’s lips and touched the wet material between Lara’s thighs. The thing, soft silk was deliciously drenched and Sonny rubbed Lara’s cunt. Both moaned at the same time.
Sonny knelt down, drawing Lara’s leg over her shoulder as she bent down between Lara’s legs. She opened her mouth wide capturing all of Lara’s pussy in her hot, eager mouth. She licked Lara’s clit through the two thin layers Lara wore. The material getting wet for fluids at both ends. Sonny clamped her lips around Lara gently but firmly and Lara grabbed the back of Sonny’s head pulling her hard into her pussy.
“Hand,” Lara gasped. Sonny seated herself beside Lara and slipped her hand down the elastic of Lara’s pants, fingering her. Lara bit Sonny’s neck, thrusting her hips into Sonny’s hand, chasing her orgasm.
Lara grabbed Sonny’s hand, pressing two of Sonny’s fingers on her clit and rubbing them hard and fast.
“Lara,” Sonny moaned. The rare moan from Sonny had Lara spiralling. She pushed Sonny’s fingers inside and Sonny curled them just enough at just the right spot, running her fingertips firmly against Lara’s g-spot.
Lara bit hard into Sonny’s shoulder as she had an orgasm of monstrous proportions.
“Fuck, Sonny,” Lara said with awe, “That was hot and it was epic.”
They exchanged an electric look and knew…Their night was just starting.
************
Sonny came home the next evening to find Lara trembling…looking terrified and devastated. Sonny had never seen Lara look any of these things before. Without a word, she drew Lara into her lap. Lara curled up in the security of Sonny’s arms.
When Lara finally stopped shaking, Sonny kissed her gently on her head and ran her hands soothingly along Lara’s back.
Lara felt comforted in the silent solidity. The unquestioning support.
“I heard from Nasir today confirming me for both the movies,” Lara said.
“The producer of those two movies. They are great scripts,” Sonny’s read all of Lara’s scripts and even did script reading and preparation with Lara.
“Yes, they are,” Lara shifted and put her head on Sonny’s shoulder. “Nasir’s main financiers for these movies are a group of ten Dubai-based businessmen.”
“Okay.”
“Those guys are the financiers for some select movies. Usually ones with gargantuan budgets. I’ve worked with them on three movies before,” Lara said. “Sonny, they want me to go to Dubai for a week to finalise the deal,” Lara bit her lip.
“And…?” Sonny wasn’t sure she got what Lara was saying.
“They want to fuck me, Sonny…like they did when the financed my earlier movies.”
Sonny’s eyes darkened in anger and her jaw tightened. Her arms tightened around Lara. She swallowed. “How important are these movies to you?” she asked, her voice thick.
“What are you saying, Sonny?” Lara asked, the beginnings of anger gripping her.
“From what you’ve told me, these movies with resurrect you. They’ll be a game changer for you and you’ll not only show up the guys who tried to destroy you but make them eat crow.”
“So are you saying I should take these movies no matter what?” Lara got off Sonny, her eyes flashing dangerously.
“Would you want to?”
“Would you be okay if I slept with all those men for these two movies?” Lara challenged.
Sonny’s eyes flashed fiery possessiveness and she frowned deeply, biting back words.
“I’ve told you I’m yours, Sonny,” Lara got up pacing angrily, “What’s it going to take for you to feel that?” she demanded. “Are you going to let me sleep with someone else? Many someone elses?” she bit out angrily.
“I’m trying to be supportive and mature here,” Sonny snapped.
“Fuck supportive and mature,” Lara retorted. “I know you are an intense and passionate person. When are you going to show any of those things for me? Am I going to have to constantly struggle to believe that you feel possessive about me? That I belong to you? That you feel I belong to you? Why can’t you just express what you feel?” Lara’s voice was shaking with anger.
“Fine…I feel, screw the movies. You’ll do no such thing ever again,” Sonny got up and held Lara’s upper arms hard enough to leave marks, her eyes raw, voice rough. “I don’t want anyone to ever touch you. I don’t want anyone to look at you thinking they want you and that it can happen. I don’t want you to ever have the thought that sleeping with someone else for any reason is even a possibility. I want you to dump your career if it comes to that.”
“Why didn’t you just say that the first thing?” Lara asked with a small smile. “I told you before…never let me go. I’ve told you I need you to fight for me,” she caressed Sonny’s cheek, “You have to stop letting me go, sweetie. I’ve told you I want to stay…now make me feel that you want me to stay. I don’t want only non-judgemental acceptance from you, I want ownership. I want passion,” she leaned forward and kissed Sonny softly.
�
�What if I suffocate you?” Sonny asked hesitantly.
“I’ll tell you – we’ll talk, honey. We have to talk, really talk to each other. I don’t ever want you to say things that you think I want to hear. I want you to say exactly what you’re feeling. Always. Can you do that?”…gently.
Sonny nodded, eyes glittering with the beginning of tears.
“Sonny, I love you. You say you love me too. I know you do. But I am emotionally very high maintenance. I know you have the same passion as I do, but you’re scared. Do you realise that your fear can create a self-perpetuating cycle? That you may push me away by being distant because of being too ‘understanding’?”
“So what do you plan to do about these movies?”
“I told you long back that I’d not make the same choices now. I’m going to tell Nasir that I don’t see why I need to meet the financiers for finalising. That I’ll be happy to sign the movies if he can courier the contracts, but if going to Dubai is a non-negotiable condition, I’ll have to reject the offer.”
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