Make-Believe Marriage

by Ferreira, Dill

  - You see, I'm your guardian angel, whether you like it or not - said Antônio, but she already knew that; from long ago, he had become that and more. Therefore, the fear of spoiling the beautiful friendship that had been built and disturbed her so much.

  - I always knew that. - She said what she had thought earlier. - You are undoubtedly unique – she finished.

  - So are you. - this was his answer. - Have you heard from Lucas? - Antônio asked changing the subject as he had gone to spend the school holidays with his maternal grandparents.

  – Yes. I talk to him every day by phone or webcam. - She said.

  - When you speak with him again tell him that I miss him - asked Antônio, because the child had become as important as Amanda to him. Antônio could not imagine his quiet life without them both.

  - I will - said Amanda who was always grateful for the friendship he had with her son. - Lucas must also miss you; whenever I talk to him he asks about you. - Every time the little one talked about Antônio, which did not happen in relation to the father.

  - He's a special boy and it would be a pleasure to help you through this ordeal - completed Antonio making Amanda understand the message, but she was not ready for an answer.

  They spoke for a few more minutes and said goodbye confirming the dinner date. When Amanda returned to the room she remembered the day that Antônio offered to help her. He had come to her house late in the afternoon, as he did quite frequently, and when he saw her crying he wanted to know why.

  - Who was the fool who caused these tears? - He asked affectionately taking a tear from her eyes with the tip of his finger. As Amanda was not used to being so well taken care of, she clung to him even closer.

  - The father of my child, the one I told you about, won’t leave me alone. He wants reconciliation at all cost. To achieve his goal he is using our son and this bothers me a little. - She explained why it was not easy to see Breno using the child to have what he wanted.

  - No need to suffer on account of that dear. Tell him that your time together has expired and that’s it; he will give up on you as he did in the past. - Antônio explained quite naturally and she wanted to believe in that possibility, but something told her that he would go further.

  - Not all men have your character, Antônio. There are many out there using trickery to hold on to their women. From financially to emotionally. It is no longer a card women hide only to make use of these resources.

  - But this is the biggest proof that this guy does not deserve to have you. A person who accepts the other aware that this is under pressure does not know the meaning of love for the next being, let alone himself. - He said upset.

  - I believe this to be Breno’s problem. He does not have feelings.

  - But did he leave something unspoken that is worrying you? - He asked.

  - Breno may try to take custody of our son. - She answered in a very sad way and the pain on her face was making him bleed inside.

  – Did he mention that he would fight for Lucas’s custody? – asked Antônio incredulously, because he knew that Amanda had been father and mother to the child.

  – He has not yet come out like that so clearly, but I am afraid that when he sees that he won’t get what he wishes, he might want to take revenge and resort to court to this end. – She said.

  – I don’t think it should be so easy for him to do that. – said Antônio looking at her anguished face. – You will certainly continue having the custody of Lucas, because that’s the way it should be. – He seemed irreducible with her lack of self-confidence.

  - He has a lot of influence here in Rio Verde and we know that this can count a lot. - She complained almost in tears again.

  - Do not worry, no judge in his right conscience will take the son from a mother like you. - Antônio tried to reassure her.

  - He is better off financially than I am. If you want you’ll have more time to be with Lucas. Although I'm sure he would not mind staying with his son. He never did. - Amanda reported remembering how cold Breno was with the child when they lived together.

  He was never willing to sit down and play with his child. Breno did not accept the fact of being a father. He made it clear in the nine months of Amanda's pregnancy. To make matters worse he made her feel guilty for getting pregnant in exchange for medicine and not when he was interested. It had been a difficult period, but the love that Amanda felt for her husband helped her through that difficult phase. Until a feeling even more beautiful was born and she found herself the happiest of all women. She was a mother and that was enough until that day when she found him having sex with another woman.

  - Certainly they are important factors, but are not decisive. You know that, you just don't want to see – spoke an emphatic Antônio in order to help her get out of that pit of pain.

  - You may be right Antônio, but when you are on the other side you see a different situation. This is my son we’re talking about. My child. And that is enough to create many illusions and negative thoughts in a person's head.

  - These thoughts will not help her at all. Unlike Amanda, they will favor her ex-husband and draw her strength to fight face to face with him.

  Amanda remained silent and Antônio could observe her better. The first time he saw her, she was taking her son to school. It was on that day that he had discovered a new feeling. Antônio had his office near the school and whenever he could he watched her taking or picking up the child. Her beauty and simplicity delighted him from the first moment. Sometimes he went out to the sidewalk so that she could see him and maybe give him a hello or a good afternoon smile. Amanda, however, did not notice his presence until one day the teacher of her son, who was a friend of Antônio’s, was talking to him and Amanda came to greet her, also talking to him. It had been a very happy day for Antônio and from there on it was easier to be noticed.

  When she got to school a few minutes before time, Antônio took advantage of it to ask her for a cup of coffee, which only in the second offer she accepted starting their friendship there. Antônio admired her very much. Not just for her beauty. Amanda was a stylish, almost 6 feet tall woman. She walked gracefully rummaging through the wide hips smoothly and nothing ordinary. Her long legs were well shaped, big and whenever she wore a dress, Antônio admired them. Not to mention the long hair that fell like a golden cascade down her back. Antônio many times felt like caressing her beautiful wavy curls and the white and fair-skinned Amanda’s skin. In addition to all the beautiful attributes that were the first to draw his attention there were others even more important in his eyes. Amanda was a winner who had fought bravely when she had to take care of her son alone. Many in her place would have left the child at the sign of the first obstacle. But she did not and this earned her many positive points with Antônio. He knew well that Breno’s family had been around Amanda asking for custody of the child, which left her devastated to the point of keeping clear away from her son’s paternal family. She accepted help only a few times. She did not want to owe anything to those people and so took full responsibility for her son in lieu of his absent father.

  Several times he went to her house to know if they needed something and even if Amanda was having a rough time; she said all was fine, with the same sad face that she was wearing now. Antônio knew it was not true, but respected her opinion. This had cost him many no’s until she began to accept him as a friend and listener. At first Amanda spoke only of her intention to open a small business with the help of her parents who insisted on contributing financially. She asked for advice and listened carefully to everyone. Over time, a little more certain about his friendship she began to talk about her private life, her failed marriage. Antônio listened to everything giving opinions only when requested and this seemed to please Amanda because the talks had become more frequent until he became the friend she needed to have. “Once again his friend was in front of him needing help and he would come to her as he had done and would always do, but what to do?" She wondered, out of ideas.


  - Antônio? - She called bringing him back from his memories.

  Hum! - he exclaimed returning to reality.

  - What can I do to solve this, help me! - The request was actually a plea.

  In a thoughtless attempt to help her, a crazy idea had come to his mind, but it could work.

  - Amanda I have an idea but I do not know if it's what you expect, but it can help. - He spoke in the knowledge that late repentance could no longer be repaired. Amanda watched him curiously. Believing he had a solution.

  - What is your idea? - She asked a bit more cheery emitting a faint smile on the full and well shaped lips.

  - If you remarry someone to give a settled and well structured family for your child no one will have the audacity to take him away from you. - Antônio spoke, but immediately fell silent after seeing the incredulous reaction on her face. Amanda fled relationships as few women he had known. He did not blame her, but was sorry she put herself aside because of a jerk.

  - I think it's an extreme suggestion Antônio; it may not be the first option to solve a problem; in fact it would be the last, don’t you think? - She said after the scare.

  - You're right – he apologized wondering why he had said that.

  - I cannot and do not want to marry someone with that purpose. It would be a failed relationship for sure. - She said seriously.

  - I know, but it could work if it were well planned. - He himself was no longer sure of anything at that time.

  - Do you believe that someone would accept such a crazy thing to help me? - She asked, now amused by her friend's idea.

  - I'd do it for you. - After Antônio’s response, Amanda looked into his eyes for a moment and left him disconcerted. - If you want, of course. We would get married with no emotional bond and when you want to separate, just say so. - "Why did I do such a proposal and even put myself at the disposal? She'll think I'm playing with her problem and will hate me." thought Antônio annoyed.

  - Darling! I know you've always been willing to help me, but to marry me without love, to solve my problem, it's too much, I cannot accept it! - She said emphatically. The damage was done, now he would have to go all the way, after all the idea was not so crazy if you looked at it from another angle, the angle of friendship.

  - Think about it Amanda. We would be married only for appearances’ sake. No one needs to know. It would be for a little while, just until you had the ultimate custody of your son and your ex-husband conformed he had lost you. – He meant it seriously and now he would go all the way.

  - I do not want to ruin our friendship. I like you a lot and I know that if we live on a daily basis with my problems that could harm us. A relationship where there are carnal ties is complicated enough, imagine one in which there is no such benefit? - She argued and asked. I will have to think of something so mad if Breno forces me to it – she said to herself. Antônio calmed her down a bit more. He did not want to scare her.

  - It is up to you. I want you to know that whatever your decision, I will be there for you. - As soon as Antônio finished speaking Amanda touched his arm as a way of thanking him for his great devotion.

  - He who has a friend like you does not need anybody else. - It was true what she said, Antônio had become more indispensable every day.

  - It's a pleasure being able to help strong people like you Amanda – he said honestly. - I'm leaving. If you need anything, just call me.

  - Okay and thank you for always trying to help me. I will not ever forget this. - they kissed each other farewell on the cheek and Antônio went away leaving her blissful.

  The next morning, when Amanda came to her shop, she learned that her son had called.

  - He called at your apartment and since there was no answer, he thought you were already here – said her assistant. - He’ll call in the afternoon. - She said.

  - All right. I'll be waiting, so I do not interfere with his activities – she said missing her son.

  - When does he return Amanda? – asked the girl.

  - Later in the month – she answered. - I'm so homesick for my little one – she confided.

  - I do not know that feeling yet, but I know about the responsibility of having and raising a child. - The girl was averse to motherhood, but Amanda understood her position. Carol was still young, which allowed her not to think about this eternal assignment for awhile.

  - If you ever wish to know it, you will know that there is nothing quite the same in every way - finished Amanda.

  - I know and that's exactly why I will delay this inordinate pleasure the most. I want to take care of me and only my whims. I’ll wait until I am 40 to make up my mind.

  - Do not wait so long or you'll change your mind - said Amanda undecided if the girl would ever choose to be a mother.

  - I have nothing set up yet to be changed, my dear. Let life happen. - Both smiled cheerfully as they always had done since they were teenagers.

  It was a Saturday, shops usually closed at noon, but at that time especially Amanda decided to stay a little longer to check a few products that had arrived. She was checking the invoice when Breno waved from outside the glass door. Upset, she was forced to go open it. “The next time I switch the door, I’ll use smoked glass," she thought reluctantly to receive the unwanted ex-husband.

  - Good afternoon, Breno! Any problem? - She asked looking at the invoices so that he realized she had no time for chit-chat.

  - I came to confirm our date tonight – he said pretending innocence.

  - I told you I had an appointment. - Amanda spoke but did not believe her ears. It was a lot of nerve for one person.

  - You were nervous yesterday. So I thought today you could change your mind - justified Breno.

  - I'm sorry - said Amanda, opening a box. - But my decision remains the same - she said wondering when she would get rid of that bore. - You made your choice Breno, go on with your life. The only thing that I expect from you is to be a good father, nothing else – she said it slowly so that he understood.

  - I will not give you up Amanda. - Breno spoke coming much too close. - Now I know that I love you. I want to live with you, see our son grow. - Then Breno took her in his arms to force her to be near him. One of the invoices fell off Amanda's hand at such nonsense.

  - Go away, please. In the name of our son, do not make our life more difficult. - She asked pushing him away. - You found your love for Breno a little late and this fact will not change anything in my position. I’ll even admit that I have doubts about what I want for my life, but I do know what I do not really want and you have been on the list for some time. - A good education was no longer in line there.

  - Listen, Amanda. - Breno was getting mad at her refusal. - I do not want to hurt you, but if you insist on ignoring me and not thinking about the possibility of us getting back together I can change my mind and not care so much about your suffering from now on, okay? - He said flatly with a threatening tone. “What did he mean by that?" she wondered.

  - Are you threatening me? What do you mean by that? - She asked scared. She was wrong, he did not mean what she had interpreted.

  - I do not want to force you to do anything, but I will not be without you and my son. - Breno made it clear confirming Amanda's fears. He would go to court to have custody of the child. - If we go on like this I will demand my rights and ask for Lucas’s guard. - He confirmed verbalizing what she had just feared and he seemed serious and that certainty made Amanda even more nervous.

  - Are you using our son to blackmail me? You cannot do that. - She spoke angrily.

  - That's not my intention Amanda, but you need to understand it has been very difficult for me to live without you both. I need you in my life.

  - And you think you’ll get that by blackmailing me? - She asked looking at him eye to eye.

  - I am willing to do anything to be with you. - Amanda was perplexed listening to him. She had never realized she had lived with such a dictator and amoral human being. That had been her biggest regr
et in recent months.

  - Your words do not scare me. - She lied disguising her fear.

  - The decision is yours; it is in your hands. - Breno apparently spoke thwarted by not achieving his goal as easily as intended. He was even more cruel when he was cornered and seeing that Amanda felt more fragile. “How would she fight an unscrupulous person such as Breno?" she thought insecure. Realizing her weakness, Breno struck again. - I know I was wrong Amanda! - He said coming closer again. - But I am sorry; doesn’t it mean anything to you? – he asked.

  - Not anymore. Your repentance will not make me forget what I saw and had to live with a child without having a steady job, depending on my parents and the favor of friends – she said explaining the situation, but having no intention to make him remorseful. She had never needed anyone’s pity, let alone her ex-husband’s.

  - We all make mistakes now and then in life. But we can learn from them as well. - He said.

  - You're right, but from the many affairs I know you had out there I doubt that this has gone through your head. He who repeats the same mistake more than once has not learned from it, Breno. In fact, I can even say that you must have enjoyed it a lot. - Amanda said, smiling, but only she knew how annoyed she was at all that unreasonable situation.

  - Won’t you ever forgive me? - He insisted.

  - I told you that if you want my forgiveness, I forgive you, which does not mean that I intend to go back living with you. - She explained that as far as she knew, forgiving did not force her to live again with someone who had done wrong; it was just a rational way to move forward, without more martyrdom. The man remained motionless as if he were going to grab her by the neck at any time.

  - I want more than that. If necessary I will fight to have at least one of you with me. - He pulled her holding her arms to force a kiss. Amanda fought bravely against him when he heard a sound behind him.

  - Let her go! - said a male voice sharply.

  - Who do you to think you are to come between a couple’s fight? - asked Breno looking over Amanda's shoulders and letting her go. When Amanda turned around she saw an expression of anger on Antônio's face that she did not know.