- You're right, Carol. I'll remember that when necessary.
Both returned to their duties and until lunch time, they had already completed the organization of the products that had arrived the week before. Breno arrived on time. He was well dressed, as usual, and displayed his best and most self-confident smile.
- Where do you want to go Amanda? - He asked admiring her simple but elegant suit.
- It is up to you. - She replied without the slightest interest in choosing something for them to share.
- Okay, I'll take you to a place you used to love to go. - Breno said trying to please her.
He actually took her to a restaurant that she liked to go. She had been with Antônio there days ago. Remembering him, Amanda missed her friend. Breno was nothing like him. Antônio was polite, attentive and never addressed a waiter with the air of superiority the way Breno was doing then.
- How is our son? - Amanda wondered why his first question had to do with their son. This was not like Breno. First he exposed his feelings and when he had no good results he mentioned Lucas, in an attempt to move her.
— He’s fine. - She answered. - When he returns from vacation he’ll call you and you’ll see him.
- I have not seen Lucas in quite some time. He should be a big boy now. - He spoke thoughtfully leaving Amanda curious to know what was going through his mind at that moment.
- When it comes to a child it’s quite a long time indeed. - She snapped. - After all, Breno, what has brought you back? - Amanda asked.
- You and Lucas, of course! - This was his ready answer. Breno seemed to be waiting for the question.
- Do you intend to stay long? - She wanted to know to prepare her spirit and her patience when she needed it.
- Forever. - A painful response for her to hear.
Amanda looked into his eyes and could see that this seemed to be his true intent. It would not be easy to have that cynical man always around and disturbing. She would have to accumulate a lot of patience in case he did not change his attitudes toward her
- Tell me something, Amanda. - He seemed curious about something. - Don’t you miss our time together? - She thought of telling him that she had never missed his lies, his extramarital affairs, his changing moods. She missed only the father of her child that had left him without a cause. At that time she could only miss one person who picked her up and helped her the way Breno had never been able to, Antônio. Yes she did miss him. - Amanda, are you there? - he asked noticing her absence.
- Of course I'm here, where else could I be? - She knew where she was and was not near there.
- I said we could get over it, just a little conversation and understanding. I assure you that I am willing to do anything to get it right. - Amanda just looked at him. It was strange, but she could not even pity her ex-husband. Nothing he said or did reached her feelings or cleared her of any of her doubts; it was as if Breno had not been part of her life. Something had definitely taken him out of her mind and heart. And he was the one to blame for that.
- I do not think that's the best option for us. - She said self-confidently.
- This is the best and only alternative we have to regain our family and give a complete home to our son. - The way he was talking was exasperating her. It was as if only he knew what was best for the three of them and was the only one prepared to decide for the two of them. Amanda wanted to say there was another man in her life and that they would soon be married, providing a decent and good home to her son. However, she preferred to say nothing, perhaps Breno didn’t really intend to file for custody and if she forced him, she could make him rethink the matter. The waiter arrived bringing the drinks.
- Your favorite drink. - Breno said handing her a reddish glass that he had asked without her realizing it, because Amanda was not at all happy with that meeting and only agreed to go because of her son.
- It is no longer my favorite, Breno. - She said it to help him realize that much of that Amanda that had been deceived by him no longer existed. - Days change us a lot. - she finished speaking and picked up the drink; although it failed to be her favorite, it was still tasty.
- I noticed you have changed. More self-confident and feminine. - He confessed watching her a little. - What caused it, this little ring? - he scoffed touching on her finger on the table.
- You caused it. - She said feeling a certain pleasure to see she had stunned him.
- So I still have some power over you! - Breno was blind to the things he could not control.
- You sure do. The power to break all the sweetness, naiveté and fragility that was inside me. You managed all that, congratulations. - There was no bitterness in Amanda's voice. This feeling had no more space in her life and would never have again Even if Breno insisted on the hurt to be reborn, she would not allow it ever because both he and those feelings had been deleted from her life.
- This guy who gave you this – he said pointing at the ring. - might take a lot more from you; I had to lose you to see how much I want you. He has not been through something like that yet, maybe he does not even like you. Why risk it if you have the chance to do it right with me? - Her confidence made her increasingly certain that she had wasted her time going to that lunch to try to make him see that there was no more future for them.
- From where do you get this self-sufficiency? - She wanted to know.
- What can you tell me about this man you’re going out with? - He asked without answering her question.
- He is a man like few. He is a friend and is always there when I need him. He treats me and Lucas with love and respect and will be my husband soon. - "He needed to hear something that would impact negatively his foolish confidence." she thought.
- You're kidding, aren’t you Amanda? You’re just saying that to hurt me. - She had achieved her goal, his face had changed. - No one will ever love you like I do. Put this once and for all in your head. You will only bring suffering upon you and Lucas by going ahead with your stubbornness. You have always loved me and something as large as that does not end over night. – Breno gestured while he talked. He was truly stressed out seeing that the battle was coming to an end and he was losing it.
– You disappeared for almost one year, and I know the reason well; don’t pretend to be honest. Love is not a little seed that you plant, water and – voila -, there will be fruits for the rest of your life. It needs constant watching over, Breno. There is no feeling that survives from crumbs, my dear. I can assure you that the only thing that I expect from you is that you be the father that you have not been to Lucas so far. If you can’t reach that goal, I’ll understand and will accept it if you go away and leave him at peace. – That was her biggest wish but she could not wish something that would impact exclusively on her son. She had no right.
- You are hurt and now I understand well what you felt, but I want to change Amanda. Give me a chance! - Breno did not avert his eyes from hers. If it were in other circumstances she might even believe him, such was his performance.
- Breno I want only two things from you; if you can do them I'll be truly grateful. - He stopped talking and looked at her puzzled. - I hope you are the father you have never been to Lucas and go on with your life and leave me alone. Our story is over and there is nothing that could make me go back on my decision – she said self-assuredly.
- You're being cruel to us and to our story. - He insisted.
No, I'm not, Breno. I will soon get married and maybe I can be happy with another man the way we were never happy when we were together. And honestly I wish you the same. - this might not be the moment of revelation, but Amanda was tired of hearing him speak about a subject that did not interest her and that would never happen.
- I was waiting for a more intimate conversation to make my decision and you managed to piss me Amanda, so I'll have to go ahead with my intention to keep custody of my son. -He spoke with a voice full of bitterness.
Amanda waited for this news. It would only delay the inevitable
if she continued avoiding being frank with him.
- Do as you please. - She replied with a huge pain in her soul. - I think we'd better go now. - She no longer needed to force a pleasant relationship with him, Breno did not deserve it.
- Finish your food. Take your time, you can still change your mind. Breno swallowed the whole drink he’d asked for.
-I'm not hungry, thank you. - there was something huge in her throat preventing her from swallowing or drinking, whatever that was.
Breno seemed secure. The certainty of victory was visible on his face making Amanda feel small and wishing strongly that Antônio was there to help her, as he always had. But he was not and she would need to be courageous and take care of herself.
After a few minutes he asked for the check and they left. In the car, Breno tried to touch her hand, but Amanda withdrew it before he could reach his goal.
- I do not want to make you suffer. Think about it! - He asked with a honeyed voice causing her chills.
- I do not want to talk about this subject any more Breno. Your decision is made and so is mine. - She would not let him see how fragile she was with that news. She would be strong for her sake and that of her son.
- I will ask my lawyer to wait a few days, in case you change your mind. - He did not seem to believe in her decision not to be reconciled. - Do you want me to leave you at the store?– he asked.
- If you can, leave me at my building. - She asked still firm with the words.
Along the way they did not speak. Amanda chose to look at the movement of the streets and so it was until they arrived.
- Thanks for lunch – she thanked him while getting out of the car.
- Think a little more, I'll be waiting. - Amanda went in without looking back. She had to get rid of him to pun on her pain mask.
At home she cried all she wanted to cry in the restaurant, were it not for her self-esteem. Her son could not be taken from her, it would kill her. She knew it was his right to have custody of the child, but when it comes to Brazilian law where the smart ones always managed to draw a card up their pockets, finding breaches in the law, anything could happen. Now all she had to do was wait to her advantage to get custody and ultimately get rid of Breno. She would have two major battles ahead and her chances were great to win both. And she’d do her best to succeed.
After a cold shower, Amanda lied down to try to sleep and forget that lunch. For a long time she stood there, eyes closed, imagining how nice it would be if Breno stayed away for good, leaving her alone with her son. Breno, however, was close and would not stop disturbing her whenever he was given the opportunity. Lost in her thoughts she fell asleep without realizing it. After waking from her brief nap, Amanda took another shower, due to the heat.
- He just waited for you to announce the wedding to show his claws. I knew that when he was sure he was losing you, he’d attack with his last card. - Her friend was furious when she heard about the conversation they had had at lunch.
- He said he will wait for a few days, but I know he will take this forward because I won't ever go back to him. - said Amanda.
- Do not worry, everything is in your favor. Evidence and Antônio will collaborate a lot. - Carol cheered her.
- So be it. - Amanda said remembering the strong influences that Breno had. - Her chances would certainly be higher than those of Breno if they were fighting on equal grounds. She knew it, but if it came to be the decision of a judge who could be friends with Breno, she knew she was in danger of having problems and if she lost she would need to appeal making the long and painful decision for her child. But if need be she would go all the way to last court in the world.
After the chat, both returned to the work they were doing before lunch and did not talk any more about it. In the evening, at home, Amanda made her usual late night snack and after reading some articles about fashion, she went to bed. She was exhausted, which helped her fall asleep faster. A bad dream came to torment her during her rest.
Amanda was alone among nonsense. Her face was sad and there was no one around, she was immensely alone. In that tangle of situations she said to herself that that was not real, that all that suffering was an illusion, yet the pain seemed so real and hurtful that she began to doubt whether it was a dream or if she was awake. Her son seemed to be missing and she did not know how or when he was gone. No matter how hard she tried to remember something, she could not. Her mind was empty and nothing there helped unravel that puzzle and find out where and how it was. For a long time she kept that bad feeling until, exhausted, was lost in her dreams and fell asleep again.
Chapter V
– Hi there! Antônio – said Amanda after the call had been transferred.
– Amanda, what a surprise, you calling me! – He was happy to hear her sweet voice.
– I hope I’m not bothering you. I needed to talk to you – she said still wondering if she had done the right thing to call him.
– I have some free time in the morning. Did anything happen? – he asked concerned. Knowing her as he did, Antônio knew she would not call only to say hello; there was something in her tone of voice that worried him.
– Breno and I had lunch together yesterday. – That information turned on his alert signal. Amanda was going to say they would not follow the plan and that she would get back with her husband. He was not prepared to hear those words, but would listen as best as he could.
– Really? -He replied with the intonation of a question and a weak voice.
- He threatened me again. He said he will wait for a few days and if I do not change my mind and get back together with him, he will forward the request for Lucas’s custody to the judge. - Amanda spoke in such a sad voice at the end of the sentence that Antônio felt ashamed of thinking that Amanda had given in to her ex-husband.
- Did you say anything that encouraged him to make a decision so out of the blue? We were expecting that he could use this sort of blackmail, but he was too fast, was he not!? - Antônio asked.
- I said that we would get married soon. - When Antônio heard this, he was overwhelmed with joy. - I could see yesterday that I’ll have to confront him because I do not intend to give in to his blackmail at all. - She kept talking and making Antônio proud of the woman he had chosen to be his wife. - I hope I can count on you during this difficult phase. - Amanda wished she could tell him also that she really missed the comfort that he passed on to her at moments like that, but she chose to remain silent; it would be best that way. They did not need more problems and questions in their lives.
- No doubt about it. I will not leave you alone in this. - it was the best he could say, since he was not close to her to comfort her more.
- It was everything that I needed to hear. I hope I'm not asking too much of you – she apologized.
- You know you can count on me. - As Antônio spoke Amanda began feeling more at peace. She knew this would only happen when she talked to Antônio; that’s why she called him so early.
- We will win this fight, believe me. - His enthusiasm eased her. - Tell me one thing Amanda. You called me just to talk about Lucas’s father. Didn’t you miss me? - Antônio’s question caught her by surprise, but since he was her best and dearest friend she decided to go along with him and leave that issue aside at least for an instant.
- You cannot imagine how much I missed you – she said and remembered how much she had wished her friend’s hug.
- That’s good because I missed you too. - He confessed. - So much so that I will leave now although I have a very important job - he said. - "It will be good to get a little away as well, so maybe you miss me enough to realize that you can’t live without me," he wished in his thoughts and laughing at his foolish imagination.
- It's hard not to miss you, did you know that? - Amanda confessed being relieved because he could not see her face on fire.
- Is it the friend saying this or the woman? - He asked curious for the answer, but not showing a lot of interest in what she would say.
While both pretended to play cat-and-mouse, they could unwind their throbbing minds.
- Both, of course! - The answer was clever and noncommittally. - What person would not miss a friend like you, and what woman would not miss such a man? - She added.
- When will you give me a less complex answer, my wife to be? - He joked making her laugh.
- I do not know. For now that is the one I have. Now imagine people seeing a couple about to get married and having a chat like that. - She said laughing. That sound accelerated Antônio's heart on the other side.
- I do not even want to think about it. But we need to be less formal even when we are alone. The fact that we are so used to treating each other like brother and sister may cause us to act this way in front of others and we do not even realize it - said Antônio sure of what he was saying.
- You're right. - Amanda agreed analyzing she had not thought about it.
- So next time we will be more passionate, agreed? - Antônio asked.
All right. - said Amanda insecure. How would she say my love, or something similar, to a friend such as Antônio?
- Do you want to start now? We hang up the phone and you call me again only then as a passionate and happy bride. - Antônio laughed, but inside something pulsed very quickly. What would it be like to hear, even if it were not true, Amanda saying she loved him?
- We'd better not! Today we leave it like that. - "The conversation was going a dangerous path. She needed to stop it there," she thought. - I'll let you work, we’ll talk later. - Amanda said trying to get out of that embarrassing situation.
- I will finish on the scheduled time, do not worry. - Antônio realized she was dodging and preferred not to insist.
- When do you return? - The question was no more than a whisper. She seemed as if she wanted to know the answer, but was afraid of what he would think.
- On Saturday, I believe. I had not said anything to you because I was not so sure yet - he justified himself
- So see you Saturday. - Amanda said goodbye hoping the week would go by quickly to have her support pillar back soon.
Make-Believe Marriage Page 5