Make-Believe Marriage

by Ferreira, Dill

  - I will not apologize. - He said moving slowly away from her. He could not apologize for something that brought her life.

  It is not necessary. - She said aware of her active participation in the kiss. That reaction had not passed Amanda’s head, but after the contact of their bodies and the kiss exchanged, she felt more relieved.

  - The lawyer I told you about will call you tomorrow to discuss the path we’ll take. - Tony said moving over to sit in the chair.

  - He sent me an e-mail confirming the visit. - She informed feeling her face burn at his fixed gaze on her.

  - The big guy went to sleep at his classmate’s home? - asked Tony averting his eyes off her. She had already been let herself taken by enough emotion that day.

  – Yes. He was so excited that I could not resist - she said sitting in front of him with her hands folded on top of her legs.

  - He's smart and will know how to behave. It's good to let him create his own expectations. - He said letting himself be carried away by the fraternal instinct that he had for the child.

  - I do not intend to allow that often, but I feel that he must already begin to feel free - she said trying to be a modern and understanding mother.

  - Does he already know what his father did? – asked Tony.

  - No. I thought it best to tell him when he gets back - Amanda justified. - I do not want to worry him.

  - You're right. - Tony watched her for a few seconds before starting on the subject that needed conclusion.

  - About the wedding. We must decide soon because it will be positive for you at the time you are before the judge if we are married and have a safe and comfortable home for your child. - Tony knew it was an exaggeration on his part, but he wanted to conclude his desire so much, as he would make use of this small opportunity to speed up their marriage.

  - You're right - agreed Amanda even though she wished to extend that decision a little longer.

  - Shall we have dinner together tomorrow and talk about it? – asked Tony.

  - All right! - Now it would be all or nothing, there was no way to prolong the situation. Amanda would have to go through this huge ordeal to get her son and her old life back.

  They jotted down plans for a new life as a couple. Something common among people who wish to be united by love and affinity, which was not exactly their case, but should have the same outcome. The organization of the space in which the little ceremony would be held was by Amanda’s account, since Tony took care of the bureaucratic parts. They planned how their routine would be after the wedding and their roles before the people and Amanda’s son who knew nothing about the arrangement of a marriage of appearances. Everything went as expected, the big day approached and Amanda had stopped asking herself how life would be with Tony. I would have to wait to see ahead, because her imagination had already presented her so many possibilities that she had exhausted choosing one of them, then it would be up to her, to wait and see with her own eyes, the result of this decision.

  Chapter VII

  The big day had arrived and although Amanda was determined not to imagine how their lives would be after the wedding and how long that invention would last was not working very well at that time. The memories of the period in which the agreement was organized and how to become close during the process were messing with her reasoning and making her wish that everything was real and they would be happy. These thoughts began to trouble her, especially after what happened the week before. She and Tony spent a weekend at Amanda’s parents’ house and the staging needed to be the best ever. Her parents had a habit exhibiting constant affection and for them that was extremely necessary in a long relationship. Thus, Amanda had to pretend to be the most passionate woman of the moment. For Tony, however, the performance was fine, especially when the night came when they would have to share the same room. Inside he wasn't so confident as she demonstrated.

  -My love, let's go to bed. -Tony called after Amanda sat beside him and they started talking with her parents holding hands.

  – Whenever you want, Tony.– She said, disguising her voice. To Amanda’s chagrin, Lucas already had his room on the farm and would not share a bed with them. The situation had become embarrassing for her, but there was no way out.

  – Go on dear and get some rest - said her mother cuddling her husband. -It is also time for us to go to bed my lord. - Everyone was smiling and Amanda wished fervently to find a man with whom she could share small and beautiful moments of affinity, love and surrender as those of her parents.

  Tony watched everything with his heart light. There was nothing like seeing a living proof that good relations existed and they could be rich and strong, when they both worked together. Amanda accepted the hand that Tony offered her and they went to the bedroom together.

  -I'm sorry to put you in an embarrassing situation like that, Tony. - She apologized looking at him embarrassed when they went into the bedroom and closed the door.

  -Let’s take that as a test since we will need to go through this for our wedding. – He advised.

  -You're right, I'll do that - said Amanda going to the nightstand to remove her accessories and try to sleep. Tony went away breathing deeply and went to brush his teeth.

  That night, Amanda had experienced the most diverse sensations she had ever had in life. A mixture of fear, lightness and pleasure came over her throughout the entire period in which they were together on that bed. The unintentional touches at each other. The warmth and the muffled breathing against the pillows. All had contributed for that night to be somehow marking for Amanda. Now she felt adrift and all those thoughts were results of the occasion. There was no doubt. Amanda sought to justify to herself. -Every woman gets more fragile and with the most romantic thoughts during this period. It is a stage for which she has always been prepared, since they were small, so these misplaced illusions went through her head while she dressed up for her wedding. This would be the only way to understand what was happening.

  Tony looked at the mirror again. Today his great wish would come true, which he had kept to himself for a long time without allowing that to ruin the friendship between him and Amanda. He had never imagined that he would get married under those conditions, but still he was happy, because he would have a chance to bring forth the love between them. It had not been his intention to take advantage of Amanda to create that lie. It had just appeared at the right time and he thought he should take advantage of it. This way, he would be helping his friend and have the opportunity to invest in something real between them. Although he was certain of that possibility, Tony knew it would only be up to Amanda to decide whether or not she wanted to make that joke real. He also knew that if she said no, this would be his last chance to have it the way he had always wanted and thus would seek to accept that their relationship wasn't supposed to be. Being rational sometimes was painful, but it would have to be, to stop dreaming about something that was not shared between both, love. However, something told him that there was a small flame, waiting for help from a gentle wind to make it grow. Tony believed that greater coexistence would help unleash that spark. Amanda had something to offer, although she seemed determined not to give in, because of the friendship she valued between them, but Tony needed more, he wanted to have her friendship, her love, her body and her love.

  – May the winds be in my favor as of today. And that good vibes come with it. - He said under his breath.

  Amanda observed the beautiful dress on her body. It was simple, elegant and perfect, but it was bothering her a little.

  - The dress is very tight around the waist, it is hard for me to breathe normally - she complained looking in the mirror. Amanda used a pear-like, strapless dress that went down tight to the waist as if it had been sewn right there. A little farther down, it opened out to a beautiful silk skirt and small embroidery.

  - There is no problem with it – said Carol who helped her. - You are beautiful - she affirmed arranging the small frills on the tail of the dress.

>   Amanda looked at herself again, and concluded that her complaints were due to nervousness, time was over and she needed to go. She took her little bouquet and went to meet the driver who was waiting for her. Her assistant and her son were in the car she had gotten from Tony.

  Along the way, Amanda felt a little dizzy just to imagine how their lives would be after the ceremony. They would continue as they were, friends, who helped each other but nothing more than that. So many questions went through her head and no answer was given. There was also the possibility of discovering each other’s faults and that beautiful friendship could be tarnished to the point of ending the marriage and their great affinity. Amanda hoped that nothing bad happened, because she would suffer a lot if she hurt the man who held her hands whenever she needed him, and when she did not need as well.

  When she arrived the few guests and Tony were waiting. Watching him from a distance when she got out of the car, Amanda felt great pleasure, she really admired that man. His posture down the hall left her cold, the beauty of his full and black hair. The emerald color eyes and a presentable body made her undecided. She had been watching Tony lately coming to notice a small mark on his jaw as she took her time to look at the oval face with a serious and conscious expression as he spoke on the phone. In no time during all the time that they knew each other, had she behaved like that, observing the man and not the friend at her side. Would she resist if he tried to seduce her later? She stopped in the aisle trying to get hold of herself and could see a brief movement made by Tony in her direction. “He would be noticing her indecision between the friend and the man who was in front of her," she thought tense.

  Tony saw Amanda getting out of the car as beautiful as he had never imagined possible. Amanda gave him a loving smile as he walked toward her who appeared nervous leaving him even more anxious. When she stopped in the aisle, the ground seemed to be missing at his feet as he thought she would give up; Amanda would back down on the decision to marry him. “That was the only reason she failed to move on to the altar," he thought. Tony had a hard time getting hold of himself and not to go get her. After seconds that seemed like eternal minutes she continued the journey bringing new life to the groom.

  The aisle was filled with various kinds of flowers on the sides, in the center a beautiful red carpet stretched up to the altar. Every step she took people and the beautiful flower arrangements ceased to exist, because her vision was focused only on the altar where a magnificent man was waiting to marry her. Amanda approached realizing nervousness in the hands of her friend.

  - You look beautiful - he praised her as she held out her hand. - You should dress as a bride more often. - Amanda smiled, delicate and beautiful. Tony was mesmerized by her beauty. He had not imagined that Amanda could become even more beautiful, but she was and would soon be his wife, which was making him fully happy.

  - Thank you! - She said unsteady. - You also left nothing to be desired, you are very handsome. - He thanked with a nod and the two went up to the small makeshift altar to start the civil marriage.

  The Wedding Judge said a few words as customary in this type of marriage, but for the two it looked more like a mass, as nervous as both were thinking about how it would be from there on. After the usual words the two were asked to exchange rings and sign the logbook where the marriage was made legal. Once the legal proceedings were over, both received the greetings from the few friends who were invited and that’s how it went, until her assistant and wedding planner called them for the bridal dance. At the sound of a violin, they began to dance.

  - Thank you for everything you're doing for me and my son. - She said next to his ear causing him a delicious shiver down his spine.

  - Do not mention it, I'm really enjoying it all myself. - He said affectionately. Tony enveloped her as the newlyweds protocol called for. His hands skirted her thin and delicate waist in a protective way and tender as a loving husband.

  - Remind me to thank you every day for your goodwill and dedication to us. - She wanted him to know how much she was grateful.

  - Don’t worry; I won’t forget to remind you. - He did not intend to charge anything from her, but if Amanda could reciprocate by loving him he would accept that most willingly.

  They danced the first, and several other songs, accompanied by other couples who entered the romance mood that reigned on the dance floor. Amanda was carried away and they shared many smiles together until they were called to different locations and had to get go separate ways. Although Tony was talking to his coworkers and Amanda enjoying her son and her parents, she could often feel that he was watching, because she also could not stop looking for him either when he was not in focus and in some situations when they bumped into each other and exchanged a few quick kisses, at a peck style, to better represent the scam. However, at each meeting, both were thrilled and renewed.

  The party had come to an end and from there would be only the three of them. Lucas, however, had been asleep for some time now, which left an air of mystery and even greater uncertainty. After the catering staff ‘s previous cleaning, Amanda said goodbye to her parents who were the last ones to leave and headed for what would be her greatest ordeal in recent years: to be alone with her friend and now husband, who was driving her out of her mind and she needed to rescue her rational way or have major problems from that night on.

  Breathing with some difficulty she went inside the house. Tony was no less tense than her. He knew exactly what he wanted, there was no doubt about it and it made the situation even more difficult because he had no more excuses created to try to camouflage the desire he felt for her. His mind sent him constantly alert messages to go in search for what he needed, a clearer position expected from Amanda that was his mission that first night as a married couple. He just did not know how to go about it.

  - Tony. - She said when she saw him near the door waiting for her to say goodbye to her parents. - I'm going upstairs to take a shower, I'm exhausted. - He followed her in silence.

  The room was all tidy as a newly married couple deserved. Amanda watched the huge bed in front of her for a few seconds, it looked inviting, but would only serve to her rest and nothing more; that was the deal they had and would be kept to the end.

  - We need to keep our agreement and sleep in the same room - said Tony feeling chills just to imagine her in the same room again. She agreed, though she felt like getting out of the agreement.

  Knowing that it would not be an adult attitude to do what she had thought, Amanda tried to relax her muscles in the bath. The cold water ran down her body making it shiver. She had chosen a cold bath to calm the fire that began to sprout out of control and was making her numb. There was a beautiful man on the other side of the wall and her feminine instincts were aware of it making that moment more painful than she thought it would be. That was not the reaction she expected to have; therefore, her desire was to stay there and not leave until dawn, but she had already been there too long and needed to make room for Tony to take his bath. Still not knowing what to do, she got dressed.

  Amanda got out of her bath more tired than she had come in. She was struggling a huge fight with herself even before returning to the room. Tony pretended he was looking for something when she came in. But Amanda realized he was sitting down looking toward the bathroom when she left.

  - The water was so delicious that I did not notice the time go by. – She said embarrassed.

  – After a full and tiring day, there is nothing like taking a nice, long bath. – He said to get rid of the unrest between them. – Now, it is my turn to enjoy it. He smelled her nice bath scent as he passed by her and felt sort of woozy. Yes, he would have a cold shower to soothe him.

  When Tony finished his bath Amanda was already in bed under the covers. He had an open robe showing his semi-naked chest. He wore small sleeping shorts that made him look even sexier at any woman’s eyes, especially one that had not been touched by a handsome man in a long time.

  At each step in the roo
m, Amanda followed as she could, because Tony was not supposed to see that she was watching him, although he felt that she did.

  Opposed to what they had agreed Tony lay down in the bed and not in the couch. Since the day had been tiring for both, Amanda didn’t mind. He’d be more comfortable. His movement brought her near resulting in an electric spark through his body and making Amanda wish to be touched by him right away. She closed her eyes forcing to speak mentally that they were only friends and so they should continue to be until the end of that make-believe marriage. Almost certain of that, she tried to relax her body and fall asleep.

  During the night, one of them would wake up and slantly looked at the other. Although there were no touches or caresses, they both felt well with each other’s presence and warmth and at times their hearts sped up when one turned in sleep and rolled closer to the other. At a given moment Amanda, deeply asleep, noticed an accelerated breath on her face. Opening her eyes slowly she saw she was much too near him. Their mouths almost touched. The day was not light yet, but they could see each other centimeters away. They remained quiet and looking at each other until Amanda decided to turn to the other side and pretend she had fallen asleep again.

  Tony was not in the room when Amanda woke up, which made him feel relief. In the bath, she thought about their first night together. It had not been as she had imagined, because they both seemed to repel each other the whole time, more like foes than friends, but she tried to understand because it was all too new to them and as days went by, they would return to be the good friends they had always been.