Endurance

by Richard Chizmar

  I could heal her.

  Mulling over exactly how I’d fix Helen’s face kept me so preoccupied I never heard the door panel slide shut. Something grabbed me from behind, and I shrieked in astonishment.

  Four very sharp teeth, one slightly shorter than the others, clamped on the back of my neck. “Finish this now, Doctor, we will.”

  Under ordinary circumstances I might have been afraid, even terrified by the assault. After watching FurreVa’s discipline, however, I virtually welcomed it.

  Let her tear my throat out and get it over with now.

  Who really cared, anyway? It wasn’t like anyone would miss me. Maggie and Kao were dead. Reever belonged to the Hsktskt, Dhreen had sold me out, and Alunthri would be much better off without our friendship. Joren was safer without me on it, as was my adopted family.

  There was no one left who needed me.

  What about Jenner? Vlaav? FurreVa?

  Self-disgust instantly boiled up into the crater of shame. No, standing there and letting this homicidal shrew gnaw through my jugular wasn’t an option. Not while I still had something to love, someone to teach, and a new debt to pay.

  I tugged the hand sprayer up, turned the applicator and blasted Dchêm-os directly in the face. That knocked her off and sent her hurtling to the deck. She landed close enough for me to step on her broad, flat tail.

  “Zel, this is really getting old.” I could have cheerfully drowned her in the cleaner unit. No, it wasn’t worth having to scrub all over again afterward. “Tell me something. Why is it so extremely vital that you personally kill me?”

  She jerked free with such violence that she left several inches of her tail under my footgear. Her vibrissae dripped as she snarled at me. “Never stop, I will.”

  “I guess you won’t.” If it hadn’t been so sad, it would have been funny. Keeping the sprayer trained on her, I picked up the piece of her tail, which was still twitching, and held it out. “Here. You detached this.”

  She snatched the stump and scuttled back out through the door panel. I pulled on a fresh tunic and went out to examine Alunthri.

  The Chakacat wasn’t in any of the berths, but it didn’t take long for me to locate it. Someone had put it in a live cargo unit, from which sounds of feline displeasure were plainly audible. I released a sigh of disgust and went to let my friend out of its cage.

  I crouched down next to the air slits and fumbled with the hatch lock. “Your performances have gotten pretty convincing, pal.”

  “Cherijo.” Whiskers sprang through the narrow opening. “Is it safe to release me?”

  Probably not, I thought, and my heart dropped a little farther into the black pit of depression. “You’ll need to keep up the feral act, okay?”

  “Of course.”

  I got the hatch open, and an emaciated body crawled out from the carrier. Alunthri was beyond filthy, covered with lacerations and missing patches of fur.

  I sat back on my heels in shock, then took a deep breath, and began examining it. “Who did this to you?”

  “The League Colonel. Some of the others.” Alunthri tried in vain to bathe some of the grime from its fur with a few swipes of its tongue. “I was compelled to defend myself.”

  One of the nurses approached tentatively. “Over there,” I said, jerking my head toward a severe trauma room as I lifted my friend in my arms. “Prepare the berth for maximum restraint.” Against Alunthri’s ear I whispered, “Sorry. Have to make this look good.”

  I carried Alunthri in and helped the nurse treat its injuries, then stayed until it fell into a natural sleep.

  No, I had all kinds of reasons to stay alive.

  After I made the appropriate chart notes and mopped up my face, I went to talk to FurreVa. I took the precaution of chasing off the staffers before I sat next to the Hsktskt’s foam cradle. She was barely conscious, but the sight of my face seemed to arouse her.

  “You.”

  “Me.” I sniffed back the last of my tears and scooted a little closer. “We’ve treated your injuries as best we can, for now. Tomorrow well have enough cloned tissue to start repairs on your back. Why did you lie about abusing those prisoners?”

  “I want another doctor,” FurreVa said, her mutilated tongue stump darting sluggishly out, then in.

  Aware that what I had to talk to her about couldn’t be overheard by anyone, I slipped off my headgear, then typed a question on her chart display. When I finished, I programmed it to translate my words into Hsktskt, then turned it so she could read what I’d written:

  Do you know anyone else who will voluntarily agree to deliver the young?

  FurreVa read the display. Her lower eyelids slid up until only a narrow rim of yellow showed. “Have you … informed … OverLord TssVar … of these … test results?”

  I shook my head, then typed, Why have you been concealing your pregnancy?

  “Unauthorized …”

  I typed as fast as I could. I can’t judge how far along you are, but the young appear healthy and close to full development. I’d only dealt with this situation once before, on K-2. Vicious, fully developed beings from the moment of birth, Hsktskt infants acted on one instinct only—to attack anything that moved.

  “Abort …”

  I can’t perform an abortion, even if I wanted to. In your condition, it would kill you. When are you due to deliver?

  Her head drooped into the cradle. “Not … soon.”

  I’m not even sure you’ll survive this punishment. Which you shouldn’t have been given in the first place.

  “Then all … will be … resolved.”

  That wasn’t an alternative. I’ll help you, if I can. In return, I want you to agree to allow me to perform reconstructive surgery on your face.

  She made a low, clicking sound, and tried to touch the scarred portion of her head. “Reconstruct … this?”

  I think I can repair the damage. Will you let me do it?

  Before she slipped into unconsciousness, FurreVa glared at me, than gave a single nod.

  I wiped out the display record of what I’d typed, then sat with her and wondered how long “not soon” would be.

  Helen of Troy proved to be as tough as a thousand Terrans put together. She survived the beating and began to heal.

  It wasn’t going to be that easy for me. I put in extra shifts, sat beside her berth whenever I had a spare moment, and devoted most of my waking thoughts on how I could repair the damage I’d indirectly done. It didn’t erase the guilt I felt, but I wasn’t sure I wanted it to. I suspected it was one of the few things that kept me from jumping out of a pressure lock.

  Remember, you made this happen.

  Cloning Hsktskt cells proved something of a challenge. The inner malpighian layer secreted the outer scaly derma, and also developed bony osteodermic nodules during adolescence. Once destroyed as thoroughly as FurreVa’s had been, additional glandular boosters were necessary to simulate the appropriate hormonal changes required.

  My Saksonan intern sputtered as he read the med schedule. “Why must we create a state of artificial puberty?”

  “To regrow the subdermal nodules. She needs the support.” I pulled him over to a console and keyed up a dimensional image of the Hsktskt dermis. “See these osteoderms? They reinforce the skeleton and protect the spinal cord, especially around the occipital condyle, where the skull attaches to the first vertebra. Without them, she’s a walking bowl of jelly.”

  “She could wear an exterior brace instead,” the intern said.

  I raised my brows. “You want to be the one to suggest that to her?”

  Vlaav made no further objections.

  The trick was going to be administering the synthetic hormones without sending FurreVa into premature labor, I thought as I worked out the first phase of the grafting procedure. She had been so careful to hide her condition for months—but why? Surely violating one, rather unrealistic regulation prohibiting pregnancy wasn’t that big a deal.

  Yet I couldn’t disc
uss the details complicating FurreVa’s condition with my skeptical colleague, or anyone, for that matter. There was always the possibility that breaking a regulation meant more discipline, and she couldn’t go another round with the thresher and live.

  I’d done enough damage already.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  No More Rescues

  I got my answer as to why FurreVa was so determined to conceal her condition when I came off duty one evening a week later and found Reever waiting for me in his quarters. (I wasn’t calling them ours. Ever.) After a double shift in Medical, I was weary and in no mood to spar with my Lord and Over-Master.

  Naturally, he was in a chatty mood.

  “You have been on duty for sixteen stanhours. Why?”

  “I’ve been busy.” I poked at my meal and sipped from a server of strong orange pekoe. “FurreVa needed another four dermal flap transplants, some of Alunthri’s cuts have become infected and Shropana had to be dragged out of Detainment for his weekly cardiac scans.” I put down my utensils. “Guess I lost track of the time.”

  “I will allocate more League captives to work in Medical.”

  I snorted. “Please. I have enough problems as it is.” Then it occurred to me—this was the perfect opportunity to get more data on the female Hsktskt’s dilemma. “FurreVa refuses to allow any of the male staffers to touch her, and she’s petrified most of the female nurses. Are there any other female Hsktskt I could borrow to deal with her?” And, possibly, shed some light on this pregnancy taboo.

  “Not on the Perpetua.”

  “There aren’t many females to begin with, are there?” He shook his head. “How come?”

  “Traditionally Hsktskt females remain in domestic roles on the homeworld, or serve in the civilian hierarchy.” Reever allowed Jenner to jump up on his lap and absently stroked him. My perfidious cat purred and butted against Reever’s hand, blissfully ignoring my frown.

  “I guess it would be a problem for them to be out with the raiders, considering the nature of their species’ childbirth.” I gave a very real shudder as I recalled the ordeal I’d gone through delivering TssVar’s young on K-2.

  Reever told me exactly what I wanted to know. “Females who serve as Faction forces are prohibited from any reproductive activity.”

  “No sex?” I forced a laugh. This was the last subject I wanted to discuss with Reever, but I had to know how much trouble FurreVa was in. “That’s pretty grim.” I thought of TssVar’s impromptu visit to K-2. “How did the OverLord’s mate get away with being a raider and having quints? He bend the rules for her?”

  “UgessVa concealed her condition from TssVar. Upon learning she was in labor, he removed her from the ship and brought her to Kevarzangia Two. It saved her life.”

  He needed a little reminder. “Hey, I saved her life.”

  “Had her pregnancy been discovered, UgessVar would have been put to death.”

  “Just for breaking the no-sex rule?” The stakes just went from high to terminal. I tried my hardest to sound blasé. “It wouldn’t be that hard to come up with a few maternity uniforms, would it?”

  “If the female delivers a brood, she endangers herself and her entire command.” Reever set a disgruntled Jenner down and got to his feet. “However, if she evades detection and successfully delivers, by tradition she is accorded the rank of nurturer and will not be executed.” He came toward me. “Why do you ask?”

  I was ready for that. “Just wondering why TssVar’s mate wasn’t with him now. It must be difficult to be separated.” I got up and glided past him toward the prep unit.

  He followed me. “Hsktskt do not form emotional bonds with their mates.”

  “No wonder they adopted you,” I said as I programmed another server of tea. Reever’s hands settled on my shoulders, and I went immobile. “What?”

  His breath stirred the hair by my temple. “Do you want to have a child?”

  He’d totally misinterpreted me. Not a bad thing, under the circumstances, but it still made me instantly, irrationally furious.

  “Hardly.” I thumped my server down and scalded the back of my hand. “Ow!” I ran cold water over the red patch, conscious of the fact he had moved his hands from my shoulders to my waist. “Forget about it, okay?”

  “It is a natural, biological need.” His palms slid over the lower part of my abdomen. And that felt horribly good. “I could give you all the children you desire.”

  “Yeah, and you could get a broken jaw in the process.” I pivoted, trying to get out of his embrace, but that merely made matters worse. “Want one now?” I said, an inch from his face.

  “You like my touch well enough in the night.”

  My cheeks burned. It was true, I’d woken up nearly every night for the last week in Reever’s arms, my limbs twined around him. I rolled away each time, but not before feeling his arousal. He’d done nothing, said nothing about it, but I still felt supremely embarrassed.

  “Maybe that’s the only time I can stand to touch you. When I’m unconscious.”

  “I think not.” His long, clever fingers brushed up my throat and over my compressed lips. “I will make you pregnant, Cherijo.”

  For some reason, that was the most erotic thing Reever had ever said to me. And I was not going to whimper with pleasure, no matter how briskly my blood was pumping through my veins. “Thanks, but I’ll pass. I’m not the maternal type anyway.”

  His breath swept over my face, warm and fragrant from the tea he’d just finished. The edge of his thumb slowly traced a crescent over my cheekbone. “You want me to touch you.”

  It was so tempting. My body throbbed and ached with unrelieved needs. So easy to give in to that, to take what he offered. It had been so long….

  Something dug into my skin as he urged me closer, and I looked down to see what it was. The OverMaster insignia from Reever’s uniform. Reever’s Hsktskt uniform.

  Oh, God, what was I doing?

  Even when I lost Kao, it didn’t hurt like this.

  I wanted him. I hated him. I also loved him. Still loved him, in spite of what had happened. Loved him desperately, passionately, hopelessly. Maybe I’d never told him how much, or how deeply, but the feelings were indisputable.

  And he was tearing what remained of my heart to shreds. Slowly. Ripping a little more out of it each time we were together. Each time I saw the real monster beneath the Terran skin.

  The monster was as cold and Hsktskt as if he’d been born with scales.

  I acknowledged the pain of that. I still loved the monster. I would always love him. For a moment I let myself grieve over that foolish, unwise choice that had never been my choice at all.

  “No.” Words from the past saved me. His words. “No more mindless seductions, OverMaster.”

  Reever had said the same thing to me, back on the Sunlace. Of course at the time we’d both been drugged with aggression-enhancers by a psychotic bent on seeking revenge, so naturally things had gotten out of hand.

  For a moment his hands tightened; then he let go of me and moved away. “Eventually you will yield.”

  It sounded as though he was talking to himself, not me. “I’m going to bed.” And, just in case he had any ideas, “To sleep.”

  He left me alone for some time, and when he did come to bed, I didn’t crawl all over him—but only because I laid awake for hours, contemplating the upper deck. Reever had a very restful night, and was still sleeping peacefully when I left for work.

  I bet he wouldn’t wake up with a migraine, either. Men.

  My headache escalated as soon as I walked into Medical and confronted a semihysterical cluster of nurses. Once I ordered them to stop babbling and pull themselves together, one calmed enough to inform me about what had happened. Somehow, right smack in the middle of swing shift, two seriously injured patients had mysteriously vanished.

  “They couldn’t have walked out of here, Doctor,” the nurse told me as she handed me their charts.

  I reviewed the case no
tes. One had been in a suspension rig for spinal injuries, the other immobilized to prevent dislodging impacted bone ends in his fractured leg.

  “No, not in their condition.” I’d performed a surgical reduction on the second male, whose badly set femur had resulted in partial osteonecrosis. “This one’s hip would have crumbled, he’d have fallen on his face after the first step.” I switched off the last chart and regarded the distressed staffers. “Well? Were they removed by the Hsktskt?”

  No one made a peep.

  “Come on, someone had to see something. You weren’t stuffing your faces or taking a nap, were you?”

  One of the residents slithered away. The nurses scuffled their footgear and looked humiliated.

  I got loud. “You were all sleeping?” They didn’t have to say a word. My hands slammed the charts down on the nearest available surface. “I don’t believe this. What is the matter with you people?” I didn’t wait for an answer, but went to the main console to signal my Lord and Keeper. Only to discover that all signals were routed through a centuron first.

  “What do you want, slave?”

  To have you under my lascalpel for five minutes, I thought. “I want to speak to Reev—OverMaster HalaVar.”

  “Stand by.”

  I stood by, seething. The staff got suddenly very busy. Good for them, because I was ready to detonate. Seeing the image of Reever in uniform at the Command Center only turned the screws boring into my temples.

  “Cherijo.” He was pondering some data pad in his hand and didn’t look at me. “Assemble on level eighteen,” he said to some lizard standing there, then glanced at the screen. “I am rather busy at the moment.”

  Like I worried. “Too bad, OverMaster. Two of my patients are missing. What are you going to do about it?”

  He glanced up. “Were they male?”

  Were they? I glanced at the charts. “Yeah, they are.”

  “Report to level eighteen at once.”

  “I don’t have time to—”

  He terminated the signal.