Break Your Heart

by Rhonda Helms

  “So have you heard from your mom?” he asked me, his eyes flooded with concern. He must have seen something in my face.

  I shook my head, determined to not let on that my heart still bore a sharp ache from yesterday’s argument with her. “Nope, but that’s okay. I think we both need time to cool off.” Last night, while talking with Kelly at a local bar, I’d decided I was going to give her a few days and then reach out to her.

  She was my mom. Yeah, she was pissed, but I believed she loved me. I just needed to reach that part of her heart, the part not angry . . . or shut off by the medication. It was still there, even if buried.

  All I could do was hope she’d talk to me soon and not hold on to this grudge.

  “I think you’re probably right,” he said as he nodded. He shifted the bags to the crook of one arm and took my hand with the other, and we walked toward the chocolate-covered nuts area. “So . . . would you like to meet my parents when the semester is over? Maybe for dinner?”

  The air froze in my lungs. Here it was, Nick telling me he wanted to keep this going. Like a real relationship. I swallowed and said, “I’d love to. Yes.”

  Nick gave me a shy smile. “I think they’ll like you.” He squeezed my hand, and I found my pulse surging from the now-familiar warmth in his strong fingers. He lifted my hand to his mouth and kissed each knuckle. “I’ve wanted to tell them about you, you know. But I want to keep my promise to you, that I’ll keep quiet until we can be out in the open. Though it’s been hard at times, I admit.”

  My heart shrank a bit in a flare of guilt. I’d already blabbed to Kelly, but she’d sworn to not tell anyone. I had to trust her on that.

  “What’s wrong?” he asked, eyes narrowing.

  I slapped a smile on my face. “Oh. Nothing. I’m just looking forward to the semester being over.”

  He gave me an easy grin. “Me too. Okay, let’s pick out some snacks for the ride home.” We found chocolate-covered peanuts and grabbed those too, then Nick purchased the goods and we settled back in the car.

  I fought so hard to ignore that thud of shame in my heart. I’d told our secret, whereas he’d kept it. Would he be mad if he found out? Should I be honest with him? Or would it just create unnecessary drama? I wrestled with the dilemma for a full minute.

  In the end, I decided to stay silent. God knew I had enough drama in my life right now. And Kelly understood the delicate nature of the situation. She’d keep mum. Besides, in two months, everything would be different. The secret wouldn’t matter then.

  Nick started the car and then turned to the backseat, a mysterious glint in his eyes. “Before we go, I have something for you.”

  I blinked. “What? Like, a present?”

  He gave me a small gift box. I opened it to find a pair of delicately crafted wire earrings with purple drop beads. They were classy and gorgeous.

  I looked up at him, the question in my eyes.

  “Because I wanted to,” he answered smoothly. “Because I saw them and thought they’d look stunning against your skin.” He reached over and stroked my earlobe, and a shiver danced across my whole body.

  “I love you.” The words flew out of my mouth before I could stop them. I froze in horror and stared at him.

  His eyes were huge. He just stared back.

  “Oh God, I hadn’t meant to say that,” I added with a stilted laugh. My cheeks burned hot and I wanted to jump out of the car and hide. I made myself sit there though. “Okay, I mean, I wanted to say that, but I hadn’t meant to do that here, like this, when—”

  Then his mouth was on mine, his hand clamped to the back of my neck. I gasped, and he slipped his tongue between my lips. I drank him in, dropped the earring box in my lap, clutched his shoulders and drowned in this emotion.

  My feelings were out there now, and he hadn’t freaked out or pulled away. My heart fluttered like a caged bird.

  His other hand slid to my waist and stroked expertly through my dressy shirt, and my skin tingled everywhere he touched. I felt the lines of his shoulder and arm muscles, memorized his body with my fingertips. Imprinted his flavor in my mouth. Etched his clean soap scent in my nostrils.

  Every sense was on high, overloading with Nick.

  When he pulled back from me, his pupils were large and intense, fixed on me. “Megan.” Adoration poured from his voice, from his eyes. My pulse throbbed harder in response. “You’re the most beautiful, intelligent woman I’ve ever met. I can’t get enough of you. I can’t stop thinking about you, wanting you. You make me feel . . . alive.”

  It was ridiculous, how my body flared with heat at those words. I loved him so much, and I could feel the strength in his emotions too. Was it love? I didn’t know, but I did know it was strong. It was intense.

  It was real.

  My hands shook as I took the earrings out of the box and looped them in my ears. “When I wear these, I’ll think of you.” Their weight was light, barely there.

  “I hope you do.” He skated his thumb across my cheek, across my lower lip. “And I’ll be thinking of you too.”

  Chapter 19

  “I can’t focus,” I declared as I threw my pen into the seam of my textbook. I was unable to stop thinking about my mom, about the growing chasm of silence stretching between us. Despite what I’d told myself before—that I’d give her a few days to calm down before trying to reach out—I couldn’t help but feel sick and distraught over the situation, and worried about how she was.

  Should I ignore my dad’s advice and drive over to check on her? Or should I respect her wishes for distance and wait until she was more receptive? I just didn’t know, and it tore me up. Not to mention I still hurt over the cruel things she’d said to me. Making myself vulnerable to her again would take real courage.

  I also couldn’t stop thinking about Nick. The man who occupied my dreams, who’d stolen my heart. I sat back at the kitchen table and rubbed my fingertips along my aching eyelids. Then I slid my hands over and touched my earrings.

  “Those are pretty,” Casey said softly. “Did Brett give them to you? Are . . . are you having anxiety about it or something? Like how serious it’s getting between you guys?”

  I blinked. “What makes you say that?”

  “You’ve touched the earrings, like, a hundred times in the last hour. Plus, your eyes are glazed over and you haven’t changed the page in your book in forever, nor have you written in your notebook. The obvious deduction is you’re distracted.”

  Casey was way too astute for her own good. Even though she didn’t know about the situation with my mom, or about Nick, she could tell I wasn’t myself. My stomach lurched. It was on the tip of my tongue to perpetuate the lie I’d started before. But for some reason, I just couldn’t do it. My emotions were too volatile to come up with a pat story. The stuff with my mom was so raw still. Plus I was kinda basking in the glow of yesterday’s events with Nick. Of the generous gift he’d given me. How I’d told him I loved him.

  No, he hadn’t said it back. But I knew it wasn’t fair to expect that, just because I’d said it.

  I dropped my hands in my lap and straightened my spine. I’d already told Kelly the truth. Would it hurt to tell Casey too? I knew she’d keep my secrets—hell, she’d been keeping a whopper of a secret about her life for months before opening up to me.

  If there was anyone I could trust, could confide in, it was her. I decided to start with the Nick situation first.

  “There is no Brett,” I told her in a quiet tone.

  I watched her face frown in confusion. Then fall.

  “Oh. I see.”

  My throat tightened, and I reached over and swigged my Diet Coke. “I’m sorry I lied to you. I panicked. So I made him up. I was trying to keep the guy I like secret, and I got put on the spot and . . .” I shrugged.

  She gave a brittle smile, and I saw the moment she retreated back into her shell. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have pried. It’s totally none of my business.”

  “No, no,
no.” I reached over and took her hand. “Don’t do that, please. Don’t pull away like that. This is my screwup, not yours.” I sucked in a shaky breath. “I’m seeing my professor—the one who came to The Mask that night—and I don’t want him to get in trouble. We decided to keep it quiet.”

  She stared at me in shock for a few seconds, blinking a few times. “Oh.”

  “Yeah.” I huffed a sigh and squeezed her fingers, then released them. Fiddled with my pen cap to give my hands something to do.

  “Is it serious? Or are you two casually dating?”

  With that, I barked out a laugh. “He’s not a booty call, if that’s what you mean.”

  Her lips pursed in a smarmy grin, and she rolled her eyes. “Sorry. Just being delicate. No judgment either way.”

  “I told him I loved him,” I said; speaking it aloud to someone made it feel even more concrete.

  “Oh,” she breathed, clapping a hand over her mouth. “Wow.”

  “Yeah.”

  We sat there in silence for a moment, the weight of my words heavy in the air between us. Though we’d only become roommates less than a year ago, we’d grown close over the last few months. Casey knew me.

  I’d dated a number of guys. Casey had even met a few of them. They’d been fun, exciting, casual. But none of them had come close to tugging at my heart the way Nick did. He was special. He was different.

  He made me want to think long term, think serious.

  A nervous laugh burst out of me. “I never thought I’d be that girl. The one who fell for her professor. Total cliché, right?”

  “You mean as clichéd as a girl who pushes everyone away until one guy comes into her life who breaks down her walls?” she retorted with an arched brow, a crooked grin on her face.

  “Fair enough.” I tipped my head in concession to her point. Basically the story of how she and Daniel had ended up together, though of course a bit more complicated than just that. “Tell me honestly. Am I crazy here? I’m basically just treading water now, waiting until the semester is over and we can be together out in public.”

  “Crazy? Absolutely not. I think you’re intelligent enough to be able to tell what is right for you and what’s not, correct?”

  Pride warmed my heart. I nodded. “But not everyone feels that way. I know we’ll be judged for it. That others will think badly of him for dating me—not just because of the age gap, but because he’s my teacher.”

  “As your friend, I trust that you know what’s best for you. You’ve always given me such savvy advice, even when I was scared about opening up and telling you what I was thinking, what was going on in my life.” Her eyes turned stern, resolute. “If this guy is the one for you, then screw what others might say. They’re flat-out idiots, and they don’t deserve one minute of your time or concern.”

  My jaw dropped in surprise. I’d never seen her that vocally expressive about something before.

  She tilted her chin and eyed me. “If I’d followed plain-old logic instead of letting my heart guide me, I wouldn’t be with Daniel right now. And he’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me—except for you and my family, of course. Sometimes you have to silence the noise around you to listen to what your heart is whispering.”

  My eyes flooded with tears, and I gulped. Stood and moved around the table to give her a hug. “You get it,” I said as I gripped her tight.

  She gripped me right back. “I’m so happy for you, Megan. You have a right to find love wherever you see fit. If this man is it for you, then run with it.” She pulled back and peered at me, and I saw a few tears in her eyes as well. With a weak sniffle, she gave a self-conscious chuckle. “Of course, since you are still in his class, you should be careful.”

  I nodded. “Definitely. I don’t want him to get in trouble.” Once again I cursed myself for how rash and irresponsible I’d been on Friday afternoon. Thank God Kelly had been the one to find us. If it had been anyone else, it could have turned into a total disaster.

  “Do you think it could impact your grad school plans?” she asked.

  I sighed as my stomach sank. The question I’d been avoiding. “I don’t know. But we’ll be a lot closer to being peers at that point. He won’t be my prof then either. I have to think that if we’re discreet and don’t flaunt it everywhere, it’ll probably be okay.” God, I hoped.

  I moved back into my seat and took a deep breath. Then I tentatively explained the situation with my mom. Surprisingly, it didn’t hurt as badly this time, nor did I feel that sting of pride the way I had before. After all, Casey understood about messed-up family situations. I knew she’d be the last person in the world to judge me on it.

  She responded just as I’d thought she would—with empathy and support. She vowed to help me out however she could and made me promise to let her know what she could do.

  “And thanks for telling me the truth,” Casey added. “About all of this. I know it wasn’t easy, and I appreciate it.”

  I gave her a brash grin, trying to shake off my earlier melancholy. “Look how close we’re getting. If we keep this up, you’ll be dumping Daniel to stay with me in this majestic apartment.” I swept my arm around the room.

  She shrugged. “Well, you are pretty damn hot. . . .”

  My jaw dropped again. “You sassy wench.” It was amazing to see how much Casey had changed and evolved from the quiet, withdrawn girl from last semester. This one was light, free, happier than I’d ever seen her. “Okay, we’d better get back to studying. I can’t bomb anything else this semester, or I’ll have to kick my own ass.”

  “Can’t have that.” Casey softly smiled at me and went back to studying.

  I did the same, though I couldn’t help the bittersweet tinge in my heart when I realized how lonely I’d be in this apartment when she moved out.

  “Extra mayo,” I recited back to the teen boy at my table. “Got it.”

  He eyed my nametag. “Thanks . . . Megan,” he said as he drawled my name. He gave me such a flirty, broad wink that I couldn’t help but laugh. “I’m Allen. So . . . what do you think of younger men?”

  His friend across the table just sat there with a smirk on his face. These two couldn’t have been more than sixteen. Players in training.

  “I think I don’t wanna end up in jail,” I told him with a chuckle. “But you’re kinda cute. Ease up on the game, and you’ll be good to go with the ladies.” I walked off to place their order.

  I got their sodas and brought them over, putting them on the table and taking off before the teen decided to get even flirtier. The door dinged, and I saw Nick stroll through.

  My heart fluttered in excitement. When our eyes met, a slow smile creased his face. He moved to the table in the back corner.

  “I got the new customer,” I told my coworker Dorinda, who gave me a quirky grin with a knowing look on her face.

  “He’s cute,” she said to my departing back as I sauntered over to Nick. I resisted the urge to shoot her a mock glare over my shoulder.

  “Hey,” I told him, setting down a rolled napkin bearing a knife and fork. I handed him a menu. “What can I get you to start?”

  His mouth parted slightly, and those eyes almost caressed me as his gaze slid down my uniform, then back up. A subtle look, but potent and sexual nonetheless.

  The Detroit road trip—and my confession of love, I imagined—had changed things between us. Dropped all the emotional walls, left us open and connected. Our texts and emails and even looks were loaded with intimacy now.

  “How about a coffee?” he murmured.

  “Can do.” It was almost embarrassing how breathless I sounded. “I’ll be back over in a few minutes to get your order.”

  God, it was so hard to pretend there wasn’t a relationship here when all I wanted to do was jump in his lap and kiss him senseless, no matter who saw us. Class this morning had been the same way, an hour of pent-up arousal building in me, watching Nick engage with students, his brilliant mind at work. He was so smar
t, so sexy, I wanted the world to know he was mine.

  Thankfully, Kelly hadn’t ribbed me about it in class. She seemed to sense the need to play dumb, so there were no side glances, no little teasing comments to me. It had made me even more grateful for her friendship. And more reassured in her promised silence.

  I got Nick’s coffee and poured him a cup. Popped one creamer on the dish and brought it to him.

  He grinned as he dumped the creamer in. “You remembered.”

  “I’m a good server,” I said with a cocky wink. Like I could forget anything about him anyway. Our conversations were branded in my head.

  “Okay, I’ll take a cheeseburger and fries.” He waved to a pile of papers on the end of the table. “Have some grading to do and got bored in my office. Figured I’d take a chance and drop by here to see if you guys were open.” But the look in his eyes spoke more than what he was saying.

  He’d wanted to see me.

  I nodded, swallowed. As I picked up the discarded creamer container, I brushed my fingers along his. A small gesture, all I could allow myself to do here, but I couldn’t resist.

  His Adam’s apple worked in his throat, and his eyes grew dark and piercing for a moment. My skin tightened in response. I wanted to touch him again, touch him more, but I was at work and we were on campus. Total bad idea.

  “I’ll get your food ordered,” I said in a throaty voice, then turned and walked away before I did something stupid.

  I relayed the order to the cook and made myself check my other tables so I wouldn’t keep staring at Nick. But there was an invisible string between us, and I was perpetually aware of his presence in the room, no matter where I was.

  When I brought the teen boys’ orders over, they did that awkward-guy chuckling, giving each other loaded looks.