Tanner took a deep breath. Her story made him feel sad. The war had taken so much from both of them. It had stolen their youth, changed them into people they had never had any intention of becoming. He’d never meant to turn into an outlaw or dreamed he would spend part of his life running from the law. And Beth had never intended to become a man’s mistress; rather, a wife and a mother. She was an innocent who had done what she had to do to save her family.
“I’m no different from you, Tanner. I’ve done things that I’m not proud of, but I had no choice. I guess part of me left Georgia hoping to escape what I had done, but no matter how far I run, it’ll always be a part of me. No matter what I do, I will be a soiled woman, a woman no man would ever want to marry, including your brother.”
“No. You’re wrong. You did what you had to do to save your family. What would have become of you if you’d let them burn down your home? What would have become of your parents? They were too elderly to work.”
A tear slipped down her cheek. “You and I both know that most people would have rather we starved to death or even had to sleep in a tent before I let a Yankee touch me. As ridiculous as it sounds, the people in town despised me because I had managed to keep my family together. And when I lost the plantation to taxes, they laughed. I had finally gotten what I was due.”
“No, you did what you had to do. Give yourself a chance,” Tanner said.
“Then why can’t you give us a chance? You’re wanted by the law. Do you think that would matter? We’d be together.”
“It would matter to me. Sooner or later you’d regret being with me. You’d think you should have married Tucker. You’d start to hate me..." His voice trailed off.
“No. I could never hate you.” A tear rolled down her cheek, and she swiped it angrily away. “So what do we do now?”
“We enjoy tonight and wait to see what the dawn brings.” Tanner held her in his arms, soothing her until she fell asleep.
***
Tanner lay beside Beth, watching her sleep. Her face was peaceful and relaxed in slumber, her breathing steady and even. Her skin was as smooth as silk, and when her eyes were open, they were warm and inviting.
He glanced down her graceful neck and strong shoulders to her uplifted breasts, so full and round, so tempting and pleasing to his sight. His eyes continued down to the curve of her waist, and he imagined his hands spanning her small frame. His gaze went still lower to where her legs joined her body in graceful abandonment. In sleep her limbs were pulled up as she lay on her side, facing him.
She was breathtakingly beautiful, and his heart ached with the knowledge that he must leave her. For neither one of them had the willpower to stay away from each other, and somehow Beth needed a man who was upstanding and good. She deserved someone who had lived a life she could be proud of, who could prove to her she had done the honorable thing by sacrificing herself for her family. She needed a man who could remain by her side and give her a lifetime of love and children, a man like his brother. She should marry Tucker.
His heart swelled with pain at the thought of her and his brother together. But what could he do? He was wanted by the law for a crime he readily admitted committing. He was haunted by his past, and his future, yet to be determined, looked bleak.
Tucker was a lawman; he could give a woman a future, a home. He could offer Beth everything that Tanner could not, and she ought to have a chance at happiness. She deserved a man like Tucker.
Just as Beth had done the honorable thing by sacrificing herself for her family, it was time Tanner did something respectable in his life. God knew he had done so little good in his life before now. But doing the admirable thing was also going to be painful.
She was the most courageous woman he’d ever met, but he couldn’t have her. She deserved a principled man, one who could love her and show her she had done what was important at that terrible time in her life.
But if Tanner stayed, he knew Beth would only continue to seek him out, as he sought her. Therefore, eventually they would get caught, and his brother would be hurt. He had to leave. That he confronted his past was long overdue. It was time he settled once and for all what he had done and put the war and its effects behind him.
Until he faced the past, he could never have a future.
Tanner glanced out the window. It was maybe an hour before dawn, an hour before the family started to rise and greet the new day. If he left now, he could get away and hopefully redeem his past before anyone had knowledge of what he had done. It was his last chance to clear his name. Then he would go far away until Tucker and Beth were safely married. Once they were married he could never be with her again, but if he didn’t leave now, that marriage would never take place. And that wouldn’t be good for Beth.
Rising from the bed he dressed and packed his meager belongings. In less than ten minutes he was ready to go, though, in his heart he wanted to stay longer. He knew he had to leave now or forever regret his decision this day.
And though he’d snuck off in the night once before, this time he was doing it for an honorable reason. This time he had to go, intent on giving his brother a most precious gift. He was leaving so that Tucker could marry Beth and heal her wounded soul.
He’d write his mother a brief note once he was settled and ask for her forgiveness one more time, but he had to leave, and he couldn’t stand the thought of a long good-bye.
He carried the sleeping Beth down the hall to her own room and tucked her into bed. He glanced down at her once more and felt the urge to hold her one last time, but he knew that if he did he would probably never let her go. For her own good, it was time he stepped out of her life and sorted out his own troubled past.
His soul ached with the thought of leaving her, and her smooth cheek was a temptation he could not resist. He leaned down and brushed his lips against her soft skin one last time, trying to memorize the vision of her sleeping. With determination he turned his back on her and walked to the door.
It was time to resolve his past once and for all.
Chapter Sixteen
Tanner swung his leg up and over the saddle, mounting his horse. He took one long, loving glance at the old homestead and then turned his mount toward the gate. The image of Carter waiting for him at the edge of the pasture, waving his arms excitedly, rose before him like a ghost from the past. They’d left on a morning much like this one, when the dawn had been a promise in the eastern sky—two young boys leaving on a grand adventure, with dreams of being heroes.
He squeezed his eyes shut and let the pain wash over him in waves of sadness. The only way he was going to get over the past was to let himself grieve for his friend, to experience the pain instead of shutting away his feelings. But his emotions were raw after last night’s discussion. And somehow he wondered if he would ever get over missing Carter, of wanting to talk to him, only to confirm that he was gone forever.
Tanner took a deep breath and kicked his mount forward. But today was different from when he’d left home with Carter. He wasn’t running any longer, he was going to face his past and see if he had a future. Today would find him facing his toughest challenge and meeting it head-on, instead of running from the pain that had haunted him for so very long.
Though he was leaving behind the family that had welcomed him back into their midst with few questions, this time he wasn’t running away from them. Their strength and love had encouraged him to exorcise the demons that plagued his soul.
But his biggest source of strength and encouragement had come from Beth. They had talked and loved each other up until the moment he had carried the sleeping woman back to her room and to her bed. And though he hated leaving her, he knew in his heart he was sacrificing the life he could give her for a far better one with his brother. He was leaving Beth to Tucker, who could offer her so much more than a life scarred by the past, an uncertain future, and a man who didn’t deserve her. Tucker was worthy of Beth; Tanner wasn’t.
Just as Carter had given up his
life for Tanner, he was giving up Beth for her sake. Maybe it was a twisted sense of honor, but Tucker was a good man who could help Beth find her sense of self-worth and honor again. He could redeem her and prove to her the value of her sacrifice. He could heal her inner wounds as she had somehow helped to cauterize Tanner’s.
Birds were beginning to stir as the first rays of dawn lit the sky. A rabbit scampered across the path in front of him, and he couldn’t help but think that this could be his last day on earth. Somehow he’d managed to survive the war, only to risk being gunned down by a man who was known for his cold-blooded killing.
It didn’t matter anymore. If he was meant to die, then he would have at least made his peace with himself and the people who meant something to him. Yet even if he were to succeed in clearing his name, he still would not be worthy of Beth.
Main Street was deserted as he rode into town, the sun just beginning to peek over the horizon. It was the time of morning when the fish bite the best, and Tanner suddenly had an urge to do what he’d done as a boy. The need to experience joy in life instead of constant sadness overwhelmed him, and he promised himself, if he survived, he’d do some fishing. Life didn’t appear quite as bleak as it had before.
Tanner halted his horse in front of the El Paso Hotel and wondered about the man he was going to see. He hadn’t heard from him in several weeks, and he suddenly feared the man was no longer there.
He swung his leg over the horse and slid to the ground. Looping the reins over the hitching post, Tanner glanced one last time down the street before he entered the hotel. It was an old habit of checking to see who was watching him before he went in.
Tanner opened the door of the establishment and stepped into the lobby. Few people wandered about the lobby at this hour of the morning; in fact, the area was deserted except for a desk clerk. He went into the cafe to get a cup of coffee before he took care of his business.
Walking through the door of the small hotel’s dining room, he was comforted by memories of the day Tucker had recognized him. He had never intended to come back, but now he was grateful for the time with his family. He could almost smell Beth standing beside him, the scent of lilacs present, as his brother had exclaimed over him while he tried to recover his wits.
He cleared his mind and glanced into the room; he couldn’t dwell on that memory. Tanner spotted the man he was looking for sitting at a table, alone, reading the paper.
As Tanner stepped up to the table, the man glanced up at him in surprise and then slowly laid his paper aside.
“Good morning,” Tanner said, suddenly feeling nervous. What if the man had given up on him? “Mind if I sit down? We need to talk.”
The man only glared at him. He didn’t say a word at first, but picked up his knife and fork and began to eat his eggs.
“Sit.”
A waitress came to the table before Tanner had a chance to say anything. “Would you like a cup of coffee?”
“Yes,” Tanner said.
“How about our breakfast special?” she questioned. Tanner wanted her just to go away.
“Sure,” he said, and she hurried away to the next group of people who had just walked through the door.
Tanner took a deep breath and glanced again at the man sitting across the table from him. His face was an unreadable mask, and Tanner suddenly feared he’d waited too long.
“You know that job you’ve been after me for months now to get done.”
He only nodded his head and continued to eat his breakfast.
“I’m ready now. I promise you this time that there won’t be any more delays.”
The gray-haired man’s face was lined and weathered, he seldom smiled or showed any emotion. The man finished chewing the last bite he’d taken and dabbed the comer of his mouth with his napkin.
The waitress walked back to the table and poured Tanner a cup of coffee, dragging out the suspense even longer.
They both watched her saunter away. Finally, the man turned to Tanner. “You’re too late. Sam Bass has already left town. You lost your chance.”
“Where did he go?” Tanner asked. “I’ll go after him.”
The man shrugged. “How the hell would I know. I’m just the unlucky son of a bitch who’s spent the last six months following him.”
Tanner glanced around the room to see if anyone had noticed his outburst. “Did he mention the hill country?”
“Well, since we didn’t exactly have a conversation about where he was going, I couldn’t answer that. I did overhear him say something about going back to someplace that sounded like Rural Rock.”
“Round Rock. He’s going to Round Rock. That’s not far from where he likes to hole up. I bet he’s going there,” Tanner said.
“How do I know this time you’re really going to follow him? How do I know this time you’ll bring him in?”
Tanner frowned but he couldn’t blame the man for his skepticism. “You don’t. But I have a favor to ask of you, and maybe after you’ve heard it, then you’ll know I’m serious this time.”
The waitress returned filled their coffee cups, and put a plate of eggs in front of Tanner. He knew he should eat something, but somehow food wasn’t very appealing right now.
“You and I both know that I may not live through this. Sam is damn good with a gun, and he’s going to be angry with me for not showing up like I promised,” Tanner said pushing his eggs around on his plate.
“Well, it’s good to know you played him for the fool, too.”
“Look, I had some unfinished business, and now it’s been taken care of,” Tanner said.
“Wouldn’t have anything to do with Beth Anderson, would it?” the man asked.
He shrugged and took a bite of his eggs, chewing slowly. They tasted like sawdust, though it wasn’t the cook’s fault, but his own lack of appetite. “If I get shot and killed I’m asking that you let my family know.”
“And where does your family reside?” he questioned. Tanner smiled knowing his next words would be a surprise. “My brother is Marshal Tucker Burnett, right here in town.”
“Your brother is the local law and you never told me?” Tanner shrugged and smiled. “Don’t worry. He doesn’t know about you, either.”
“What else, Jackson? I can feel there’s something else,” the man said frowning.
“My oldest brother, Travis, and my mother, Eugenia, live here also. Make sure my mother gets this note.”
He reached into his pocket and pulled out the note he had penned to his mother that morning.
Marshal McCoy took the note from Tanner. “Your family lives here, your brother is a lawman, and you hadn’t said a word?”
“Sort of figured you either knew or you didn’t, and I wasn’t going to inform you.” He took a sip of his coffee. “After all, I hadn’t planned on coming to Fort Worth. I didn’t plan on seeing them ever again. But I have now, and I’m glad. So if something should happen to me, I’m asking you to let my brother know. He’ll take care of the rest.”
“Oh, and by the way, you might want to start calling me Tanner Burnett, since that’s my real name.”
***
Early-morning sunlight streamed through the window, and Beth stretched, not wanting to leave the comfort of the bed. She snuggled under the covers and listened to the sound of the windmill churning, pumping water from the ground. It was such a pleasant, rhythmic noise, and it filled her with peace.
Memories of sleeping in Tanner’s arms, of being carried back to her room, were distant images. The rest of the night had been a blur of emotional responses that had left her filled with hope for the coming day. Sometime last night she realized she loved Tanner, had loved him since he’d taken care of her bullet wound in that hotel room in San Antonio.
She loved him in spite of the fact that the law wanted him, that the war had done considerable damage to his soul. She loved him for the man that he was, for having reassured her how courageous she was to have sacrificed her virtue for her family.
<
br /> She loved him for his caring nature and for being the man she knew he would eventually be. For Tanner had a sensitive soul that he hid behind gruff mannerisms, hoping no one would notice.
Yet Beth also knew being wanted by the law was no laughing matter, but if he went off to prison, she would wait for him. For surely he wouldn’t hang for his crimes, would he?
There was so much to discuss about the future, about their pasts, that had now somehow become interwoven. They shared a painful history that they would overcome together.
She would speak with Tucker today and tell him that she could no longer consider marrying him, that she loved Tanner. And though he had paid her way to come to Fort Worth, she would reimburse him for his trouble, somehow.
But she didn’t think Tucker would mind being released from his marital obligations, for he’d never appeared the eager groom.
Beth jumped out of bed, anxious to greet the new day, face the challenges that last night had brought, and find Tanner. She wanted to gaze into his brown eyes in the morning light and revel in the feel of his arms around her once again—and maybe even steal a kiss or two.
Hurriedly, she dressed, putting on her best blue muslin. She splashed her face with cool water and then gazed out the window at the morning sky. It was a breathtakingly beautiful morning, and she couldn’t stand the thought of being away from Tanner for another moment.
She opened her door and glanced up and down the hall before she hurried to his bedroom. Travis and Rose’s room was directly across the hall from Tanner’s, and she wondered why they had not awakened last night during Tanner’s nightmare.
Beth knocked softly on Tanner’s door. There was no response. She tapped again; still no response. Finally, fearful of being caught standing in the hall outside his room, she pushed open the door and went inside.
The Outlaw Takes A Bride (The Burnett Brides) Page 22