Uncle John's Bathroom Reader Plunges into Canada

by Bathroom Readers' Institute

  •“Every man serves a useful purpose: A miser, for example, makes a wonderful ancestor.”

  •“Humility is the embarrassment you feel when you tell people how wonderful you are.”

  We Love Canada, Part IV

  In our final installment, let’s talk about what we love about Canada’s territories: Yukon, Nunavut, and the Northwest Territories.

  The Ibyuk pingo rises from the ground near Tuktoyaktuk, NWT.

  Northwest Territories

  •At 49 meters (161 feet), the Ibyuk pingo is Canada’s tallest, and growing (about 2 centimeters/0.8 inches a year). Also called hydrolaccoliths, pingos are earth-covered ice bulges. After growing for up to a thousand years, they eventually burst open, their ice melting in sunlight and collapsing into a crater sometimes called an ognip (“pingo” spelled backward). The Mackenzie Delta is home to not just Ibyuk but 1,350 other pingos—about a quarter of the world’s total.

  •“The Northwest Territories” has a plural construction, yet it’s always referred to as a singular (e.g., “The Northwest Territories is…” not “The Northwest Territories are…”).

  •Although the Northwest Territories shares land borders with five provinces/territories, there are actually six you can touch with one foot while your other foot is in the NWT. This is thanks to the spot where the NWT’s southeast corner meets Manitoba’s northwest corner.

  •And if you have really big feet, it’s also the one spot in Canada where you can stand in four different political regions at once (since Nunavut and Saskatchewan have corners that meet there, too).

  •The NWT’s Great Bear Lake is the biggest lake entirely inside Canada. It’s also the fourth-largest lake in North America. The three that are larger: Lake Superior, Lake Huron, and Lake Michigan.

  •In a 1966 poll about what to rename the Northwest Territories after Nunavut split off, keeping “Northwest Territories” was the first choice. The second most popular choice, originally suggested by a prankster, was “Bob.”

  The Inuit people have lived in Nunavut for more than 4,000 years.

  Nunavut

  •Nunavut is huge: 2,093,190 square kilometers (808,185 square miles). If Nunavut were its own country, it would be the 15th largest in the world—just ahead of Mexico.

  •You have to admire a territory that makes Greenland look crowded. In fact, Greenland is about the same size and has twice the population per square kilometer as Nunavut. So how sparse is the territory, really? Each person in Nunavut could have 61 square kilometers (24 square miles) of land…and about 5 square kilometers (1.9 square miles) of water.

  •There’s evidence that Nunavut’s indigenous communities have lived there since 2000 BC. That’s about the time that humans began domesticating horses, Egypt was gearing up for another wave of pyramid construction, ancestors of the Latin-speakers were moving into Italy, China entered its Bronze Age, and Britons were finishing Stonehenge.

  •When you think of Nunavut, you may imagine snowshoes, snowmen, snowmobiles, etc. But in reality, the territory is a polar desert. That means it gets less than 250 millimeters (9.8 inches) of precipitation every year.

  •In Nunavut, signs appear in English and the Inuit languages, Inuktitut and Inuinnaqtun.

  •While the rest of the world has gone car mad, the entire expanse of Nunavut has only about 850 kilometers (528 miles) of roads…a little less than a trip from Ottawa to Toronto and back again. Plus, the only car access to the outside world is an ice highway from the Northwest Territories—it’s open for two months each year in February and March.

  The tiny Keno City library is just one room heated by a small wood stove. There’s no librarian, and borrowing is done on the honor system.

  Yukon

  •At 734 kilometers (456 miles) long, the Demster Highway is Canada’s only public road in the Arctic Circle, and follows an old Gwitch’in hunting and trapping trail.

  •The Yukon boasts the highest mountain in Canada: Mount Logan stands 5,959 meters (19,550 feet) tall.

  •On May 26, 1991, the thermometer on Mount Logan read –77.5°C (–107.5°F). That’s the coldest temperature ever recorded outside Antarctica.

  •Sure, it’s chilly in the winter, but summers are gorgeous. Average summer temperatures in the Yukon hover around 20.5°C (69°F).

  •Once home to Canada’s largest silver mines, Keno City now mostly gets its silver from tourists. And where do they go for top-notch Yukon entertainment? The one-room public library, of course. Not only is the library located in an old Anglican church, it also hosts the town’s main theater. And if it’s books you seek, the library is open 24 hours a day and operates on the honor system. Anybody can take out any of the library’s 2,000 books with the expectation that they’ll bring them back…eventually.

  •How many places have a flag with a malamute on it? As far as we know, just the Yukon.

  Heeere’s Johnny!

  The United States has Uncle Sam as its national symbol. Britain has John Bull. And Canada’s got Johnny Canuck.

  Drawing on Symbols

  In the anonymous 1870 cartoon above, Canada is depicted as a toddler standing unsteadily between Uncle Sam and Mother Britannia. Uncle Sam says, “Let go of him, Granny; if he falls, I’ll catch him!” At first glance, it sounds like a benevolent promise…until you see the eager, hungry look on Uncle Sam’s face, reflecting Canadian anxiety that the United States—in an expansionist mood and fielding a large army—might just decide to make Canada its newest state.

  The Dominion of Canada was only three years old then, and still taking unsteady steps, its east and west eyeing each other with suspicion. The new nation needed to grow up quickly and temper its newfound independence into a sense of national identity. Enter pop culture’s contribution to the effort: the political cartoonists’ new character, Johnny Canuck.

  Johnny Canuck went by various names—including “Jack Canuck,” as shown on this cigar box dating from the early 1900s.

  The Many Sides of Johnny

  Uncle Sam sprang already finished from the pen of cartoonist Thomas Nast, but nobody quite knows who originated Johnny Canuck sometime in the late 1860s. As a result, there was no definitive idea of what he should look like. (Early on, his name was even written as John K. Nuck.) Johnny soon began appearing regularly in Canadian political cartoons. Depending on the desired political message, he might be depicted as a farmer, rancher, lumberjack, politician, or soldier. One theme, however, remained consistent: Johnny stood for Canadian values, independence, and justice. And what about that last name, “Canuck”? First recorded in 1835 as American slang for French Canadians, it became a generalized reference to all Canadians by the 1860s.

  In 1869 a new weekly magazine from Montreal, the Canadian Illustrated News, started running regular sketches of Johnny Canuck standing up to bullies. Sometimes it was John Bull—England’s middle-aged, stout national symbol—but more often the bully was Uncle Sam, typically depicted as a sinister figure with notions contrary to Canada’s best interests. For variety, several Canadian Illustrated News cartoons also had Johnny confronting an equally menacing “Brother Jonathan,” an earlier personification of America dating back to the Revolutionary War days.

  Don’t Mess with Johnny

  For most of the remaining 19th century, Johnny Canuck spoke up for Canada in newspapers and magazines across the nation. He often criticized the U.S. trade practices or challenged America’s claims to fishing rights in Canadian waters. For example, one cartoon called “Johnny’s Idea of It” appeared in the July 22, 1871, edition of the Canadian Illustrated News. It showed Johnny as a boy fishing at the edge of a pond with a young Brother Jonathan approaching, fishing pole in hand. Says Jonathan: “I say Johnny, your ma says I may fish in your pond, if you like.” Responds a defiant, angry Johnny: “Well, I don’t like.”

  Johnny had a good home in the Canadian Illustrated News until it folded in 1883 but by then he was a fixture of political cartoons in magazines and newspapers across the coun
try. When Canada entered World War I, Johnny saw a resurgence, even becoming the subject of patriotic songs like Gertrude C. Knight’s “Good Luck to Johnny Canuck” in 1916. After the war ended, Canada’s defender of all things Canadian largely faded from view. But the country hadn’t seen the last of him.

  The periodical Jack Canuck mocks the Ontario Board of Censors in 1912.

  A war-time Johnny Canuck represents Canada’s answer to Nazi oppression.

  Captain Canuck, superhero, begins to appear in Comely Comix cartoons from the mid-1970s.

  Johnny Takes on the Nazi Menace

  The 1940s are considered the start of Canada’s golden age of comics. An import ban on U.S. comic books caused Canadian publishers to scramble for characters and breathe new life into Johnny Canuck. Like any good superhero, Johnny re-emerged from obscurity just when his country needed him most—to fight the evils of Nazism. He was a new man. In fact, he was two men. Two different comic publishers sold Johnny Canuck comic books. And in both, the hero almost single-handedly defeated the Nazi menace.

  Johnny Canuck got his own postage stamp in 1995.

  Johnny Readjusts to Civilian Life

  After World War II ended, Johnny Canuck—like many old soldiers—again faded away. He didn’t reappear until 1965, when he took on a new identity: as a private eye fighting crime in James Moffatt’s “Blue Line Murder” paperback novel series. After that, he had a variety of incarnations:

  In 1975 he got a promotion when he was renamed “Captain Canuck” in an independent comic book series created by Ron Leishman and Richard Comely. Now a superhero, Johnny wore a tight red-and-white outfit while displaying bulging muscles and sporting a red maple leaf emblazoned on his forehead. Captain Canuck, the creation of artist Richard Comely, worked for the Canadian International Security Organization and, not unexpectedly, vanquished many an evil foe.

  In 1995 the Dime Comics incarnation of Johnny Canuck was immortalized on a 45¢ postage stamp as part of Canada Post’s celebration of the nation’s comic-book superheroes. The classic rendering features Johnny jumping into action, outfitted in his air force flight jacket, goggles, headgear, and high leather boots.

  In its 2008–09 season, the National Hockey League’s Vancouver Canucks added jerseys that featured Johnny Canuck’s head over a “V.”

  Canada’s professional wrestling world even boasts two Johnny Canucks, called “Loverboy Johnny Canuck” and “Lumberjack Johnny Canuck.”

  On Top of the World

  Canadians are a brave bunch, and they aren’t afraid to go to incredible heights to prove it. Since the first climbers attempted Mount Everest in 1922, Canadians have had their share of the mountain’s triumphs and tragedies… including a bizarre incident when a group got a “hello” from a guy who’d been left for dead.

  Up, Up, Up

  In 1852 British colonial surveyors checked and rechecked their figures before concluding that yes, a certain mountain on the border of Tibet and Nepal that they called Peak XV was the tallest in the world. They quickly named it Mount Everest in honor of a retired colleague, Sir George Everest, a former British surveyor-general in India.

  The mountain already had a name, however—actually several names in the local languages: Sagarmatha (Nepali), Zhumulangma (Chinese), and Qomolangma (Tibetan). Whatever they called it, there was no way those surveyors were going to the top. In fact, most people back then assumed that Everest’s 8,850-meter (29,035-foot) peak was impossible to climb…and that it would be deadly to try. Even now, with the best of equipment and technology, climbers still often don’t make it, sometimes joining the 210 people known to have died on the mountain. The remains of some of them are still up there, and a handful—like the body of a man known by climbers as “Green Boots” because his green mountaineering boots are still on his feet—are visible landmarks along popular trails to the top.

  And yet people continue to try to reach Everest’s summit, and some of them are Canadians. The Canucks who have risked the fate of Green Boots number in the few dozen. These are the stories of some of their attempts, from the tragic to the absurd:

  Earl Denman

  When: 1947

  Fate: Failed.

  In 1947 engineer Earl Denman, the first Canadian to make a serious effort to reach Everest’s peak, smuggled himself into Tibet and hired two Sherpas for an illegal climb. (Tibet requires that all climbs be sanctioned by the government, and Denman’s attempt was not.) Nearly arrested by Tibetan patrols, the climbers got as high as 6,700 meters (22,000 feet) before a strong storm pummeled them into giving up. All three returned safely, although not without some suffering.

  Denman’s climbing gear was described as “woefully inadequate” and included boots that disintegrated on the way down, leaving him to walk some of the 500 kilometers (310 miles) back to Darjeeling, India (the nearest large city), on bare feet. Interestingly, one of his Sherpa guides was Tenzing Norgay, with whom Sir Edmund Hillary traveled to the top six years later in the first successful climb.

  Laurie Skreslet

  Pat Morrow

  Laurie Skreslet and Pat Morrow

  When: 1982

  Fate: Success, but at great cost.

  It would be 29 years after Hillary reached the top before Canadians tried. The 1982 Canadian Mount

  Everest Expedition, sponsored by Air Canada, was probably one of the best planned, best financed, best equipped, and largest Everest expeditions. It included 59 people, days of preparation, and 20 tons of supplies. Unfortunately, it was also one of the most tragic. Four people died, and six of the remaining Canadians threw in the towel, leaving it to Laurie Skreslet to become the first Canadian to reach the summit, followed two days later by Pat Morrow.

  Byron Smith

  When: 1998 and 2000

  Fate: Close, but no cigar, and then success.

  A climber with enough support lines might make it safely to the top and back. But the corollary of that statement defined the fate of Canadian Byron Smith, who, in 1998, made it to within 80 meters (262 feet) of Everest’s summit and then had to turn back when he literally reached the end of his rope. (Smith went back in 2000 and made it to the top.)

  Mount Everest is the tallest mountain in the world.

  Sean Egan

  Sean Egan

  When: 2005

  Fate: Died.

  Six years of good luck, in which at least eight more Canadians made it to the top without serious incident, came to an end when 63-year-old professor Sean Egan attempted to become the oldest Canadian to reach the summit. He died of a heart attack before rescuers could get him off the mountain.

  Andrew Brash

  When: 2006

  Fate: Abandoned climb to save a “dead” man.

  Andrew Brash from Calgary was sure he was going to make it to the top of Mount Everest on his second attempt in 2006. However, after an arduous climb and 200 meters (656 feet) from their goal, his team of four stumbled on a surreal scene: a guy sitting in the snow ahead of them, calmly changing his shirt.

  The day before, a different team had made it to the top, but one of its members, an Australian named Lincoln Hall, came down with altitude sickness that caused hallucinations and confusion. Sherpas tried to get him off the mountain, but were ordered by the group’s leader to give up—Hall was unconscious and the group leader believed he was dead. Plus, oxygen supplies were running low and snow blindness was setting in. So the group abandoned Hall on the mountaintop and headed back to camp. When they arrived, the group leader issued a statement announcing Hall’s tragic death on the mountainside.

  Usually that would be the end of it, but the next morning, Brash’s team climbed the same route. One of Brash’s team members, Myles Osborne, reported in his memoirs what happened next:

  Sitting to our left, about two feet from a 10,000-foot drop, was a man. Not dead, not sleeping, but sitting cross legged, in the process of changing his shirt. He had his down suit unzipped to the waist, his arms out of the sleeves, was wearing no hat, no glov
es, no sunglasses, had no oxygen mask, regulator, ice axe, oxygen, no sleeping bag, no mattress, no food nor water bottle. “I imagine you’re surprised to see me here,” he said. Now, this was a moment of total disbelief to us all. Here was a gentleman, apparently lucid, who had spent the night without oxygen at 8,600m, without proper equipment and barely clothed. And ALIVE.

  Brash and his group abandoned their upward quest and summoned help, sharing their oxygen and staying with Hall until a rescue team of 15 Sherpas could arrive to get him down the mountain. He recovered fully from mild frostbite and cerebral edema after his ordeal.

  The grave of David Sharp rests among the boulders of Mount Everest.

  A Cold Reality

  The reaction of Brash’s team may sound like a commonsense response to someone in mortal danger. After all, observed another member of the team afterward, “The summit is still there and we can go back. Lincoln [Hall] only has one life.” However, their sacrifice was in stark contrast to the story of another climber, British math teacher David Sharp, who ran into trouble just a few days earlier after reaching the summit.

  Climbing solo and without oxygen tanks, Sharp lost consciousness at the same overhang where the body of Green Boots still lies. Over the next nine hours, about 40 other climbers passed where he lay. Some thought he was dead. Others tried to radio for help, but couldn’t make contact with anyone. But some climbers actually saw he was still alive…and stepped around him in their hurry up or down the mountain. It took nine hours before a base camp received a call for help—by that time, Sharp was dead.