Guilt Ridden (The Walker Five Book 4)

by Marie Johnston

  “You’re still welcome to stay,” he offered.

  He consoled himself with the regret in her eyes. “I have an early morning but I—” a hesitant smile lit up her face, “—enjoyed myself tonight.”

  “Good.” He resisted giving her a smoldering kiss. It wouldn’t stop there if his lips landed on her again.

  He walked her out. The night had cooled, the nocturnal sounds of frogs filling the air.

  “Listen,” she said and paused, looking around. “No motors. No one hollering to anyone else. No neighbors revving their engines. Just birds and crickets, and frogs in your ditch pond.”

  “I’ve threatened the frogs several times. We have a noise ordinance out here.” He shot her a teasing grin.

  She smiled and opened her car door. “Good night, Travis.”

  He watched her drive off, her taillights disappearing beyond the trees rimming the property of his home.

  Well, he hadn’t scared her away yet. If only he knew what’d he’d done last time. He’d meant to romance her this time, but she scrambled his best intentions.

  Shoving his hands in his pockets, he wandered back into his house. Clouds of bugs swirled around the yard light and the light outside his door. He’d probably have three mosquito bites before he got back inside.

  She’d admitted she liked what they’d done together. The optimism Phil’s call had deflated bloomed again.

  Chapter Eight

  Kami sat on her couch and grinned to herself as she read Travis’s message wishing her a splendid weekend with her daughter and to let him know when she was able to meet about his write-up.

  Determined not to let him do all the brain work, she’d outlined her own plan, one radically different. But once her research had touched on it, it all made sense. Would it make any bit of sense to Travis?

  Her confidence wavered. She waffled on whether she should show him, or just listen to what he had to say. He had the big degree in this business. He had the experience.

  She had neither.

  Ben’s parents hadn’t known her scholastic struggles and peppered her with college and career questions. They have online classes, you know. Isn’t there anything you’d like to do? She hadn’t even told Ben how close she’d come to not graduating, and how often. Her desperation to stay on the gymnastics competitive team had fueled her manic drive to boost her grades. She and Austin had even studied together, his own struggles just as hard. Classmates thought chemistry drove them together time after time. And it had been. But not that kind. They’d once pulled an all-nighter studying molecular equations. She’d missed failing that test by one point.

  Not everyone was cut out for college. Didn’t mean she didn’t have aspirations.

  What would Travis’s parents think of her? Mr. and Mrs. Walker had run a thriving farming business and raised three overachiever kids. If Travis brought her home, then what?

  They have online courses, you know.

  She hadn’t revealed to any of Ben’s family that she’d tried online courses. Between adjusting to a move and renting a house and new mom duties, she’d failed her first test in Accounting 101 and dropped the rest of the courses she had enrolled in. Ben had encouraged her to just stick with one course, he’d help her, but he’d been busy enough with his job that took him all over the county selling fertilizer. And he’d been working on his own associate degree.

  She sighed. Waiting for Kambria sucked. Her in-laws liked to take their time, no matter how often Kami requested they get her home before her bedtime.

  She tapped her fingers on the couch. Her stomach rumbled. Since it was her night off cooking, she’d only grabbed a sandwich.

  A night off and she was going crazy by seven p.m.

  Scrolling through her phone, she searched ranching forums and websites. Her dad had done this mostly by himself. She had to do it smarter. Be less impulsive and reactionary. She might have to keep one of her jobs, but ranching would still allow quality time with Kambria. Living in the country would give her daughter space to roam instead of sitting in the cramped apartment, watching TV until she got home. Kambria could have cats and dogs, maybe even a goat or two. She could join 4-H and show off her work at county fairs.

  Kami tossed her phone aside as soon as she heard voices. She jumped up and threw open the door.

  Kambria trudged past her. “Ugh, Mom. I’m so tired. Don’t wake me up tomorrow; I want to finally sleep in.” She disappeared into her room.

  Kami turned a raised brow on Ben’s dad.

  Lee chuckled. “She’s worked so hard all week, no wonder she’s exhausted.”

  “Maybe if she’d gotten home earlier, she could’ve told me about it.”

  Lee brushed her off, either ignoring her or oblivious to her pointed tone. “Martha wanted to take her out for supper as a reward for working so hard. Well, I’ll come pick her up Sunday. Listen, the academy starts early in the morning, so I’d better get her back to Normandy by five o’clock. See you at four then?”

  Less than forty-eight hours with her daughter? She forced a smile. “She’ll be excited, I’m sure.”

  “Yeah, we’re loving it. Thanks for doing this.” Lee left.

  As if she had a choice. She went to Kambria’s room and knocked lightly.

  No answer. She cracked the door. Her little girl had crawled into bed fully clothed and was fast asleep.

  She shut the door and stared at it.

  So that was it. The night she looked forward to catching up with Kambria was over by eight. Never started in fact.

  Fucking Martha and her selfish ways.

  She stomped to her phone and opened her messages.

  I have time tonight if you want to come over.

  She sunk onto the couch and stared at the wall. Was he going to reply?

  Her phone pinged.

  Be there in twenty.

  Travis was coming. She grinned and jumped up to change out of her work outfit. She smelled like grease and coffee. Slipping into a solid T-shirt and leggings, she eyed herself in the mirror. Not exactly pajamas, but with easier access than jeans.

  What was she thinking?

  She didn’t want to know. Darting into the bathroom, she dug out her brush and Kambria’s detangler spray. It’d take the eau de diner out of her locks.

  Her stomach growled again.

  Travis was always ready for food. She scurried to the kitchen and looked through her cupboards and fridge. Nothing. She dug around her freezer and found ice cream. Dammit, what flavor was his favorite?

  By the time she’d dished up two bowls, there was a knock on the door.

  She opened it with a quiet, “Come in.”

  He stepped inside, his grin full of promise and his arms full of laptop.

  Part of her appreciated that he came to work and hoped for more instead of thinking she was a sure thing.

  “What happened to Kambria? Did she stay with your in-laws?”

  Kami tipped her head to the hallway. “She went straight to her room after uttering a whole sentence. She’s passed out.”

  “Ah.” He settled on her sofa and turned on his computer. He kicked out his long legs in front of him. His boots were almost spotless. Had he worn his good pair for her? His shirt was impeccable even though he’d probably been in the field all day.

  He’d dressed up and she’d dressed down.

  But his gaze flicked to her leggings and licked the length of her legs. That’s right. He’d never seen her out of her country girl wear. As a kid, she hadn’t been out of jeans and boots unless she was in a leotard for a practice or a show.

  He’d seen her out of her jeans, too.

  Before the flush crept up to her cheeks, she went after their ice cream.

  “What flavor did you like again?” She handed him the bowl.

  He pried his eyes off the screen and glanced at the dish. “My favorite flavor is cold. Thanks.”

  She sat next to him, her leg propped between them like a wall of protection. Doing anything with him h
ere was a bad idea, but if he started something, she didn’t know if she could quit.

  “You can’t claim to be deprived of ice cream. There’s no cooking.”

  “Yeah, but I never think of buying it.”

  She snorted. “Have a ten-year-old kid. They’ll never let you forget.”

  He chuckled and clicked through his computer. His laughter had been genuine; she liked that about him. She’d didn’t get the sense that he was humoring her, or trying to stay on her good side by tolerating Kambria.

  That’d been a concern of hers when she’d decided to enter the dating pool again, and seeing Austin hadn’t helped. She shouldn’t care, but being alone sucked. Having a kid was the most wonderful thing in the world, but it could also be very isolating. Women her age had kids who were either younger, or it was like they feared her around their spouses.

  And, well, she had history with a few of them, but it didn’t mean she was “that girl” or that she’d ever been. No matter what people had said about her, they could never claim she was the other woman.

  She’d done something right then, and now.

  “Here’s what I have.” Travis rotated the computer so she could see the screen. A neat, organized spreadsheet was open. “It’s really not that bad. I think you might need to spray the pastures. Leafy spurge is prominent in all of your quarters, but that’s not all bad news. The thistle is, though.”

  She opened her mouth to spill what was on her mind, but closed it.

  He looked at her expectantly. When she didn’t say anything, he asked, “Were you going to say something?”

  “I’ve read some studies on training cattle to eat leafy spurge, or to use multi-species grazing, like sheep and I thought ‘What about sheep?’”

  He blinked. “Like ranching sheep?”

  “Yeah. A smaller animal might be a little easier for me and they aren’t as picky about their pastures. When I was in 4-H, I went to the McKenzies’ farm, you know, on the other end of town, and her dad showed us how to shear. I’ve done some reading…”

  Look who she was talking to. Travis was more well-read than her and probably knew everything out there. Or she was full of shit and he’d tell her so.

  His eyes lit up. “There are some amazing possibilities in sheep. And I think you’d find sheep solve a lot of the problems you’re facing with cattle.”

  “Like what?” She knew from her research, but she wanted to hear his take, since he was not only open to the idea, but excited.

  He set his empty bowl down and twisted toward her, one hand steadying the computer. “They’re easier to handle, for one. You can push and shove a sheep where you want it to go instead of getting a horse saddled to maneuver a cow to the barn. Sheep’ll eat anything, even thistle.”

  She jumped in with her own findings. They traded information on annual income per sheep, diet needs, equipment needs. Travis sounded more thrilled than she was when she first stumbled across the article that planted the idea. He shut his laptop and rested it on the floor. She finished her treat and set the bowl down. Within minutes, they were facing each other, spouting wool facts.

  “You seem fascinated by the subject.” She laid her hand on his knee. Never in her life had she imagined sitting next to him discussing business. He hadn’t brushed off anything she said, but expounded on it. He’d even asked for her business plan and when she blinked and nearly panicked that she’d make a fool of herself, he clarified by asking what her income ideas were regarding selling meat, wool, or milk.

  Oh, that. She’d been forming a loose business plan the last few weeks. To be fair, she’d only had a couple of weeks to research and come up with a bare outline. Her gymnastics academy outline involved several documents and hours of research. And they were destined to sit in a folder on her computer.

  Perhaps years after she was deep into mutton, she’d look back on all those files and snort at how inadequate they were for what it really took to run a business. By then, the longing in her heart should’ve died down.

  They went over all the options and since nothing was set in stone, she found pure enjoyment in the conversation. Not so much about the details, but the back and forth between her and Travis.

  At work, she didn’t discuss what she was doing with her mom’s land. Her coworkers were lovely and always inquired about Kambria. They’d trade kid or grandkid stories and commiserate about the job. She was afraid to discuss her ideas with her mom. The woman defaulted to her dad’s old ways of raining on her parade. How do you think you’re going to do that? Can you really pull that hair-brained idea off? If Dad was still around, she could hear him say Why would you bring sheep to cattle country?

  Dad wasn’t around. She brought her attention back to Travis mid-sentence.

  “—and Cash said ‘I ain’t no wool wrangler’ so I dropped it.”

  She smiled. Someone as smart as Travis got shot down, too?

  She must’ve been staring at him, contemplating her newfound insight. He grew quiet, his expression serious. He drifted closer. She met him in the middle until their lips touched.

  ***

  Kami’s mouth was chilled from her cool treat, but her body was as hot as a late July afternoon. Travis gently pressed her back until they were stretched across her couch and he was cradled between her legs.

  Her legs. Still muscular and curvy from her years in gymnastics, every single inch was on display in those leggings. He loved the roll of her hips in her jeans, the way the light danced off the glitter and sequins decorating her pockets. When she’d been performing, he’d sit in awe of her sheer talent that had been shaped by hard work. She’d been a spectacular athlete, all focus and determination. It was obvious the younger gymnasts looked up to her. He’d been all admiration then, and he was now.

  She’d made a brilliant decision that would be pivotal in her success of acquiring her mom’s property. Pam might be thrown for a loop, but it’d soon be clear that Kami knew what she was talking about.

  A small whimper escaped her. Travis put most of the pressure on his knees to keep from crushing her and to keep his erection from grinding into her. She’d asked him over for help, not for sex. He’d let her decide whether he stayed or left.

  She greedily deepened the kiss. It’d only been a day since they’d gotten each other off, but it’d been a long damn day. How many times had he spaced out because he was lost in remembering how she’d fallen apart in his arms. He’d shattered, and all she’d needed to use was one hand.

  When her legs wrapped around his waist and she rocked into him, he lost himself in her. She wanted him, and he’d take whatever she gifted him with.

  Already, his shaft throbbed. His body forgot all restraint around her. The orgasm she’d given him was stronger than any he’d experienced. What would it be like to climax inside of her? To lose himself in her wet heat as a grown man and not a boy who didn’t really know what he was doing.

  They thrust against each other harder, faster.

  She broke the kiss, her hands on each side of his face. “If we do this, we need to go to the bedroom.”

  Words from heaven.

  He pushed off her and held out his hand to help her up. She turned with a wicked gleam in her eye and led him to her bedroom. When he was all the way inside, she shut the door. The darkness of her room made it hard to make out more than a bed and some dressers, but he detected her simple no-nonsense style in here as in the rest of the place. He liked that about her. The sound of the lock being turned echoed among their breaths.

  There were a few more considerations to doing this when there was a kid around.

  “What if she wakes up?” he asked, keeping his voice low.

  “Then we’ll have to be quiet.”

  He yanked her to him. “I can do that.”

  Another searing kiss, but it only lasted a moment. They were each in too much of a hurry. She drew her top over her head. He was mid-unbutton of his shirt, but stopped.

  Whoa.

  Spectacular b
reasts spilled out of a simple white, lace bra. She shimmied out of her bottoms and snapped the bra off.

  Whoa.

  Kami Lee Preston was naked.

  “You’re stunning.” He lifted a lock of hair off her shoulder and brushed it back. Her ripened-wheat hair gave her skin an angelic glow, skin he’d feared he’d never see or touch again.

  “You’re fully dressed,” she said.

  He couldn’t take his eyes off her as she finished undoing his shirt and shoved it down his arms. She started on his jeans next.

  “Uh…” She dropped a kiss on his chest. He hadn’t noticed he was holding his breath. “I need your help to get your pants off. Your boots are still on.”

  That spurred him into action. He toed off his boots and shucked his pants until he was as naked as her, erection straining for her.

  She danced her fingers along his pectorals. “I can’t believe a computer nerd like you has a body like this.”

  “Genetics. All the men in my family have the same body type.”

  She laughed softly. “This isn’t science. It’s hard work.”

  “Same with you.” Smooth, Walker. He failed at romancing Kami Preston.

  “Hard work has never been the problem with me.”

  Her words held an undercurrent of something deeper. Was it the lack of confidence? He had no idea how to make her see her own worth, but he could show her how much he thought of her.

  He crooked a finger under her chin and tilted her face to look at him. Their gazes met for a second, electricity crackling between them until he closed the distance and claimed her mouth again.

  He lowered his hand until he cupped a breast. Rolling her nipple between his fingers earned him a low moan.

  Enough of this. He had to worship her properly.

  Sweeping her off her feet, keeping the kiss in place so he swallowed her squeal of surprise.

  He placed her on the bed, spreading himself over her. Kneeing her legs open, he wanted to do so much: taste her, ravish her, kiss every inch of her body. But he couldn’t do that while his cock throbbed painfully. More than physical release, he wanted a connection with her, something between them that wasn’t just about getting off.