For All Time

by Angela Benson

  “And things will be great in the future,” Portia finished for her. “They’ll just be different.”

  Gloria could feel the tears puddle in her eyes. “I feel so stupid and so selfish. I should be concerned about Josh and all I can think of is about me.”

  “There’s nothing wrong with that, Gloria. One thing I’ve learned in five years of marriage to Dexter is that you have to know what your individual needs are as well as those of your marriage. Any time you need to sound off, I’m here for you.”

  Gloria smiled at her friend while managing to keep her tears at bay. “Thanks, Portia. I’m going to need a friend through this. You see, Josh isn’t the only one holding back these days. I’ve been holding back my feelings as well.”

  “That’s probably for the best. Honesty may be the best policy, but there’s something to be said for timing. Josh may not need you to be honest now. Just be supportive. You can be honest with me.”

  Portia’s words sounded right. Gloria hoped they were. “I’ve always told Josh everything. I feel dishonest not telling him everything.”

  “Growing pains, that’s all. You’re not telling Josh things that Josh can’t handle right now.”

  “That’s the problem. How do I know he can’t handle them if I don’t give him a chance?”

  “I don’t know,” Portia answered. She put her hand across her heart. “You feel it somewhere deep inside. You know Josh better than anybody. Do you think he’s ready to hear what you have to say right now?”

  Gloria thought about it. How would Josh respond if she told him her fears? He would probably want to protect her, to ease her fears. Would that put additional pressure on him? Gloria nodded slowly. It would. And Josh didn’t need any more pressure right now.

  “What’s the answer?”

  “You’re right. What I want to say to Josh now wouldn’t help at all. I’m going to take your advice and ride it out. I’ll be there for him. And you’ll have to be there for me.”

  Portia smiled. “That’s what friends are for. Now tell me more about Aruba.”

  Gloria welcomed the change to a more pleasant topic. She told Portia what she knew of the plans for the trip. “My major concern now is putting on a believable performance when we get to the airport. I’m supposed to be surprised.”

  Portia laughed. “You’ll pull it off. And if you don’t, Josh will have a good laugh at your, ah . . . inquisitive nature.”

  Gloria laughed too. “That’s my incentive to put on a good performance. If Josh finds out what I’ve done, he’ll never let me forget it.”

  ***

  Gloria arrived at Josh’s office a little before three. He was standing before the window, his back to her. She watched him and wondered what his thoughts were. She hoped they were happy thoughts, thoughts of them and their life together. She quietly walked over to him and placed her arms around his waist.

  “I didn’t hear you come in,” he said with a smile.

  “Lost in your thoughts?” she asked.

  Josh turned, keeping her arms around him. “Thinking about you.”

  Gloria smiled up at him, pleased to see the sparkle in his eyes. “Those are words a wife likes to hear.”

  “For the next fourteen days, Mrs. Martin, all you’re going to get are sweet words and even sweeter actions.”

  “Promises, promises.”

  “What do I have to do to convince you?”

  “How about a preview of coming attractions?”

  Josh moved until his lips were almost touching hers. She felt his breath on her face. “Consider it done.”

  Before Gloria could give a retort, Josh captured her lips with his own for a kiss that left them both wishing they were somewhere other than his office.

  When Josh pulled back, Gloria saw the passion in his eyes. “We’ve never . . . ah . . . christened . . . your office,” she said.

  Josh looked at his desk. Gloria knew the thoughts running through his mind. When he turned back to look at her, he said, “If only we had more time.”

  “As I said, promises, promises.”

  Josh playfully swatted Gloria’s bottom and pushed her away from him. “Get away from me, woman.” He picked up the packed box on his desk and headed for the door. Gloria didn’t move. “Are you coming?”

  She debated asking how he felt about leaving his office for the last time. Remembering her conversation with Portia, she decided not to. If Josh wanted to talk, she’d be there for him, but she wasn’t going to force it.

  “Are you coming?” Josh asked again.

  “Almost,” Gloria answered as she sashayed past him and out the door.

  His laughter covered the sound of the office door as he closed it.

  ***

  The moonlight on the water made the white sand beach sparkle. This is as close to heaven as I’ll get while I’m alive, Josh thought. What more could a man want? A beautiful night. A private beach. A beautiful and loving wife next to him.

  After making love on their private beach, neither of them had the desire or the strength to go back to their cabana. He knew Gloria was awake but he didn’t feel the need to speak to her. There were really no more words to say. The important things had been said. Though he had been afraid his joblessness would cast a pall on the trip, their two weeks in Aruba had been a healing balm for them, for their marriage. “All I need to do is find a job.”

  “You’ll find one, Josh.”

  Josh didn’t realize he’d spoken aloud. He turned on his side to face Gloria. “It may take some time, though.”

  “We have plenty of time. All of our lives.”

  Josh smiled. “I hope it doesn’t take that long.”

  Gloria leaned on one arm and playfully slapped Josh across the chest. “You know what I mean.”

  “Yes, I do. I feel much better now that I have a plan. Monday, I’ll call the contacts Marvin gave me and follow up with Dexter.”

  “Sounds like a good start to me. I’m glad Marvin made the effort.”

  Josh had been thinking about Marvin’s list. It was unlikely any of those companies were looking for a Chief Engineer. “I may not get the position I want, so I may have to settle for something less.”

  “What do you want, Josh? A position like your last one?”

  “I enjoyed being Chief Engineer, but I’d have to be very fortunate to find an equivalent position.”

  “If not management, would you go back to engineering?” Josh shrugged. He preferred using his management skills, he was a natural planner and negotiator. That was his passion. “That’s not my first choice. An engineering position would pay a lot less than a management position. How would you feel about that?”

  Gloria squeezed his hand. “I want us to be happy. If you want to go back to engineering, that’s fine with me. With both of us working, money shouldn’t be the deciding factor.”

  “What about the baby?” he asked. Though he had been thinking about their plans for a family, this was the first time in weeks he’d had the courage to voice his thoughts.

  “Baby?” She had been thinking about babies lately, but she wasn’t ready to share those thoughts with him. She wasn’t sure he was ready to hear them either.

  “The baby we were planning for next year,” he answered. “You were going to stop working after we had the baby.”

  “I don’t have to stop work to have a baby, Josh. There are alternatives.”

  Josh stood up. “There may be alternatives, but our plan was for you to stay home.”

  Gloria looked up at his back. “Maybe we need to reevaluate that plan. Is it a wise idea for us to put all of our financial eggs in one basket? If I keep working, we’ll have more options.”

  Josh walked to the water’s edge. “You don’t trust me to support us, do you Gloria?”

  I’ll have to watch what I say to him, Gloria thought as she went to him. “That’s not it, Josh. I trust you. I don’t trust the economy. I don’t trust cor
porate America. We have to learn from this experience and what I’ve learned is that we can’t depend on anything. There’s no need for you to carry the financial burden alone. I won’t be the first working mother and I certainly won’t be the last.”

  Josh continued to stare out over the water. He needed the calm that smooth waves provided. “It’s amazing how much can change in four short weeks. Four weeks ago, you never would have said what you just said. You didn’t want to be a working mom like your mother. You wanted to be there for our children.”

  Gloria had thought about her mother a lot lately. Maybe she had been too hard on her. “My childhood wasn’t all that bad,” she said. “Things have changed, Josh, and we are affected. Maybe we’ll change a little, too, but we’ll change together. We won’t let adversity separate us or distance us. Our love is stronger than that. You do believe that, don’t you?”

  Josh turned to face her. She was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her eyes shone in the moonlight and his heart expanded at the love he saw in them. “I want to believe it, Gloria. I love you more than you’ll ever know, but I worry that I’m not keeping the promises I made to you when we married.”

  Gloria’s eyes flashed her annoyance. “Don’t you dare say that, Joshua Martin. You’ve given me everything any woman could want and a hell of a lot more than most women have. Do you know that my friends are envious of me?”

  “Because of me?”

  Gloria gave an annoyed sigh, but when she spoke, her tone was soft. “Yes, because of you. Because of the ways you show your love for me. This trip is a perfect example. Portia is practically green with envy because Dexter never does anything like this. You go out of your way to make me feel special, to make me feel loved. You are keeping your promises. We both made promises. We promised to love forever. I’m still holding up my end of that promise and you’d better hold up your end.”

  Josh pulled her into his arms. “Is that enough?”

  “It’s more than enough,” Gloria said as she snuggled in his arms. “Sometimes I worry about us, Josh. We’re both so practical and logical.”

  “What’s wrong with being practical and logical?”

  “There’s nothing wrong with it, but it’s not always right. I don’t want us to allow our logic to make decisions that may not agree with our hearts. Our love may force us to go against logic sometimes and we have to be open to that.”

  Josh knew that logic and practicality had gotten him where he was today. “That might be hard for me, but I’ll try.”

  Gloria hugged him tighter. “That’s good enough for me.” When Josh didn’t say anything more, Gloria asked, “Are you all right?”

  “I’m better than I’ve been in the last few weeks. I’m beginning to see some light at the end of the tunnel. Maybe this will turn out to be a good thing after all.”

  Gloria pulled away from him and looked up into his eyes. “I’ve been thinking, hoping, the same thing. Our relationship will be stronger because we’ll have faced a trial together and you may even end up with a better job.”

  Josh turned, put his arm around Gloria’s waist, and led her back to the cabana, stopping only to pick up their blanket. “I’ve been having thoughts like that myself, but I’ve been a little afraid to voice them.”

  “I’m not. I feel it, Josh. This will all work out for us. Just wait and see.”

  Later that night when Josh and Gloria were in bed, Josh asked, “So, Portia’s jealous?”

  “Yes, she is. She says Dexter could take lessons from you in planning surprise romantic getaways.”

  Josh was silent for a while. Gloria heard the smile in his voice when he asked, “How long have you known about my secret box in the closet?”

  Four

  “You have an outstanding resume, Mr. Martin,” Thomas Williams, Vice President of Operations at Micro Systems Limited, said.

  Josh merely nodded but had a sinking feeling.

  Williams closed the resume folder, pulled off his glasses, and placed them on his desk. “I’m sorry we don’t have a position open for a man with your experience. Of course, we’ll keep your resume on file.”

  Josh was numb. Williams was the last name on the list of contacts Marvin had given him. As such, he was Josh’s last hope. But Josh didn’t have any hope these days. He’d had hope two months ago when he had started his job search with Marvin’s contacts and his friend’s support. He’d had hope on the first interview, then the second interview and then the third interview. Each time, the message was the same. “You’re great, but we can’t hire you.” Josh had hoped, prayed to hear something different today.

  “The openings we have would be an insult to someone with your expertise and the pay would be a drastic comedown from your previous salary.”

  Josh had heard that before, too. He had priced himself out of the market. It was a Catch-22. On one hand, his salary at General Electronics had been so substantial that few positions could match it. On the other hand, if he took a position at a salary less than that, his negotiating powers for a higher salary elsewhere would be severely hampered. What was he to do?

  Josh stood. He no longer waited for the interviewer to stand first. Extending his hand, he said, “Thank you for your time, Mr. Williams.”

  Taking Josh’s outstretched hand, Williams stood. “Good luck, Mr. Martin.”

  Josh walked out of the office to the elevator. He stood there a few minutes before realizing he hadn’t pressed the button. He stepped into the empty car, selected the button for the first floor, and leaned against the back wall. He studied his reflection in the mirrored walls of the car. Anyone looking at him would think he was a busy executive on his way to a power lunch. He still had the look. The close-cut haircut, the strong, hairless face, the power suit, the expensive attaché case, still named him a man to be reckoned with. He had the look, but now he didn’t have the power to go with it.

  The elevator doors opened and Josh stepped off. He stopped in front of the bank of telephones, then moved on toward the revolving doors. He couldn’t talk to Gloria right now. He needed her support and she was giving it, but he still felt pressured to be as successful in finding another job as he had been in everything else. Gloria believed in him and he needed that, but each time he gave her bad news, he saw the light dim in her eyes. Sure, she covered it up with words like, “Next time” and “Their loss,” but he saw it.

  He understood her feelings. The money he had received in his severance package was gone. They were no longer putting Gloria’s salary in the bank. Instead they were living on it. Since her salary was less than his, soon they would have to dip into their savings. Josh didn’t even want to think about that. Their savings represented their plans for a family. What if they had to use it all?

  ***

  “I’m glad you dropped by, Josh,” Dexter said as they settled themselves at a picnic table in the park a couple of blocks from his office. “I needed to get out of the office for a while. The fresh air feels good.”

  “It sure does.” Josh had pulled off his suit coat so he could enjoy the cool breeze.

  Dexter took a huge bite of the submarine sandwich he had purchased. “What are your plans now?”

  Josh took a long swallow of beer. Being out of work meant he could have a drink in the middle of the day. “That’s a good question. I have to do something so we don’t end up spending all our savings.”

  Dexter nodded between bites. “Be glad that you having savings to fall back on. What’s the money for, if not for when you need it?”

  “The money isn’t for this; I can tell you. The headhunter says I should be prepared to wait nine months to a year to find a job. That’s a long time to skim off your savings.”

  “Whew,” Dexter said. “Why does he think it will take that long?”

  Josh mimicked the headhunter’s coached voice as he repeated the reasons to Dexter. “It’s a tight market, Mr. Martin, especially for middle managers like yourself. You’re
going to have to wait this one out if you want to find a comparable position here in Atlanta. If you would settle for less pay or if you were open to relocating, we could reduce the time.”

  “Are you?” Dexter asked.

  “Am I what?”

  “Willing to settle for less or to relocate?”

  Josh wiped the sweat from his beer can with his napkin, then wadded up the napkin and tossed it in a garbage can about five feet from their table. “That’s a good question. The truth is, I’m not ready to do either yet.”

  “Which one do you think you’ll be ready to do first?”

  “I’d rather relocate for a comparable position with comparable pay than take a pay cut.”

  “What does Gloria think?”

  That was Josh’s concern. Gloria didn’t want to move. “Gloria thinks I’ll find a job here.”

  Josh saw Dexter’s eyebrow raise slightly. “And if you don’t?”

  “We don’t discuss that. We keep hoping I find something.” When Dexter didn’t comment, Josh added, “We’ve got to get a better handle on our money. I don’t want to use all of our savings.”

  “Have you talked with your financial planner?”

  Josh shook his head. “Not since the news with the job. We probably need to.”

  ***

  Gloria placed the fluffy, white towel around her neck and stepped on the treadmill next to the one on which Portia stood. “It’s been awhile since we’ve done this.”

  Portia was out of breath. ‘Too long. I think my heart is about to burst. How do you do it?”

  “I’m consistent, Portia. It would help if you came more than once or twice a month.”

  Portia started walking again. “How do you find the time? On the days that I don’t work through lunch, I usually have some errand to run.”

  Gloria upped the speed on her treadmill. “Exercise is important to me so I make time.”

  “Now that Dexter and I are working on a baby, I need to get started on something that I can continue after I’m pregnant. Walking seems like the answer.”