For All Time

by Angela Benson

  Louise nodded with a knowing smile. “And look at the numbers.”

  “God! This is five times the amount that was needed for the shopping center.”

  “You’re right and it’s yours. It goes without saying that you’re lucky to get this. Not that you aren’t deserving, but pull this off and you’re minutes away from your next promotion.”

  Gloria thought it ironic that this would happen on the same day as Josh’s plan to change their lives. How could she even consider leaving now? A medical center in South Fulton. A project that would mean so much to that community. A project that would take at least a year to pull together. At least.

  “I knew you’d be excited,” Louise was saying. “The folks upstairs were impressed with the way you handled Cascade. The publicity it generated for the bank was invaluable. They were eager for you to get this one. Aren’t you going to say something?”

  All Gloria could think about was the discussion that she and Josh were having tonight. She needed more time. She needed Josh to understand that.

  “Gloria,” Louise said, “I’ve never known you to be speechless. Say something.”

  “You know I love community projects. The hospital is just the type of project I wanted next. I need to look over the file, but I’m excited about it.”

  “Good. Take the time you need. We need to get a game plan together within the next month. I’ll leave it to you to do that. Let’s get together the middle of next month to see how you’ve sized it up. How’s that?”

  “Great, Louise.”

  Gloria left the office with conflicting feelings. A part of her couldn’t wait to tear into the file. Another part of her was afraid to even open it. If she opened it, she knew there was no chance at all she’d go along with Josh’s proposal.

  Seventeen

  Josh was listening to Gloria, but he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “We agreed on six months and it’s been six months. You have to move to Raleigh,” he said.

  Gloria stood and began clearing the dishes from the table. He followed her into the kitchen.

  “Aren’t you going to respond?” he asked.

  Gloria put the dishes in the sink and began rinsing them. “You aren’t listening to me, Josh.”

  He grabbed her hand and turned her around. “Will you please stop with the damn dishes? This is an important conversation we’re having.”

  Gloria removed her hand from his, pulled out one of the dinette chairs, and took a seat. “Okay, you have my full attention. Now tell me again that I should quit my job.”

  Josh put his hands on the back of the chair facing hers, but he remained standing. “Don’t make me out to be the heavy here, Gloria. Our plan has always been for you to quit work when we start a family. Well it’s time to start a family.”

  “Says who? Don’t you think we should make that decision together?”

  Josh flopped down in the chair. “I thought we had already decided,” he said softly. “It seems you’ve changed your mind.”

  “It’s the timing, Josh. I’m not ready to have a baby.” She knew she was hurting him, but she had to tell him how she felt.

  “I could see how you responded to Portia’s pregnancy. You can’t tell me that you don’t want a baby.”

  He was right. She did want a baby. Just not right now. They both needed to find work in the same city first. “What if you’re out of work again, Josh? What then?”

  That was it. She had gone for the jugular. What could he say? “That won’t happen.”

  “You promise?”

  Josh stood up and presented his back to her while he went through the motions of getting a glass of water. She had him there. He couldn’t promise. “We didn’t go broke this last time, did we? Anyway, I’m more prepared now than I was last time. I don’t have all my eggs in the Carolina basket.”

  “I’m scared, Josh. Scared. It was difficult when it was just the two of us. Think what it would have been like with a couple of kids. You have to admit that my working helped.”

  “You’re right it did. But that was then and this is now. We can’t live our lives based on what bad things might happen.”

  “Neither can we afford to be naive about this. From a financial perspective, I need to keep working.”

  Josh pulled out his chair and sat again. “Look, Gloria, I don’t have a problem with your working. If you want to go back to work after you have the baby, I’ll support that decision. It won’t be my preference, but I promise I’ll support your decision. But that still doesn’t address our present problems. This commuter marriage is not working. We’re growing apart.”

  She knew he was right. She just wasn’t ready to accept his alternative. “We’ll just have to do better with our schedules . . .”

  Josh jumped up out of his chair. “Come on, Gloria. Wake up and smell the coffee. It’s not going to work. You don’t want another job, so you’re never going to find something you want in Raleigh.”

  He was right. “What about you? I don’t see you interviewing here in Atlanta.”

  Josh shook his head back and forth. If she couldn’t see what was happening to them, there was nothing he could do. “I looked for nearly eight months before I went to Raleigh. I’ve told you once and I’ll tell you again. There’s nothing here for me.”

  “There’s nothing in Raleigh for me.”

  “What about me, Gloria, don’t I count for something?”

  “I could ask you the same question. Why do I have to give up my job?”

  Josh was beat and he knew it, but he had to give it one more chance. “How about we compromise? You take a leave of absence. We see how it works in Raleigh. We think some more about a baby. This way you won’t have to give up anything.” Even as Josh said this, he knew it was risky. They were continuing to postpone a decision that they had to make. He would force it now, but he wasn’t sure he’d get the answer he wanted. “So, what do you say?”

  “I don’t know, Josh. I’ll have to think about it. Taking a leave of absence is better than quitting outright though. I’ll give you that.”

  Josh hadn’t got what he wanted. He had wanted her to put their marriage before her career. He had wanted her to believe in his ability to take care of her and their children. But she hadn’t. He couldn’t fault her reasoning, but where did reasoning leave them? She was in Atlanta. He was in Raleigh. Darlene was in Raleigh. And he needed a wife.

  ***

  “Let me know when you decide what you’re going to do, Gloria,” Josh said as he got in his car for the drive back to Raleigh on Sunday morning. She said something, but he didn’t bother listening. He started the car and pulled out of the driveway.

  The tension between him and Gloria had intensified since their discussion Friday night. The more he thought about the situation, the angrier he became. Gloria was selfish. He wasn’t asking her to quit her job, just to take a leave of absence. She’d think about it, she said. Well, he hoped she made the right decision. For both of them.

  ***

  The message light on his answering machine was flashing when he walked into the house. His first thought was that Gloria had come to her senses. He rushed to the machine and pressed the PLAY button.

  “Call me,” the voice. “I’m in the book.”

  It was Darlene. Josh pressed Rewind and then Play again. He did this three times.

  He knew what he was doing when he went for the phone book. This was the first time Darlene had sought him out, called his house. He could have told himself that he had to return the call because it had something to do with work. Maybe Carla had an emergency. But he knew that wasn’t it. No, Darlene called because she had gotten tired of waiting for him to make a move. She was forcing his hand and he knew it. Hell, he’d half expected it. That was why so much had been riding on his trip to Atlanta.

  He found Darlene’s number and jotted it down on the pad next to the phone. Was this the moment of truth? What would he say if he called? Wh
at would she say?

  He picked up the phone and dialed six of the seven digits written on the pad before hanging up. He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t coldheartedly betray his marriage vows. And he knew that’s what he’d be doing with that phone call.

  ***

  Josh finally saw Darlene Friday night in the bar at Dominic’s. She was wearing the red dress she had worn the first night he had seen her. It was an understatement to say that she looked good.

  He watched her take a seat near the end of the bar. Before she was fully seated, some guy was making a move on her. She smiled at him, but obviously she turned him down because he soon walked away.

  She saw Josh when she turned to watch the man walk away. Without a second thought, she walked over to his table.

  She looked around before taking a seat. “You’ve been avoiding me, Josh Martin. And now you’re out drinking alone. Could there be a connection between the two?”

  “How do you know I’m alone?” he asked. “Gloria could be here with me.”

  Darlene smiled and took a sip of her drink. “I don’t think so, Josh. Something tells me you’re very much alone.”

  Josh belted down his gin and tonic and signaled the waiter for another. This was his fourth, maybe fifth, drink of the evening. “Darlene, the psychic.”

  “Don’t be mean,” she said, though she didn’t appear insulted by his comment. “I may be the only friend you have right now. Why didn’t you call?”

  Josh drank from the fresh glass the waiter had brought him. “I think you know the answer to that. I’m a married man, Darlene.”

  “You could have fooled me. I never see any wife around.”

  Josh grimaced. “I’m not interested, Darlene. I’m perfectly happy in my marriage.”

  “Right. That’s why you’re out drinking yourself silly. What happened? Did the little woman let you down again?”

  Josh knew Darlene had no idea how close to the truth she had gotten. Gloria had called this afternoon saying she couldn’t make her scheduled visit to Raleigh this weekend. He wasn’t surprised as much as he was hurt. He had hoped Gloria would have come to a decision about moving to Raleigh, but it seemed that all of her energy was directed toward her work. She probably hadn’t even thought about them, their marriage. He reconsidered that thought. Maybe there was nothing to think about. Maybe her decision was already made and she just couldn’t bring herself to tell him. That conclusion had led to his first drink and then his second and then his third . . .

  “Afraid to answer the question, Josh?”

  Josh put his glad down and looked at Darlene. At this moment, he hated her. At this moment, he wanted her more than he ever had. He took the last drop from his glass. “I’m leaving.”

  He swayed when he stood up and Darlene got up to help him.

  “How many drinks have you had tonight?”

  Josh thought it was only five. Maybe it had been more. “A few.”

  “More than a few, I’d think. You’re not driving home.”

  Josh pulled a few bills from his wallet and threw them on the table. “Like hell I’m not.”

  Darlene followed him to the parking lot, where he fumbled with his car keys. He tried to open the door, but he couldn’t find the slot. “I need a little help here.”

  Darlene took the keys from him and dropped them in her purse. “You do need help. And I’m going to give it to you by driving you home. My car is over here.”

  Josh was in no mood to argue so he followed her to her car. He felt light-headed and his vision was fuzzy. The movement of the car out the parking lot didn’t help matters any. By the time they reached his townhouse, he knew he was going to have a terrible hangover in the morning.

  Darlene helped him to the door, fished through his keys and let them both in. He made it as far as the couch before he fell, more than sat, down.

  “Thanks for driving me home,” he said.

  When she didn’t respond, Josh looked around but he didn’t see her. “Darlene,” he called out. He thought about getting up to look for her, but his light-headedness made him remain seated.

  When she finally came into view, he asked, “Where were you? Didn’t you hear me calling you?”

  “I heard you. I was just checking out the place. Nice bachelor pad you have here. Ready for bed?”

  Josh knew it was another invitation. “Yes, but you’re going home.”

  Darlene smiled and leaned over to take his arm, pulling him up from the sofa. “I don’t think you’re going to be able to navigate those steps without my help, so be nice.”

  Josh didn’t say anything, but he allowed her to help him up the steps to his bedroom. Once there, he sat on the edge of the bed and kicked off his shoes. He unbuttoned his shirt after a few false starts and flung it on the floor in front of him. He removed his belt, but he had trouble with his pants. He was able to pull them down past his hips, but Darlene had to grab both legs and pull them off. He opened his mouth to say something, but suddenly he was so very sleepy.

  Darlene pushed him on the bed. “Just go to sleep. I can let myself out.”

  She lifted his legs and placed them on the bed. He was asleep before he could thank her.

  Darlene looked at his sleeping body, clad in only his undershorts. She had known from their first meeting that Josh would bring nothing but heartbreak her way. And she had been right. She looked at him now and she knew she was in love with him. As crazy as it sounded, she was in love with Josh Martin. Married Josh Martin.

  She sat on the bed next to him and wondered how she could have allowed this to happen. A married man. A married man in love with his wife. She knew Josh loved Gloria. That she had never doubted. What she had doubted and what had given her hope for a relationship with Josh, was that she wasn’t so sure that Gloria was in love with him. She knew that if Josh were her husband, she wouldn’t be content to be separated from him the way Gloria was. No, Gloria didn’t love Josh and she didn’t deserve him. Josh deserved a woman would love and support him the way he needed to be loved and supported. Darlene thought she was that woman.

  She looked at her watch. It was after midnight and she was tired. The prospect of driving home didn’t appeal to her. She looked again at the sleeping Josh and made her decision. She stripped down to her camisole and panties and climbed in next to him.

  ***

  Gloria still didn’t have an answer. She loved Josh and she wanted to be with him, but she was afraid to be without a job. She hadn’t realized until lately how much of her self-esteem was wrapped up in her work. Could she make him understand that? Did she understand it?

  The drive from Atlanta to Raleigh had given her some thinking time and she knew in her heart that she wanted to have that baby and be with Josh. She would tell him that when she surprised him with her visit.

  Her thinking had started in earnest Friday night. After she had hung up from telling Josh that she wasn’t going to make her trip, she had faced some truths about herself, him and their relationship. Josh was right that the commuter arrangement wasn’t working. There were too many times, too many reasons, that she had let other things come first. So, even though she should be working this weekend, she wasn’t going to. She was about to put Josh and their marriage first. Something she should have been doing since he moved away.

  When she arrived at the townhouse, she pulled her car into the driveway and went to the door. She used her key because she wanted to surprise him. Once inside, she tiptoed up the stairs to his bedroom. Easing the door open, she walked slowly into the room. The blinds were closed, but the early morning light shone through the slits. Josh, dressed only in his undershorts, was asleep on the bed. Her heart filled with love for him. She moved to the bed, dropping her clothes among the one he had discarded earlier.

  When she sat on the bed next to him, she was naked. Instead of kissing him, she looked at him for a long while, thinking of the life they had shared so far and the bright future that lay be
fore them.

  As she leaned down to kiss him awake, a strip of white cloth caught her eye. She reached behind him and picked it up. She thought her eyes were playing tricks on her, but she was wrong. It was a half-slip. A woman’s half-slip.

  She held the slip in her hand, not wanting to face the reality of what it meant. She let her eyes wander to the clothes that were strewn across the floor. She wondered how she had missed them when she walked in. A dress. A bra. Shoes. None hers.

  Her heart was breaking and there was nothing she could do to stop it. Should she wake Josh? What would he say if she did? What did she want him to say?

  Oh, my God. Why hadn’t it occurred to her before? The woman was still in the house. Gloria quickly put her clothes back on, gathered up the woman’s clothes from the floor, and started through the house looking for her. She checked the bathroom first. No one there. Then she went downstairs. The light was on in the kitchen. She wondered why she hadn’t noticed that when she first came in? She knew why. All her thoughts had been centered on seeing Josh. Nothing else had registered.

  She walked toward the kitchen. As she got closer, she heard someone humming. Then she saw her. It was Carla, Josh’s boss. Gloria couldn’t believe it. Josh and his boss. She didn’t know what she was going to say or do, but she had to face this woman who was sleeping with her husband.

  Carla stood at the stove, half-naked and humming while she scrambled eggs. Bitch, Gloria thought. The nerve of this woman, standing in my kitchen, cooking my food.

  “You and Josh have some extra work to catch up on last night, Carla?” Gloria asked.

  Darlene turned around. She was shocked but she recovered quickly. “Who are you?”

  Bold bitch, Gloria thought. “Surely you haven’t forgotten me. I’m Josh’s wife, Gloria. But then maybe it’s to your advantage to forget about me. Makes it easier to carry on an affair with Josh, doesn’t it?”

  Darlene removed the fryer from the flames and cut off the gas. She turned to Gloria. Without bothering to correct Gloria on her identity, she said, “Josh and I are friends.”