A Worthy Man

by Jaime Reese

  For the first time, he was exactly where he needed to be with exactly the person his soul screamed to be with.

  He ripped his mouth away from the kiss, gasping a breath at the realization.

  “Was that okay?” Drayton asked, gulping and panting each breath as he remained pressed against Vann.

  Vann nodded, unable to utter a word as he stared into those pale gray eyes filled with wonder. Without a shred of hesitation, he knew his heart had been branded and he’d do anything in his power to always protect and care for the man staring back at him.

  “Shaw?” Cam said, pulling him back into the present.

  Vann slowly opened his eyes, reveling in the still vivid emotions that always accompanied a memory. That same veil of calmness that had enveloped him during that kiss almost thirteen years ago now surrounded his body like a protective cloak.

  Cam gave him a lopsided grin. “You’re gonna be fine. Have a seat.”

  “I thought I was having a heart attack or something.”

  “If you were, you’d be in the back of an ambulance right now, not the diner.”

  “You’re a fucking comedian.”

  Cam scoffed. “Hardly. I’m too familiar with panic attacks. I’ve learned to manage them and barely have them now, but had more than my fair share when I got out and tried to adjust to things. You were probably worried about screwing up and going back inside. That one thought right there did it to me every time.”

  Vann took a deep, steadying breath, making a mental note. “Is Bill okay out there?”

  Cam sat in the chair across from him. “Yeah, he’s got it under control.”

  “Shouldn’t you be out there?”

  “Nah. He’s fine and Lucy’s on the register. Besides, I’m not sure I want to be out there right now.” Cam leaned back in the chair and chuckled.

  “Why’s that?” Vann rubbed the back of his neck and sighed, not really sure he wanted to know the answer.

  “Bill’s still fuming…because of that customer.” Cam added the latter before Vann had a chance to speak. “He heard the guy say ‘no mayo’ to you. So did I and that other customer. The guy’s a prick. And Bill doesn’t play nice with assholes. So he had a field day going off on the guy.”

  Vann rubbed his forehead. “That’s not good for business.”

  Cam chuckled. “Well, apparently the guy’s a jerk so his ‘friends’”—Cam said with air quotes—“got a kick out of seeing an old man go batshit crazy on his ass. They all stayed and gave Bill major props for calling him out.”

  He leaned his head back in the chair, hating to have caused drama in the otherwise silent diner.

  “Don’t worry about it. Bill’s cool. And he gets really protective. If he didn’t like you, he would have kicked you out the first day.”

  “Cam, honey, we’ve got a coffee order,” Lucy called out from the front.

  “Coming!” Cam rose from the chair, stopping at the doorway before leaving him. “Hang out back here until the crowd clears. We’ve got the front covered.”

  Vann rested his elbows on the table and cradled his head in his hands. Why the hell did it always seem as if he got the shit end of the stick? He hated drama, he hated being the source of it, and he sure as hell hated being called stupid. He wasn’t as book smart as Drayton. Hell, most people weren’t. But he’d heard that little gem too often in his life from his father, kids in school, and the pricks in prison. He couldn’t help wondering if there was a shred of truth in their jabs.

  He ignored the sudden sting in his eyes, hating the thoughts racing in his mind. He covered his eyes and revisited a memory, a small smile twitched his lips.

  Being with Dray is definitely my “happy place.”

  ∞ ♥ ∞

  Drayton couldn’t shake this odd twitch that kept nagging him for the last few hours. He ran through the day multiple times in his mind, over and over again to the point of exhaustion, trying to break down the day to pinpoint the problem area, coming up empty every time.

  And yet, the prickling behind his neck persisted.

  Maybe seeing Vann would right this odd imbalance that kept throwing him off. He blew out a frustrated breath, turning the street corner, and then driving into the back lot of Halfway House. He parked next to Julian’s truck and turned off the car, waiting when he spotted Vann sitting on the back porch.

  It was too damn hot so Vann never waited outside for him. Something was…off.

  And the prickling behind Drayton’s neck persisted. He exited the car and walked over to Vann, sitting next to him on the porch bench when the silence filled the space between them. Vann immediately reached out and grabbed his hand, threading their fingers together.

  “How long have you been out here?”

  Vann shrugged, not breaking his focus from the concrete slab floor.

  “I thought we got past this.”

  He turned to look at Drayton, a frown darkening his features in confusion.

  “That’s what you used to do when we were friends.” He leaned in and placed a kiss on Vann’s lips. “It took me forever to get you to open up about stuff. Just tell me what’s going on.”

  Vann sighed. “I had a problem with a customer today. He…called me stupid.”

  And there it was. That word that had haunted Vann his entire life. The one cursed string of characters that always seemed to knock the wind out of his sail and have him face-plant against the nearest brick wall. “You know you’re not.”

  “Tough to believe when everyone keeps saying the same shit,” he grumbled. “He said I messed up his order but I didn’t. I keep going through it in my mind to figure out what I did wrong.”

  “He probably thought it was easier to tear you down rather than admit he’d messed up. That’s what you used to tell me about the bullies who got pissed off at me when I didn’t want to do their homework. You remember that?”

  Vann remained quiet, passing the time by rubbing his thumb along Drayton’s hand.

  “What else happened? What aren’t you telling me?”

  “I…kinda freaked out a little. I thought I was going back to that hell because of the screw-up. I couldn’t breathe. And the more I fought to breathe, the stronger the pain got in my chest.” He quieted again, looking off into the darkness of the backyard. “Cam said it was a panic attack. I’d never had one of those.”

  “I have.”

  Vann turned sharply to face him. “When?”

  Drayton took a deep breath, careful of his words. “After that night. I don’t think I had a solid night’s sleep for months. And it took me forever to get over being in the dark by myself again.”

  Vann’s brow lowered, deepening his frown. “I wasn’t there for you.”

  “Because you were in prison.”

  Vann yanked his hand away and roughly rubbed his eyes with his palms, something he always seemed to do when too many thoughts simultaneously battled in his mind. Almost as if he could push the thoughts and emotions back into his mind.

  Drayton reached out and stroked Vann’s back, hoping the rhythmic circular patterns brushed against his muscles would calm the obviously dark brewing turmoil. “I got through it. And you’ll get through this. And I’m going to be right here with you to make sure that happens.”

  Vann dropped his hands into his lap. Drayton didn’t have a clue how long he’d sat out there, mulling over what had happened. But the exhaustion and frustration had obviously started to show their wear. “Cam told me to think of a happy place. I swear, that fucker is as chipper as you are sometimes.”

  A quiet chuckle escaped before Drayton could rein it in. “Believe me, ‘chipper’ is not a word people use to describe me. But I know it helps to focus on something positive to stay grounded.”

  “You were my happy place.”

  Drayton’s heart skipped a beat and the prickling behind his neck eased.

  Vann looked at him, the corner of his lips curled into a faint smile. “Thinking of you always settles me.” He reached over a
nd grabbed Drayton’s hand again. “That’s what kept me sane inside,” he quietly added.

  Drayton knew all too well how latching on to memories helped maintain some semblance of sanity. Reminiscing about Vann and their time together pushed him through each day. And the times he wrote the letters, reliving each memory with the finest of details, were always the best nights. He’d catch himself smiling as he wrote his weekly letter and the swell of hope would push him to continue.

  He also remembered the ache of solitude at seeing so many happy faces everywhere in movies and hearing laughter in the office—each smile wide and each echo of a laugh reverberating through the air. A deep pain had sliced through his chest each time he recalled the loneliness and the heartbreak of possibly never feeling that level of happiness again with Vann. The dull ache in his chest remained as a constant reminder of Vann’s absence and the normalcy he’d always seemed to bring into Drayton’s life. He’d numbly gone through the daily motions like a zombie. He’d just wanted to feel…normal. Happy. Be with the man he loved and share the moments of joy with him. Somehow, every innovation and industry-changing creation that garnered more publicity and expectations for greatness felt empty. The thrill and excitement were nonexistent.

  Simply because Vann had not been there with him to share in the glory.

  “You got quiet on me,” Vann said, pulling him from his thoughts.

  “I missed you.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  Drayton shook his head. “Don’t be. I don’t know anyone who can read people better than you. And you knew you needed the isolation to survive prison.” He pulled their clasped hands to his lips. He rubbed his thumb along Vann’s rough skin, tracing the small white scars along his knuckles. He turned to Vann and frowned when there was too much silence between them. “Now you got quiet on me.”

  “I don’t deserve you.”

  “Vann, don’t.” He pulled Vann into an embrace and held him close, pressing a kiss to his temple. “There’s no other place I’d rather be than by your side. Besides, you get me like no one else does. You know I try, but people don’t always fit into a formula I can solve. So you’re stuck with me.”

  “You try too hard,” Vann whispered. “You don’t need to. Just be the real you and they’ll swarm to you.”

  Drayton scoffed. “That only works with you. Everyone else…” He quieted, not really sure how to phrase what he wanted to say without Vann drawing some guilt from his words. “It’s not easy for me to figure out who’s genuine and who’s not. So it’s easier to just shut out everyone.”

  Vann took a deep breath, remaining quiet as he usually did when he was turning over all the thoughts in his mind. “I should have been here for you.”

  “Don’t do that. The reason you weren’t here was because of what you did that night…for me. If anyone feels bad about you not being here for the last ten years, it’s me.” He leaned in and pressed his forehead to Vann’s, enjoying the nearness he had missed for too many years. “Try and think of one positive thing about us being apart.”

  “That’s a little twisted.”

  “Well, you already know I suck at this normal human thing. Just humor me.”

  Vann’s eyebrows twitched as if struggling with an internal debate. He finally looked up at Drayton, his eyes holding a wealth of emotions that reached out and tightened around his heart. “The only positive of being away from you for so long is that I now get to enjoy falling for you all over again.” Vann leaned in, placing a tender, slow kiss on Drayton’s lips.

  “I’m yours.”

  “Always?” Vann asked, avoiding eye contact.

  Drayton tucked his fingers under Vann’s chin, tipping his head and holding him in place until their eyes met. “Forever.”

  “We sound like a couple of saps.”

  He placed another kiss on Vann’s lips, smiling when Vann kept his face turned upward, silently requesting another. He pressed their lips together again then whispered, “I don’t mind being a little sticky when you’re around.”

  A slow, wicked grin spread across Vann’s face. “Okay, so we’re horny saps.”

  Drayton chuckled. “And we’ve got a lot of time to make up for.”

  “I missed this.” Vann rested his head on Drayton’s shoulder. “I missed you. This…peace that’s always been there between us. I don’t have that anywhere but with you.”

  “That’s why I’m your happy place.”

  “You’ll always be my sexy, nerdy, sappy happy place.”

  “I’ll be whatever you want me to be as long as you’re by my side.”

  Vann sighed and nuzzled the side of Drayton’s neck as he spoke. “Thanks, Dray.”

  “I didn’t do anything.”

  “You let a punk kid with a shit rep into your life. You gave him a chance. And I swear to you, he’s never, ever going to forget that.”

  Drayton pulled Vann into an embrace, holding him close. He pushed his nose into Vann’s hair, stifling a moan as the safety and comfort enveloped him and the prickling behind his neck finally vanished.

  This was where he wanted to be. The one place that always felt right. The only place where love surrounded him so intensely he needed to relax or be worn out from the pointless struggle of resistance. Being with Vann was easy, always had been. He wasn’t even sure of that pivotal moment when he had fallen in love, or maybe it was a series of tiny events that built over the years of their friendship, braiding into that bond and creating a tie stronger than he could ever have imagined. He gave up on figuring out the mechanics of what made them click so well together. There were too many things to narrow down and pinpoint to a single detail.

  But there, in Vann’s arms, with his scent surrounding him and the warm puffs of breath against his shoulder, he knew this was where he belonged and that no one, anywhere, would ever be able to fill the void in his heart the way Vann always did.

  Vann stretched his arms over his head and yawned. He rubbed his eyes and looked over at the clock on the nightstand. Damn. He had overslept and missed the breakfast window.

  He scrubbed his face with his hand and rose from the bed. Sacrificing food for a full night of peaceful sleep was a fair trade he wouldn’t regret. He made a quick round to the bathroom, grabbed some clothes from the closet, and made the bed, leaving everything spotless before finally making his way downstairs.

  Each step in the eerie silence was a reminder he was the only resident in the house for the weekend. Frankie had finished his term at Halfway House and both Ryan and Ben had weekend furloughs. He welcomed the absence of bickering, but hated the solitude.

  He peeked into the empty kitchen then walked toward the back door when he heard a sound. He poked his finger between the blinds and spotted Matt prepping the grill for the afternoon. A small smile tugged at his lips. He was definitely going to hover over Matt later on today at the grill.

  Matt had taken him seriously with his request to learn how to cook. He had started with the kitchen basics, stressing the importance of seasoning and how to work the stove and what pans and pots were best for what foods. He then dove right into showing him how to make pasta and a few quick meals. The thought of surprising Drayton one night with a cooked dinner made his heart beat a little faster. He had already picked up on how to make breakfast—even if Julian kept interrupting to steal strips of bacon—and he had learned from Bill a ridiculous amount of details about sandwiches and salad ingredients. He even learned how to make several dressings from scratch and Bill’s secret sandwich sauce the customers always demanded. Today, he was going to learn how to grill steaks.

  A hand landed on his right shoulder, freezing every thought in his mind.

  In a series of rapid movements, he reached across the front of his body and locked his left hand around the wrist on his shoulder. He twisted the enemy’s wrist as he turned around to face the offender, thrusting his right hand across the perp’s throat with enough force to jerk the body back against the wall.

  The red
veil in his sight cleared and his heart instantly slammed against his chest.

  Julian.

  “Shit!” Vann yelled, releasing his hold as if he’d been singed. He took a few steps back, stumbling against the end table.

  Julian rubbed his neck and cleared his throat a few times.

  Vann tried to control the rising panic. “I’m sorry,” he whispered with a gasp. Hitting someone would violate his parole and attacking the house owner was definitely on a “hell no” list of things to do.

  “No, I’m sorry,” Julian said, rubbing his neck and clearing his throat as he spoke. “I shouldn’t have snuck up on you.”

  “I shouldn’t have reacted like that.” Vann ran a shaky hand through his hair. It was just him and the house owners this weekend. Who the hell else did he think would come up to him? “Dammit.”

  “It’s your fight-or-flight instinct kicking in. And now we know how you respond in situations like this.” Julian frowned and planted his hands on his hips. “I was going to ask if you wanted to work out for a bit but now I’m not so sure.”

  Shit.

  “You’re not in trouble,” Julian said. The house owner often spoke with oozing sarcasm, and right now, Vann couldn’t decipher the man’s level of pissed off after what had just happened. “But I think I’m going to feel a little inadequate benching against you.”

  Vann was so nervous, he had almost missed the barely-there hint of a smile curling the corner of Julian’s mouth before it faded again. Relief poured through his body. “I’m game if we spend some time with the bag.”

  “Won’t take much convincing to put a bag between you and me while you go at it.” The smile finally reached Julian’s expression. “C’mon. We’ve got a little time until Matt’s happy enough with the grill to fire up the food and our guests start arriving.”

  Vann glanced over his shoulder out the window again, chuckling when he saw Matt with the wire brush scrubbing the grill.