Her Online Addiction

by Ruby McQueen

  I don’t know what to react to first, the fact that he insinuates he will peruse me after tonight, after I’ve made it quite clear he has just crossed over into hostile territory or the fact that he thinks he has my defensive patterns ‘nailed’ like he knows me. He doesn’t know dick!

  “For tonight?” I take a second to calm the beast within. “Look Ezra, I’m not interested. I get it, we have chemistry or whatever, and you’re a-” I can’t complete the sentence. Insanely gorgeous guy with a ridiculous fuck-me aura and I want to lunge at you and rip your clothes off before taking you in a crazy animalistic lustful romp where shit gets rough, and it’s so hard to breathe because you are on a giddy high and just straight up forget to take in air? Every time you look at me, I feel my panties drop and I melt under your heated gaze into a moist puddle? Ugh! No... I hate him and want him, and I can’t deal with it! Fight or flight or fuck. He is right, I wanted to run, then fight and now I feel dangerously on the verge of the crossover from pissed to take me now and make me yours! I take a moment while he waits patiently for me to finish.

  “You’re a great catch I’m sure, but I’m not looking and no matter how alluring or compelled you are to evaluate my defensive patterns towards men so you can break them down and take what you want, it’s just not gonna happen. I suggest you just cop it on the chin and pretend we never met.” And with that I rise to my feet, I’m done, I want out. And where the hell is Merrick with my drink? Christ, I need it now!

  “Trinity, I need you to know I’m not the guy who wants to break you down and just take what I want. I want a best friend, a partner in life, I only want to cherish you.” I stand awkwardly. Ok, Thanks princess, whatever floats your boat, I think sarcastically, but I’m all but done talking.

  “Noted. Now, I’m going to the bar, then I’m heading up stairs and I trust that you will stick to your word?”

  “Yes, I am a man of my word, Trinity.” Well thank fuck I say! I give him a nod and I pass him on my way to the bar to track down Merrick, I can’t get out of there quick enough and I can’t look back, just go girl!

  People are starting to flood in, and the band upstairs will kick off soon. Usually some type of acoustic set up which is good, when you’re out you still want to hear conversations and all that.

  I finally find Merrick and Flynn are sitting at the long bar on stools, Flynn sees me first and hits Merrick on the arm which makes him look up in my direction as I approach he motions to the bartender with a whistle and a click of his fingers to which Joe appears with a tall glass of pineapple mojito which he hands Merrick whom then slides it along the bar counter towards me.

  “Can I have another please, Joe?” I request before he leaves to serve someone else.

  “Sure sweetie, coming right up.” And he stoops below the bar to get out his muddle stick and ingredients to begin making another.

  “Well T, that looked... intense.” Merrick leads stating the obvious.

  “Ya think?” I respond taking hold of my drink and sucking it back through the straw as quickly as I can. I think it tastes yum, but I really don’t care, I just want a little gut warming relief to numb out the reality of the moment.

  “Sorry, Trinity, when I got back from the toilet you looked like you were really in the middle of something, I didn’t want to interrupt you.” Flynn offers and I nod in response as I continue devouring my drink.

  “Shiiiiiiit, when I went to bring your drink over you looked like you wanted to eat his babies. I waited and watched for a bit in case you needed me, but after you sat down, I figured things were ok.”

  “Oh, my gawd dude! That guy needs a punch in the face!” I mask my feelings a bit, it is Friday night after all, no need to get into it. Monday night basketball will sure be interesting though I muse. I finish my drink and exchange it with my freshly made one as Flynn digs some cash from his pocket to pay for my drink.

  “On me, Chickadee.”

  “Cheers.” I take the drink and slurp a bit of it down but decide to take it a little slower.

  “Well, I think he’s got lovers nuts bad. Couldn’t take his eyes off you, almost gave me a semi seeing you together all hot and horny.” He drops his hand near his groin and shifts in jest to support the claim.

  “Pffft! Horny for a foot to the front butt maybe!” He laughs as I go to punch him in the arm, and he flexes to receive it as is customary for us now.

  “Well, do we get the goss or what, T?”

  I take another big gulp of my cocktail and let its icy coolness slide down my throat before taking a deep breath and giving them a quick rundown of events.

  “Ok, well it’s like this, He knows he’s my type I guess and even though I say I’m seeing Derek and not interested, he is balls keen on hooking up and will basically pursue me till he gets me... I think that covers all the high points. Oh, and he compared me to a fucking unicorn.” I pop the straw back into my mouth and resume my drinking efforts after making my summation of the events that took place moments ago in a very matter of fact kind of way.

  “Soooo, would you say he’s corny? Or uni-corny?” Flynn jumps on anything with a pun, and both he and Merrick erupt in hysterics which is infectious.

  “Fuck hey? …Lovers nuts.” Merrick finally says trying for a straight face.

  “So is Derek coming tonight then, Trinny?” Flynn is leaning across the bar resting his head in his hand propped up by his elbow. I sigh loudly.

  “I dunno? It’s very hot and cold with that one. And I didn’t really invite him I guess.”

  “What do you mean you didn’t really invite him?” Merrick looks at me baffled waiting for me to clarify.

  “Hang on, you spent last weekend with him and then what? You didn’t call or message him?” Flynn adds leaning closer. Freaking hell, I’m going to need another drink before Dr Phil and Oprah start in on me here!

  “Well... Yeah... I didn’t want to seem clingy.” I say reluctantly now I have their full undivided attention.

  “Shit, T, you could have messaged the guy at least, let him know you’re keen.”

  “Well Derrrr, I did send a text saying thanks for the weekend. I’m not that bad.” I rebuff defensively at Merrick.

  “I can’t understand though, why you didn’t invite him out?” Flynn still looking at me from beneath a cloud of confusion.

  “I guess I thought he would text me or something before this, you know? And then he didn’t, and I wonder if he’s got me out of his system?”

  “Ok, well the easiest way to know if he wants you, T, is to send him a text saying come out with me on Friday and then seeing what the response is.” Just like Merrick, cut straight through the bullshit and ask the question.

  “I know that, I do, it’s just...” I catch Joe’s eye and motion for another drink to which he acknowledges and begins to make my cocktail.

  “Just what?” Flynn enquires.

  “Just that if he says no... You know?” I push the thought back from my mind, I don’t want to go there.

  “Yeah, if he says no, he’s a dick and you move on to Jet Li who is balls keen.” Merrick adds his take to the topic before standing up.

  “If he says no, Trinny, is it a big deal?” Flynn asks assessing my response full spectrum. Or perhaps it just feels that way, since I hate that question.

  I go to respond and make noises, but nothing comes out. I haven’t got a clue what to say either, so I make strange sounds that leave them looking at me like I’m Rain Man.

  “Holy shit! You do have it bad, don’t you?” Flynn revels in my discomfort a little too much.

  “Noooooo, don’t be... That’s crazy, I mean I like him but…”

  “Ha! Lover’s nuts! Didn’t I call it?” Merrick pipes up all impressed with himself as he tosses back his drink before grabbing his wallet from his pocket and asking Joe for two more.

  “For god sakes, you gotta message him and ask him out or something, Trinny, guys are simple.” Flynn states plainly.

  “No, it’s different with
him, well not different, but he’s different like, I’m pretty sure he’s not into serious relationships, not that I want a serious relationship of course, he’s so young and I don’t really do relationships, do I?” Merrick takes his hand and rests it on my shoulder as I take a deep breath and say admitting defeat “God! I’m fucked, aren’t I?” He taps my shoulder.

  “Pretty much, Baby Cakes.” Joe puts my drink on the countertop followed by Merrick and Flynn’s and Merrick hands money over as we take our drinks.

  “So, Balcony then?” Flynn interjects through the awkward atmosphere that has descended down around us like a thick blanket of fog.

  “Fresh air sounds bloody good to me!” I’m not sure if it’s the alcohol the flush of embarrassment from my admission about Derek or the early drama’s I had with Ezra, but I feel oxygen deprived and in need of some cool night air to soothe my clammy skin.

  We re-join the others on the balcony and spend some time between talking, laughing, dancing and drinking. I feel the heady helium high of the alcohol kick in and I begin to buzz a little on the inside as I forget everything and relax. I’m skating that fine line between past tipsy and drunk and I’m conscious of not going overboard. I get out there and dance with Merrick for a bit who is goofing off with his dance moves I laugh so hard at him; I know he is trying to cheer me up and I love him for it! After a few songs some busty blonde asks to cut in and I wink at him and bow out. He reaches for me and says something which I imagine is you don’t have to go, so I give him the thumbs up and smile raising my eyebrows and grinning to let him know I’ll be fine. Who am I to stop him from hooking up?

  I make my way back to the seated balcony area. Flynn is chatting up some black-haired hottie that looks straight out of Zoo magazine, so I decide to grab my bag and head to the downstairs toilet where it’s a little quieter. I have consumed enough now to swallow my pride and make the first move. Good ol’ Dutch courage! I’ll ring Derek and ask if he wants to hook up. I grip the handrail as I steady myself to descend the darkened stairwell dimly lit with lighting at the base of each step, music pumping behind me. I reach the bottom and head to the little nook where the restrooms are located. I go to stand in the hidden corner adjacent to the doors leaning against the wall as I reach into my bag for my phone. It’s fairly quiet down here now, the crowd thinning out due to the band upstairs drawing in patrons.

  I look at my messages and there is a message from Derek! My heart starts racing! Finally! I try to still my hands which are shaking a little with excitement. The sweet promise of exquisite deeds between us. Tonight. Possibly. I fumble as I open the message only to discover a short and sweet text from him that makes my world narrow down around me.

  Derek: ☺

  That’s it? I’m thinking of you and all you can give me in return is a fucking smiley face! He is blowing me off and I feel my blood boiling beneath my skin which can hardly contain it. Seething I stare blankly at the message. Do I respond to that? I don’t know him well, but well enough to know that he is giving me the shaft! A million thoughts race into my mind at once overwhelming me, it’s my own fault, I did this! And that’s it. I should have sent him a message before this. I don’t want to be a booty call and yet, I send him a late-night text and picture not inviting him out, just simply stating I’m thinking about him. I’ve just sold out on my own worth! I’m so stupid! Aaaaagh! I want to scream as I feel the tears swell around my eyes, I resist the urge to blink and tempt them over the edge, but eventually I do and one scorching hot tear tumbles over onto my cheek and trickles down.

  I go to swat it angrily from my face with my finger as I tell myself that’s all he gets from me, just that one solitary tear, before I am suddenly aware of a presence standing before me.

  My breath hitches as I look up to see Ezra looming not a metre in front of me. Great! That’s all I need! His stare is hot and deep I try to quickly collect myself and straighten up as if nothing happened. I’m not sure how long he has been standing there but I assume he saw the tear. I wasn’t sobbing so I think briefly about saying I forgot to blink, and my eye was dry as way of offering an explanation.

  He steps a little closer and says “Don’t.” Raising his hand up to stop the words before they reach my lips. Oh boy, here we go again...

  ~ Chapter 11 ~

  Sticky situations

  “I know what you are going to say, I gave you my word, but look at you! You can’t expect me to honour my word when I find you here like this? He did this didn’t he?” Ezra’s eyes glance over me with some kind of wild disapproval that has him looming and ridged and maybe on the verge of something dangerous. His eyes hooded with a flare of possessiveness, the dim light of the area highlighting the shape of his chiselled jaw line. He looks more striking in this light than he ever did, so strong and powerful and ready to pounce! I follow the lines of his face back to the light stubble and those lips that curl ‘just so’. I look away the second I realise I’ve looked at them again giving myself a mental uppercut. God, if ever there was a night I could rewind, this is surely one of them!

  “No, he didn’t, I did.” I admit glumly. It’s the truth really, I have no one else to blame but myself. I could have sucked up my pride and offered him something, anything, but I guess I’m so used to guys pursuing me and not having to put myself out there on the limb. This is outside of my comfort zone and I have failed to rise to the occasion. I’m more upset with myself in reality.

  “Is it over?”

  “I’m not sure... Maybe.” He shifts and visibly seems to relax in front of me somewhat, his irritation cooling. Oh yes, I’m sure he’s happy to hear that!

  “Then he’s a fool.” He states, looking through me. I take my phone and slip it into my bag trying to steady my hands as I do. I don’t want to look anything less than strong, being caught out in a moment of weakness and by none other than Mr Hunter himself!

  “No, I’d say I’m wearing that hat tonight.” I look back at him and think I really need to change the direction of this conversation! I’m feeling a little unsteady on my feet and am silently grateful for the wall I have chosen to prop myself against.

  “I would never make you look like a fool, Trinity.” He says delicately and yet so assertively that I need to swallow the lump beginning to form in my throat as he steps in a little closer. I defensively bring my hand up in front of his chest to halt him, my movements are a little awkward and jerky thanks to my alcohol consumption efforts of the night. But instead of halting as I assumed, he would he is not only right in my personal space, but my hand is now resting against the silky finish of his black dress shirt. I can feel the heat radiating from him and can feel his heart beating beneath it faintly as he brings his hand up to cup it over the top of mine, I suddenly have the lightning bolt of clarity to say to myself ‘hey dummy, that’s your hand on his chest’! Shit!

  “That feels so right, your hand on me.” His words cracking through my slightly drunken semi daze. I swiftly remove my hand, sliding it down from under his warm skin until I am free of touching him.

  “Nope, you’re wrong.” The words sound slightly wrong as they roll from my lips. I can feel my body has slowed down and feel like I am witnessing myself with wonder on another level of consciousness. I am aware that I am in the pan of water as it heats up, but am too busy splashing around saying ‘geez, this feels soooo weird’ for it to quite sink in that I am dinner when it boils. A silent observer to my own stupidity. Yay!

  “Oh really? Then let me show you again?” He says with a wicked grin as he reaches for my hand. Christ sakes with the fucking hand already! I go to tuck both my hands swiftly behind my back, folding my arms across each other so I can secure them both by leaning back on them, effectively pinning them out of harm’s way from hand kissing weirdos! But I’ve unwittingly just given him compete access to me, no hands to push him away, and he seizes the moment and moves to strike for my jugular.

  Promptly, his warm hands are cupping the nape of my neck and swiftly sliding north, car
essing my skin, his thumbs gliding tenderly along my jaw line igniting my flesh in their wake. Tingles shoot over my skin as he runs his fingertips into the hair at the base of my head securing my face. He looks at me for a brief moment, I see the desire pooling in his dark eyes and as I go to protest, he takes my open mouth and seals it with his own. That first contact makes me spin inside of myself, his hot lips, the smell of him, the grip his hands have on me, seducing me as I moan trying to continue my protest.

  His breathing is heavy, and he makes a soft moan as he deepens the kiss, moving his lips franticly over mine and I know somewhere in my brain that I should continue to object, but the combination of him, his passion, his persistence all intermingled with his divine smelling cologne has me hooked, giddy up! That and the sensation of those lips against mine, I don’t want him and yet I have wondered somewhere in the depths of my mind how he would taste on me. And he was right, which I hate, I no longer want to fight him off me. He seemingly senses the shift in my energy and as I drop my guard, he softly dips his tongue into my mouth stroking it against mine. I lose the will to fight the desire I have for him to ravage me and submit to his allure. He tastes of something woody and sweet and I melt as his mouth possesses me.

  The sounds of the world around me start to fade from my awareness as he begins to move his hands further into my hair eventually dipping my head back a bit giving him access to my neck, which he eagerly begins to trail kisses down, nuzzling his stubble against me as he nips and nibbles me. A soft moan escapes my lips as I close my eyes and submit to him. My neck is my undoing I am somewhere else right now, I have surrendered. His lips return to mine and he pushes his body up against mine as he kisses me hard and suddenly, I am aware of his erection pushing into me and all the blood seems to rush in between my legs responding to his invitation. I whimper and he pulls back from me and whispers something that is lost on me. I am under his spell.