by Ruby McQueen
The door from the male restroom creaks and a man walks straight out without looking our direction and it’s enough to startle me. I completely forgot where I was and now that the atmosphere around me is starting to leech into my field of view, I begin to feel the panic rise. Oh-no! This can’t be happening!
“Trinity, say yes, come home with me tonight.” It’s not a question really, more a persuasion, but his enchantment on me has lifted enough for me to realise that even though I’m pissy at Derek, I’m not ready to do this. I groan in disapproval.
“Noooooooo, I can’t.” I try to push up from the wall to free my hands as I struggle against the urge to let him sweep me off my feet and carry me out of here to make sweet-sweet love to me, this is the turning point and unless I want to spend the night fucking Ezra, I best seize the little bit of rope he has given me. I manage to get my hands loose as his lips descend on me again. I bring my hands up against his chest which draws a little noise of approval from him. I am aware that he is hyper aroused, but it's now, it has to be while I have some semblance of my wits about me.
I push against him as I pull my lips away from his, my body is rebelling against my decision to break contact yearning for more. He reluctantly lets me wedge my authority between us, his face still so close I fear turning my head to look away as I know him seizing access to my neck will fray my last bit of resolve.
“Please… Stop.” I plead with him.
“I can’t hold back the way I feel for you, Trinity, you drive me crazy.” He looks at me like he’s in pain. I want to be mad, but I just can’t summon it.
“You have to, please.” Begging is not my style, but I just know that if he kisses me one more time that I will not have the strength to pull away again. I’ve had far too much alcohol to be pissed off. I need sweet mercy.
“Why? Tell me why?” He is still so close I feel the heat from him, he strokes my hair away from my face and I shudder beneath his touch. He looks wounded and confused.
“I’m sorry, I just can’t.” I know he deserves to be put out of his misery, but how do I explain what I don’t even understand myself at the best of times?
“I have to know, Trinity. For a brief moment, you let go and I could feel you were mine. Please don’t ask me to turn my back on that.” I like him so much and saying no has never been my strong suit.
Growing up thinking my Father and Stepmother didn’t love me or want me, turned me into somewhat of a people pleaser I think as a way to earn their acceptance of me. The truth is I never belonged there and saying yes to their every whim I thought would afford me their affection, but alas, those were childish dreams. Weird now as I don’t seem like much of a people pleaser these days, Miss blunt and crass, but it’s still a lingering part of me for those whom I’m close too, saying no when I think it will make me seem mean to the people I value, is still a struggle. I don’t know him, but we just had something. I almost feel like I know him. And then there is Derek, the faint flicker of a flame near an open window for him, I cup that flame hoping it doesn’t fizzle into nothing. Maybe a fools hope. But walking away on people is also not my thing, unless they’ve well pushed me too it. This is why I never allow myself to drop my guard, not even for a moment, I can’t afford to!
“I’m sorry, Ezra, but I asked you- and you said you wouldn’t... You gave me your word.” I’m not mad, just regretting it, even though that was one pretty sizzling, panty dropping, ‘tie-me-up and make me call you yours’ kind of kiss! He has just complicated the shit of my life, which I work hard at keeping as drama free as possible.
“I know, I know...” He looks down as though I’ve wounded him before appealing to me through his dark eyes rimmed with thick black lashes. “...But, Trinity, I know if you just let me in, I might be the right guy for you.” His words hit me with a thud. I have to go now, before I can’t. I feel emotionally drained and tired all of a sudden. How do I graciously bow out from this one? I stare at him trying to force something by way of response into my mind, but I’m blank.
“Please, Trinity.” He is still so close but at least he is not trying to force himself on me after I said no, and yet part of me wishes he would.
“I just can’t. Please don’t. I have feelings for Derek and if I knew for sure it was over, I might say yes, but-”
He hangs his head and nods before looking at me.
“I know I don’t know you, Trinity, but if you knew how you made me feel around you... It’s like asking me to go without sunlight until I see you again.” Oh great, now I feel like a proper asshole, I should have just slapped him. You have to give him points for trying. That would so work on me ordinarily, but...
“I’m sorry, Ezra, if things are over between us, I promise you will be the first to know, but I have to go, please.” I gesture him to let me go with everything I have going into the way I’m looking at him, full sad puppy dog eyes beseeching him to release me from this moment between us.
“He is one lucky guy to have your heart, even if he is too much of a fool to know it.” He backs away from me with a heavy sigh through his nostrils and I know he is upset by my decision, but I am grateful he had no idea how close I came to saying yes to him. There is so much that is right about him. He felt right, it’s true, but I still can’t let go of Derek. How can I write him off when I know I stupidly made no effort to include him? Merrick was right, I’m so worried about the rejection I haven’t even given him the opportunity out of fear. I feel the tight knot in my throat as I look at Ezra, the torn expression on his face, I want to say goodbye, but how? I almost want to kiss him goodbye on the cheek, but it's solid no go territory. I just stare at him awkwardly wondering what to say.
“I’m sorry.... Thank you.” I say after a while, it’s all I can offer, and he nods in response, still standing there watching me carefully like he is assessing my every move, perhaps thinking I’m hesitating and hoping I will change my mind. I don’t see how he could be so taken with me. There are many women in here that have absolutely killer hot looks and he could easily have his pick of them. I slowly and deliberately make a move to leave him making sure not to brush up against him physically as there is a magnetic quality to him. I make a silent prayer to my legs to be strong and not buckle underneath me. Please oh please don’t let me down!
I try to decide what I should do, haul ass to the safety of my home or I can retire upstairs to my people and finish up the night with some wild, let loose dancing? One thing is for sure, I need to cool it with the drinking for a bit! So, first things first, don’t look back! Get out while I am off the hook. Second is scale the stairs which after what I’ve drunk tonight and these damned high heels I look from the bottom and muse to myself oh great, I’m at freaking base camp!
I grab the rail and start my assault on the course before me, while I usually enjoy physical challenges, tonight I just feel beat.
~ Chapter 12 ~
Hasty Escapes
“Hey Babes, need a lift?” I jump with a startle and look directly at Nikko who is standing right beside me all enthusiastic, drink in hand offering his free hand to assist my ascent.
“Fucking Geeeezus Nikko! Give a girl heart failure why don’t ya!” He chuckles, “Sorry, didn’t realise you were a million miles away, what’s going on, anyway?”
With that I give him a blank look and try to cover for myself “Nothing, nothing’s going on.” God I’m a shitty liar. He gives me a look of disbelief before looking around down near the bathroom nook where I have just come from and I can’t help but mirror him. Damn it! Just what I was trying not to do! Ezra has remained in the nook, watching me as I leave and now as both Nikko and I look back at him. I quickly turn back around and get busy on the stairs. Great!
“O-k, what am I missing? And why is pretty boy staring at us?”
Nikko Nash is not always that quick on the uptake, which is such a paradox, because in real life he is a computer programmer, with his own business that contracts out to companies like ours, maintaining and updating
computer components and software as well as networking, it’s quite impressive actually what he can do. A total technology junky and a bit of a sci-fi geek. But in real life, he seems to be the very last one to get with the program so to speak and more so with the ladies. He is a decent looking guy though, takes after his Greek mother, very course dark hair that is cut fairly short and neat with just enough on top to gel it off to the side. His thin sideburns are down near his earlobes and always he is clean shaven and neat. He has fairly strong eyebrows on a brow bone that is a little more prominent than most guys, with deep set dark brown eyes.
He was raised an only child by two very loving parents who spoiled him somewhat, he really is a great guy, clean, smells double whiff at least, with great pride in his appearance, meaning a bit of man-scaping with body hair too. He just seems a little slow socially and has trouble attracting the right type of women. He wants to settle down and start a family which is hard for me to comprehend at twenty-five, he still seems so young and naive, I’m sure he will get there one day. He needs to steer clear of the kinky types, like Izy, he really needs to go for a woman who is sweet and nerdy, like a librarian type. That or a PlayStation kinda gal. We often game together, it’s one thing we have in common not that you could tell looking at us, his gamer tag is ‘NashAttack’ and we regularly dominate the leader boards in Black Ops II which is his favourite game besides FIFA, a soccer game that I’m not really into.
He lives in Paddington, so is the closest to The Vibe. Walking distance. He is five foot ten and while he isn’t the gym junky jock type, he does like his soccer. His body type is quite lean and while he’s in good shape he’s not overly muscular. But for a techy, he does well.
“Get me outta here and I’ll tell you.”
“Yes Ma’am.” I pause and look at him. God that was such a Derek thing to say. I take Nikko’s arm so I can steady myself as we make our way to the night club area. The only lights on upstairs are the dance floor lights that are all coloured and moving in patterns. The band is playing acoustic numbers from the eighties area, not my thing, but it sounds way better than the original tracks to my ears. And it is pretty packed out there, so people clearly are loving it. We pass Izy who is dancing with two guys I’ve never seen before and Merrick is still out there dancing with miss busty blonde who can’t take her eyes off him.
We head straight to the bar and sit up on the stools.
“I’ll order, you want a tequila sunrise? Or a black magic?” He says loudly leaning into my ear that I offer to counter the noise of the band.
“Can I have a tall iced water and then a black magic?” He stares at me puzzled.
“Ok.” He says and orders our drinks. “So, what was up with you and that dude downstairs?” He enquires as we wait on our order.
“Well, I met him at basketball and he’s really into me it seems.” I might as well get it off my chest, not that Nikko is very discreet, but it’s never intentional when he lets things slip, but I figure I might as well just come clean with what happened so Nikko can’t put his foot in it for me.
“Do you like him though?”
“Yes, I think so, but I want to see where things are going with Derek first.”
“Oh? You’re seeing him?” I know it’s a shock, me wanting to pursue someone, Nikko is even questioning that one.
“Not exactly.”
“Well, what happened downstairs just before then? That guy was like watching you.”
“He kissed me.” The bartender brings our drinks over interrupting our conversation. I eagerly grab my iced water and start sucking it down. Nikko pays for the drinks and turns back to me looking a little lost with what to say in response to my confession.
“I know right?” I add. I drink my water until it’s gone, grateful for its icy coolness to be hitting that place at the back of my throat that felt so tight and hot just before.
“Soooo, you didn’t want to kiss him?” He still looks like he’s playing catch up. I shake my head.
“No, I just want to figure out where things stand with Derek before moving onto another guy. Besides, he wants a relationship, not just sex.” His eyebrows shoot up a little.
“Are you doing relationships now?”
“I dunno, I just... I like Derek, I’m not sure what I want from that yet, I just don’t want to complicate things, you know?”
“Yep, gotcha. So, he couldn’t make it tonight then?” I roll my eyes before I answer him.
“Long story... I’m alright though. So… You looking to hook up tonight?” I go for a change of direction; I’ve given about as much conversation as I wish to.
“Can I tell you something, just between us?” He looks nervously at me like he has a problem.
“Of course.” I frown in seriousness as I say it while lightly touching his arm to reassure him.
“Ok, well, I kind of have a thing for Izy.” Boom, head shot! I blink rapidly trying to comprehend the words momentarily.
“Our Izy?” I question to confirm it.
“Yes. I know what you’re gonna say, crazy right?” Yep, as far as crushes go, the most incompatible match up there could be. Dizzy, experimental princess type and Nikko, wants to settle down, never saw it coming!
“Not crazy, just...” I’m not sure how to soften the blow “An odd match.” That is the kindest way I could put it to him.
“Yeah.” He turns back to his drink and starts sipping it and I feel bad for him. I wonder if he has the dreaded Nikko lover’s nuts already. I rub his shoulder to try to comfort him.
“Hey, you never know, right?” I try to cheer him up.
“I know it’s dumb, she’s feisty and not the family type, I know it’s insane.” I’m lost for something to say. I’d like to use humour, but I’m truly stumped.
“Well, looks like we are both up shit-creek tonight then, huh? We could always hang over PlayStation and kill some squeakers if you like?”
“Maybe. Or maybe I quit dwelling on it and go find a pretty lady and ask her to dance and see what happens?”
“Ok, your plan sounds better than mine.” And at least he has a plan, me on the other hand? Not so much. I need to work on one quick before I start feeling sorry for myself, or worse, am tempted to take Ezra up on his offer. That kiss drifts back into my mind and I close my eyes for a moment and slouch over the bar. I need an internal pep-talk! Come on Trinity, get your shit together, you don’t have any problems, just get out there and enjoy the night!
“Come, let’s drink these and then hit the dance floor.” Nikko sounds suddenly upbeat. I smile and want to be happy, it’s just what I should do, but I’m under a cloud now. I lift my head up and look at him.
“You go, I just need to rest my feet for a bit, these new heels are a bitch!” I laugh as I say it, but it’s a ruse.
“You sure?” He says standing up ready to go.
“Yeah, go get your moves on with a hottie, I’m cool here.” I wave at him like, hey no problems.
“Ok, well see ya soon, Babes.” He gives me a wink and I marvel at the turn around in his emotional state, so fast he is peppy and upbeat, I need to tap into that.
I sit there on my stool watching him disappear behind the hordes of people moving and shaking their stuff on the darkened floor to the music as I sip my drink. Slowly this time. Although I do contemplate briefly getting totally trashed beyond giving a shit just to numb it out. I’m usually good at putting up that frosty wall of fuck off, but Derek is under my skin and I don’t quite know how to relieve the itch! Nope, I’m pacing myself I decide, no more getting crazy drunk, it’s unhealthy. I think about grabbing someone to dance with, but I just don’t want another guy to lurk beneath the misconception that he has a shot with me. No, I’m in over my head as is. I’m at a party and I don’t feel like partying. What are the chances for me to be stuck with this predicament? I laugh a little out loud at the irony and spin around on my stool, so I am facing the bar.
“Oi bitch-tits, why do you look like you are sulking her
e by yourself?” I didn’t see Aly-B approach, which is hard considering I am facing the bar which has a mirrored wall all the way along the back of it lined with different bottles of alcohol and multi-coloured fairy lights. I was so far inside my own thoughts I guess I just wasn’t very observant.
“Well, I kind of am sulking.” Cos if you can’t tell your BFF, who can you tell?
“It’s so loud here, I’ve got to pee, come with me and tell me there.” She leans in and says it half yelling.
“Righto.” I agree and slip off my chair. We make our way over to the restrooms. The girl’s loos are decked out to look very upmarket and posh with a little seated area with mirrors and plants just inside the doors where I assume you can reapply your lippy and such. In heels I seem to tower over her a bit.
She looks knock out tonight, especially in the bathroom lighting. Her hot pink boob tube really making the girls stand out. With her black skinny leg jeans and chunky black belt accentuating her hourglass figure and finished with hot pink, high heel ankle boots that have buckles along the outside of them, very punk princess. Well that and her platinum blond hair, Very va-va-voom!
“Ok, what’s going on? I’ve never seen you like this, you’re such a sooky-la-las!” She says disappearing into one of the stalls.
“Well, it’s like this, I go downstairs to ring Derek, and I figure I need the quiet, so I go just outside the bathrooms there, right?”
“Right?”
“Well, when I pulled my phone out, I see there is a message from him, thank fuck I’m thinking, maybe he’s here, but no... All I got back was a freaking smiley face.” I can’t tell her about how disappointed I was, or the tear, so I roll with frustration as the suggested undercurrent of events.
“That’s it? Just a smiley face?” She sounds a bit stunned as well, ok, not just me.